Collarspace Discussion Forums


Home  Login  Search 

Run Don't Walk: ~The ease in which it is suggested~


View related threads: (in this forum | in all forums)

Logged in as: Guest
 
All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> General BDSM Discussion >> Run Don't Walk: ~The ease in which it is suggested~ Page: [1] 2 3   next >   >>
Login
Message << Older Topic   Newer Topic >>
Run Don't Walk: ~The ease in which it is suggested~ - 3/8/2008 7:14:57 PM   
SteelofUtah


Posts: 5307
Joined: 10/2/2007
From: St George Utah
Status: offline 		Okay so this is kind of a rant and then again it is a Norman Rockweel view of something that may or maynot have really ever existed.

I need to clarify my position here. This is not a Post to BAG on peoples personal choices, I really don't give a crap what people do in thier personal lives so if you wanna keep your relationship an online secret from your wife I don't give a shit. If you want to tell the world you do something and then complain about it I give the equal amount of shits.

But recently reading the daily drama I decided to search the phrase "Run don't walk" in relation to advice from or to perspective subs in a sticky situation.

If the Dom said something someone doesn't agree with the answer is "Run don't walk" away from the situation.

If the sub has NO proof but believes thier Dom may be wanted in relation to an event that they could not physically have been a part of the answer is "Run Don't Walk" away.

What in the hell happened to dedication? I mean since when does the Velcro Collar shine as a Viable one? Since when is it so easy to get involved with somoene you have turned your entire WILL and SELF Over too, that it is equally as easy to say, "You did something I don't like and so I'm going elsewhere and I'm going to spread rumors all over that you are a worthless piece of crap"

I don't collar easily. It isn't something I take lightly hell I married my girl before I collared her and I didn't collar her for 6 to 8 months AFTER we were married (It was a Process) and our UM was nearly a year. A Collar is not just something you agree to, at least not for me, but I am getting away from the point. The Point isn't about Collars it's about the BOND.

My wife trusts me to BEAT her with DEADLY Implements of Torture and Tie her up and leave her in situation in which most would claim was just short of a prison camp, and she does this with LOVE and TRUST of what my intentions are and what I am going to do. This BOND came after a LONG time of testing waters long before she ever called me SIR, or MASTER. This Bond came because I gave her my EVERYTHING, I was just as equally hers as she was mine and at this there are things that frustrate her about me however the idea of "Run Don't Walk" to her would be telling a Fish to Fly and never return to water.

We have accepted the ease in which we find potential mates as a give in and so why work at it, why should anyone work at a relationship if they do anything to upset you at all get another one.

I read post after post after post about some silly girl who met this guy online and agreed to be his slave and after 24 hours sent him nude photos and had phone sex with him and is willing to do anything just to make him happy and she has NO IDEA who this person is.

He turns out to be some balding fat 40 something who lied about everything and now she is faced with this "Oh can you believe what HE did?" belief system when she is just as much to blame as he is for getting that deeply involved with someone and not having any REAL focus or REAL Structure.  Should she "Run don't walk" Well in reality she never should have been that freaking stupid to begin with.

What about SirDomlyOldeGuard who collars a slave online and convinces her to move into his mothers basement where she starts nagging him all the time and starts controling his every move and eventually tell the whole local community that he is abusive and ruins any reputation he may have had. Again He is to blame for being that Freaking STUPID in the first place.

But is the ANSWER "Run Don't Walk" away? How about GROW THE HELL UP!! Get with the program and take responsibility for all your own stupid mistakes and take a LITTLE more time getting to know this person you are agreeing to SURRENDER YOUR LIFE TO!!!!

I Mean OH MY GOD People are we all really this retarded?

Or maybe I am the Dom that subs should "Run don't walk" away from, because I am suggesting that all the bad relationships they have has is thier OWN fault? Maybe I am the bad guy for expecting a little more than a Vapid "Yes, Sir" Kink Machine. I want SUBSTANCE and when you have that, you never get into situations where you get stumped because you knew your partner LONG before they ever became YOUR PARTNER.

For those of you who disagree I can accept that you disagree but don't attack ME attack the situation, give me a REASON not to see things this way. If you want ta attack me fine I'm sure I'll laugh and giggle, but seriously if you disagree PLEASE Tell me WHY you disagree.

I believe that if we all took more responsibility for our own actions this would be a FAR better world and an even healthier lifestyle to live.

As Always

Steel

**Edited to add clairity to a statement I made**

< Message edited by SteelofUtah -- 3/8/2008 7:17:11 PM >

_____________________________

Just Steel
Resident Therapeutic Metallurgist
The Steel Warm-Up © ™
For the Uber Posters
Thanks for the Grammatical support : ) ~ Term
Profile   Post #: 1
RE: Run Don't Walk: ~The ease in which it is suggested~ - 3/8/2008 7:16:23 PM   
Leatherist


Posts: 5149
Joined: 12/11/2007
Status: offline 		Easy come-easy go.

It's what happens when you view a relationship the same way you do fast food.

_____________________________

My shop is currently segueing into production mode.

I'm not taking custom orders.

(in reply to SteelofUtah)
Profile   Post #: 2
RE: Run Don't Walk: ~The ease in which it is suggested~ - 3/8/2008 7:18:45 PM   
christine1


Posts: 6155
Joined: 12/15/2007
From: i'm headed to HIM...
Status: offline 		i can't agree more with your last line....i'm a big fan of personal responsibility.

_____________________________

i am woman! er, godzilla! hear me roar!

http://wavcentral.com/cgi-bin/log/log.cgi?id=2856&sound=/sounds/movies/godzilla/roar.mp3


He's the "boom" overwhelming...

He is my Master, my lover, my best friend my everything.

(in reply to SteelofUtah)
Profile   Post #: 3
RE: Run Don't Walk: ~The ease in which it is suggested~ - 3/8/2008 7:55:54 PM   
ThinkingKitten


Posts: 447
Joined: 6/15/2006
From: Ontari-ari-o
Status: offline 		If common sense was something you could pick up in the grocery isle, or get a shot from the Doc, or learn from playing CD's in the car on the way to work ..... things might be better all around. Some folks are just lacking in that commodity and are never gonna find some.

_____________________________

Thinking Kitten

If you can't stand the heat... tell the chef to get out of the kitchen.

(in reply to SteelofUtah)
Profile   Post #: 4
RE: Run Don't Walk: ~The ease in which it is suggested~ - 3/8/2008 8:12:08 PM   
RedMagic1


Posts: 6470
Joined: 5/10/2007
Status: offline 		Many people -- male and female -- believe that things are somehow different because we are kinky.  This is partly due to the fact that chatrooms and other "online training" are like a sexed-up Dungeons&Dragons game.  You can play whatever character you want, and you don't have the bruises or (much) psychological damage if things go horribly wrong.

Also, many people coming to sites like this -- regardless of their age -- are acknowledging for the first time an impulse they have felt for years and years.  The recent thread about "A Dom sent me a fake pic, what should I do?" was posted by a 41-year-old woman.  The fact that you find someone -- the first person in your entire life -- who not only thinks your horrid, shameful kink is OK, but also is attracted to you because of it -- that's pretty heady stuff.  It's easy for that to overpower common sense.

Plenty of smart people act dumb when their deepest hopes and insecurities are at stake.  The posters I respect the most extend a hand to people searching for answers, without coddling BS.


_____________________________

Not with envy, not with a twisted heart, shall you feel superior, or go about boasting. Rather in goodness by action make true your song and your word. Thus you shall be highly regarded, and able to live in peace with all others.
- 15th century Aztec

(in reply to ThinkingKitten)
Profile   Post #: 5
RE: Run Don't Walk: ~The ease in which it is suggested~ - 3/8/2008 8:15:16 PM   
Nineveh


Posts: 1299
Joined: 2/5/2008
Status: offline 		There is another side to the flippancy of "Run don't walk"  Maybe you have putnin the time to get to know someone, you think you know themwell, then you find something out that makes you uncomfortable.  This is when run don't walk really becomes a problem.  You've put in time and work to become comfortable with someone, you know then and you know they are someone you can be happy with in a lot of ways, some issue comes up, instead of "talk it out, figure out if it is something that you can handle"  Many advocate running the hell away.  There is always going to be something worng with the person you are with, some of those things are going to come as a suprise, and certainly there are some of them, a few of them that are worth throwing the whole thing away, but less than most people seem to think with the easy use of "run don't walk" as the first piece of advice offered.

(in reply to SteelofUtah)
Profile   Post #: 6
RE: Run Don't Walk: ~The ease in which it is suggested~ - 3/8/2008 8:37:41 PM   
Bound2One


Posts: 614
Joined: 1/11/2008
Status: offline 		I think somehow new submissives get the idea that they are to toss their common sense and personal responsibility out the door when a domly type is chatting them up.  They begin to submit very soon, even if it's only thinking to themselves "well, ok - he likes that; I don't really, and it may be a limit, but if domly type really wants it, then he *should* have it, so I won't bring it up."  As the submissive abdicates his/her personal responsibility, honest communication breaks down between two of them, and the relationship is built upon shaky ground. 

I know how it feels; I found myself doing the very same thing when I was starting to chat online with doms awhile back.  Then I caught myself in a couple of situations that were confusing and, stupidly, of my own making, wrong for me.  I accept that I made the mistakes, but it took awhile for me to even understand what it was that I was doing wrong. 

Yes, D/s relationships should be approached the same way vanilla ones are; but those starting out, those with sub frenzy, those who don't have people to turn to IRL make mistakes that they have to figure out for themselves.  I think we've seen threads like this - the woman who was sent the wrong picture, for instance.  Certainly, she should have known right off the bat w/o asking that it was a lie, a huge lie, and she should back out immediately.  But she was caught up in the drama of it all.  I'd hope she wouldn't (and others who have read that thread) make the same mistake again...and would recognize when a domly type was trying to use her naivete against her.

So yeah, I'd say 'run, don't walk' when in similar circumstances as the one described above; however, I'd also add 'and learn from this.'  Retain your personal responsibility; you don't check it at the door when you submit. 

(in reply to SteelofUtah)
Profile   Post #: 7
RE: Run Don't Walk: ~The ease in which it is suggested~ - 3/8/2008 8:43:44 PM   
xxblushesxx


Posts: 9318
Joined: 11/3/2005
From: Kentucky
Status: offline 		"some balding fat 40 something"
but...she still said I was cute...

_____________________________

~Christina

A nice girl with a disturbing hobby

My femdom findom blog: http://www.MistressAvarice.com


(in reply to Bound2One)
Profile   Post #: 8
RE: Run Don't Walk: ~The ease in which it is suggested~ - 3/8/2008 8:48:58 PM   
LadyPact


Posts: 32566
Status: offline 		It's an excellent post.  Really, it is.  I'm not debating any of the points you made, just adding comments for further discussion.

Yes, there's a lot to be said for those areas where people have skipped personal responsibility in what is happening in their lives and their relationships.  So, what is the personal responsibility?  Well, holy hourglass Batman!  Part of it is taking the time to know who it is that you are involving yourself with. 

I'm sure to get blasted by this following statement, but those red flags that cause others to give those knee-jerk responses of RUN, DON'T WALK, are usually those things that you can't fool someone in person about.  The "Oh, he sent a pic from ten years ago" or "She claimed to be 50 lbs lighter" really don't go as far when knowing someone face to face.  Even more classic, she turned out to be a he! 

Well, seriously, exactly what did the person do to verify anybody on the other end of the screen was what they proclaimed to be?  Did they do any checking, ask about others in the lifestyle who knew them, request a pic with a certain object or at a certain location to verify that it is current?  What about ensuring there was some good, old fashioned, getting to know each other time away from the screen?  Or, are we so anxious to be involved in a D/s dynamic that we are overly trusting, never asking the other person to validate our reason to trust?

Again.  Excellent post.


_____________________________

The crowned Diva of Destruction. ~ ExT

Beach Ball Sized Lady Nuts. ~ TWD

Happily dating a new submissive. It's official. I've named him engie.

Please do not send me email here. Unless I know you, I will delete the email unread

(in reply to Nineveh)
Profile   Post #: 9
RE: Run Don't Walk: ~The ease in which it is suggested~ - 3/8/2008 9:08:53 PM   
MissLily


Posts: 146
Joined: 8/19/2007
Status: offline 		oooohhhh Somebody's worked up....

But I agree. People have a very important sense of entitlement and a very small one of responsabilities.

And I find the cyber world very scarry at times when I think of just how much people hide behind their pc... Just as scarry is the need for some to have relationships online and to seek someone to fall for. Is it so hard to have RT relations nowadays?

I agree with the post, but with a little less anger...

Miss Lily

(in reply to SteelofUtah)
Profile   Post #: 10
RE: Run Don't Walk: ~The ease in which it is suggested~ - 3/8/2008 9:19:35 PM   
LadyAliyah


Posts: 3
Joined: 9/29/2007
Status: offline 		I couldnt agree with the op more. Ive seen so many jump before they even take the time to look at what they are doing. Some dont even care. They are just thrilled and desparate that someone wants them. Ive seen both Dom and sub do stupid things when they are so desparate to be loved.

Lady Aliyah

(in reply to MissLily)
Profile   Post #: 11
RE: Run Don't Walk: ~The ease in which it is suggested~ - 3/8/2008 9:31:40 PM   
MadameMarque


Posts: 1128
Joined: 3/19/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: RedMagic1

Many people -- male and female -- believe that things are somehow different because we are kinky.  This is partly due to the fact that chatrooms and other "online training" are like a sexed-up Dungeons&Dragons game.  You can play whatever character you want, and you don't have the bruises or (much) psychological damage if things go horribly wrong.

Also, many people coming to sites like this -- regardless of their age -- are acknowledging for the first time an impulse they have felt for years and years.  The recent thread about "A Dom sent me a fake pic, what should I do?" was posted by a 41-year-old woman.  The fact that you find someone -- the first person in your entire life -- who not only thinks your horrid, shameful kink is OK, but also is attracted to you because of it -- that's pretty heady stuff.  It's easy for that to overpower common sense.

Plenty of smart people act dumb when their deepest hopes and insecurities are at stake.  The posters I respect the most extend a hand to people searching for answers, without coddling BS.



Very well said.

I remember talking to someone once, who was talking very candidly about seducing people by just telling them what they want to hear.  He remarked on how people will believe whatever they want to hear, as if they're so foolish, as if they should know that it's a lie. 

I asked him, so, what shall we do?  Shall we just assume that anything we want to hear is a lie?  When someone seems to like us, care for us, be attracted to us, love us, shall we just assume that's too good to be true?

Yes, it's true that most of us are too unsuspecting and move too quickly, when encountering someone who incites our emotions and desires.  Would someone please tell me how to love without risking?

And regarding responsibility, some people have a mistaken idea.  When someone mistreats or deceives you, you are not responsible for their behaviour.  This is the same as saying that the abused are responsible for their abuse.

(in reply to RedMagic1)
Profile   Post #: 12
RE: Run Don't Walk: ~The ease in which it is suggested~ - 3/8/2008 10:11:19 PM   
TemptingNviceSub


Posts: 3054
Joined: 10/1/2005
Status: offline 		While I agree with you OP, on many levels, let us try to keep some perspective here..Do some check their common sense at the door when they see something they think is what they seek?..I know I certainly have..I absolutely fess up to making some pretty stupid decisions in my life..and I count myself somewhat intelligient with a certain amount of common sense thrown in..and with each stupid decision came a good degree of a lesson learned...sometimes hearing is different than experiencing..we all have heard our parents say dont do this! because of xyz..did we listen?..I highly doubt it..we had to learn for ourselves..I am sure the OP had to learn from many experiences as to what are good decisions and what are bad ones, and how he now views his relationship ,and how it was achieved..did the OP do so when he sought his first submissive? or even his first relationship?..this I highly doubt..I am sure he went through much trial and error..as we all will and do....I think most accept personal responsibility for the choices they make in life..I also think most when they come onto CM asking for advice, are simply wishing to be able to give voice to their doubts, to give voice to their heartache and disappointment, to give voice to their mistakes in the hope that it will help others along the way..They come to CM to seek advice (even though they have a good suspicion on what we will say for the most part)they come for acknowledgement of the decision they may have already made,they come to CM to learn where they may have gone wrong, to ask of strangers, who can see with an unbiased eye,something they are far to close to see themselves.....But it will still always come down to personal decisons ,..right or wrong..stupid or intelligient..Run, dont walk.....responsibility accepted or not...Hey! we are simply human that way...Tempting

_____________________________

I have greatly enjoyed the second blooming...suddenly you find at the age of 50, that a whole new life has opened before you.........Agatha Christie.

You must make tracks into the unknown~~Thoreau

(in reply to SteelofUtah)
Profile   Post #: 13
RE: Run Don't Walk: ~The ease in which it is suggested~ - 3/8/2008 11:19:25 PM   
SteelofUtah


Posts: 5307
Joined: 10/2/2007
From: St George Utah
Status: offline 		Many good point have been made however I wish to deal with only a few.

First. I want to express that some people are mistaking what I am getting upset with and I am sure that it was my fault for not breaking it down well enough. I am Upset that so many people take the Bond of a Commitment such as what we do in this lifestyle with a grain of salt that at an early infraction when peoples guards are up we can so easily say "Run Don't Walk" Away.

Second Tempting is VERY right. I made THOUSANDS of mistakes growing up I often used sex as a leverage tool and this cause MUCH MUCH Hurt and sorrow on my part and on others. Where you are a little mistaken however is I have ALWAYS had a philosophy in life that whatever happens to me is MY FAULT! No matter what the problem is the constant in all situations is ME! Even things outside of my control are my fault because I made the decisions that led me to those situations. Because of this I have always been one to learn from my own mistakes and try to learn from others I did not always do this well but I always tried and when things got bad I always turned to myself first for what went wrong.

However to say it is human does those who need to learn from mistakes a disservice. If you offer an Excuse thoe who like to remain the everpresent Victim will always remain that victim. It is NOT okay to get to a point where, as another poster said and I love it when they did, we treat our relationships like we view fast food. It is NOT okay to simply TRUN and walk away from a commitment we made and to say that it is makes a Mockery of the unions we forge in this lifestyle. I know no one actually said that but the point remains, by coddeling this behaviour we create a system that says it is okay to walk out on your commitments. Dom or sub if you have a responsibility then you need to meet it.

I am not all fired up in fact none of this actually applies to me, I simply got fed up reading posts that tell a sub that if her Master during a scene got a little rough feeling out the waters of a pain threshhold and she ended up hurt or some minor bleeding that her Master is an abusive prick and she should "Run Don't Walk" away from his ass.

Or the sub who is told that it was okay that she didn't find out anything about the Dom she was with ahead of time and that he should have volunterred all the information she never bothered to ask for because once she flew out cross country to be with him for 2 months she realized it was hell. Then when he expects something sexually freaky that they discussed before hand but now she is unsure of that he is a Sexual Preadator and that she needs to "Run Don't Walk" to the police and have his ass arrested.

This makes me sick.

Look I love my wife more than anything and we have done some very new things for her and she has delt with some of them poorly. There were situation that happened where the outcome was HORRIFIC but looking back we did everything we should have done to prepare things just didn't go the way they were expected to. If you heard onlt the outcome I am sure I come across as a total asshole. But if you knew what led up to the situation or were simply in my or my wifes shoes you would see a different world. The point is I have a responsibility to her and she has one to me. That being said Walking away and even Running away just isn't an option and it saddens me that people take this bond of what we call a lifestyle and make it a concept of catchphrases and terms that end up meaningless.

Am I a little overreacting? Possibly. I just don't get the mindset of people who want this so bad but aren't willing to do the actual foot work that it takes to make it work.

Sure slap and tickle is easy to find, so is a girl willing to fuck your brains out if you call her a slut and grab her throat. BUT the UNION of a couple is so much more than that and it takes time and more than that a desire to pound it out NO MATTER WHAT!

As Always

Steel

_____________________________

Just Steel
Resident Therapeutic Metallurgist
The Steel Warm-Up © ™
For the Uber Posters
Thanks for the Grammatical support : ) ~ Term

(in reply to TemptingNviceSub)
Profile   Post #: 14
RE: Run Don't Walk: ~The ease in which it is suggested~ - 3/9/2008 12:14:58 AM   
stella41b


Posts: 4258
Joined: 10/16/2007
From: SW London (UK)
Status: offline 		I fully agree with the OP.

I disagree with the notion that online is different from offline. You - the person - are exactly the same person on the other side of the computer as I would meet on the street, and it doesn't matter whether your words are spoken to my face, written to me in an e-mail, sent to me via the post, spoken to me down a telephone line, or come at me via IM they are words and they carry the same meaning, context and message. Just because you're sitting at a computer screen doesn't transform you into some RPG role play computer character - you're still who you are when you go off line.

What never fails to crack me up is this attitude people have that BDSM is like some kind of esoteric kinky religion and 'the lifestyle' and they are constantly seeking The True Path as if it was a major branch of Zen Buddhism.

Or the 'gosh I am so kinky' way of thinking. Newsflash - everybody is kinky in some way, it's part of being an individual, it's an essential part of human nature. Vanilla really is a popular flavour of ice cream and 'normal' is for those who are unable to accept the reality of this world and people for who they really are.

BDSM is a classification of a wide variety of different interests, rituals, roles, and activities based on human interactions and relationships - nothing more. It's like Gor, for example. Fine, be passionate, let it be a major interest in your life and find like-minded people who share your passion and interest in the books and literature. But if you are basing your entire life and relationships on a work of fiction then I'm inclined to ask you 'Are you really sure you know what you're doing?'

I've kind of worked out that quite a lot of people separate between BDSM and vanilla. Some need to do this, but some don't and these are the ones you should watch, because quite often they're being themselves in one and pretending in the other, and you've got a 50/50 chance of being caught out.

I try not to take it too seriously. This is because of a few of the postings I read, quite a few profiles I come across, and some of the messages I receive. If I did I would be extremely worried about the future of the human race. The thought of some of these people being employers is disturbing. The realization that some of them are parents is frightening. But I have no need to stand in judgment.

BDSM is neither a substitute or alternative to real life, it IS only part of real life. The community is far from idiot-proof, and there are as many dangers as there are in real life.

But it's important also to realize that I can only make such statements on the basis of wisdom acquired from years of misunderstandings, mistakes and my own stupidity. I respect the right of others to be stupid and to go through similar processes. The key to learning is making mistakes, the key to wisdom is cultivating and mastering stupidity.

Stupidity is just as much a part of human nature as kink. Of this I'm sure.

< Message edited by stella41b -- 3/9/2008 12:20:01 AM >

_____________________________

CM's Resident Lyricist
also Facebook
http://stella.baker.tripod.com/
50NZpoints
Q2
Simply Q

(in reply to RedMagic1)
Profile   Post #: 15
RE: Run Don't Walk: ~The ease in which it is suggested~ - 3/9/2008 12:26:24 AM   
littlebitxxx


Posts: 732
Status: offline 		Same as just about everyone else, I agree totally with the OP.   Have relationships become disposable lately?  Good Lord!

_____________________________

There is no such thing as can't unless it is followed by yet

It is the meaningless little acts that become meaningful in the doing.

The people that mind don't matter and the people that matter don't mind.

(in reply to stella41b)
Profile   Post #: 16
RE: Run Don't Walk: ~The ease in which it is suggested~ - 3/9/2008 1:31:51 AM   
Justme696


Posts: 3236
Joined: 1/7/2008
From: Royal kingdom of the Netherlands
Status: offline 		. It isn't something I take lightly hell I married my girl before I collared her and I didn't collar her for 6 to 8 months AFTER we were married

so you say you can rush into marriage, but not in to collaring? To many it has the same vallue.
Why see one relation as more then the other when it is about the same persons?
OR did I misread.


_____________________________

~Been there, done that, got the t-shirt

(in reply to littlebitxxx)
Profile   Post #: 17
RE: Run Don't Walk: ~The ease in which it is suggested~ - 3/9/2008 3:18:37 AM   
eyesopened


Posts: 2798
Joined: 6/12/2006
From: Tampa, FL
Status: offline 		i've been flamed before for suggesting dedication.  But there are always 3 sides to every story. 

Like any other investment, when to walk away could be based on the amount of investment involved.  If the relationship has not included much of an emotional investment or longivity investment, then 'run don't walk' advice doesn't seem outrageous, but probably good advice.  Someone has spent a week online and starts getting that "icky" feeling about the situation, why promote further dedication? 

But i understand and agree that ofttimes people expect relationships to be as instant as microwave dinners.  Many are and many are just as delicious (not).  Society has gotten used to instant gratification and where convenience becomes more vaulable than quality.  The "next" button is the same as the "easy" button.

There was a time when people could make a decent living repairing and restoring things like shoes, televisions, computers, furniture, etc.  Today, it's just more convenient to throw the thing away and buy a new one.  Some days i feel like that has happened to people too.

_____________________________

Proudly owned by InkedMaster. He is the one i obey, serve, honor and love.

No one is honored for what they've received. Honor is the reward for what has been given.

(in reply to SteelofUtah)
Profile   Post #: 18
RE: Run Don't Walk: ~The ease in which it is suggested~ - 3/9/2008 3:23:33 AM   
TreasureKY


Posts: 3032
Joined: 4/10/2007
From: Kentucky
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: SteelofUtah

... so many people take the Bond of a Commitment such as what we do in this lifestyle with a grain of salt that at an early infraction when peoples guards are up we can so easily say "Run Don't Walk" Away.


Sometimes, it is exactly because people have taken that commitment lightly that they are advised to end the situation.  I suspect you'll find that it is rare for the "run don't walk" advice to be given to anyone who appears to have entered into a relationship with the appropriate seriousness and caution that a committed relationship deserves.  In those cases, most are advised to employ communication to solve their problems.

But for those who've made grievous errors in judgement and jumped into a relationship ill informed and badly prepared, sometimes the best course of action is to realize you were stupid and cut your losses.

(in reply to SteelofUtah)
Profile   Post #: 19
RE: Run Don't Walk: ~The ease in which it is suggested~ - 3/9/2008 6:07:47 AM   
warrywanderer


Posts: 6
Joined: 3/8/2008
Status: offline 		I have recently been given that same advice--in those exact words.  This was in regard to someone i just started playing with in the last few months. I can't say there was a lot of trust built up, and he fisted me without fair warning and didn't hear me when i said the safe word because i was in too much pain to speak clearly.  Being a rape survivor, that was bad for me. I had a major flashback and it was just a real ugly experience.
At the same time though, i felt the same way to some extent.  Sure, there are plenty of fish in the sea, and all that, and certainly if someone is just using you, then yeah, split! But in this case, i just feel like....ok, something went wrong..it's nobody's fault, really, or if it is, it's as much my fault as his.  I have had bad experiences in the BDSM scene and have had to not walk but run. Still, i feel like trying a little effort into fixing what's wrong, instead of just bailing.





(in reply to TreasureKY)
Profile   Post #: 20
Page:   [1] 2 3   next >   >>
All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> General BDSM Discussion >> Run Don't Walk: ~The ease in which it is suggested~ Page: [1] 2 3   next >   >>
Jump to:





New Messages No New Messages
Hot Topic w/ New Messages Hot Topic w/o New Messages
Locked w/ New Messages Locked w/o New Messages
 Post New Thread
 Reply to Message
 Post New Poll
 Submit Vote
 Delete My Own Post
 Delete My Own Thread
 Rate Posts




Collarchat.com © 2025
Terms of Service Privacy Policy Spam Policy

0.109