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RE: Meet or Leave? - 3/6/2008 1:45:15 PM

ownedgirlie

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Missokyst
I like to see people as more than the flesh bags that hold them. They are ideas, personality, intellect and humor, and when they show me that, it is amazing how their appearance changes in my eyes.
Kyst

Brilliant.

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RE: Meet or Leave? - 3/6/2008 1:57:32 PM

shysub0951

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i've been disappointed a few times yes, but i stay out of respect and curtesy, than i tell them, afterwards or the next day, that just being online friends would be best and leave it at that. If they ask why, i tell them that i just don't think we have anything in real common. The old cliche

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RE: Meet or Leave? - 3/6/2008 2:39:49 PM

Evility

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It's not that they lied about or misrepresented their appearance to me that would bother me. It's the stupidity they exhibit by thinking that they could get away with it. I am attracted to a wide variety of shapes, sizes and looks. I am not attracted to stupidity.

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Post #: 83

RE: Meet or Leave? - 3/6/2008 10:45:38 PM

velvetears

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Thanks to everyone who shared in this thread. It's late and i've worked 14 hours so my post will be quick (i need sleep lol)

i have meet a fair number of people from online over the years. Some are honest and some feel the need to lie about themselves, or at the very least not disclose information. i had an experience a while back where i decided to meet this dom i had been emailing for about 2 weeks. We decided we would meet for lunch and when i drove into the parking lot, he was by his car as he described he would be. What i found waiting for me was not a 54 yr old man, this guy had to be at least 75. He was stooped over leaning on a cane, had black hair that looked like shoe dye and trembled (his voice and hands) like an elderly person. i have nothing against elderly people but when you drive up expecting to meet someone 20 years younger it is disappointing. my instincts told me to turn the car around and drive away but my conscience wouldn't let me and i endured lunch. i said nothing to him, and in retrospect i think i should have said something to him. i just never answered his emails after that day.

This is why i feel it's a good idea to hold one's emotions in check (if they can) before actually meeting someone face to face. You never know how much of the truth you are getting from someone, or even how much you might be projecting onto that person because you have such high hopes and expectations. i wasn't emotionally invested in the least so all it was was an annoying lunch date with someone i couldn't wait to end.

i have no reason to lie or mislead, so i don't usually second guess others. My mind doesn't go in those directions. my formula is simple - email, phone and if there is an interest, a short meeting just to check that they are who they say they are. No harm no foul if either one wants to walk away after that. Once it's established that both are interested things can progress from there.

i hope to read all the responses more thoroughly after i have had more rest.

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RE: Meet or Leave? - 3/6/2008 10:49:06 PM

GreedyTop

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~FR~

love your sigline, Velvet :)

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Post #: 85

RE: Meet or Leave? - 3/7/2008 4:23:46 AM

velvetears

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Thank you GreedyTop

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Post #: 86

RE: Meet or Leave? - 3/7/2008 7:35:38 AM

tsatske

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Velvet,
He told you his age, not what docs call 'real age'. I know you have ideas about what 54 should be and look like, but, in truth, you do not know that he was not 54. My grandparents were pretty much as you described, by the time they were in thier 50s. They grew up in the depression, they lived hard lives, they smoked, ate like southerners, had health problems and didn't much trust doctors. The result was they aged early and badly. My grandmother is still alive and in her 80's, but, she has walked on a walker with a stoop all of the part of her life that I have been alive to know her, and she was in her late 40's when I was born. She has also had very grey hair, which she had done in a tight, old lady's curly perm, all my life. My father is in his early 50's, he has been VERY grey since his 20's. He was a teen when I was born, and most of my growing up life he regularly got mistaken for Kenny Rogers. As I grew up, that ceased, because, after a while, he looked a lot older than Kenny Rogers.
If he were to tell someone online that he was 53, that would be the truth, and approprate for him to tell them. Now, if he were to tell them he weighed 160, or was 6'5, or had the 19 inch waist he brags about having had as a teenager, that would be a lie.
If someone's 'real age' - how fit and healthy they are - is important to you, do not assume that bio age tells you that. Ask them questions about it. If you want to do it subtly, then ask questions about physical things - do you like to dance? hike? ect. If you are comfortable with more direct questions, ask about health conditions, clothing sizes, weight, ect. Anyone uncomfortable with your questions, I just figure, different things are important to those two people, and they aren't a good match.

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RE: Meet or Leave? - 3/7/2008 8:06:29 AM

wideeyedgirl

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*fast reply*
This has happened. This was early on in my delving into the bdsm world and I met someone who used a photo at least 6 years old and 100 lbs more. I didnt even recongize him. and I guess i wasnt too able to hide my shock because he did seem to notice and apologize. saying he didnt think I would meet him if i knew the truth. Funny thing is..he didnt look that bad. I probubly would not have had a problem at all, if that is what I had been introduced to originally. But the obvious misrepresentation bothered me. I (like others) have mentioned see it as a trust thing..and once a person lies..you are suspicious they will do it again. In that case I stayed..had dinner..and a good conversation..even kissed at the end..(okay i dont generally turn down people when they try for that) but I called the next day to say I just didnt think it could work if a lie was the premise.

I would feel..too rude to turn on my heels and walk away if that situation happened again. I wonder if thats a Dom or Sub thing, if more submissives (with the personality traits inherant) would stay, and more Dom/mes would walk away. For the record tho...I always want to see photos of whom I talking to..and prefer to talk on the phone too first, so there isnt a fantsy build up imagine.

Back to the OP comment..about not living up to a fantasy? well the need for a photo is more required for that reason. Showed up to meet with someone who just...wasnt at all..like I had in my head. and i couldnt reconcile that fact and it didnt go beyond a first meeting. He had not lied. Just how i wanted him to look/hold himself..wasnt at all reality.

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RE: Meet or Leave? - 3/7/2008 9:00:02 AM

velvetears

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i understand what you are saying tsatske but i still believe he was in his 70's. He tried to hard to hide it with the shoe polish hair. Hands show age, his were elderly.

wideeyedgirl, i agree photos are a good idea before meeting. i had a similar experience when i met someone years ago after having spent about a year online with them. The way they presented themselves fed this image i developed of what they looked like, how they would act etc. i felt so ashamed at the time at my disappointed reaction when i first laid eyes on hiim. i sensed the same from him about me too. We were very close and i was able to overcome that initial stumbling block but it opened my eyes up to what were realistic expectations and unrealistc expectations and i revaluated how much time and emotions i was willing to invest online before meeting someone.

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RE: Meet or Leave? - 3/7/2008 11:38:53 AM

Stephann

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I met. I coped. I politely declined any future offer of friendship.

I don't do fantasy relationships well.

Stephan

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