Collarspace Discussion Forums


Home  Login  Search 

RE: Collars & Rings


View related threads: (in this forum | in all forums)

Logged in as: Guest
 
All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> General BDSM Discussion >> RE: Collars & Rings Page: <<   < prev  1 2 [3] 4   next >   >>
Login
Message << Older Topic   Newer Topic >>
RE: Collars & Rings - 10/1/2005 5:49:45 AM   
Rover


Posts: 2634
Joined: 6/28/2004
Status: offline
quote:

Over my limited 40 odd years on this planet I have watch people put on and remove wedding rings for various reasons but I have never witnessed the psychological effect upon the wearer as when a collar is removed from the neck of a sub/slave

1. In those forty odd years, you have never seen collars put on and removed for various reasons? I've seen A LOT more collars given and taken (per capita) than wedding rings. Plenty more.

2. You've never seen the elation evident in a bride at her engagement or wedding ring? C'mon, look more closely next time. Nor the devastation that a divorce has on people? Is this selective observation?

John

(in reply to MistressMelissa)
Profile   Post #: 41
RE: Collars & Rings - 10/1/2005 11:35:07 AM   
SirKnottynNice


Posts: 51
Joined: 9/23/2005
From: My mind to Y/yours
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: SirKnottynNice

Now one thing though,
I believe that 'alone' the collar has a stronger meaning and bond than a ring.


That being said, IMO, a collar & a ring together is probably the strongest bond,



quote:

ORIGINAL: MistressMelissa

Collar vs. the Wedding Ring

Both are powerful symbols of love and commitment. But to me the collar holds the most meaning. I don’t know if it’s where each item is worn on the body, but I believe the collar to have a deeper psychological effect upon the wearer. Over my limited 40 odd years on this planet I have watch people put on and remove wedding rings for various reasons but I have never witnessed the psychological effect upon the wearer as when a collar is removed from the neck of a sub/slave. The constant touching of the neck, the sense of panic, the uneasiness, the sense of rejection, all simply erased when the collar is once again around their throat. Not to mention the sheer pride a dominant feels in seeing their collar around the neck of someone that belongs to them. The “standard” collar is steel, a symbol of strength and unyielding determination, held in place with a lock to symbolize protection and that the collar is there to stay. Together the lock and steel tell the sub/slave that they are not only owned, but that each parties promise to the other will be kept and that these promises can’t be easily discarded.

I'll collar a slave but I doubt I'll ever walk down the isle with one. The collar means more to me than any wedding would. Best of Luck!



You totally got & understood where I was coming from, and what I was trying to say.
I do believe you worded it MUCH better than I though.

Be well

_____________________________

your ass would look cute red


(in reply to MistressMelissa)
Profile   Post #: 42
RE: Collars & Rings - 10/1/2005 4:17:19 PM   
MistressMelissa


Posts: 226
Joined: 11/21/2004
Status: offline 		I'm going to rant, so if you don't want to read a rant feel free to stop reading now.

Yes, I understand the velcro collar and what people call play, training, house and pick a name...What the heck is an internet collar?...I only use one collar. The one that says I own your butt. I have given but 1 collar to date. It's around my girl Phoenix's neck. My boy has yet to earn his collar. Yes, I said earned.... Collars are earned, not given as if they where a prize in a cracker jack box. Just because there are a bunch of people running around claiming to be something doesn't mean they understand crap. Look at all the teenagers in High School running around with collars and bondage pants and skirt cause they think the look cool. There is much more to this life than sporting some leathers, pick up a flogger and beating the crap out of someone.

I too have seen the joy of a bride to be and I've also seen how short lived it is. The response I talk of in a collared sub/slave to the removal of their collar grows and intensifies with time, it does not weaken as the bond to so many wedding rings/vows.

I was married once. It failed. That was my shot at marriage and I doubt I will ever remarry, since I had my chance at it and I screwed it up. I don't believe you get as many tries as you would like.

I heard in a song last night that its better to be hated for being yourself than to be loved for being something else. With that said I'll climb up on my soap box and say "Collars have meaning. Stop treating them like crap" If a collar is nothing more than what it means to me and my house then the damn thing has more meaning than any gold band! Also for the record no, I don't have much use for the world of who beat who and I sure don't care about who stuck what into who's body orifice. Just because someone puts on a wedding band to play a role in a play or a waitress puts on a wedding band to keep guys from hitting on her does not mean that it counts as a wedding band. Like wise just because someone slaps a dog collar around someones neck at a play party does not make them a collared and owned slave.

I have been blessed to witness Ds relationships that are much deeper and more ssatisfyingthan any traditional marriage I've ever witnessed.

Melissa
Mistress of Ds Haven
www.dshaven.com

(in reply to Rover)
Profile   Post #: 43
RE: Collars & Rings - 10/1/2005 4:46:28 PM   
BOUNTYHUNTER


Posts: 9259
Joined: 2/5/2004
Status: offline 		WELL BEST WISHES TO YOU BOTH.MY FIRST MARRIAGE WAS A M/s RELATIONSHIP FOR 23 YEARS THAT WORKED WELL...AS IN ALL THINGS THIS ENDED ON A GOOD NOTE..I am now married to THE MISTRESSDIANE AND I SHARE A CO EQUAL MARRIAGE THAT ALSO WORKS WELL.I AM SURE THIS WILL WORK OUT WELL FOR YOU BOTH AGAIN CONGRADS...BOUNTY

_____________________________

US going to hell in a hand basket/

(in reply to Faramir)
Profile   Post #: 44
RE: Collars & Rings - 10/1/2005 8:59:39 PM   
Faramir


Posts: 1043
Joined: 2/12/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: MistressMelissa
Collars are earned, not given as if they where a prize in a cracker jack box.



I reject the notion that relationships, or symbols that articulate a relationship, are earned. A collar, or a wedding ring is more like grace than like a reward based on merit or conduct. I'd point out that the flipside to "earning" a collar would be that you could "unearn" it - the way you are describing it sounds very conditional.

I didn't put my collar around her neck, or my ring on her finger because of her conduct, or a given amount of effort - she didn't earn it. She is, I am, and We are, and the ring and collar are symbols of the nature of that relationship, I-Thou.

Also, your second post sounds like you see marriage and a collared relationship as a binary opposite pairing, or at least a favored/unfavored pairing. You express negative feelings about marriage, and see a collared D/s realtinship as superior, more meaningful, and more lasting. That's certainly a tenable position, but not one I hold. I don't see why the two have to be in tension or competition.

They both work for me.

(in reply to MistressMelissa)
Profile   Post #: 45
RE: Collars & Rings - 10/2/2005 6:33:44 AM   
Rover


Posts: 2634
Joined: 6/28/2004
Status: offline 		Aren't all things conditional? I might love you (don't get all excited now), but it's certainly conditional because if you were to pick up an axe and hack up my family, I'd probably find it pretty darned difficult to continue to love you.[/b]

I didn't put my collar around her neck, or my ring on her finger because of her conduct, or a given amount of effort - she didn't earn it. She is, I am, and We are, and the ring and collar are symbols of the nature of that relationship

So, no one needs to "earn" anything to be in a similar relationship with you (and have a similar symbol of it bestowed upon her by you)? Do you hand out a collar to every girl that simply desires one from you?

John

(in reply to Faramir)
Profile   Post #: 46
RE: Collars & Rings - 10/5/2005 12:53:33 PM   
Faramir


Posts: 1043
Joined: 2/12/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Rover

Aren't all things conditional? I might love you (don't get all excited now), but it's certainly conditional because if you were to pick up an axe and hack up my family, I'd probably find it pretty darned difficult to continue to love you.[/b]


John


No. My daughter isn't "conditionally" my daughter. She is my daughter, and will be my daughter - the relationship simply is.


quote:

ORIGINAL: Rover

So, no one needs to "earn" anything to be in a similar relationship with you (and have a similar symbol of it bestowed upon her by you)? Do you hand out a collar to every girl that simply desires one from you?

John


No, she did not need to "earn" anything to be mine - the basis of the relationship isn't her doing "x" amount of good deeds or whatever to "earn" anything - it's not about racking up brownie points. It's a relationship, I-Thou, not an exchange of excess production.

Your question is non-sensicle - it presumes I handed out a collar to one person because she desired it, and therefore would hand out one to any that desire it. I didn't put the collar on her neck or the ring on her finger because she desired it - I did it because I love her.

John, it sounds like you have a very different model than I do for relationships (and thus reality, as I see relationships as the only thing that is real).

(in reply to Rover)
Profile   Post #: 47
RE: Collars & Rings - 10/5/2005 1:12:23 PM   
darkinshadows


Posts: 4145
Joined: 6/2/2004
From: UK
Status: offline
quote:

heard in a song last night that its better to be hated for being yourself than to be loved for being something else. With that said I'll climb up on my soap box and say "Collars have meaning. Stop treating them like crap" If a collar is nothing more than what it means to me and my house then the damn thing has more meaning than any gold band! Also for the record no, I don't have much use for the world of who beat who and I sure don't care about who stuck what into who's body orifice. Just because someone puts on a wedding band to play a role in a play or a waitress puts on a wedding band to keep guys from hitting on her does not mean that it counts as a wedding band. Like wise just because someone slaps a dog collar around someones neck at a play party does not make them a collared and owned slave.

I have been blessed to witness Ds relationships that are much deeper and more ssatisfyingthan any traditional marriage I've ever witnessed.


Well, I can understand some peoples hesiatation at marriage. But it also happens with collars. Look around - collars and given and lost with high regularity, just as marriage and divorce.

To me, collars, marriage - same thing but just a different show of commitment if you are within a Ds relationship. Some couples will want marriage and a collar, some won't and will opt for just one of those. Doesn't make their relationship any less.

I am married and deeply in love and commitment to my Husband and Master of me. 16 years in two days. Its a traditional marriage. He is the Master of me. I did not earn anything from Him, but He did decide that I was the person He could nurture and growth could occur. Through sickness and in health, richer and poorer until death do us part. Thats trust, faith, respect and total control. It isnt conditional, it just is.

What works for Him, may not work for others. I just believe that all have the ability to have a wonderous life, just as I am blessed with because of Him and if Faramir and SMS are as blessed as Us, then He will live a fruitful life full of wonder with His Possession.

Peace and Love

_____________________________
.dark.



...i surrender to gravity and the unknown...

(in reply to MistressMelissa)
Profile   Post #: 48
RE: Collars & Rings - 10/5/2005 1:46:54 PM   
Rover


Posts: 2634
Joined: 6/28/2004
Status: offline 		You're right, we probably do see things differently. It's far to existential for me to accept that consensual relationships (as opposed to blood relatives) "just are". Makes it sound like they were pre-ordained, and we are all just pawns (without choice or self-direction) in life's great theater.

I would find it difficult if not impossible to love even my blood relative, should one of them decide to hack up another family member. Sure, the fact that they are a family member is unalterable (historical fact is like that). That historical fact is, however, irrelevant to the issue at hand.

Perhaps I'm fooling myself, but I prefer to think that I have greater choice, responsibility and influence in my own life (all of which are absent if it is simply "meant to be"). If so, I enjoy the delusion.

John

< Message edited by Rover -- 10/5/2005 2:05:05 PM >

(in reply to Faramir)
Profile   Post #: 49
RE: Collars & Rings - 10/5/2005 1:56:57 PM   
MistressMelissa


Posts: 226
Joined: 11/21/2004
Status: offline 		Greetings Faramir,

I have nothing against marriage, it just did not work for me and since I have respect for the insitution. I don't believe you keep doing it till you get it right. That's just me.

As for collars, yes I believe they are earned and as you have pointed out they can be unearned. There are some simple rules to my house and if one on mines violates the rules then yes I will relove the collar and show them the door.

Children don't enter into this. Slaves are different from children.

While I care deeply about those in my house, it is not a till death due us potition like in a marriage. It is my belief that love can and will get in the way of a TPE relationship. It is easier to make allowances or cut slack for someone that you love. I find I lose my "edge" when romantic love gets in the way. If I can't keep someone under the discipline they desire to have they will leave me anyways. This is just me and I'm in no way telling you how to live. Like you would listen to me anyways.

_____________________________

Melissa
Mistress of Ds Haven
www.dshaven.com

The person who says it can not be done, should not interrupt the person doing it. - Ancient Wisdom

(in reply to Faramir)
Profile   Post #: 50
RE: Collars & Rings - 10/5/2005 4:47:56 PM   
Faramir


Posts: 1043
Joined: 2/12/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Rover

You're right, we probably do see things differently. It's far to existential for me to accept that consensual relationships (as opposed to blood relatives) "just are". Makes it sound like they were pre-ordained, and we are all just pawns (without choice or self-direction) in life's great theater.

[snip]

Perhaps I'm fooling myself, but I prefer to think that I have greater choice, responsibility and influence in my own life (all of which are absent if it is simply "meant to be"). If so, I enjoy the delusion.

John


There is nothing in this relationship focused model that implies a belief in destiny or obviates choice. Our relationship is, in part because of the choices we have each made.

I believe neither in casuality nor destiny.

BTW, that's the first post I've read of yours where you were condescending (the "I prefer to think that I have greater choice, responsibility and influence in my own life," which is both self-adulation and an insult at the same time). I was surprised by that one line - usually you tend to argue the point at hand, which is something I've enjoyed about your posts in the past.

< Message edited by Faramir -- 10/5/2005 5:20:59 PM >

(in reply to Rover)
Profile   Post #: 51
RE: Collars & Rings - 10/5/2005 5:07:07 PM   
Faramir


Posts: 1043
Joined: 2/12/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: MistressMelissa

It is my belief that love can and will get in the way of a TPE relationship. It is easier to make allowances or cut slack for someone that you love. I find I lose my "edge" when romantic love gets in the way. If I can't keep someone under the discipline they desire to have they will leave me anyways. This is just me and I'm in no way telling you how to live. Like you would listen to me anyways.


You have a fairly common model of love and discipline - a single, linear contimuum with nurture (or love) at one end, and structure (or power) at the other end. That model makes love and power a kind of constant sum game. People who subscribe to this model think that love and power are a tradeoff - exactly what you articulated above.

I think that model is neither useful nor very accurate. I use the Marshak model, which sees nurture (or love) and structure (or power) as seperate continuua, lines or non-overlapping Venn diagrams. In that model, instead of sliding between no love and lots of power, or tons of power and no love, or a little power and some love, the two axies never intersect.

In the Marshak model, the level of nurture ranges from abuse to neglect at the extremes, with a healthy level of nurture in the middle, and in discipline from tyranny and indulgence at extremes with a healthy level of discipline in the middle.

I'm borrowing a child attachment model for use in a D/s context, so there are mods to the model - but the basic premise is incredibly useful (and true): since love and power are seperate, you can love fully and have power fully.

(in reply to MistressMelissa)
Profile   Post #: 52
RE: Collars & Rings - 10/5/2005 5:23:38 PM   
KatyLied


Posts: 13029
Joined: 2/24/2005
From: Pennsylvania
Status: offline
quote:

"meant to be"


Ah, John, you know I think you're a great guy.

But sometimes a girl likes to believe there's a bit of "meant to be".


(in reply to Faramir)
Profile   Post #: 53
RE: Collars & Rings - 10/5/2005 5:41:36 PM   
Rover


Posts: 2634
Joined: 6/28/2004
Status: offline 		It's not condescention, nor self-flattering (I really don't think that much of myself). Just sarcastic truth (and the point was well made, thus argued).

Sadly, some of my best material often loses its intended message in the sterile environment of the internet.

John

(in reply to Faramir)
Profile   Post #: 54
RE: Collars & Rings - 10/5/2005 5:51:19 PM   
Soulhuntre


Posts: 223
Joined: 9/29/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Faramir
I just wanted to share some good news. Tonight I proposed to SMS and she accepted (duh) and we are both just flying high (engagement to be married and no kids this weekend).


Congrats!

quote:

ORIGINAL: Faramir
I'm curious - how many other D/s or M/s couples here feel that a ring goes with a collar?


Personally? I don't think they are tied together at all. A collar to me means ownership and /or service and a wedding implies equality, partnership and a "peerspace" quality.

I do not feel that I need to marry those I own, nor woudl I need to own someone I married. Seperate things.

(in reply to Faramir)
Profile   Post #: 55
RE: Collars & Rings - 10/5/2005 10:23:53 PM   
Sub03


Posts: 600
Joined: 4/30/2005
Status: offline 		Congratulations!!!!! And what a beaultiful ring!!!!

me and my Master are engaged and are planning on getting married eventually just dont know exactly when yet.

(in reply to RiotGirl)
Profile   Post #: 56
RE: Collars & Rings - 10/6/2005 11:27:03 PM   
Phoenxx


Posts: 253
Joined: 1/1/2004
From: Swift Current
Status: offline 		A friend once said to me owning a slave is a lot like raising a child, except that you expect a child to take control away from you as they get older...
Saying that a divorce has less meaning then removing a collar seems a bit one sided to me. It depends on the people involved. For some neither hold any meaning.
I have seen people who wear their wedding rings for years after a divorce. My mother was one of them.
There are people who seem more interested in making notches in their bed posts then honouring their vows. Be it through a collar or a ring.
The only power either carries is what you put into it.
Has anyone ever wore a watch for years? And then had the strap break and not be able to get it repaired right away? You miss it. Somehow you feel undressed.
If you attach emotion to a ring, a collar or even a watch, it becomes part of you. It depends on how much power you give it.
One final thought. Each culture has it’s own ceremonies and traditions regarding marriage and divorce. And they have changed and evolved over time. There is no ONE TRUE way to express love or TPE. As long as it works for those who are practicing it, it seems a valid way to me. I feel that love most often strengthen control. After all, if you do not have an emotional reason for pleasing the person you are with, you can get a purely physical one anyone .. or even certain things .. and the things can be a lot cheaper… lol
If you express your feeling with a collar, a ring … or both… it is up to those involved to say which means more. And only them. After all, the rest of us are on the outside looking in…
Tony


< Message edited by Phoenxx -- 10/6/2005 11:33:07 PM >

(in reply to MistressMelissa)
Profile   Post #: 57
RE: Collars & Rings - 10/7/2005 7:54:18 PM   
BlueDevil


Posts: 39
Joined: 10/6/2005
Status: offline
quote:

One final thought. Each culture has it’s own ceremonies and traditions regarding marriage and divorce. And they have changed and evolved over time. There is no ONE TRUE way to express love or TPE. As long as it works for those who are practicing it, it seems a valid way to me. I feel that love most often strengthen control. After all, if you do not have an emotional reason for pleasing the person you are with, you can get a purely physical one anyone .. or even certain things .. and the things can be a lot cheaper… lol
If you express your feeling with a collar, a ring … or both… it is up to those involved to say which means more. And only them. After all, the rest of us are on the outside looking in…
Tony

< Message edited by Phoenxx -- 10/6/2005 11:33:07 PM >


I like the way this was written.

My only issue would be marrying a slave. While I no longer recognize marriage, since Congress decided to enter the judiciary and ill define love (I stole this from an episode of the West Wing) on the part of same sex partners, if I were to marry, it would be to an equal partner and a free person. If I loved her, I'd set her free. I would marry a submissive. As to rings/collars, the symbols you choose should mean something to you.

Congratulations, do what makes you happy.

(in reply to Phoenxx)
Profile   Post #: 58
RE: Collars & Rings - 10/20/2005 1:15:01 AM   
Phoenxx


Posts: 253
Joined: 1/1/2004
From: Swift Current
Status: offline
quote:



No. My daughter isn't "conditionally" my daughter. She is my daughter, and will be my daughter - the relationship simply is.



Just a quick point.. my father has disowned my sister. Now since I told him what I thought of him, I think I’m disowned too. Guess I’m not his son anymore…
Yes I know legally disown is not a term… but that doesn’t change the feelings involved…
For some people love is conditional… sad but true.
Tony

(in reply to Faramir)
Profile   Post #: 59
RE: Collars & Rings - 10/20/2005 1:32:43 AM   
MissDiandSirHugh


Posts: 1158
Joined: 8/11/2005
From: Goondiwindi ( Qld )
Status: offline 		Just adding our congratulations to you Faramir and SMS enjoy a long and fantastic future

(in reply to Faramir)
Profile   Post #: 60
Page:   <<   < prev  1 2 [3] 4   next >   >>
All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> General BDSM Discussion >> RE: Collars & Rings Page: <<   < prev  1 2 [3] 4   next >   >>
Jump to:





New Messages No New Messages
Hot Topic w/ New Messages Hot Topic w/o New Messages
Locked w/ New Messages Locked w/o New Messages
 Post New Thread
 Reply to Message
 Post New Poll
 Submit Vote
 Delete My Own Post
 Delete My Own Thread
 Rate Posts




Collarchat.com © 2025
Terms of Service Privacy Policy Spam Policy

0.109