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RE: who is chasing who - 3/5/2008 6:53:09 PM

Mastersplitlicke

Posts: 19
Joined: 2/7/2008
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quote:

ORIGINAL: DesFIP

She may be submissive to the right one, who obviously is not you. She has as much right to pick her dominant as you have to pick a compatible sub.

Yes, women can and sometimes do email men. However women here get tons of email. We don't need to search profiles when we can have ten or more emails daily.

Now RedMagic wouldn't have any trouble finding a compatible sub if he were looking, because his attitude in the fora is that he is a genuinely good guy, who likes and values his female partner. Most men who write women here don't have that attitude. We get whines and demands and a strong whiff of desperation which is never attractive. If you want a better response to your emails, write better emails. It really is that simple.

Oh, and in case anyone is interested it ought to be "who is chasing whom".

I am guessing you feel better now you have set everyone straight

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Post #: 21

RE: who is chasing who - 3/5/2008 6:53:39 PM

Leatherist

Posts: 5149
Joined: 12/11/2007
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Good Lord.

People should just be grateful that anyone interesting even bothers to write them-much less fuss over who goes first, (excluding hngs,who should be folded, spindled and mutilated- but not neccesarily in the order)

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Post #: 22

RE: who is chasing who - 3/5/2008 7:01:57 PM

TracyTaken

Posts: 615
Joined: 2/1/2008
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quote:

Several female subs have emailed me first. However, this didn't start until I became a regular forum poster.

I don't think a lot of men are comfortable communicating in a "public" forum, gathering from the male to female ratio on most groups.

< Message edited by TracyTaken -- 3/5/2008 7:03:28 PM >

(in reply to RedMagic1)

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Post #: 23

RE: who is chasing who - 3/5/2008 7:03:05 PM

TracyTaken

Posts: 615
Joined: 2/1/2008
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quote:

ORIGINAL: Noah

Of course it is entirely realistic. Why wouldn't it be?

Lots of competition.

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Post #: 24

RE: who is chasing who - 3/5/2008 7:07:13 PM

LuckyAlbatross

Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
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Do whatever works for you- everyone has to say yes as some point no matter what. Who initiates it tends to be fairly irrelevant and only personal preference matters.

If someone doesn't like your style, that just means it's pretty easy to eliminate eachother as partners.

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Post #: 25

RE: who is chasing who - 3/5/2008 7:47:36 PM

SailingBum

Posts: 3225
Joined: 12/10/2007
From: Sailin the stormy sea
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quote:

ORIGINAL: Mastersplitlicke

quote:

ORIGINAL: DesFIP

She may be submissive to the right one, who obviously is not you. She has as much right to pick her dominant as you have to pick a compatible sub.

Yes, women can and sometimes do email men. However women here get tons of email. We don't need to search profiles when we can have ten or more emails daily.

Now RedMagic wouldn't have any trouble finding a compatible sub if he were looking, because his attitude in the fora is that he is a genuinely good guy, who likes and values his female partner. Most men who write women here don't have that attitude. We get whines and demands and a strong whiff of desperation which is never attractive. If you want a better response to your emails, write better emails. It really is that simple.

Oh, and in case anyone is interested it ought to be "who is chasing whom".

I am guessing you feel better now you have set everyone straight

I'm glad we got that out of the way. The picture you paint is so dismal.. wonders why you bother??? rhetorical question

BadOne

< Message edited by SailingBum -- 3/5/2008 7:48:35 PM >

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RE: Who is chasing who - 3/5/2008 7:49:15 PM

amayos

Posts: 1553
Joined: 6/2/2004
From: New England
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quote:

ORIGINAL: Mastersplitlicke

Just been wondering about "the chase" for a DOM or a sub
The idea of a sub chasing a DOM or starting the conversation or making first contact.
Is that so wrong ?

Not from where I stand. I always encourage the submissive party—male or female—to step forward and initiate contact with the one who has inspired him or her enough to do so. Some agree, some disagree, and yet others don't see much of a difference, either way. I have always felt that if one cannot submit oneself unto this simple first act, he or she just isn't moved enough.

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Post #: 27

RE: Who is chasing who - 3/5/2008 7:57:39 PM

ProlificNeeds

Posts: 1061
Joined: 5/19/2007
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I don't profile surf often, so I don't initiate contact with people who I don't see on the forums. For those who talk on the forums, if I have something of import to say I'll mail them. I however am not 'searching' for me 'twue one' so I don't much care if my mail box is empty or full, I take it as it comes.

(in reply to amayos)

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Post #: 28

RE: Who is chasing who - 3/5/2008 8:02:46 PM

angelic

Posts: 1807
Joined: 1/24/2005
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I rarely search profiles myself and when I do look at the ones close to me, most just do not interest me all that much. Also, I am very uncomfortable making the first move and the fact that I am seeking/but not really (if that makes sense) adds to that.

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Post #: 29

RE: who is chasing who - 3/5/2008 8:05:27 PM

sweetwenchie

Posts: 1993
Joined: 4/19/2006
From: Sacramento, California
Status: offline

i do not see anything wrong with a submissive initiating conversation, though i myself am not good at it. This little quirky shyness thing pops up and the most i can manage is a smile and a quick peek. Online might make it easier for some, yet i still tend to not initiate conversation, nor chase after someone. Just the way i am wired i suppose.

edited to add... shy or not, i love perving the profile of anyone who catches my eyes on the boards, though now that Cm makes sure someone knows when they have been perved i can not be sneaky about it any longer.

< Message edited by sweetwenchie -- 3/5/2008 8:08:47 PM >

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Post #: 30

RE: who is chasing who - 3/5/2008 8:17:14 PM

Bound2One

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Joined: 1/11/2008
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quote:

ORIGINAL: TracyTaken

quote:

The idea of a sub chasing a DOM or starting the conversation or making first contact.
Is that so wrong ?

It's not wrong. It's not a realistic thing to expect though.

It's how I met my Dominant. I was disgusted with the level of emails I was receiving and one night made it a priority to spend time and read through profile after profile ... Master's caught my eye because of his journal and what he said in his profile. I wrote to him politely, telling him his words touched me, and it went from there. I had, prior to writing to Master, written to a few other men also, taking the proactive approach, and not once was it ill-received, rather, I had some pleasant conversations with nice men.

(in reply to TracyTaken)

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Post #: 31

RE: who is chasing who - 3/5/2008 8:20:16 PM

Bound2One

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Missokyst

Well.. I don't chase men. If that means that in this lifestyle I am unlikely to be found, then so be it. I have always preferred being the game, not the predator.
Kyst

lol. There's quite a big difference between dangling some bait (a first email) and then sitting back and letting nature take its course and being the predator. I may have dangled for Master, but he reeled me in.

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Post #: 32

RE: who is chasing who - 3/5/2008 8:23:14 PM

YourDomNow

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From: originally TX, now PA
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I still think, its all about communication.....regardless of if your a sub or Dom.....if someone strikes your interest...in whatever way..nothing wrong with making a little bit known......that doesnt mean your "chasing" anyone....shows interest...pure interest.........and to me, as a man and a Dom, a woman, sub or slave that shows a little interest, receives alot more in return...just my thought

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Post #: 33

RE: who is chasing who - 3/5/2008 8:30:57 PM

YourDomNow

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wenchie..you are cute no matter how one looks at it.......thats just my own personal opinion anyway

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Post #: 34

RE: who is chasing who - 3/5/2008 8:34:12 PM

sweetwenchie

Posts: 1993
Joined: 4/19/2006
From: Sacramento, California
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quote:

ORIGINAL: YourDomNow

wenchie..you are cute no matter how one looks at it.......thats just my own personal opinion anyway

~blush~ Thank you very much YDN :)

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"To make oneself an object, to make oneself passive, is a very different thing from being a passive object." - De Beauvoir

"You have your way. I have my way. As for the right way, the correct way, and the only way, it does not exist." - Nietzsche

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Post #: 35

RE: who is chasing who - 3/5/2008 8:36:49 PM

YourDomNow

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dont see you as the blushing type...or the shy type either...but , what do I know from one coast to the other....... :)~~

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Post #: 36

RE: who is chasing who - 3/5/2008 8:42:05 PM

Missokyst

Posts: 6041
Joined: 9/9/2006
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Bait for me is a smile and a glance over the top of my glasses. I flirt. But that is my natural personality. I don't think I have dropped more than 2 men the initial email, and those got an email because their pic, or profile was hilarious. I don't regard that as bait, just amusement.
But in person.. <g> flirting is natures way of leveling the playing field. If someone picks up on it and pursues me, great! If not, a smile is just a smile. Heck.. I flirt with my mailman.
Kyst

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Post #: 37

RE: who is chasing who - 3/5/2008 8:45:30 PM

TemptingNviceSub

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I have "chased" and been "chased"...and yet...it will always come down to compatability...or mutual goals...therein lies the rub...so many things have to align to make it a good fit..ie:(location,a certain age,level of experience,whatever the case may be)so why not explore all avenues?..why limit to wanting to know if it is better to pursue or be pursued?..ego?..shyness?..good things do not necessarily come to those who wait.....Tempting

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Post #: 38

RE: who is chasing who - 3/5/2008 9:09:54 PM

caitlyn

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D/s is still life.

No matter your role, the early portions of a relationship are largely based on physical attraction. If your expectations are to be with someone hotter than yourself, then expect to do a little chasing. If you have an expectation of being chased, try aiming a bit lower. With equal physical traits, initially it will probably be about who has the more outgoing personality.

A very simplistic overview of a vastly more complex scenario, by the way.

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Post #: 39

RE: who is chasing who - 3/5/2008 11:30:28 PM

heartcream

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From: Psychoalphadiscobetabioaquadoloop
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Lots of good points already. Tempting said it very well. I agree, it is going to come down to compatibility. I mean, if you cant hold a conversation the emails dwindle, no matter who contacted whom (thanks for the grammar lesson, I like to feel in the know, lol.)

When I first got here to CM, this was all new and wild to me. One of the best moments I had was when I came across a guy who posted quite a bit. I discovered I could go back and read almost, if not all of everything he wrote. He so moved me, made me laugh so much that I wrote him. I told him I would not normally do that-- make first contact, I was too much a lady for that. He set me straight on what a 'Lady' really was all about. For example, she would run the entire staff, (not always being very nice) the house, and then do her best in the bedroom, whatever that took, lest the Lord cast her out.

There have been times when men I admire from reading their posts would view me, write me, I love that.

There were times when something was said in the posts, I felt I had to write. It was often something funny and light. Not so much seeking anything further than friendly banter.

I am not comfortable making first contact and generally avoid it. When I like a guy but I guess he is not interested back, I feel willing to beg him to talk to me, but so far I restrain myself.

The last point I would like to make is, this is a Leap Year. This is the year when women traditionally can do the approaching, the proposing.

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