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RE: How can you spot a fake Dom? - 3/9/2008 6:14:01 AM   
stella41b


Posts: 4258
Joined: 10/16/2007
From: SW London (UK)
Status: offline 		This is a very good question. There are ways of spotting fake Doms. As many people are aware, most fake Doms originate from Nigeria and China, but a surprising number of fake Doms also come from Russia and a little village 5 miles on the Spanish side of Andorra. Just drive 5 miles into Spain and look for a white house on the left with a billy goat outside. In the house you will find Carlos, and he will make all the necessary arrangements.

But a fake Dom isn't cheap. Prices start at 15,000 Euro (25,000 for a very realistic looking Gorean Master) and go right up to as much as 500,000 Euro for an all-American Daddy type of Master, complete with a very authentic West Coast accent.

But Chief Inspector Igor Spistov of the Unweal Master Department of Moscow City Police who has been detecting fake Doms for seven years warns of the dangers of entering into a relationship with a fake Dom. "Fake Doms tell lies," claims the Chief Inspector," they have problems filling out profiles on sites such as Collarme but may also come with a fake profile for which the criminals charge extra. They also rarely have a clue what they're doing, they have no concept of limits, and there's also the unfortunate incident of the penis becoming separated from the body at the most unexpected moment."

Spistov also mentions the increased availability and popularity of fake American Daddy Doms since 2002. Apparently organized criminals started kidnapping President Bush's aides and political advisors and brainwashing them into fake Doms. "These people were very popular," explains Spistov, "as it was proven they could be easily brainwashed and if the President of the United States believed them, then many other people would too."

However there are signs you can detect to know if a Dom is fake or not, including:

1. If the Dom in question has hazel or green eyes, the right eye might be 1/16th of an inch higher than the left eye.

2. There may be gaps in the teeth.

3. The hair might be a wig stapled or super-glued onto the head, or in some extreme cases it might even be a toupee of a slightly different colour to the rest of the hair.

4. The Biceps Test. Gently squeeze either of the biceps in the centre. When you do this, a fake Dom will break wind.

5. Slap one of the cheeks hard. The head might fall off.

6. The fake Dom might be incapable of having an erection.

7. Listen to what the fake Dom says and read carefully what he writes. There may be unusual references to wardrobes, howler monkeys, Swiss cheese and donkeys.

8. The most common sign is he describes himself as a real or true Dom.

I hope this helps.

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RE: How can you spot a fake Dom? - 3/9/2008 6:16:07 AM   
GreedyTop


Posts: 52100
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RE: How can you spot a fake Dom? - 3/9/2008 10:00:39 AM   
catize


Posts: 3020
Joined: 3/7/2006
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quote:

8. The most common sign is he describes himself as a real or true Dom.   


 
9.  The D tattooed on his/her chest washes off in the shower


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RE: How can you spot a fake Dom? - 3/9/2008 10:06:07 AM   
domahpet


Posts: 1505
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Status: offline 		stella, THAT was AMAZING!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

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RE: How can you spot a fake Dom? - 3/9/2008 11:01:53 AM   
CelticPrince


Posts: 3613
Joined: 4/15/2005
Status: offline
quote:

Hi, I'm very new to all of this and am finding it very confusing and an absolute roller-coaster of emotions. I'm looking for a real life D/s relationship. I was inundated by messages from all sorts but after a few days liked a certain man enough to meet up, I felt instantly comfortable with him. But now I'm freaking out as I've got a nasty feeling that I've made another mistake - and its really hurting. I'm feeling very disallusioned and just don't know what to do. Should I call him on it - voice my doubts or wait to see if anything else happens to make me doubt, I don't know. I've read the advice saying to take your time and get to know the man and I know I trust far too easily. I believe what people tell me - especially when its said face-to-face. I am totally honest and upfront so find it hard to recognise when someone isn't. Now I'm thinking that I've just been played with again. That makes it twice I've been taken in - and I am seriously doubting my ability to judge - and don't know how to go forward from here. I'm feeling very vulnerable and am not sure how I can protect myself. Any advice will be gratefully listened to. Didn't mean to be so long-winded!


Veexen,

Yours is a well worn story, they look good on the screen and might sound good on the phone, then comes the realizations //. whoops

Simply pur, you chose not to put in the necessary times to vet a pussy hound.
Instead of waiting for mr. Right finding you, why not review the profiles of those that meet your criteria and send them a note.

CP

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RE: How can you spot a fake Dom? - 3/9/2008 11:19:04 AM   
solia


Posts: 115
Joined: 8/1/2004
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quote:

ORIGINAL: Veexen

Hi, I'm very new to all of this and am finding it very confusing and an absolute roller-coaster of emotions.  I'm looking for a real life D/s relationship.  I was inundated by messages from all sorts but after a few days liked a certain man enough to meet up, I felt instantly comfortable with him.  But now I'm freaking out as I've got a nasty feeling that I've made another mistake - and its really hurting.  I'm feeling very disallusioned and just don't know what to do.  Should I call him on it - voice my doubts or wait to see if anything else happens to make me doubt, I don't know.   I've read the advice saying to take your time and get to know the man and I know I trust far too easily.  I believe what people tell me - especially when its said face-to-face.  I am totally honest and upfront so find it hard to recognise when someone isn't.  Now I'm thinking that I've just been played with again.  That makes it twice I've been taken in - and I am seriously doubting my ability to judge - and don't know how to go forward from here.  I'm feeling very vulnerable and am not sure how I can protect myself.  Any advice will be gratefully listened to.  Didn't mean to be so long-winded!



You've met and now you have regrets. But you like him and don't want to exactly quit just yet.  Follow your gut.  Absolutely 'call him on it.'  Don't move forward with him until you've voiced your concerns and desires to slow down.  If he doesn't HEAR you and ABIDE by your wishes ~ walk or run to safety.  This man is not a true man (nevermind the dom part) and not considerate of your needs ~ which in my mind is important in any kind of relationship. Always remember that you do have that absolute hard limit of walking away without repercussions.  Don't listen to stupid guilt trips.  Any sentence beginning with 'but I'm the dom/master/dumbass in tight spandex..' is simply coming from the mouth of a jackass. 

Next time, take along a friend.  Someone you can trust with your interests to give you another view of the man.  If he/she thinks he's a twit .. even though he talks a good talk .. probably a good idea to listen to the friend.  Do your best not to get blinded by the cuffs and whips, exciting yes, desirable yes, but if you don't trust the guy ~ would you really want to let him tie you up and do stuff to you that could harm you permanently? 

Don't feel bad about this .. it happens to the dominants too.  It really does!  You meet, think it's the nicest, greatest person ever to be born, then the truth comes out ~ they were just looking for a free ride/rent/kink...dinner.   Pseudodelic hit the nail on the head with his comment: 'Sometimes they are not fake they just don't behave as you expect. There are as many different types of Dom as there are people and the same goes for subs. Just because they do not follow a perceived stereotype it does not mean that they are fake necessarily just incompatible. Sometimes things just go wrong. Such is life and I have been hurt too despite being a Dom. We are not all made of stone and steel you know.' This is an incredibly wise note .. makes that thing called communication jump right to the forefront.   Like interests are important and to find that out, communication has to happen.  No harm and no foul if there's no common ground. 

Here's an idea ~ one I've used.  Put his name out there.  Find out if someone knows him in real life.  What's his reputation?  If he's legit, he shouldn't mind this a bit.  I've done it myself.  Don't necessarily do it publicly on this forum but ask of those who've responded to your question whose comments you like in an email to them.  It's amazing how small this community becomes. We really do care about each other's safety.

Personally, I have a lot of interests so I can be attracted to one person for their needle sticking abilities and to another for their flogging abilities.  I've yet to find that one 'all inclusive' soul that matches me on all levels. I've taken a long time in getting to know some and others, the same day I've met them, I've asked them to do something to me.  I followed my gut every time.  After all, I have to be able to walk away in one piece no matter what.

Good luck Veexen *smiles* we really do have to kiss a lot of toads to find the prince made for us.

< Message edited by solia -- 3/9/2008 11:35:50 AM >

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RE: How can you spot a fake Dom? - 3/9/2008 11:37:30 AM   
lusciouslips19


Posts: 9792
Joined: 9/8/2007
Status: offline 		I am suprised no one mentioned this but within 1 week or even a few more you should not be under consideration of anyone. Would you be engaged to a man you never met in person? Under  a collar of consideration, with someone staking claim to you without you knowing each other is foolish. how many others wear his"collar of consideration"? Did you know when I was here my first week, I was asked to waer a collar of consideration in a first e-mail? At this point you should be investigating, finding out character, and checking his statements and info given, just making sure he is who he says he is. leave this whole 'consideration collar thing where it belongs. if this isnt a mutual decision in life, I dont know what is.

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RE: How can you spot a fake Dom? - 3/9/2008 11:46:45 AM   
colouredin


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quote:

ORIGINAL: lusciouslips19

I am suprised no one mentioned this but within 1 week or even a few more you should not be under consideration of anyone.


Why not?  what works for some may not work for others


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RE: How can you spot a fake Dom? - 3/9/2008 11:53:07 AM   
lusciouslips19


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quote:

ORIGINAL: colouredin

quote:

ORIGINAL: lusciouslips19

I am suprised no one mentioned this but within 1 week or even a few more you should not be under consideration of anyone.


Why not?  what works for some may not work for others



You really think its wise to commit yourself in some way to someone you dont know, havent met, or verified their truthfulness. He is just as much under her consideration as vice versa and there is no reson for him to stake claim to her. Its called putting the cart before the horse. At least wait until a public meeting. I have been on a thread where the Dom wasnt even showing his real picture. What works for one, doesnt work for others.... true. But common sense and maturity go a long way in all thats worth waiting for.

< Message edited by lusciouslips19 -- 3/9/2008 11:54:12 AM >

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RE: How can you spot a fake Dom? - 3/9/2008 11:55:16 AM   
colouredin


Posts: 4279
Joined: 2/2/2007
Status: offline 		Hmm I dont really care what others do, I wouldnt put under consideration ever ever i dont like the term but thats just me, if the people who use it get something out of it then good for them, in the realms of reality its not much of a commitment but if it makes them feel better then i dont see the harm

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RE: How can you spot a fake Dom? - 3/9/2008 12:00:03 PM   
lusciouslips19


Posts: 9792
Joined: 9/8/2007
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quote:

ORIGINAL: colouredin

Hmm I dont really care what others do, I wouldnt put under consideration ever ever i dont like the term but thats just me, if the people who use it get something out of it then good for them, in the realms of reality its not much of a commitment but if it makes them feel better then i dont see the harm


In my experience, anyone who wants you to wear a "consideration collar", is a red flag that he is a Fake. Thats just my observation. I'm not judging but if someone is here asking us for our advice, I'm just giving my impression. Of course they can do what makes them feel good. But they are also going to come running to us crying when there bubble is burst and their hopes are dashed. lessons learned the hard way, are how many learn. but if asking us for our experiences save them time and pain, i'm going to tell them my truth. They dont have to listen, of course.

_____________________________

Original Pimpette,
Keeper of Original Home Flag and Fire of Mr. Lance Hughes
Charter member of Lance's Fag Hags,
Member of the Subbie Mafia
Princess of typos and it's my prerogative

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RE: How can you spot a fake Dom? - 3/9/2008 12:04:00 PM   
honeygirl


Posts: 111
Joined: 11/12/2004
Status: offline 		Hi.Lar.I.Ous!

Stella41b -- you've totally saved me from meeting with this guy who said I should come over and see his "howler" -- I thought he meant that he'd make *me* do the howling.  Damn.  Back to the drawing board <sigh>.

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RE: How can you spot a fake Dom? - 3/9/2008 12:04:04 PM   
colouredin


Posts: 4279
Joined: 2/2/2007
Status: offline 		Fair enough :D

I just think under consideration often means (in my experiance) you'll do till there is something better now work your ass off for me and ill dangle the idea of a collar in front of you for a while, i was asked to be UC once by a guy I knew had about 6 girls UC online and id met him a few times, same guy has asked me since he has a full time sub to "visit him while shes working" but there is no accounting for cocks.


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RE: How can you spot a fake Dom? - 3/9/2008 12:07:51 PM   
Trashbagboy74


Posts: 23
Joined: 4/21/2007
Status: offline 		very easy if you have a heart for someone and you can feel it then you know that that person is not Fake and the person is for real. you have to learn from your Mistakes. I have and now since i know what i look for in a Domme/Mistress. I was there years ago and now i have experience with meeting new Domme/Mistress now then before. Some Men here just think with it down below then with the Head where their Brain is.

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RE: How can you spot a fake Dom? - 3/9/2008 1:08:27 PM   
stella41b


Posts: 4258
Joined: 10/16/2007
From: SW London (UK)
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: lusciouslips19

I am suprised no one mentioned this but within 1 week or even a few more you should not be under consideration of anyone. Would you be engaged to a man you never met in person? Under  a collar of consideration, with someone staking claim to you without you knowing each other is foolish. how many others wear his"collar of consideration"? Did you know when I was here my first week, I was asked to waer a collar of consideration in a first e-mail? At this point you should be investigating, finding out character, and checking his statements and info given, just making sure he is who he says he is. leave this whole 'consideration collar thing where it belongs. if this isnt a mutual decision in life, I dont know what is.


I see the point here but I beg to differ. If you need to investigate someone to verify what they're saying then you're clearly not dealing with the right person.

Trust is inspired in someone, as is confidence. Being sceptical of anyone and everyone approaches you is just as foolish as jumping in with both feet and not taking any safeguards.

I feel there's an element of personal responsibility here which should be mentioned. Life doesn't hold any guarantees and people don't come with money back guarantees either. Each time you enter into a personal relationship you take a risk and make an investment. It's in your best interests to calculate that risk and assess what level of investment of time and energy you're prepared to put into that relationship, but this is surely dependent on how much trust and confidence that person has managed to inspire in you.

You can't minimize the risk of entering into a relationship, you cannot guarantee your investment, and you cannot expect the other person to shoulder the responsibility for the relationship. You have to be responsible too. You have to share the risks involved as well.

If that person hasn't inspired enough trust and confidence in you in their approach then they probably never will. You just giving it time and 'checking them out' is accepting second best, compromising your own position, you're fooling yourself and in such a situation I'm sorry, but you deserve everything you get.

How do you spot a fake Dom? Well I could write here 'suck it and see'. You're never going to get into that relationship or start developing something until you give someone a chance. That is, unless you really are a clairvoyant or mindreader. Most people aren't, they give people chances, take risks, and find out afterwards. It's called life. People get deceived, cheated, fooled, misled. Some other people call them stupid. I call them human.

How about not worrying about a fake Dom and focus more on finding a good Dom? When you find a good Dom give him a chance and take it from there. He might not be the right Dom, but then again he might.

Relationships are all about illusion, reality and perception. You can be deceived, but then again you can deceive yourself just as easily and deceive someone else without intending to do so or even being aware of it.

It's a sad fact that a lot of people lose contact with reality in this community. They see BDSM as the alternative lifestyle, the one which is all accepting, all understanding, the panacea for everything that has ever been wrong in their lives, a better way to get your jollies or your kicks. Some throw themselves into it so much that if it were a major religion they'd be well on their way to achieving Nirvana or joining the Taliban. These are the people you have to watch out for.

This is about the only safeguard you have, in setting standards about what you're prepared to accept and not, being open and honest and expecting the same in return, in being grounded in reality and making sure that whoever you're with has the same or a similar perception to you regarding the situation and what you both expect from the relationship.  

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RE: How can you spot a fake Dom? - 3/9/2008 1:10:25 PM   
RedMagic1


Posts: 6470
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Status: offline 		Damn, I'm glad you're posting again.

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RE: How can you spot a fake Dom? - 3/9/2008 1:19:17 PM   
colouredin


Posts: 4279
Joined: 2/2/2007
Status: offline 		Very nicely said stella :D 

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RE: How can you spot a fake Dom? - 3/9/2008 1:40:48 PM   
Veexen


Posts: 21
Joined: 3/1/2008
Status: offline 		I figured that the term 'under consideration' was a two-way thing - he was considering me but equally I was considering him.  I had no problem being asked to put that on my profile because I could just as easily take it off if,  after considering him I decided he didn't pass muster.  But most of the boxes i wanted to be ticked before I would go any further with anyone were ticked the first time we met, the rest of them the second time.

Now we get to see where the relationship can go and to further build the trust - which is down to time spent together and just time.  Just because I have insecurities and doubts does not mean he is the wrong one.  Yes I jumped in with both feet - it was not totally blindly - just perhaps looks it to others - because whilst I might not know him yet - I have a pretty grounded knowledge of myself.  I'm finding that one of the most liberating aspects of this journey that I have begun is that maybe I no longer have to keep myself so well hidden.  Not sure this will make sense to anyone but me. But that's something else that is coming across very clear from reading all these postings - how many different ways there are of viewing the same thing.  Each to his own.

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RE: How can you spot a fake Dom? - 3/9/2008 2:32:12 PM   
BabyDollVanIsle


Posts: 103
Joined: 10/27/2007
Status: offline 		"maybe I no longer have to keep myself so well hidden"

veexen.. i know what you mean... that resonates with me and my situation too.... i feel finally i can be myself and be accepted in a way that never was able to happen before.

count me as one of those people who believe good, sincere genuine people are everywhere, and sometimes you can just be lucky.

alice

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RE: How can you spot a fake Dom? - 3/9/2008 3:00:34 PM   
Veexen


Posts: 21
Joined: 3/1/2008
Status: offline 		thanks Alice.  I tend to take people as I find them, I want to believe what they say and believe that they are genuine - at least until I am shown otherwise.  Sometimes I get it wrong and end up hurt.  But each time another lesson is learnt.  And it's about time some luck came my way -  I'm forever hopeful! 

I am more at ease with myself  now than I have ever been in my life.  For the first time in years I am in control again (having fought hard to get out of a fairly emotionally abusive marriage).  I'm revelling in it and totally enjoying the fact that it is my choice to submit and to allow myself to be controlled - heady stuff!

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