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Depression has hit - 9/24/2005 12:42:19 PM   
SoCalSub1


Posts: 8
Joined: 9/24/2005
Status: offline 		i have made this profile so that i could seek some advice without upseting my Master, as my Master reasds these boards.

i have always been the kind of person who lets things build up inside me. i tend to let things go unresolved within me. If things do not get better for me it can hit me like a rock and i will become depressed, extremely angry and a feeling of worthlessness. i have been collared now for about 6 months and has done everything told to please my Master.

i feel the most important part of this lifestyle is communication. As a submissive i feel i am entitled to that. i would like to be sat down and told what areas i am doing well in and what areas need improvement. i would like to be able to discuss my fears as well as my joys in this lifestyle. i also want to know that i have goals to reach and that i am headed into the right direction. i need my Master to be there for me. To guide me and care for me physically and mentally.

Since being collared there hasn't been one sit down discussion. i have wondered as to why this past 6 months but i just continued doing as i was told. So needless to say this feeling of having an important area of the relationship missing has built up inside me.

i cracked. And i cracked hard. i have now become very angy, sad to the point that i cry daily, depressed, and feel like nothing but a dissapointment to my Master.

Am i not as good as my Master makes me to be. Master cannot understand why i am depressed even after i have stated why. i need Master soooooo much that it is hurting me inside.

i am sorry to all, but i need to talk to someone as i have no one to talk to.
Profile   Post #: 1
RE: Depression has hit - 9/24/2005 1:15:32 PM   
BlkTallFullfig


Posts: 5585
Joined: 6/25/2004
Status: offline 		I'm sorry you are feeling this way, but it sounds to me like your master is kind, caring and worried about you, so why don't you PLEASE request a sit down/talk through session immediately, and regular ones thereafter?
Unless I misunderstood something, he sounds available to you, just unable to read your mind and decipher your needs without your telling him (human). M

< Message edited by BlkTallFullfig -- 9/24/2005 1:16:54 PM >

_____________________________

a.k.a. SexyBossyBBW
""Touching was, and still is, and will always be, the true revolution" Nikki Giovanni

(in reply to SoCalSub1)
Profile   Post #: 2
RE: Depression has hit - 9/24/2005 1:42:11 PM   
smilezz


Posts: 2156
Joined: 6/18/2004
Status: offline
quote:

have made this profile so that i could seek some advice without upseting my Master, as my Master reasds these boards.

Is it your place to hide how you feel from your Master? Would he not want to know all this?
quote:

i feel the most important part of this lifestyle is communication
It is essential that both people have this.....sit down with him and talk...and talk about everything.
quote:

Since being collared there hasn't been one sit down discussion. i have wondered as to why this past 6 months but i just continued doing as i was told. So needless to say this feeling of having an important area of the relationship missing has built up inside me.

How would your Master knows how you feel if you can not ask/tell?
quote:

i cracked. And i cracked hard. i have now become very angy, sad to the point that i cry daily, depressed, and feel like nothing but a dissapointment to my Master.

Again i ask: how do you know you are a dissapointment to him if he has no idea what is going on? Are you the one assigning power here?
quote:

Am i not as good as my Master makes me to be. Master cannot understand why i am depressed even after i have stated why. i need Master soooooo much that it is hurting me inside.

Of course he can not understand....he has no idea what is wrong.
quote:

i am sorry to all, but i need to talk to someone as i have no one to talk to.

Don't be sorry, everyone needs someone to speak with....the problem i see is that you are seeking advice from people you don't even know...when honestly, you need to get rid of this hidden nic you have and go present yourself to your Master and talk.

I do hope you feel better...

~smilezz~


_____________________________

=It's not my fault that when I was a baby I was dropped in a box of Glitter & I have been shinin' ever since=

�*:-.,_,.-:* � �*:-.,_,.-:* � �*:-.,_,.-:* � �*:-.,_,-:* �

(in reply to SoCalSub1)
Profile   Post #: 3
RE: Depression has hit - 9/24/2005 1:42:11 PM   
KatyLied


Posts: 13029
Joined: 2/24/2005
From: Pennsylvania
Status: offline 		If one person in the relationship is unhappy, there is a problem. I agree, you need to have a sit down and the sooner the better.

(in reply to BlkTallFullfig)
Profile   Post #: 4
RE: Depression has hit - 9/24/2005 2:00:35 PM   
OsideGirl


Posts: 14441
Joined: 7/1/2005
From: United States
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: SoCalSub1

i feel the most important part of this lifestyle is communication. As a submissive i feel i am entitled to that. i would like to be sat down and told what areas i am doing well in and what areas need improvement. i would like to be able to discuss my fears as well as my joys in this lifestyle.

Since being collared there hasn't been one sit down discussion. i have wondered as to why this past 6 months but i just continued doing as i was told. So needless to say this feeling of having an important area of the relationship missing has built up inside me.


He's a Dominant, not a psychic. You have to give some input regarding your needs and feelings. If you need sit down discussions, then you need to tell him about it. Most men tend not to analyze their relationships. In their minds it's either working or not . Whereas, women tend to want to talk about the relationship. So, without specifically requesting a "Let's talk about our relationship" session, how was he to know that you needed it?

I can understand why he doesn't understand at this point. It has been festering in you for a long time, but you put forth a happy, nothing is wrong face and believed it. Now, you've reached a point where you can't do that and it's a huge deal. He's at the beginning of the process and you're at the end of the process. So, now he's wondering why it's such a huge issue now....since to him the issue has just started.

I would also guess that because you're so upset, things are not coming out logically. I would suggest writing things down. Pour everything out on paper, get it out. Then wait a few hours, a day, whatever length of time you need and then go back re-read what you've written. Take out the emotional stuff and leave the logic. Then you can sit down, talk to him and present it in an orderly manner.



_____________________________

Give a girl the right shoes and she will conquer the world. ~ Marilyn Monroe

The Accelerated Velocity of Terminological Inexactitude

(in reply to SoCalSub1)
Profile   Post #: 5
RE: Depression has hit - 9/24/2005 2:10:09 PM   
nonuts4thshoney


Posts: 550
Joined: 6/12/2005
From: Southern California
Status: offline 		i am sorry that you are feeling this way

< Message edited by nonuts4thshoney -- 9/24/2005 2:11:34 PM >

(in reply to OsideGirl)
Profile   Post #: 6
RE: Depression has hit - 9/24/2005 2:31:09 PM   
FLButtSlut


Posts: 344
Joined: 3/17/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: SoCalSub1

i have made this profile so that i could seek some advice without upseting my Master, as my Master reasds these boards.

i have always been the kind of person who lets things build up inside me. i tend to let things go unresolved within me. If things do not get better for me it can hit me like a rock and i will become depressed, extremely angry and a feeling of worthlessness. i have been collared now for about 6 months and has done everything told to please my Master.

i feel the most important part of this lifestyle is communication. As a submissive i feel i am entitled to that. i would like to be sat down and told what areas i am doing well in and what areas need improvement. i would like to be able to discuss my fears as well as my joys in this lifestyle. i also want to know that i have goals to reach and that i am headed into the right direction. i need my Master to be there for me. To guide me and care for me physically and mentally.

Since being collared there hasn't been one sit down discussion. i have wondered as to why this past 6 months but i just continued doing as i was told. So needless to say this feeling of having an important area of the relationship missing has built up inside me.

i cracked. And i cracked hard. i have now become very angy, sad to the point that i cry daily, depressed, and feel like nothing but a dissapointment to my Master.

Am i not as good as my Master makes me to be. Master cannot understand why i am depressed even after i have stated why. i need Master soooooo much that it is hurting me inside.

i am sorry to all, but i need to talk to someone as i have no one to talk to.


I know that you are worried about upsetting her, and understand that things have likely been rough lately. You told your master why you were depressed and she didn't understand. When we care so deeply for someone, it can be devastating when they don't understand what we are trying to say.

It seems from your post that there has not been enough communication from the start, and you, perhaps because you are new at being a slave, did not know how to let your master know that you needed to talk. It is a very difficult position to be in, needing to communicate, but not knowing how or even IF it is an acceptable thing to do in the dynamic of the relationship.

But now everyone is aware that there is a problem that needs to be addressed, so you at least have that going for you. It is obvious from your post that you do not want to lose your master, but at the same time are at a loss as to how to tell her what is wrong in a way that she can understand. It is very common what you are experiencing. Everyone interprets something they are being told in their own way (kind of like the child's game of "telephone"). So your master asks you what is wrong, and you tell her how you are feeling. She in turn doesn't understand what you are saying, yet you just don't really know HOW to restate what is wrong differently so she can understand. So now, you have bottled things up for an unbearable length of time, which has caused resentment and when you can't manage to communicate in a way that will be understood by your master, it just makes things worse.

It isn't as difficult as it seems, if you will take a deep breath, wipe your tears, and blow your nose. Obviously, both you and your master know that you need to work through this issue. So now you and master need to address the problem again. You are NOT trying to take control by asking her what it is about your explanation of how you are feeling that she doesn't understand. All you are trying to do is find out what she isn't understanding so that you can hopefully explain it better.

Communication is the key in ANY relationship, and whether some folks here like it or not, sometimes a master and slave need communicate as two people in a relationship, not as a master and slave. You and your master are in a relationship that happens to have an M/s dynamic. That M/s dynamic cannot survive if you can't communicate about the relationship. It is like a catch 22 that will go around and around. In your situation, one can not survive without the other.

Hiding things is never the answer. Your relationship with master can not be resolved on the message boards. It can only be resolved between you and her by way of open communication that does NOT involve everyone else's opinions. We are not living your relationship, only you and she are. Let her know what has been missing for you (communication) and work together to find a way to resolve that problem.

Hopefully, you both will begin to understand each other better after that.

Good luck.

(in reply to SoCalSub1)
Profile   Post #: 7
RE: Depression has hit - 9/24/2005 2:34:00 PM   
RainGod


Posts: 230
Joined: 7/11/2005
From: Hendersonville, NC
Status: offline 		SoCalSub1 writes:

quote:

Since being collared there hasn't been one sit down discussion. i have wondered as to why this past 6 months but i just continued doing as i was told. So needless to say this feeling of having an important area of the relationship missing has built up inside me.


"If the mountain will not come to Mohammed, Mohammed must go to the mountain."

A very versitile and useful saying. Here it would apply in the fact that you may not be able to depend on your Dom to initiate these sit-downs. Doms are a lot of things, but as far as I know, not many of Us can read minds. In My opinion, yes, you do have a right to open and completely honest communication with Him. So don't be afraid to go to Him and say you need some of His time. Be vocal about what is in your heart, though, and not what is in your head. Look into His eyes and calmly voice your need on whatever subject it is without your head telling you He will not understand. Give Him the chance to hear you and understand. I think you might be surprised the relief it can bring.

(in reply to SoCalSub1)
Profile   Post #: 8
RE: Depression has hit - 9/24/2005 3:46:58 PM   
kyraofMists


Posts: 3292
Joined: 7/29/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: SoCalSub1

i have made this profile so that i could seek some advice without upseting my Master, as my Master reasds these boards.

i have always been the kind of person who lets things build up inside me. i tend to let things go unresolved within me. If things do not get better for me it can hit me like a rock and i will become depressed, extremely angry and a feeling of worthlessness. i have been collared now for about 6 months and has done everything told to please my Master.



I read your post and the above resonated with me, so much so that I said to my Lord, see this post, but I didn't write that. He just smiled and said nope, we talk all the time.

Many years ago, I was diagnosed with major depressive disorder. It took a lot of work to get through that time in my life. Even now, I have to make a consistent effort to not fall into destructive patterns of behavior and thoughts. Some days are harder than others and some days take no effort at all. If you really think that you are depressed, or if the symptoms you describe have lasted for more than 2 weeks, then go to a licensed therapist. They have the training and tools so that they can help you help yourself. And that is the real key; you have to do the work. No one can help you if you are not going to help yourself.

One of the things that I have difficulty with is that I suppress my emotions. Through many hours of reflection, I am finding that this is the starting point of my struggles. I suppress painful emotions and then eventually they build up and the issue becomes larger than if I had dealt with it right away. Well, not suppressing my emotions is easier said than done. With my Lord's and alandra's help I am getting much better at this.

I have been very lucky in that my Lord and I talk constantly. I would like to say that we always do it well, but there are many times when one or the other is not listening or not communicating correctly. We are both learning how to effectively communicate with each other, learning what works and what doesn't. But we are doing it together and are both committed to improving ourselves within the relationship.

I echo the previous advice that you need to sit down and talk with you Master. How can he know what is wrong if you do not speak up. My first priority is that I have to protect my Lord's property, i.e. me. Even if that means I have to protect me from Him. If something is happening that is hurting me or harming my well-being then I have to tell Him. If I have a need that is not being met, then I have to speak up.

You make the statement about not upsetting your Master. Ask yourself this, what would upset him more, you allowing a situation to continue despite that it is hurtful to you so as not to upset him or talking to him about what is wrong so he can decide what steps need to be taken to make the relationship fulfilling for both of you? For my Lord, I know unequivocally that He would be more upset over me keeping things to myself.

I hope that me sharing some of my issues has helped.


Knight's kyra

(in reply to SoCalSub1)
Profile   Post #: 9
RE: Depression has hit - 9/24/2005 4:08:01 PM   
harmony3709


Posts: 292
Joined: 11/15/2004
Status: offline 		For me, just the act of saying, "Master can we talk?" is enough to alert him to something that needs to be discussed. Once the door is opened, I find it difficult not to tell him what is wrong or how I am feeling.

Although we do not have a formal time or setting for open discussions or questions or concerns, I know of some who do. For example, every Monday at 7:00 and possibly both seated on the couch in the living room or kitchen table or somewhere that a submissive would feel comfortable bringing up concerns or asking questions.

However you chose to have your sit-down discussions or open conversations, the first step is going to have to be to inform your Master that you need to do that. Often the hardest, believe me, I know, but as others have said, a Dominant is not a mind reader and as stated so often..........communicate, communicate, communicate.

Blessed be,
harmony

(in reply to SoCalSub1)
Profile   Post #: 10
RE: Depression has hit - 9/25/2005 12:05:51 AM   
NakedOnMyChain


Posts: 2431
Joined: 11/29/2004
From: Indiana
Status: offline 		I think an excellent start would be to tell your master exactly what you just told all of us. We can provide you with good advice and a caring shoulder, but we can only help you so far along. Your master really needs to know how you feel. It's unhealthy to let those emotions build up for so long inside. I know how it feels. It's sad, it's angry, and it's lonely. There is a distinct possibility that he has no clue that you want that kind of openness. When you tell him it will be like extracting poison from a wound. Not to mention telling him how you feel is the first step to opening the lines of communication to make way for other meaningful conversations. Good luck to you! I wish you the best.

_____________________________

"Oh, it's torture, but I'm almost there."
~The Cure

"I ask for so little. Just fear me, love me, do as I say, and I will be your slave."
~The Labyrinth

(in reply to SoCalSub1)
Profile   Post #: 11
RE: Depression has hit - 9/25/2005 1:10:48 AM   
Awakener


Posts: 88
Joined: 9/18/2005
Status: offline 		When you say you stated what was wrong but the problem still persists, what exactly did you say?
Communication is key, your are right and have the right. But I don't think you will get any good advice untill we know just where the communication breakdown is.
Many here assume it is you, but without knowing just what you have told Master, well it could be either or both.
So elaborate, if you can.

Personally what attracts me to all this is greater communication, and emotional joining. If I could not get that, i would not see the point.

(in reply to NakedOnMyChain)
Profile   Post #: 12
RE: Depression has hit - 9/25/2005 2:35:07 AM   
SoCalSub1


Posts: 8
Joined: 9/24/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Awakener

When you say you stated what was wrong but the problem still persists, what exactly did you say?
Communication is key, your are right and have the right. But I don't think you will get any good advice untill we know just where the communication breakdown is.
Many here assume it is you, but without knowing just what you have told Master, well it could be either or both.
So elaborate, if you can.

Personally what attracts me to all this is greater communication, and emotional joining. If I could not get that, i would not see the point.


i told Master that i would like to have sit down discussions about the lifestyle. We have never done this. This is why things have built up inside me. When i asked i was told that this would never happen. That he cannot have sit down discussions and if we were to do that then he doesnt even want to life this lifestyle because he doesnt want to fight with me and feel trapped when having them. So i asked if i could communicate through emails and he said yes. So i guess it has been resolved. i now have a way of speaking to him where he is comfotable.

(in reply to Awakener)
Profile   Post #: 13
RE: Depression has hit - 9/25/2005 6:27:40 AM   
smilezz


Posts: 2156
Joined: 6/18/2004
Status: offline 		*throws hands up in the air*

< Message edited by smilezz -- 9/25/2005 6:28:58 AM >

_____________________________

=It's not my fault that when I was a baby I was dropped in a box of Glitter & I have been shinin' ever since=

�*:-.,_,.-:* � �*:-.,_,.-:* � �*:-.,_,.-:* � �*:-.,_,-:* �

(in reply to SoCalSub1)
Profile   Post #: 14
RE: Depression has hit - 9/25/2005 10:21:00 AM   
Awakener


Posts: 88
Joined: 9/18/2005
Status: offline 		Uh....to me it seems you both have very different ideas about what is needed/expected/wanted in this lifestyle. This is not solved.
Your needs....at least in my opinion...should not be completely suppressed by master. This just feels all wrong.
How can Master ever open up, ever be complete, if your soul is not allowed to be present.

(in reply to smilezz)
Profile   Post #: 15
RE: Depression has hit - 9/25/2005 10:30:09 AM   
mnottertail


Posts: 60698
Joined: 11/3/2004
Status: offline 		I am with what I percieve to be smilezzzzzzzzzzs opinion (I didn't know how to make the pluperfect participle of that, sorry smilezz)

You better love the bastard, cause after all is said and done.......

If I believe any of this anyway........
I only see your perception on the subject, but you can not communicate face-to-face about hard issues; you must solicit an opinion here and he reads it......is this for everything,
do you keep a journal?

Love will clean alot of shit, but it don't make the world go 'round, regardless of what your favorite song lyric is...........

Ron


_____________________________

Have they not divided the prey; to every man a damsel or two? Judges 5:30


(in reply to smilezz)
Profile   Post #: 16
RE: Depression has hit - 9/25/2005 11:11:01 AM   
SoCalSub1


Posts: 8
Joined: 9/24/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Awakener

Uh....to me it seems you both have very different ideas about what is needed/expected/wanted in this lifestyle. This is not solved.
Your needs....at least in my opinion...should not be completely suppressed by master. This just feels all wrong.
How can Master ever open up, ever be complete, if your soul is not allowed to be present.



i really do wish that we could have sit downs. it would mean so much to me but he completely refuses. in fact i was even told not to ask for anything and that if i do he will do the opposite. i am saddened that i have to communicate through emails only. There is nothing i can do to change this and i cannot ask because he will say no and i dont want the priviledge of communicating through emails taken away. i just wish there was a way to convince him how very important that this is too me. it seems that asking made it worse.

(in reply to Awakener)
Profile   Post #: 17
RE: Depression has hit - 9/25/2005 11:40:52 AM   
KatyLied


Posts: 13029
Joined: 2/24/2005
From: Pennsylvania
Status: offline 		You need to re-evaluate this relationship. You have needs too. They are obviously not being met. And you are not asking for too much here.


edited for grammar, argh

< Message edited by KatyLied -- 9/25/2005 11:41:39 AM >

(in reply to SoCalSub1)
Profile   Post #: 18
RE: Depression has hit - 9/25/2005 12:28:56 PM   
SoCalSub1


Posts: 8
Joined: 9/24/2005
Status: offline 		This morning i was asked what was wrong when i woke up and i was just in a quiet mood. ya know, i just woke up. As the morning progressed and i saw him reading the boards i became angry but kept it to myself. He noticed something was wrong before leaving for work and asked me to tell the truth about what was wrong. So i said that i was feeling anger inside about not haveing face to face communication. And He got very angry with me and said i thought we resolved this with now communicating through emails. i said yes i'm happy that i have a way of communicating to you but i still feel anger about it. i was told that he will not go through this everyday with me and that if i continue he will just end up taking my collar off. This is what i got just for telling him how i feel. i am so sad. Please all forgive me for my saddness on the boards, but i dont know where else to turn.

(in reply to KatyLied)
Profile   Post #: 19
RE: Depression has hit - 9/25/2005 12:35:29 PM   
mnottertail


Posts: 60698
Joined: 11/3/2004
Status: offline 		35 years old and a lesbian.........
I mean I got THAT right, don't I?



_____________________________

Have they not divided the prey; to every man a damsel or two? Judges 5:30


(in reply to SoCalSub1)
Profile   Post #: 20
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