my apologies

my apologies (Full Version)

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sabirah -> my apologies (3/9/2008 12:50:56 PM)
I am new here and thought I would jump right in, and post something that I am struggling with. I was programmed from a very early age in my life to sincerely apologize if I did something wrong. I thought it was taught to me so that I could look within and humble myself and accept my responsibility for my error in judgement. It also allows me to purge so that I do not have to carry the heavy weight of my quilt, for my bad behavior. I know of a man who sees himself in a "Dominant way, A Master of sort." I have learned that His way of thinking is that " It is better to assume forgiveness then to ask for it." I found that mentality to be extremely arrogant, and it shows little respect for the one who feels they have been violated. For me, not wanting to apologize show no remose, and seems less then human, am I placing way to much value in " The Apology"?

xxblushesxx -> RE: my apologies (3/9/2008 12:55:51 PM)
Absolutely not. But, no need to apologize now...you did nothing wrong. s

bean -> RE: my apologies (3/9/2008 12:58:40 PM)
No, you are not. It's a basic measure of respect to give another person the chance to forgive you, and a basic point of dialogue to allow them a chance to air their perspective. Often, when I apologize to people, I discover that the problem was not really what I thought. Frequently, the other person feels that it is their own fault, or feels that the mistake was made at some earlier time. You can learn a lot through apologizing. I personally try to avoid people who assume that they are forgiven, as I've found that trait linked to the assumption that they are correct. I find these people too caustic to deal with. Ben

tsatske -> RE: my apologies (3/9/2008 12:58:45 PM)
This is a very American way of thinking. In America, companies do not take responsibility EVER, for fear it will lose them the lawsuit that they see coming. In Asian countries, CEOs visit victims of their companies problems personally, and they get far fewer lawsuits. The American idea is that if you don't admit responsibility you can't be held responsible. In actuality, people don't sue because what they experience warrants a suit, they sue because they are ANGRY, and they want to make a point to you. If they feel your company doesn't care or accept responsibility, they are much more likely to sue. I know that is not exactly what you asked, but it is, IMO, related to the same mindset.

celticlord2112 -> RE: my apologies (3/9/2008 12:59:26 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: sabirah I am new here and thought I would jump right in, and post something that I am struggling with. I was programmed from a very early age in my life to sincerely apologize if I did something wrong. I thought it was taught to me so that I could look within and humble myself and accept my responsibility for my error in judgement. It also allows me to purge so that I do not have to carry the heavy weight of my quilt, for my bad behavior. I know of a man who sees himself in a "Dominant way, A Master of sort." I have learned that His way of thinking is that " It is better to assume forgiveness then to ask for it." I found that mentality to be extremely arrogant, and it shows little respect for the one who feels they have been violated. For me, not wanting to apologize show no remose, and seems less then human, am I placing way to much value in " The Apology"? I don't think you are. Forgiveness is a choice. To assume forgiveness is disrespectful to my way of thinking. I see nothing "unDomly" about the words "I'm sorry." In all cases, before one is Master, he is first Man. He is imperfect. He will make mistakes. In my mind, the wise man owns his mistakes. He will apologize for them. He will work to overcome them. Hopefully, he will grow from them.

Level -> RE: my apologies (3/9/2008 1:09:18 PM)
The ability to apologize shows maturity, responsibility, and ethical behaviour. We all make mistakes, and there is nothing wrong with admitting that.

CalifChick -> RE: my apologies (3/9/2008 1:33:58 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: tsatske This is a very American way of thinking. In America, companies do not take responsibility EVER, for fear it will lose them the lawsuit that they see coming. In My "thats a bunch of crap" meter is going full tilt. Try googling "transparency" and you'll see. Cali

Stephann -> RE: my apologies (3/9/2008 1:57:56 PM)
Erm, An apology only has value if it's valued by the one receiving it. I offer apologies when I feel I am wrong, usually because it's an acknowledgment for myself. I only feel my apology is of value to others, when I have actually hurt or harmed another, and in this case what I have done (or not done) isn't so much of consequence to me, as the result of my actions. I stepped lightly on my slave's foot this morning, going into the bathroom. I said "Oops, sorry!" because I acknowledged to myself that I made a mistake, not because I truly cared about the minor pain she briefly experienced. I've also banged into her head with something, completely unintentionally, and it hurt badly enough that she started crying. My apology then was far more sincere and heartfelt, and my focus was on trying to make her feel better rather than acknowledging any wrongdoing on my part. Someone who doesn't have enough empathy to make an honest apology isn't necessarily a bad person, but it's hardly a desirable trait. It's like some people care more about good hygine than others do. Stephan

LordShadow -> RE: my apologies (3/9/2008 2:15:05 PM)
I don't know about that chick, I have to agree that it is all about liability not responsibility in this country nowadays. There area few folks who are willing to take responsibility for their actions or even the actions of their employees, but by and large they are the minority. Allow me to give you an example... Just a few weeks ago I was in an accident (I am a truck driver) in a company truck. In a nutshell i was driving a loaded tanker at the speed limit and a traffic light changed. I was not able to stop in time and went throught a red light and struck a car turning right (nobody injured thank the gods). After calling the authorities and checking on the occupants of the car I contacted my company and was told by the 2nd in command (the Owners son) not only to not admit fault, but to flat out lie to the police and tell them I had the green light. When the Owner arrived on location, he told me to fill out a different ticket on the job because the amount of water on board may have put me overweight and that would not look good in a law suit. I did neither, and while I was not fired, it was clearly made known that they were not happy. I went to the operations manager about it and he went to them, and both denied either conversation. This is not an uncommon event in this country anymore, $$$ are more important than accepting responsibility for ones actions or the actions of those in their charge.

LordShadow -> RE: my apologies (3/9/2008 2:22:03 PM)
sabirah, I can only speak for what is practiced in my Home, but IMO there is no honor in dishonesty or refusing to accept responsibility for ones actions. I teach mine that accepting responsibility and making a proper apology makes one a better person with a stronger character. And I lead in that example.

CalifChick -> RE: my apologies (3/9/2008 2:25:02 PM)
Shadow, I'm not going to put up a bunch of links showing companies that HAVE taken responsibility for their mistakes, and I'm sorry you work for such a bunch of assholes. But I will take exception to the statement that American companies do not EVER take responsibility for their mistakes. Cali

LordShadow -> RE: my apologies (3/9/2008 2:38:17 PM)
I would not agree that NO company accepts responsibility, I said it is not often, and will depend on how much its going to cost them and who knows about it. And thank you, but I no longer work for them ...of my own accord....lol

xxblushesxx -> RE: my apologies (3/9/2008 2:51:15 PM)
I agree with Shadow here. On many insurance policies(driving) it explicitely states NOT to admit fault if you are in an accident, or you might not be covered. What kind of **** is that?

Stephann -> RE: my apologies (3/9/2008 3:40:37 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: xxblushesxx I agree with Shadow here. On many insurance policies(driving) it explicitely states NOT to admit fault if you are in an accident, or you might not be covered. What kind of **** is that? Admitting fault, legally, can be used to establish the fact that you were at fault, whether you were or not. Confessing to breaking someone's window, even if you didn't, can lead to being found guilty (or financially responsible) in a court of law. It's not a matter of if you should lie, it's a matter of not conceding guilt should the matter be brought to trial. It's the cop's job to decide who is at fault, not the drivers. Stephan

celticlord2112 -> RE: my apologies (3/9/2008 3:43:15 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: xxblushesxx I agree with Shadow here. On many insurance policies(driving) it explicitely states NOT to admit fault if you are in an accident, or you might not be covered. What kind of **** is that? I tell my boys the same thing. If they're ever in an accident....basically shut up and say as little as possible.

SailingBum -> RE: my apologies (3/9/2008 3:56:35 PM)
Why help the cops or whoever find you guility. Call your lawyer. BadOne

Bound2One -> RE: my apologies (3/9/2008 4:27:33 PM)
Excuse me - it's better to assume forgiveness than to ask for it? Arrogant doesn't begin to describe that mentality, IMNSHO. I could never respect someone who wouldn't admit he did something wrong, who thought he was either never wrong or above asking for forgiveness.

SinergyNstrumpet -> RE: my apologies (3/9/2008 4:43:54 PM)
My Daddy thinks I apologize way too much for things that are not appropriate to apologize for. I have a hard time not saying I am sorry for almost everything, including things that other people do... just weird that way, and I am unsure as to why I do it. julia

Madame4a -> RE: my apologies (3/9/2008 4:48:08 PM)
apologies are great if sincere.. but they don't take away what ever happened.. for me, not doing it again is best.. I also don't care for apologies that start like this "I'm sorry YOU reacted to what I did that way... " as opposed to an apology for the actions... in the end, forgiveness is important.. and I give it when I can.. it may take time... my boi wakes up apologizing.. I've been trying to break her of the habit... its actually tiresome for me

SteelofUtah -> RE: my apologies (3/9/2008 4:54:29 PM)
There is a difference between saying you are Sorry and admitting that you were wrong. One has meaning the other isn't worth pissing on a forrest fire. Steel

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