RE: blackmail Illegal?

Collarspace Discussion Forums

Home Login Search

RE: blackmail Illegal?

View related threads: (in this forum | in all forums)

Logged in as: Guest

All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> Ask a Mistress >> RE: blackmail Illegal?

Page: << < prev 1 [2]

Message

<< Older Topic Newer Topic >>

RE: blackmail Illegal? - 3/5/2008 5:56:55 AM

Maynard

Posts: 66
Joined: 7/15/2007
Status: offline

I agree. Get a lawyer. Have him/her send her a letter. Go to the cops and get a restraining order against her while you are cancelling your credit card info.

If you don't have the money to do that, next time she threatens you tell her, "Do it then". Get it over with. Face your consequences and move on. Blackmail has no power if the victim doesn't give a hoot.

(in reply to MissSCD)

Profile

Post #: 21

RE: blackmail Illegal? - 3/5/2008 6:04:15 AM

thetammyjo

Posts: 6322
Joined: 9/8/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: ry4180

any advice on how to fix this? i really could use it

The best way to deal with the threat of blackmail is to remove the opportunity for the information to be used against you.

I can think of three ways to do that off the top of my head.

First, contact the police. This is likely to be an difficult choice because if you initially entered into the relationship voluntarily there will be personal questions. Second if you are male there is a societal bias that says you should have known better and that you should take care of yourself.

Second, get information on her and threaten her back. Of course that then makes you as guilty of the crime as her and she may just call you on it meaning you'll both be exposed.

Third, come out of the closet. Come out to anyone she could send your information to. If there is no one you are keeping a secret from, she has no more power over you.

_____________________________

Love, Peace, Hugs, Kisses, Whips & Chains,

TammyJo

Check out my website at http://www.thetammyjo.com Or www.tammyjoeckhart.com

And my LJ where I post fiction in progress if you "friend" me at http://thetammyjo.livejournal.com/

(in reply to ry4180)

Profile

Post #: 22

RE: blackmail Illegal? - 3/5/2008 6:43:54 AM

MsSonnetMarwood

Posts: 1898
Joined: 2/10/2005
From: Eastern Shore, Maryland
Status: offline

It should be interesting if he gets the police involved....and she has all the emails he sent her begging her to blackmail him to show them.

_____________________________

~Ms. Sonnet Marwood~

Deja Moo: The feeling you've heard this bull somewhere before.

(in reply to thetammyjo)

Profile

Post #: 23

RE: blackmail Illegal? - 3/5/2008 6:57:12 AM

BlackPhx

Posts: 3432
Joined: 11/8/2006
Status: offline

You are probably going to have to bite the bullet on this one.

That means, finding the legal statutes for the state or country you live it and sending her a link.
Cancel your credit cards. Let her know that you are doing this and will report to the CC companies that someone is making fraudulent charges. They will pursue her legally, however please be aware that if she has anything from you giving her permission to make charges it can backfire.
Notify your employer or SO, that there is someone you have been in "contact" with who due to rejection may attempt to cause you difficulty in your employment or relationship.
Seek legal recourse if she persits or tries to out you.
Don't do this again. It is dangerous to you, your financial stability and rating, employment and just about everything else. Identity theft is a major problem as it is, giving them the information to rob you blind is just making it too easy.

poenkitten

(in reply to ry4180)

Profile

Post #: 24

RE: blackmail Illegal? - 3/5/2008 7:39:14 AM

Dnomyar

Posts: 7933
Joined: 6/27/2005
Status: offline

OP listen to BlackPhx.

(in reply to BlackPhx)

Profile

Post #: 25

RE: blackmail Illegal? - 3/5/2008 7:40:45 AM

AtlantaMistress

Posts: 276
Joined: 6/14/2007
Status: offline

I have actually been approached and DONE blackmail scenes before...the obvious difference is that I am sane, not cruel, and knew that it had to be consensual. We did have a safeword - or sentence in this case. That was actually my idea. I don't know the details, but in my case, the man that approached me had an addiction to masturbating to porn he desperately wanted to stop, and we drew up a contract with rules and penalties. It was very well thought out before it began.

My only advice is to try to reason with her. Explain that this was not as thought out from the beginning as you see now in retrospect it should have been, and that is BOTH of your responsibilties. Tell her that you are no longer willing to play the game, cancel the credit cards, and basically put her on notice - that blackmail is not legal, and now that you are no longer consenting to the game, she must stop or risk being prosecuted. Put it in writing. Explain, in detail (in case you do need to take it to the authorities) that you gave her all of the information and consented at the beginning, but that the game is now over. Total up the amount you have given to her, and explain that there will not be a penny more. If worded carefully, it doesn't have to be WAR - perhaps thank her for her participation to this point, explain what your initial motivation was, and that you have really learned a lot. Make her feel like she has not done anything wrong up until this point, and the excitement that you were able to experience from this, but unfortunately (for whatever reason you choose to give her) it must now end. Even say something to the effect of you are sure that it won't be a problem, since surely she understands that any play in BDSM should be safe, sane, and consensual, but that in order to protect yourself, you must clarify that if it did continue, you would have no choice but to go to the proper authorities.

Basically, bow out gracefully, still making sure with total clarity that this must now be over, and if it continues, you understand the risk you are taking with her using whatever she has against you, but that she will then risk prosecution.

If it doesn't look like this will work to prevent her from using the info, exposing you - putting herself at risk in doing so, you can call her bluff, and let her know that you have contacted the people she could contact and opened up to them, but let them know that she is blackmailing you, so if any of them hear from her, you will go directly to the authorities.

Hopefully, if handled correctly, you can get out of this relatively unscathed (at least cut the damage off at this point). Learn the lesson though of negotiating a scene BEFORE with a way out!

_____________________________

Mistress Sandy

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
I'd rather be hated for something I am than loved for something I am not.

(in reply to MissSCD)

Profile

Post #: 26

RE: blackmail Illegal? - 3/5/2008 7:52:49 AM

TracyTaken

Posts: 615
Joined: 2/1/2008
Status: offline

quote:

Extortion Attorney Referral Service

http://www.federal-criminal-lawyer-referral.com/extortion.htm

It might be worth paying an attorney to make a phone call to her - with the idea that if she betrays you, you are going to sue for everything you paid her, in addition to what refusing her cost you. I don't know if that outcome is realistic, but it might scare her enough to back off.

(in reply to RedMagic1)

Profile

Post #: 27

RE: blackmail Illegal? - 3/5/2008 8:31:30 AM

KindLadyGrey

Posts: 358
Joined: 11/6/2007
Status: offline

People often overreact about these things when they are sensational, so your job is to make them as boring as possible. Unless you're a politician or you work with children, something like this should do the trick:

"Hey boss, I'm being blackmailed. I need to come clean to you about something so I can stop this madness."

"Okay." (At this point, he probably thinks you've been embezzling or something awful.)

"I like kinky sex."

"I didn't need to know that."

"I know, but if some woman sends you stuff about it, just ignore it."

"Gladly. So, how about that local sports team, eh?"

Same conversation with your parents, siblings, friends, etc. Then just tell your blackmailer to go to hell because everyone already knows.

Oh, but if you're married, you're probably screwed.

(in reply to MissSCD)

Profile

Post #: 28

RE: blackmail Illegal? - 3/5/2008 8:40:57 AM

ObediantMan1

Posts: 52
Joined: 9/30/2007
Status: offline

she is probably bluffing, BUT you could tell her that you cancelled the credit cards and told the credit bureau that they were STOLEN. That way she would think twice.

If someone tries to use a stolen credit card knowingly, they would be in deeper crap than YOU.

Tell her you want to play a new game, but dont let her get addicted to taking your money....And i thought the masses of women on this site asking for tributes were bad...

(in reply to theone4u97)

Profile

Post #: 29

RE: blackmail Illegal? - 3/5/2008 11:24:58 AM

MisPandora

Posts: 2911
Joined: 4/7/2004
From: Philadelphia, PA
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: ry4180

i dont want to get too specific on who this is, but she has everthing she needs to ruin me. i pay her whats she wants every week and she made me give her my cc #

What's everything? Let's be real. What info does she have and what's the value/loss? Only knowing that can we actually offer any suggestions on how to do damage control before cutting this broad's lifeline.

Personally, I'd cancel the credit card and cut your losses. Or report the number stolen. It's not like credit card companies haven't dealt with this before.

Oh, and you might want to ease up on engaging in this sort of behavior if you're not going to use your head and negotiate it wisely. (Once I have your information, I'll be expecting the first payment in my inbox LOL)

< Message edited by MisPandora -- 3/5/2008 11:29:55 AM >

_____________________________

Pandora
Ms World Leather 2004
Ms Philadelphia Leather 2004

"Simply put, if you want a real femdom to love you, give her reasons to love you." Gloria Brame

(in reply to ry4180)

Profile

Post #: 30

RE: blackmail Illegal? - 3/6/2008 7:53:55 AM

undergroundsea

Posts: 2400
Joined: 6/27/2004
From: Austin, TX
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: MsSonnetMarwood
It should be interesting if he gets the police involved....and she has all the emails he sent her begging her to blackmail him to show them.

I am not an expert on legal matters. However, presentations I have attended which discuss legals aspects of BDSM suggest that from the legal perspective once consent is withdrawn, the activity is no longer consensual and is considered abusive and illegal as applicable.

I would conduct future communications in writing and be very clear that you are withdrawing consent. Canceling credit cards and contacting an attorney or law enforcement authorities would further emphasize the removal of consent.

I would explore the link provided to attorneys in a prior post. I think a consultation with an attorney would be worth it. As for revealing your personal information to an attorney or the police, I would not worry about it. They know about these matters. In my early years I used to be worried about people knowing about my BDSM interests. Over time I have come to see that much of my concerns were without reason. I, however, live in a progressive city.

If you go to the website of National Coalition for Sexual Freedom ( http://www.ncsfreedom.org/ ) and click on the link for resources, you will find a list of kink aware professionals.

It seems the person is not one who behaves ethically or honorably. If you refuse to continue to give her money, she might act to damage you to be vindictive. I think the only way that would keep her from doing so is to let her know that there will be negative consequences for her. I think hearing about the negative legal consequences would deter her. In addition to prosecution, I would also ask the lawyer about what threat of a civil lawsuit can be used.

Here is a quote from wikipedia about defamation and the like:

quote:

In law, defamation (also called vilification, slander, and libel) is the communication of a statement that makes a false claim, expressively stated or implied to be factual, that may harm the reputation of an individual, business, product, group, government or nation. Most jurisdictions allow legal actions, civil and/or criminal, to deter various kinds of defamation and retaliate against groundless criticism. Related to defamation is public disclosure of private facts arises where one person reveals information which is not of public concern, and the release of which would offend a reasonable person[1]. "Unlike libel or slander, truth is not a defense for invasion of privacy."[2]
False light laws are "intended primarily to protect the plaintiff's mental or emotional well-being."[3] If a publication of information is false, then a tort of defamation might have occurred. If that communication is not technically false but is still misleading then a tort of false light might have occurred.[3]

I would emphasize to her that talking to the legal authorities would be easier for you to do once exposure has already been done by her.

Cheers,

Sea

< Message edited by undergroundsea -- 3/6/2008 8:08:00 AM >

(in reply to MsSonnetMarwood)

Profile

Post #: 31

RE: blackmail Illegal? - 3/6/2008 7:58:51 AM

undergroundsea

Posts: 2400
Joined: 6/27/2004
From: Austin, TX
Status: offline

Once you have sorted through this dilemma, how do you feel about using your experience to anonymously educate others about what to avoid and the like so as to help others like and stop others like her? If you do not have tips for what to do, simply sharing what went wrong would be helpful. Aside from posts on forums (which fall into history), you could have an essay that you could offer to various websites (well known Fm websites, Max Fisch?, whatever), have a femdom profile with a name such as tipsforblackmail, more.

Cheers,

Sea

(in reply to undergroundsea)

Profile

Post #: 32