RE: Communication!!!!!!??????????????

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RE: Communication!!!!!!?????????????? - 4/22/2007 12:29:25 PM

puella

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Very good to see you again, Master IronBear, btw.

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RE: Communication!!!!!!?????????????? - 4/22/2007 12:35:20 PM

SunNMoon

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Joined: 3/18/2007
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quote:

ORIGINAL: cariad

Greetings KnightofMists Sir:

my father always said "it's not what you say but how you say it." i have since learned to use words like "i feel," "i felt," thereby eliminating blame on the other person but instead taking responsibility for my own feelings.

recently i had to use the "i feel" with someone to communicate clearly what it was i was trying to say and although the other person totally misunderstood me until i explained why i was using the "i feel" scenario and after that things went much smoother than had i said "you make me feel," when speaking with him.

i try to do as another person posted .. listen, repeat what they said so that i can better understand what it is they are trying to say and if there is any miscommunication it helps clear it up on my end when i ask "so are you saying ..........?," or "if i am not mistaken you are saying..............?"

Blessed Be
cariad

Hello Cariad,

I so very much agree with the I-statements. Thank you for posting it.

Kat

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Post #: 42

RE: Communication!!!!!!?????????????? - 4/22/2007 1:14:58 PM

szobras

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In addition to many things I have read here that I find of value, I attempt to keep a few basic things in mind.
Think before I speak., What will best express my thoughts, feelings.
Am I prepared to conduct myself clearly ,with respect, and a thought through intent. My state of mind at the time. Responding opposed to reacting.
Do I fully understand what I am trying to convey before doing so?
Strange as it may sound, How many times do we become redundant in explanation with, "What I am trying to say is," or "I'm not really sure just how to explain.."
Who am I attempting to comunicate with? If possible, how do they best communicate?
As many different people and venues we communicate in. business, inimate, personal,online public, visual,ect...
What is thier sincere interest in what I am saying? Kyra raised a thought in her post of public speaking. In a specific venue, the audience may be expected to
to have an interest in what I am trying to communicate, though as many will know, it is not always the case. Thus the reason that body language may convey stronger than words, the eyes will see as individual thoughts may wonder to a far off place.
Timing. How apparent is it that both myself and those I am wanting to communicate with are open to the exchange and the subject matter.
Being honest in my communication. KOM, as you had stated, and I agree, it is more understanding, and being understood that makes the exchange effective.
I do not say "I understand", unless I do. If I am uncertain, I will say so, and/or respond with an example I think may validate it.
Being assured of another's understanding is on a different note. I do not think it is always possible as an absolute. Many times, it may require my patience, later validation, or even a little faith in thier honesty when someone said."Yes. I understand."

< Message edited by szobras -- 4/22/2007 1:20:33 PM >

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Post #: 43

RE: Communication!!!!!!?????????????? - 4/22/2007 1:20:58 PM

KnightofMists

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quote:

ORIGINAL: puella

quote:

ORIGINAL: KnightofMists

Communication is not measured by how well we speak/write.... but by how well we understand and are understood!

And perhaps, how much we want and are willing to hear.

yes... thanks for adding this!!! Listening is very much a critical part to the whole communication process.

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An Optimal relationship is achieved when the individuals do what is best for themselves and their relationship.

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Post #: 44

RE: Communication!!!!!!?????????????? - 4/22/2007 6:36:34 PM

kyraofMists

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quote:

ORIGINAL: truesub4u

Afternoon KoM.. long time no see there. I have a question for your post here.

I agree with the last statement you made in you post. But... with an added exception. The other day I was reading a thread on here about asking questions and bottoming from the top.

So if there's suppose to be all this communication... and "understanding".... where does one fall?

I'm a curious little shit. If I do not understand something.. someone.. i'm gonna ask questions. So that I can understand what the conversation is really about. Because I'm not one to beat around the bush, I'm gonna stomp right thru it to get the answers.

So my question to you...and the others on this topic.. is this.. when the line of communication is opened, but you're not understanding everything being said "what is totally required of you, do and don'ts... etc..." is it wrong to question...so as to understand?...And if it's not..why do some get so mad about it? And if it's is wrong.... why?

Not trying to reopen other thread... just trying to understand this "communication" topic. Because it seems we're damned if we do...and damned if we don't.

Welcome back, true...

He is a little busy with work at the moment and told me to answer your question from my perspective in a relationship with him. He will fill in anything that I miss later.

In my relationship questions are encouraged, wanted and expected. If I do not understand something then I am required to seek clarification. When given a direct order I am required to know what, where, when and how before carrying out his instructions. In other things, there is no question that I am not allowed to ask. However, I have to ask in an appropriate manner and I also have to handle whatever answer I get in an appropriate way.

As long as I maintain appropriate behavior while asking and while receiving the answer, then I am encouraged to ask whatever question comes to mind. Part of that appropriate behavior is asking directly and not beating around the bush. However, direct is not abrasive or pushy... It can sometimes be a fine line to ask a question directly without coming across as hostile or defensive. It isn't something that I always succeed at doing but I am expected to try.

Knight's kyra

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"Passion... it lies in all of us. Sleeping, waiting, and though unbidden, it will stir, open its jaws, and howl. It speaks to us, guides us... passion rules us all. And we obey..." ~Angelus

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RE: Communication!!!!!!?????????????? - 4/24/2007 9:31:01 AM

denika

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As most know, my line of work is all about communication. Unfortunatly my medics,firefighters,police and even the callers don't have the luxery of seeing body language,I am just a voice on the phone/radio. We are trained how to use the inflection of our speech to calm a frantic caller. The last things my medics need to hear is panic in my voice when I am dispatching them on a call.

But that is the work enviroment,with people I know it's diffrent, they can see me. Some people make me incredibly nervious to speak to, others can't get me to shut up. Rob and I don't yell or rant at each other, we have the background of time to know each other's body language as well as words. He knows that I have a hard time speaking on some issues so I write them out, I write him letters and sit beside him while he reads what I know if I tried to speak I would stutter and miss the message.
The hardest thing for me to do is ask for something. I'm not afraid of hearing the answer, it is the simple act of saying 'I need or want something' I find it incredibly uncomfortable, whenever I have to ask, I feel selfish or self centered and it is something I am working on. Communication is more than words, and poorly done can end a relationship before it begins.

Rob can tell when I have had a horrible day just by my body language when I come in the door, that is a form of communication, lucky for me he is an active and avid listener to the unspoken word.

denika

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Post #: 46