RE: How can you spot a fake Dom?

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RE: How can you spot a fake Dom? - 3/9/2008 7:28:53 PM

BabyDollVanIsle

Posts: 103
Joined: 10/27/2007
Status: offline

Veexen, each of those words could have come out of my mouth too.

my Dom is anal, picky, humourless (when aggravated.. and is easily aggravated), extremely controlling and subject to inventing and enforcing arbitrary overly simplistic solutions to any problem i present.

but i love him to bits and get a huge kick out of him controlling me. never met a man who could come close to putting me under his thumb before.

he is also imo the mostly wildly sexy Dom on the planet.

and i broke all the rules.... met him at his house for our first meeting, got 'involved' right away... he had me under consideration from the first few emails because he said he couldn't help himself.. was falling in love..

all the rules you see on prudent BDSM sites went out the window.

but, he was so unmistakenly the right manwhen i met him...

and yes i have gone through the fear and the doubts.. but he is always so reasonable and kind when i have that kind of reaction (don't get the same reasonable reaction when i break a household rule.. trust me)

anyways, you know what i mean.

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RE: How can you spot a fake Dom? - 3/9/2008 9:41:29 PM

Erragal

Posts: 3
Joined: 1/10/2007
Status: offline

Veexen
just you posting this should send up red flags, and i do have to agree with softness it's your actions you have to deal with it. Maybe it's not the guys it's what kind of guy you think you desirve that's the problem. I have been called a fake before because I am very new to this, and don't know much, I find this wierd because I tell people right away that I am new and just trying to learn. I also think a relationship like this you need to take your time getting into because you have to build a lot of trust and a good communication with each other. So I think you need to look at what you really want, take your time getting it, and no offence be happy with yourself before you let someone callor you.

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RE: How can you spot a fake Dom? - 3/9/2008 11:51:43 PM

Veexen

Posts: 21
Joined: 3/1/2008
Status: offline

BabyDollVanIsle - "anyways, you know what i mean" - yup we seem to be on the same wavelength here

Erragal, of course there are red flags going up all over the place - that's why I'm here talking. Nothing in life is certain - rightly or wrongly (and there's actually very little that i think can truly be judged to be right or wrong) I am the person I am and with that comes the need to be free to make my mistakes and learn from them. I agree with most of the advice that has been given here and some of it has made me judge myself a bit more harshly. So I am re-evaluating how I come across to people and how I act - doesn't mean I'll change - but might mean I won't be surprised next time at the outcome.

As for looking at what I really want - well I've been doing that for all of my adult and sexual life - this is not a quick decision, nor is it a dabble to see if it suits, it is far deeper in me than that. I will take my time but perhaps not in the way you think I should. My body and my trust I am willing to give quickly, my heart is a different matter - that is the bit that will take time.

V

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RE: How can you spot a fake Dom? - 3/10/2008 2:40:05 AM

nephandi

Posts: 4470
Joined: 9/23/2005
From: Cold and magickal Norway in a town near Bergen!
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Hi

There are plenty of lists of red flags out there, some more serious than others, lists on how to spot a fake Dom, but in reality, the only way you can find out if somone is fake is to get to know them. Very often, and this is a real shame, pepole think that when it is BDSM or D/s one do not need a courting period, it is meet, collar, have a relationship, all in the space of a week or two or less. Well what mostly happens in vanilla relationships when it turn so serious so fast? It do not work. Why should BDSM be different.

The only way to spot a fake Dom or a real one is to get to know him or her, date them, talk whit them, let the relationship build over time. First of all the fakers usually get bored and will not accept that the relationship will take time and you will spot them by the skid tracks they left when you told them you would not be playing whit them after the first date. And if you do not spot them by that, it is much more easy to see a persons true colors once you have gotten to know them properly. It really is the only way to do it.

And even this method is not a done deal. You can never be sure. Sometimes you just have to trust, just make sure you place your trust whit somone that deserves it.

i wish you well

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Whatever you think you can do or believe you can do, begin it. Action has magic, grace and power in it.--Johann Wolfgang von Goethe

Futon torpedoes, make love not war!--Aswad

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RE: How can you spot a fake Dom? - 3/10/2008 8:27:25 AM

nineofone

Posts: 41
Joined: 12/1/2004
Status: offline

I was browsing this thread, and there's alot of good ideas expressed here. For me-it's about WHAT TYPE of D ones looking for. There's varying degrees of domination and submission, and a wide range of tastes. As far as lifestyles go, I dont want a D thats in it for the money. Thats cool, but not what I want. I also see alot of very YOUNG D's who say they want a full time slave, yet couldnt possibly have enough real life experience under their belt to be truly superior to an older sub. This means that the submission must be truly fantasy based, and not facilitating to a real life LTR. I'm sure there's an exception or two somewhere, but I have yet to find it. It's quite simple, and natural. We're all still human beings, and the laws of nature change for no one.

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RE: How can you spot a fake Dom? - 3/10/2008 9:56:35 AM

BabyDollVanIsle

Posts: 103
Joined: 10/27/2007
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lets not forget all those 'fell in love at first sight' vanilla marriages that lasted a lifetime...

there are exceptions to every rule.

my Dom didn't start to fall in love with every sub he had before he met them.. just me...

i was the one telling him not to take cyber too seriously (until we met we were emailing and talked once or twice on the phone) as it can build up an illusion that reality cannot sustain... but i felt instantly comfortable with hm when we met, and quickly fell into subspace just from his presence.. there was just something about him...

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RE: How can you spot a fake Dom? - 3/10/2008 11:12:52 AM

Dnomyar

Posts: 7933
Joined: 6/27/2005
Status: offline

Thanks for ruining things for me. Now what the hell do I do with all of these consideration collars. Mmmm if anyone is interested I will give you one for free. I mean who would'nt want to be considered for consideration.

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RE: How can you spot a fake Dom? - 3/10/2008 11:51:20 AM

MistressDollys

Posts: 47
Joined: 1/8/2008
Status: offline

There are many money grabbing Dom women out there but unfortunately there are still many subs out there obsessed with getting a scene without taking the time to see if she's real. I think most subs that I have met are guided more by a fantasy more than anything else and since they operate on an animalistic level, I see how it works out. THis differs from financial domination where both parties agree. Many people will be aghast at this arrangement and start howling but the simple fact is that works for some and if both people are happy and ok with that arrangement, then more power to them, doesnt bother me a bit. I don't blame some who are interested in money sometimes because I feel that it has to do with survival in general or costs of materials which that I can understand. It's the scammers who posture as a domme that gets me.

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RE: How can you spot a fake Dom? - 3/10/2008 12:36:09 PM

LadyHathor

Posts: 775
Joined: 1/2/2008
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His fav BDSM book is Domimance for Dummies?

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Lady Hathor, I am the Mistress Hathor of Orleans, I am what I am, often to the dismay and discomfort of others.

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RE: How can you spot a fake Dom? - 3/10/2008 8:07:38 PM

IronOre

Posts: 24
Joined: 5/22/2007
Status: offline

This thread is long and I didn't really feel like reading every one this time. So I apologize if this has been stated to death. One good way to week out 'fake doms' is to get involved with your local community (munches etc.). There you will meet other people, most importantly other subs, who know many of the others in the lifestyle. They can tell you if someone is just a posing wanker. But remember to take all advice given about another person with a grain of salt. They may just have an axe to grind.

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Yea, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I shall fear no evil: For this is My valley.

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