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my apologies - 3/9/2008 12:50:56 PM   
sabirah


Posts: 97
Status: offline 		I am new here and thought I would jump right in, and post something that I am struggling with. I was programmed from a very early age in my life to sincerely apologize if I did something wrong. I thought  it was taught to me so that I could look within and humble myself and accept my responsibility for my error in judgement. It also allows me to purge so that I do not have to carry the  heavy weight of my quilt, for my bad behavior. I know of a man who sees himself in a "Dominant way, A Master of sort." I have learned that His way of thinking is that  " It is better to assume forgiveness then to ask for it." I found that mentality to be extremely arrogant, and it shows little respect for the one who feels they have been violated.  For me, not wanting to apologize show no remose, and seems less then human, am I placing way to much value in  " The Apology"?

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sincerely,
sabirah

The room is silent, absolutely silent, except for the decisive click of the collar lock.
It is a sound the girl will never forget.




Profile   Post #: 1
RE: my apologies - 3/9/2008 12:55:51 PM   
xxblushesxx


Posts: 9318
Joined: 11/3/2005
From: Kentucky
Status: offline 		Absolutely not.
But, no need to apologize now...you did nothing wrong.
*s*

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~Christina

A nice girl with a disturbing hobby

My femdom findom blog: http://www.MistressAvarice.com


(in reply to sabirah)
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RE: my apologies - 3/9/2008 12:58:40 PM   
bean


Posts: 3
Joined: 7/24/2005
Status: offline 		No, you are not.

It's a basic measure of respect to give another person the chance to forgive you, and a basic point of dialogue to allow them a chance to air their perspective.  Often, when I apologize to people, I discover that the problem was not really what I thought.  Frequently, the other person feels that it is their own fault, or feels that the mistake was made at some earlier time.  You can learn a lot through apologizing.

I personally try to avoid people who assume that they are forgiven, as I've found that trait linked to the assumption that they are correct.  I find these people too caustic to deal with.

Ben

(in reply to sabirah)
Profile   Post #: 3
RE: my apologies - 3/9/2008 12:58:45 PM   
tsatske


Posts: 2037
Joined: 3/9/2007
From: Louisville, KY
Status: offline 		This is a very American way of thinking. In America, companies do not take responsibility EVER, for fear it will lose them the lawsuit that they see coming. In Asian countries, CEOs visit victims of their companies problems personally, and they get far fewer lawsuits.
The American idea is that if you don't admit responsibility you can't be held responsible. In actuality, people don't sue because what they experience warrants a suit, they sue because they are ANGRY, and they want to make a point to you. If they feel your company doesn't care or accept responsibility, they are much more likely to sue. I know that is not exactly what you asked, but it is, IMO, related to the same mindset.

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“If you never did you should. These things are fun and fun is good”
~Dr. Seuss quote

(in reply to sabirah)
Profile   Post #: 4
RE: my apologies - 3/9/2008 12:59:26 PM   
celticlord2112


Posts: 5732
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: sabirah

I am new here and thought I would jump right in, and post something that I am struggling with. I was programmed from a very early age in my life to sincerely apologize if I did something wrong. I thought  it was taught to me so that I could look within and humble myself and accept my responsibility for my error in judgement. It also allows me to purge so that I do not have to carry the  heavy weight of my quilt, for my bad behavior. I know of a man who sees himself in a "Dominant way, A Master of sort." I have learned that His way of thinking is that  " It is better to assume forgiveness then to ask for it." I found that mentality to be extremely arrogant, and it shows little respect for the one who feels they have been violated.  For me, not wanting to apologize show no remose, and seems less then human, am I placing way to much value in  " The Apology"?


I don't think you are.  Forgiveness is a choice.  To assume forgiveness is disrespectful to my way of thinking.

I see nothing "unDomly" about the words "I'm sorry."  In all cases, before one is Master, he is first Man.  He is imperfect.  He will make mistakes.

In my mind, the wise man owns his mistakes.  He will apologize for them.  He will work to overcome them.  Hopefully, he will grow from them.

_____________________________



(in reply to sabirah)
Profile   Post #: 5
RE: my apologies - 3/9/2008 1:09:18 PM   
Level


Posts: 25145
Joined: 3/3/2006
Status: offline 		The ability to apologize shows maturity, responsibility, and ethical behaviour. We all make mistakes, and there is nothing wrong with admitting that.

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Fake the heat and scratch the itch
Skinned up knees and salty lips
Let go it's harder holding on
One more trip and I'll be gone

~~ Stone Temple Pilots

(in reply to sabirah)
Profile   Post #: 6
RE: my apologies - 3/9/2008 1:33:58 PM   
CalifChick


Posts: 10717
Joined: 10/28/2007
From: California
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: tsatske

This is a very American way of thinking. In America, companies do not take responsibility EVER, for fear it will lose them the lawsuit that they see coming. In


My "thats a bunch of crap" meter is going full tilt.  Try googling "transparency" and you'll see.

Cali


_____________________________

AKA "The Undisputed Goddess of Sarcasm", "Big Bad Cali" and "Yum Bum". Advisor to the Subbie Mafia, founding member of the W.A.C. and the Judgmental Bitches Brigade, member of the Clan of the Scarlet O'Hair-a's and Team Troll

(in reply to tsatske)
Profile   Post #: 7
RE: my apologies - 3/9/2008 1:57:56 PM   
Stephann


Posts: 4214
Joined: 12/27/2006
From: Portland, OR
Status: offline 		Erm,

An apology only has value if it's valued by the one receiving it.  I offer apologies when I feel I am wrong, usually because it's an acknowledgment for myself.   I only feel my apology is of value to others, when I have actually hurt or harmed another, and in this case what I have done (or not done) isn't so much of consequence to me, as the result of my actions. 

I stepped lightly on my slave's foot this morning, going into the bathroom.  I said "Oops, sorry!" because I acknowledged to myself that I made a mistake, not because I truly cared about the minor pain she briefly experienced.  I've also banged into her head with something, completely unintentionally, and it hurt badly enough that she started crying.  My apology then was far more sincere and heartfelt, and my focus was on trying to make her feel better rather than acknowledging any wrongdoing on my part.

Someone who doesn't have enough empathy to make an honest apology isn't necessarily a bad person, but it's hardly a desirable trait.  It's like some people care more about good hygine than others do.

Stephan


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"The blade itself incites to violence" - Homer

Men: Find a Woman here

(in reply to CalifChick)
Profile   Post #: 8
RE: my apologies - 3/9/2008 2:15:05 PM   
LordShadow


Posts: 172
Joined: 7/13/2004
Status: offline 		I don't know about that chick, I have to agree that it is all about liability not responsibility in this country nowadays. There area few folks who are willing to take responsibility for their actions or even the actions of their employees, but by and large they are the minority.
Allow me to give you an example...
Just a few weeks ago I was in an accident (I am a truck driver) in a company truck. In a nutshell i was driving a loaded tanker at the speed limit and a traffic light changed. I was not able to stop in time and went throught a red light and struck a car turning right (nobody injured thank the gods). After calling the authorities and checking on the occupants of the car I contacted my company and was told by the 2nd in command (the Owners son) not only to not admit fault, but to flat out lie to the police and tell them I had the green light. When the Owner arrived on location, he told me to fill out a different ticket on the job because the amount of water on board may have put me overweight and that would not look good in a law suit. I did neither, and while I was not fired, it was clearly made known that  they were not happy. I went to the operations manager about it and he went to them, and both denied either conversation.
This is not  an uncommon event in this country anymore, $$$ are more important than accepting responsibility for ones actions or the actions of those in their charge.


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Ride Hard Live Free
Shadow

True beauty is not seen with the eyes but rather felt in the heart...

(in reply to CalifChick)
Profile   Post #: 9
RE: my apologies - 3/9/2008 2:22:03 PM   
LordShadow


Posts: 172
Joined: 7/13/2004
Status: offline 		sabirah,

I can only speak for what is practiced in my Home, but IMO there is no honor in dishonesty or refusing to accept responsibility for ones actions. I teach mine that accepting responsibility and making a proper apology makes one a better person with a stronger character. And I lead in that example.



< Message edited by LordShadow -- 3/9/2008 2:26:13 PM >

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Ride Hard Live Free
Shadow

True beauty is not seen with the eyes but rather felt in the heart...

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RE: my apologies - 3/9/2008 2:25:02 PM   
CalifChick


Posts: 10717
Joined: 10/28/2007
From: California
Status: offline 		Shadow, I'm not going to put up a bunch of links showing companies that HAVE taken responsibility for their mistakes, and I'm sorry you work for such a bunch of assholes.  But I will take exception to the statement that American companies do not EVER take responsibility for their mistakes.

Cali


_____________________________

AKA "The Undisputed Goddess of Sarcasm", "Big Bad Cali" and "Yum Bum". Advisor to the Subbie Mafia, founding member of the W.A.C. and the Judgmental Bitches Brigade, member of the Clan of the Scarlet O'Hair-a's and Team Troll

(in reply to LordShadow)
Profile   Post #: 11
RE: my apologies - 3/9/2008 2:38:17 PM   
LordShadow


Posts: 172
Joined: 7/13/2004
Status: offline 		I would not agree that NO company accepts responsibility, I said it is not often, and will depend on how much its going to cost them and who knows about it.

And thank you, but I no longer work for them ...of my own accord....lol


_____________________________

Ride Hard Live Free
Shadow

True beauty is not seen with the eyes but rather felt in the heart...

(in reply to CalifChick)
Profile   Post #: 12
RE: my apologies - 3/9/2008 2:51:15 PM   
xxblushesxx


Posts: 9318
Joined: 11/3/2005
From: Kentucky
Status: offline 		I agree with Shadow here. On many insurance policies(driving) it explicitely states NOT to admit fault if you are in an accident, or you *might* not be covered. What kind of **** is that?

_____________________________

~Christina

A nice girl with a disturbing hobby

My femdom findom blog: http://www.MistressAvarice.com


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Profile   Post #: 13
RE: my apologies - 3/9/2008 3:40:37 PM   
Stephann


Posts: 4214
Joined: 12/27/2006
From: Portland, OR
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: xxblushesxx

I agree with Shadow here. On many insurance policies(driving) it explicitely states NOT to admit fault if you are in an accident, or you *might* not be covered. What kind of **** is that?


Admitting fault, legally, can be used to establish the fact that you were at fault, whether you were or not.

Confessing to breaking someone's window, even if you didn't, can lead to being found guilty (or financially responsible) in a court of law.  It's not a matter of if you should lie, it's a matter of not conceding guilt should the matter be brought to trial.  It's the cop's job to decide who is at fault, not the drivers.

Stephan


_____________________________

Nosce Te Ipsum

"The blade itself incites to violence" - Homer

Men: Find a Woman here

(in reply to xxblushesxx)
Profile   Post #: 14
RE: my apologies - 3/9/2008 3:43:15 PM   
celticlord2112


Posts: 5732
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: xxblushesxx

I agree with Shadow here. On many insurance policies(driving) it explicitely states NOT to admit fault if you are in an accident, or you *might* not be covered. What kind of **** is that?


I tell my boys the same thing.  If they're ever in an accident....basically shut up and say as little as possible. 


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RE: my apologies - 3/9/2008 3:56:35 PM   
SailingBum


Posts: 3225
Joined: 12/10/2007
From: Sailin the stormy sea
Status: offline 		Why help the cops or whoever find you guility.  Call your lawyer.

BadOne

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RE: my apologies - 3/9/2008 4:27:33 PM   
Bound2One


Posts: 614
Joined: 1/11/2008
Status: offline 		Excuse me - it's better to assume forgiveness than to ask for it?  Arrogant doesn't begin to describe that mentality, IMNSHO. 

I could never respect someone who wouldn't admit he did something wrong, who thought he was either never wrong or above asking for forgiveness. 

(in reply to sabirah)
Profile   Post #: 17
RE: my apologies - 3/9/2008 4:43:54 PM   
SinergyNstrumpet


Posts: 305
Joined: 2/26/2008
Status: offline 		My Daddy thinks I apologize way too much for things that are not appropriate to apologize for. I have a hard time not saying I am sorry for almost everything, including things that other people do... just weird that way, and I am unsure as to why I do it.

julia

(in reply to sabirah)
Profile   Post #: 18
RE: my apologies - 3/9/2008 4:48:08 PM   
Madame4a


Posts: 2045
Joined: 2/4/2008
From: Washington, DC area
Status: offline 		apologies are great if sincere.. but they don't take away what ever happened.. for me, not doing it again is best.. I also don't care for apologies that start like this "I'm sorry YOU reacted to what I did that way... " as opposed to an apology for the actions...

in the end, forgiveness is important.. and I give it when I can.. it may take time...

my boi wakes up apologizing.. I've been trying to break her of the habit... its actually tiresome for me

(in reply to SinergyNstrumpet)
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RE: my apologies - 3/9/2008 4:54:29 PM   
SteelofUtah


Posts: 5307
Joined: 10/2/2007
From: St George Utah
Status: offline 		There is a difference between saying you are Sorry and admitting that you were wrong.

One has meaning the other isn't worth pissing on a forrest fire.

Steel

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