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RE: who is chasing who - 3/5/2008 11:34:15 PM

CalifChick

Posts: 10717
Joined: 10/28/2007
From: California
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: caitlyn
No matter your role, the early portions of a relationship are largely based on physical attraction. If your expectations are to be with someone hotter than yourself, then expect to do a little chasing. If you have an expectation of being chased, try aiming a bit lower. With equal physical traits, initially it will probably be about who has the more outgoing personality.

Wow. The early stages of my most successful relationships have been built on MENTAL attraction, not PHYSICAL attraction. Guess I'm so far outside your "norm" that I don't even fit in your picture.

And I feel kind of vaguely insulted... I can only expect to be chased by someone that is uglier than I am, and if I am attracted to someone less ugly than I am, then I must do the chasing??? After all, you can pretty it up by saying "hotter than" or "more attractive than", but is that any different than "not as ugly as"...??

Cali

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(in reply to caitlyn)

Post #: 41

RE: who is chasing who - 3/6/2008 12:24:44 AM

RCdc

Posts: 8674
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: TracyTaken

quote:

The idea of a sub chasing a DOM or starting the conversation or making first contact.
Is that so wrong ?

It's not wrong. It's not a realistic thing to expect though.

I have to ask the same as BSB - why i it not realistic? I wrote to Darcy first - it wasn't via here - but I still contacted first. If anything, I feel more comfortable being the one initialising contact and I used to get piles of male mail everyday. Most of my friends have relationships where the female took the first steps to introduction so I don't agree with this statement in general. It isn't my, or my friends experience.

quote:

I don't think a lot of men are comfortable communicating in a "public" forum, gathering from the male to female ratio on most groups.

Again I disagree that it's anything to do with 'comfort' - men just do not have the same desire for communication nor the communication skills that women do. It's a bit analystic and general, however men do like their caves - women like to talk. Men enjoy their peace and think more before they speak, women enjoy being heard - that is why there are so many trashy magazines, gossip books and why the majority of people on forums like this are women. I attend another forum, which is populated more by men, because of the subject matter.

the.dark.

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RC&dc

love isnt gazing into each others eyes - it's looking forward in the same direction

(in reply to TracyTaken)

Post #: 42

RE: who is chasing who - 3/6/2008 12:34:46 AM

GreedyTop

Posts: 52100
Joined: 5/2/2007
From: Savannah, GA
Status: offline

*smooches the dark* hi sexy!

back to topic:

I usually initiate contact. Honestly, I don't recall who initiated contact between myself and my partner. Does it really matter?? LOL
I have in the past been contacted by others about as often as I initiate.

just my few (devalued) pennies.

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(in reply to RCdc)

Post #: 43

RE: who is chasing who - 3/6/2008 12:35:58 AM

RCdc

Posts: 8674
Status: offline

the.dark.

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love isnt gazing into each others eyes - it's looking forward in the same direction

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Post #: 44

RE: who is chasing who - 3/6/2008 2:42:14 AM

Justme696

Posts: 3236
Joined: 1/7/2008
From: Royal kingdom of the Netherlands
Status: offline

At OP
I don't hunt really..never did..just met people here...and sometimes I talk..and when lucky you might connect.

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(in reply to RCdc)

Post #: 45

RE: who is chasing who - 3/6/2008 4:46:26 AM

MissLily

Posts: 146
Joined: 8/19/2007
Status: offline

I rarelly will chasse someone. I did it a couple of times and it did NOT turn out well.

So I let people contact Me. There's normally not a shortage of those.... And then I decide who I will contct back. If the message is good, I'll probably answer. If it's a one liner, down the poo chute that one goes.

Miss Lily

(in reply to Mastersplitlicke)

Post #: 46

RE: who is chasing who - 3/6/2008 5:04:32 AM

caitlyn

Posts: 3473
Joined: 12/22/2004
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: CalifChick
Wow. The early stages of my most successful relationships have been built on MENTAL attraction, not PHYSICAL attraction. Guess I'm so far outside your "norm" that I don't even fit in your picture.

It depends on how you define early stages. I would consider early stages, that point where you really don't know someone at all ... perhaps seeing someone across a room and deciding to go talk to them. Unless you are reading brain waves, my guess is that the majority of time, this decision is made based on physical attraction.

By the way, you might have felt less painted in to a picture, had you included the part of my post that defined it as a simplistic overview of a vastly more complicated question ... but, I do recognize the right of some people be insulted over damn near anything.

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(in reply to CalifChick)

Post #: 47

RE: who is chasing who - 3/6/2008 5:10:01 AM

Dnomyar

Posts: 7933
Joined: 6/27/2005
Status: offline

Im to shy to write anyone first.

(in reply to caitlyn)

Post #: 48

RE: who is chasing who - 3/6/2008 5:16:51 AM

BossyShoeBitch

Posts: 3931
Joined: 1/13/2007
From: South Florida
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: heartcream

When I first got here to CM, this was all new and wild to me. One of the best moments I had was when I came across a guy who posted quite a bit. I discovered I could go back and read almost, if not all of everything he wrote. He so moved me, made me laugh so much that I wrote him. I told him I would not normally do that-- make first contact, I was too much a lady for that. He set me straight on what a 'Lady' really was all about. For example, she would run the entire staff, (not always being very nice) the house, and then do her best in the bedroom, whatever that took, lest the Lord cast her out.

The last point I would like to make is, this is a Leap Year. This is the year when women traditionally can do the approaching, the proposing.

Heartcream,
That is exactly what happened with myself and SimplyMichael...I loved going back and reading all the old stuff too..

Girls can propose on a leap year? WHo'd a thunk it?

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(in reply to heartcream)

Post #: 49

RE: who is chasing who - 3/6/2008 6:33:19 AM

TracyTaken

Posts: 615
Joined: 2/1/2008
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Darcyandthedark

Again I disagree that it's anything to do with 'comfort' - men just do not have the same desire for communication nor the communication skills that women do. It's a bit analystic and general, however men do like their caves - women like to talk.

That makes sense to me.

quote:

Men enjoy their peace and think more before they speak, women enjoy being heard - that is why there are so many trashy magazines, gossip books and why the majority of people on forums like this are women. I attend another forum, which is populated more by men, because of the subject matter.

I'm going to have to think about whether men think more before speaking.

I see more men in groups that are not about relationships or BDSM. Within BDSM, there seem to be more in groups that are about activity (bondage for instance) as opposed to D/s.

(in reply to RCdc)

Post #: 50

RE: who is chasing who - 3/6/2008 6:44:07 AM

OmegaG

Posts: 1474
Joined: 10/23/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Dnomyar

Im to shy to write anyone first.

*cough* *chough* *choke* *sputter*

It all comes down to individual preference.

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(in reply to Dnomyar)

Post #: 51

RE: who is chasing who - 3/6/2008 8:21:14 AM

CarrieO

Posts: 2432
Joined: 1/27/2008
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: MissLily

I rarelly will chasse someone. I did it a couple of times and it did NOT turn out well.

So I let people contact Me. There's normally not a shortage of those.... And then I decide who I will contct back. If the message is good, I'll probably answer. If it's a one liner, down the poo chute that one goes.

Miss Lily

I tend to chase too often and it does end poorly. I'm working on changing that behavior.
I send emails if the person's profile is really nice.

<"Down the poo chute"...OMG I love that!!!>

(in reply to MissLily)

Post #: 52

RE: who is chasing who - 3/6/2008 8:22:13 AM

Mastersplitlicke

Posts: 19
Joined: 2/7/2008
Status: offline

I am shy and get flustered and twitterpated when I really like someone, and end up screwing it up. LOL Must be cos I don't have much blood left.
The ex sucked most of that out of me, so now when a get wood i am all lite headed and dizzy

(in reply to OmegaG)

Post #: 53

RE: who is chasing who - 3/6/2008 8:38:53 AM

RedHotAndSoSexy

Posts: 67
Joined: 3/4/2008
Status: offline

I think women can be empowered to do the chasing...if they so desire.

For me, I never do the chasing. I prefer interested parties to come to me. Once or twice I wrote someone in the past to compliment them on a post or something in a profile and they thought I was hitting on them, rather than taking it in the spirit in which it was intended.

(in reply to Mastersplitlicke)

Post #: 54

RE: who is chasing who - 3/6/2008 8:46:12 AM

SubbieOnWheels

Posts: 590
Joined: 12/14/2007
Status: offline

I have contacted a few Doms, but never with positive results. I can never be sure that a Dom won't be put off by my appearance (and I have a very clear pic on my profile), so I leave it to them to make the decision that they're OK with someone in a wheelchair.

Rejection after rejection, no matter how gently done, teaches a lesson.

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(in reply to Mastersplitlicke)

Post #: 55

RE: who is chasing who - 3/6/2008 8:53:12 AM

faerytattoodgirl

Posts: 5824
Status: offline

i chase women all the time...

SWOONS over to greedy n BOSSY

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Post #: 56

RE: who is chasing who - 3/6/2008 9:31:44 AM

colouredin

Posts: 4279
Joined: 2/2/2007
Status: offline

FR,

Humm i dont think i have ever chased anyone, but i have initiated contact in nilla life i was not above the timeless classic "grab your coat mate you haev pulled tactic". In D/s to be fair they have mostly contacted me first or its been in a public forum like this and we have met somewhere. With my current relationship it was just that I saw f and was like ohhhhhhh shes cute, hung on to her for a few hours and it kinda went from there. I guess it makes me boring that I have never really been part of a chase scenario i just figure whats the point.

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(in reply to faerytattoodgirl)

Post #: 57

RE: who is chasing who - 3/6/2008 9:54:21 AM

GreedyTop

Posts: 52100
Joined: 5/2/2007
From: Savannah, GA
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: faerytattoodgirl

i chase women all the time...

SWOONS over to greedy n BOSSY

*grope*

_____________________________

polysnortatious
Supreme Goddess of Snark
CHARTER MEMBER: Lance's Fag Hags!
Waiting for my madman in a Blue Box.

(in reply to faerytattoodgirl)

Post #: 58

RE: who is chasing who - 3/6/2008 10:23:18 AM

lateralist1

Posts: 886
Joined: 11/22/2006
Status: offline

I don't think it matters which way around it is.
If I see a profile that interests me then I write to the person.
I like getting to know people it doesn't mean that we could become partners.

(in reply to GreedyTop)

Post #: 59

RE: who is chasing who - 3/6/2008 10:43:26 AM

Owner4SexSlave

Posts: 1311
Joined: 4/4/2007
Status: offline

I really don't put too much thought into this one. I'm a firm believer, that if you see somebody you are interested in go for it! Regardless if you are male, female, submissive, switch or Dom/me. I think too many people let opportunities slide through their fingers because they are too afraid of being rejected or what other people think. Basically, if you don't go for it, you already lost. If you go for it and get turned down, at least you know you tried and won't be kicking yourself in the ass for days or weeks afterwards for not having tried. If somebody turns you down, that's good too because you won't be sitting there debating about it anymore. Somebody else might catch your eye or attention. NEXT.

(in reply to Mastersplitlicke)

Post #: 60

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