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BDSM meets including phone - 3/7/2008 3:21:52 AM

LadyPact

Posts: 32566
Status: offline

I'm trying to phrase this so that it won't end up in the Random Stupidity section.

On several threads lately, I've noticed Myself giving the same repeated reply in regards to phone conversations. Often, a reference to phone calls is made prior to meeting someone for the first time, whether that be casually, or for play. Personally, I'm not a big phone person. I don't care for it in most situations. It isn't a prerequisite hearing someone's voice in order to play. I have a lot of things much higher on the criteria list than that.

Hearing a voice doesn't especially make someone authentic (I hesitate at using the word real, since I don't want THAT debate). It doesn't necessarily ensure that someone is female (there are better methods). It certainly doesn't guarantee anyone's experience level, tell you what type of play partner they will be, or add any other particular information, other than a point of contact should there be any obstacle to actually arrive at meeting.

This leads to My question. Exactly what is the hang up (bad pun) with the phone?

*** Disclaimer. The phone thing is not in reference to safe calls. It is merely a question about what the importance is of a phone conversation, prior to a meet.

_____________________________

The crowned Diva of Destruction. ~ ExT

Beach Ball Sized Lady Nuts. ~ TWD

Happily dating a new submissive. It's official. I've named him engie.

Please do not send me email here. Unless I know you, I will delete the email unread

Post #: 1

RE: BDSM meets including phone - 3/7/2008 3:43:13 AM

sexypet

Posts: 225
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline

i have a fairly sharp intuition about a person once speaking on the phone. A valuable, life saving skill.

Some men want to verify you are actually female.

_____________________________

This little girl just wants a Master. Just not any Master, that is.

(in reply to LadyPact)

Post #: 2

RE: BDSM meets including phone - 3/7/2008 3:44:17 AM

colouredin

Posts: 4279
Joined: 2/2/2007
Status: offline

I hate having to ring someone before hand, i always feel nervous on the phone anyways but i have had lots of people demand it (i guess you can tell ummmmmmmmmmmmm if they are actually a person and not a robot)

I think its all borne out of past disapointment and a need to be overly cautious (due to media hysteria) when we meet someone who could be an axe muderer/rapist etc as if they didnt exsist before the internet was around and suddenly there are loads of them and they are all after you specifically.

_____________________________

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There would be no gossip without secrets
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http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ELvfMJoKDAk

(in reply to LadyPact)

Post #: 3

RE: BDSM meets including phone - 3/7/2008 3:45:18 AM

colouredin

Posts: 4279
Joined: 2/2/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: sexypet

Some men want to verify you are actually female.

I nearly put this as a reason, but i dont think talking to someone on the phone verifies that

_____________________________

Resident Lime(y) Tart
There would be no gossip without secrets
I don't want to be anything other than what I've been trying to be lately

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ELvfMJoKDAk

(in reply to sexypet)

Post #: 4

RE: BDSM meets including phone - 3/7/2008 4:13:04 AM

Dnomyar

Posts: 7933
Joined: 6/27/2005
Status: offline

Op like you I am not a phone person. I never give my home phone out. I have had many women give me their phone number after just one on line chat. I have a mic and you can talk to me that way. If you have a cam all the better. If you want to talk meet me in person. I have met women where we have talked for about an hour and I have had a couple that we have talked nonstop for several hours.

(in reply to colouredin)

Post #: 5

RE: BDSM meets including phone - 3/7/2008 4:17:05 AM

LadyPact

Posts: 32566
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: colouredin

quote:

ORIGINAL: sexypet

Some men want to verify you are actually female.

I nearly put this as a reason, but i dont think talking to someone on the phone verifies that

Thank you for the convenience of being able to quote you both at once.

Yes, I understand those that want to confirm that I'm female. As I said in another thread, I update My main pic once every three months (or more frequently) or so. I think people from the forums have had the opportunity to realize that, yes, this is Me.

Even with that aside, I do think there are better methods. The idea of cam comes immediately to mind. I'm active in My local, and semi local communities, so it's easy enough for anyone to get a reference. (I've actually had folks do that.) There are probably at least 50 people that I've met f2f from this site, whether by accident or design. Not saying that I'm on intimate terms with all of them, but I'm pretty sure any of them would cop to the fact that I'm female.

I'm thinking there just have to be others out there, like Me, who don't especially care for the phone gig. Maybe I'm wrong.

_____________________________

The crowned Diva of Destruction. ~ ExT

Beach Ball Sized Lady Nuts. ~ TWD

Happily dating a new submissive. It's official. I've named him engie.

Please do not send me email here. Unless I know you, I will delete the email unread

(in reply to colouredin)

Post #: 6

RE: BDSM meets including phone - 3/7/2008 4:22:43 AM

RedMagic1

Posts: 6470
Joined: 5/10/2007
Status: offline

I insist on one phone conversation before meeting. I don't ask for pics, I don't ask to cam, and many of my online dates have involved me flying. "Trust but Verify."

Hell yeah, you can tell if someone's male or female. The voice isn't the clue. It's how she reacts and converses.

BTW, not asking for pics gets you bigtime points with the ladies. The last person I dated before I got involved with my lady friend was a former fetish model, who used to sell pics and other things online. I am sure she expected me, every single day, to want pics, because she hadn't posted a photo with her face. I didn't ask, and finally one day she wrote me a very nice letter about how much she appreciated my not asking, and she felt comfortable, so here were a few pics -- and they were, um, nice.

_____________________________

Not with envy, not with a twisted heart, shall you feel superior, or go about boasting. Rather in goodness by action make true your song and your word. Thus you shall be highly regarded, and able to live in peace with all others.
- 15th century Aztec

(in reply to Dnomyar)

Post #: 7

RE: BDSM meets including phone - 3/7/2008 4:30:58 AM

leakylee

Posts: 747
Joined: 7/2/2004
Status: offline

I am with RedMagic on this one. I dont really care for spending much time in im. I also have both my house line, and my cell. Very few people ever get my house line. I can think of about 4 that have it. But there is just something about conversing on the phone that increases my comfort level. i also am not real big on massive amounts of time before meets either.

Not doing long distance really helps with that. So in the end it all kinda works out.

_____________________________

I am so not right, that I left..

(in reply to RedMagic1)

Post #: 8

RE: BDSM meets including phone - 3/7/2008 4:33:44 AM

LadyPact

Posts: 32566
Status: offline

Cool story, Red. Thank you. Just another example of why things work differently for different people.

_____________________________

The crowned Diva of Destruction. ~ ExT

Beach Ball Sized Lady Nuts. ~ TWD

Happily dating a new submissive. It's official. I've named him engie.

Please do not send me email here. Unless I know you, I will delete the email unread

(in reply to RedMagic1)

Post #: 9

RE: BDSM meets including phone - 3/7/2008 4:46:59 AM

eyesopened

Posts: 2798
Joined: 6/12/2006
From: Tampa, FL
Status: offline

Like most things, timing is also important. Personally, i hate spending much time in IM after i have become interested. i like to hear a voice before meeting in real life. i get a 'feel' for the person, their communication styles and i can tell a lot about myself, how comfortable am i with talking to the person? If i find myself straining to speak, unable to make myself understood, etc, then perhaps an in-person meeting isn't going to go well. But that's just me.

i had one guy call me while i was at work. Because i give my cell number out to a variety of business contacts, i answered my cell even though it was a "unkown" number. When the guy identified himself and asked me "So....tell me about yourself" i explained that i was in the office and now was not a good time to talk but could i call him back? He immediately accused me of being just another fake and why did i give out my number if i wasn't able to talk. Sheesh. But then again, that short exchange told me all i really needed to know about potential compatibility.

_____________________________

Proudly owned by InkedMaster. He is the one i obey, serve, honor and love.

No one is honored for what they've received. Honor is the reward for what has been given.

(in reply to LadyPact)

Post #: 10

RE: BDSM meets including phone - 3/7/2008 4:49:41 AM

Aileen1968

Posts: 6062
Joined: 12/12/2007
From: I miss Shore, New Jersey
Status: offline

I'm not a phone person. I hate talking on the phone and never needed phone conversations before I met someone. The first time I would actually talk to someone I was meeting was usually the day of the first meeting to give them the room number I was in. I liked the excitement of meeting a stranger and to have a bunch of talks before hand took away that mystery.

_____________________________

(in reply to LadyPact)

Post #: 11

RE: BDSM meets including phone - 3/7/2008 4:53:55 AM

adoracat

Posts: 1779
Joined: 2/16/2007
Status: offline

me? i loathe the phone. abhore it. i get shy, then i stutter. its horribly uncomfortable for me. i adore my Daddy....and although we talked on the phone this week (computer lost its OS and it had to be beaten into submission by wolf), that was the first time we'd talked on the phone since the first part of december.

he's had my phone number for a year now. and we still dont talk over once a month on the phone....nearly every night by IM though.

kitten

(in reply to eyesopened)

Post #: 12

RE: BDSM meets including phone - 3/7/2008 4:56:49 AM

LadyPact

Posts: 32566
Status: offline

Thank you for those last two comments. I was beginning to think I was the only chick who didn't have the phone as a big priority.

_____________________________

The crowned Diva of Destruction. ~ ExT

Beach Ball Sized Lady Nuts. ~ TWD

Happily dating a new submissive. It's official. I've named him engie.

Please do not send me email here. Unless I know you, I will delete the email unread

(in reply to adoracat)

Post #: 13

RE: BDSM meets including phone - 3/7/2008 5:07:25 AM

Cyis75

Posts: 164
Joined: 8/31/2004
From: Georgia
Status: offline

For us, talking on the phone before we meet isn't a big deal. I'd say the actual meeting is as we've been down that road with flakes so we usually go along the belief of someone online is not real until we've met. We've got our pics out there and we're a couple so we'd even meet up the first time not knowing who we're looking for, but they would be able to recognize us. I mean how couldn't you miss a couple that both stand 6'+ sitting at a coffee shop or resturant. So we're quite identifable. Once we meet we might use the phone to stay in touch, much like we would email or IM but seeing how we never do anything the first time we meet someone except meet with them a phone call beforehand is really not necessary.

(in reply to LadyPact)

Post #: 14

RE: BDSM meets including phone - 3/7/2008 5:25:21 AM

Madame4a

Posts: 2045
Joined: 2/4/2008
From: Washington, DC area
Status: offline

I don't like the phone either, but I don't like chatting. I'm actually learning to moderate my dislike of both of those things in order to achieve a goal. I'm still not comfortable with either.

I have had people give me a phone number really quickly and I say "I'm not taking it right now".

Its one of many steps to getting to know someone and while its not a bad step, it is not one I care for.

(in reply to LadyPact)

Post #: 15

RE: BDSM meets including phone - 3/7/2008 5:26:01 AM

Dnomyar

Posts: 7933
Joined: 6/27/2005
Status: offline

I have had several women give me cell phones because I wouldnt give them my phone number. I leave them in the glove compartment of the truck. As my family and friends can attest to if you call me make it sort and to the point.

(in reply to Cyis75)

Post #: 16

RE: BDSM meets including phone - 3/7/2008 5:36:25 AM

DerangedUnit

Posts: 660
Joined: 2/23/2007
Status: offline

i despize phones lol in fact i dont think ive ever called someone without being told to lol its stange i dont know why i hate talking on phones so much i never know what to say im a much more physical then verbal person and never get nervous meeting people in person(though i like being afraid i get a high off of it heehee) just dont like phones shudder...unless people call me then its usually ok same with cams or messaging i never message first or go on cam first unless Master tells me to... phones are the worst though lol ok now that ive got that out of my system

(in reply to Dnomyar)

Post #: 17

RE: BDSM meets including phone - 3/7/2008 5:37:50 AM

amayos

Posts: 1553
Joined: 6/2/2004
From: New England
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyPact

Hearing a voice doesn't especially make someone authentic (I hesitate at using the word real, since I don't want THAT debate). It doesn't necessarily ensure that someone is female (there are better methods). It certainly doesn't guarantee anyone's experience level, tell you what type of play partner they will be, or add any other particular information, other than a point of contact should there be any obstacle to actually arrive at meeting.

This leads to My question. Exactly what is the hang up (bad pun) with the phone?

Disclaimer. The phone thing is not in reference to safe calls. It is merely a question about what the importance is of a phone conversation, prior to a meet.

Physical attractiveness is important, but even more so is the intelligence level and base personality type I prefer. It takes very little effort to plug into someone's head and ascertain these things through extended conversation. I think the phone is a perfect middle ground between meeting in pixel text and real life; it allows you to lay a basic groundwork of understanding and expectation before an in-the-flesh meeting.

< Message edited by amayos -- 3/7/2008 5:41:41 AM >

(in reply to LadyPact)

Post #: 18

RE: BDSM meets including phone - 3/7/2008 5:46:52 AM

Justme696

Posts: 3236
Joined: 1/7/2008
From: Royal kingdom of the Netherlands
Status: offline

I hate phone calls..normally......but the interactions is nicer then mails and sms. You can hear the emotions in the voice.
And my girl has a lovely sweet voice :D

< Message edited by Justme696 -- 3/7/2008 5:47:24 AM >

_____________________________

~Been there, done that, got the t-shirt

(in reply to amayos)

Post #: 19

RE: BDSM meets including phone - 3/7/2008 6:14:13 AM

AtlantaMistress

Posts: 276
Joined: 6/14/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyPact

quote:

ORIGINAL: colouredin

quote:

ORIGINAL: sexypet

Some men want to verify you are actually female.

I nearly put this as a reason, but i dont think talking to someone on the phone verifies that

Thank you for the convenience of being able to quote you both at once.

Yes, I understand those that want to confirm that I'm female. As I said in another thread, I update My main pic once every three months (or more frequently) or so. I think people from the forums have had the opportunity to realize that, yes, this is Me.

Even with that aside, I do think there are better methods. The idea of cam comes immediately to mind. I'm active in My local, and semi local communities, so it's easy enough for anyone to get a reference. (I've actually had folks do that.) There are probably at least 50 people that I've met f2f from this site, whether by accident or design. Not saying that I'm on intimate terms with all of them, but I'm pretty sure any of them would cop to the fact that I'm female.

I'm thinking there just have to be others out there, like Me, who don't especially care for the phone gig. Maybe I'm wrong.

LadyPact:

I, too, hate talking on the phone...however - I do feel it is necessary. Now, I am a Pro Domme - and do things a bit differently than what most Pro Dommes do. I won't bore the readers here (if you are interested - you can read my profile/journals). Bottom line - I don't see "do me" subs, but only those seeking the Power Exchange that will serve me, and we do what I want - the majority of boys I see, I see at least once a month, and develop very REAL D/s relationships with - even communicating between sessions. I am VERY selective with who I will see.

I do not use a cam - simply because I find that no different than the phone, not everyone has one, and when I did use mine for this, felt I always had to be dressed appropriately, with hair and make up done. I am known to run around the house in t-shirt, sweats, no make up, and my hair in a pony tail on top of my head. I have been asked for a phone call to verify I am female. I have a memory like an elephant (or a sponge) and we exchange many emails before I get to a phone call, and I ask certain questions. Once on the phone, I will use the information that they have given me, to see if it seems to "fit" when they don't have time for a thought out response. I have found that there are subs that will be telling me what they think I want to hear via email to get a session, and when the info doesn't jive by phone - I won't see them. Unfortunately, I had to learn this by experience. I wish I could say this is 100% effective - it is not, but it certainly has limited the amount of time I have wasted with subs I wouldn't have seen (or won't see again). I think also communication is a big part of chemistry, but no amount of emails or phone calls will really tell you if you will have chemistry.

_____________________________

Mistress Sandy

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
I'd rather be hated for something I am than loved for something I am not.

(in reply to LadyPact)

Post #: 20

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