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RE: DEAR CALI - 4/11/2008 1:57:24 PM

faerytattoodgirl

Posts: 5824
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quote:

ORIGINAL: hejira92

Dear Cali,

I have a gig tonight and I really don't feel like singing. Master is not here, so I can't give Him a blowjob. Oh, woe is me!!!!

What should I do???

signed,
I need more than music in my mouth

give me your # for phone fun....wait nm im not cali.

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I am flawed.

Imperfect.

MUST SPANK!!!

SPAAAAAAAANK!!!

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Post #: 441

RE: DEAR CALI - 4/11/2008 1:59:03 PM

CalifChick

Posts: 10717
Joined: 10/28/2007
From: California
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quote:

ORIGINAL: hejira92

I have a gig tonight and I really don't feel like singing. Master is not here, so I can't give Him a blowjob. Oh, woe is me!!!!

Since when did "I don't feel like..." enter your vocabulary? You're just looking for a reason to blow the first good looking guy that crosses your path. Well sister, I'm not going to give it to you. So there!

Cali

_____________________________

AKA "The Undisputed Goddess of Sarcasm", "Big Bad Cali" and "Yum Bum". Advisor to the Subbie Mafia, founding member of the W.A.C. and the Judgmental Bitches Brigade, member of the Clan of the Scarlet O'Hair-a's and Team Troll

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Post #: 442

RE: DEAR CALI - 4/12/2008 9:12:18 AM

Sundowner

Posts: 2549
Joined: 3/11/2007
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Dear Cali

In recognition of your inspiring and continuing example to the girls of the USA we, your admiring readership, have all clubbed together to endow an educational facility for young ladies. I though you would appreciate seeing some of the fine work being carried out in your name. http://www.gagreport.com/sexy-videos-lollipop.htm

An admirer

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Post #: 443

RE: DEAR CALI - 4/12/2008 11:39:54 AM

CalifChick

Posts: 10717
Joined: 10/28/2007
From: California
Status: offline

Awwwww, sweetie, thank you kindly... (you know what's coming next)... you deserve a blowjob.

Cali

_____________________________

AKA "The Undisputed Goddess of Sarcasm", "Big Bad Cali" and "Yum Bum". Advisor to the Subbie Mafia, founding member of the W.A.C. and the Judgmental Bitches Brigade, member of the Clan of the Scarlet O'Hair-a's and Team Troll

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Post #: 444

RE: DEAR CALI - 4/12/2008 3:46:46 PM

sunshinemiss

Posts: 17673
Joined: 11/26/2007
Status: offline

Dear Cali -
I've been away for a long time and only had opportunity (for the most part) to enjoy my oral ature with those of the vienna sausage size ummm apendage. I'm hoping to find a kielbasa when I return to the states. Any preparation you might recommend to get my jaw in order? I don't want to get lock jaw the first time I return to Normal.

Thank You.

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Post #: 445

RE: DEAR CALI - 4/12/2008 4:07:16 PM

CalifChick

Posts: 10717
Joined: 10/28/2007
From: California
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You're correct in that you need some preparation. The appropriate exercises are should be done at least twice a day. They are:

1. Assisted Opening: Place two fingers on the lower front teeth. Slowly open as wide as is comfortable while pushing down with your fingers. Repeat ten times.

2. Resisted Opening: Cup your palm under your chin, open jaw slowly, and gently resist opening with the hand under your chin. Repeat ten times.

3. Midline Exercises: Look in the mirror, bite your teeth together, and look at the position of the two center teeth on the lower jaw. Open slowly while watching these two teeth and attempt to keep your lower jaw centered as you open as wide as you can. Repeat ten times.

4. Simple Opening/Stretch: Open your jaw slowly as wide as you can and repeat ten times.

5. Lateral Exercise. Open your mouth about one inch from a clenched bite. Move your lower jaw as far to the right as is comfortable, without opening your mouth wider. Repeat ten times and then do the same on the left.

6. Neck Stretch. Attempt to touch your ear to your shoulder without lifting your shoulder. Do ten times on each side.

Cali

_____________________________

AKA "The Undisputed Goddess of Sarcasm", "Big Bad Cali" and "Yum Bum". Advisor to the Subbie Mafia, founding member of the W.A.C. and the Judgmental Bitches Brigade, member of the Clan of the Scarlet O'Hair-a's and Team Troll

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Post #: 446

RE: DEAR CALI - 4/12/2008 4:09:43 PM

GreedyTop

Posts: 52100
Joined: 5/2/2007
From: Savannah, GA
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: CalifChick

You're correct in that you need some preparation. The appropriate exercises are should be done at least twice a day. They are:

1. Assisted Opening: Place two fingers on the lower front teeth. Slowly open as wide as is comfortable while pushing down with your fingers. Repeat ten times.

2. Resisted Opening: Cup your palm under your chin, open jaw slowly, and gently resist opening with the hand under your chin. Repeat ten times.

3. Midline Exercises: Look in the mirror, bite your teeth together, and look at the position of the two center teeth on the lower jaw. Open slowly while watching these two teeth and attempt to keep your lower jaw centered as you open as wide as you can. Repeat ten times.

4. Simple Opening/Stretch: Open your jaw slowly as wide as you can and repeat ten times.

5. Lateral Exercise. Open your mouth about one inch from a clenched bite. Move your lower jaw as far to the right as is comfortable, without opening your mouth wider. Repeat ten times and then do the same on the left.

6. Neck Stretch. Attempt to touch your ear to your shoulder without lifting your shoulder. Do ten times on each side.

Cali

*in total, complete, abject AWE*

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polysnortatious
Supreme Goddess of Snark
CHARTER MEMBER: Lance's Fag Hags!
Waiting for my madman in a Blue Box.

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Post #: 447

RE: DEAR CALI - 4/12/2008 4:21:29 PM

CalifChick

Posts: 10717
Joined: 10/28/2007
From: California
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You're not dealing with an amateur here.

Cali

_____________________________

AKA "The Undisputed Goddess of Sarcasm", "Big Bad Cali" and "Yum Bum". Advisor to the Subbie Mafia, founding member of the W.A.C. and the Judgmental Bitches Brigade, member of the Clan of the Scarlet O'Hair-a's and Team Troll

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Post #: 448

RE: DEAR CALI - 4/12/2008 4:25:45 PM

midgetmafiosa

Posts: 195
Joined: 3/23/2008
From: Maine, and SLC, UT
Status: offline

holy shit, Cali, those are some damned fine exercises.

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Post #: 449

RE: DEAR CALI - 4/12/2008 4:26:43 PM

GreedyTop

Posts: 52100
Joined: 5/2/2007
From: Savannah, GA
Status: offline

Dear Cali...

I just seriously abused my hair. The 3 people who have seen have been divided on their opinions (2 for, 1 against). Will this affect my appeal for giving blow jobs?

signed:

psycho coloring

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polysnortatious
Supreme Goddess of Snark
CHARTER MEMBER: Lance's Fag Hags!
Waiting for my madman in a Blue Box.

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Post #: 450

RE: DEAR CALI - 4/12/2008 4:29:00 PM

lusciouslips19

Posts: 9792
Joined: 9/8/2007
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quote:

ORIGINAL: CalifChick

You're not dealing with an amateur here.

Cali

You cant fool me Cali. Those are TMJ exercises! You didnt perhaps get lockjaw for any reason in the past???? Dear Cali, do tell....

_____________________________

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Keeper of Original Home Flag and Fire of Mr. Lance Hughes
Charter member of Lance's Fag Hags,
Member of the Subbie Mafia
Princess of typos and it's my prerogative

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Post #: 451

RE: DEAR CALI - 4/12/2008 4:29:07 PM

CalifChick

Posts: 10717
Joined: 10/28/2007
From: California
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: GreedyTop
I just seriously abused my hair. The 3 people who have seen have been divided on their opinions (2 for, 1 against). Will this affect my appeal for giving blow jobs?

Does your mouth still work and is it still wet? If the answer to both is "yes", then just dim the lights and get on it.

Cali

_____________________________

AKA "The Undisputed Goddess of Sarcasm", "Big Bad Cali" and "Yum Bum". Advisor to the Subbie Mafia, founding member of the W.A.C. and the Judgmental Bitches Brigade, member of the Clan of the Scarlet O'Hair-a's and Team Troll

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Post #: 452

RE: DEAR CALI - 4/12/2008 4:30:17 PM

GreedyTop

Posts: 52100
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From: Savannah, GA
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*proclaiming Cali as the GODDESS of BLOWJOBS!*

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polysnortatious
Supreme Goddess of Snark
CHARTER MEMBER: Lance's Fag Hags!
Waiting for my madman in a Blue Box.

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Post #: 453

RE: DEAR CALI - 4/12/2008 4:32:10 PM

CalifChick

Posts: 10717
Joined: 10/28/2007
From: California
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quote:

ORIGINAL: lusciouslips19
You cant fool me Cali. Those are TMJ exercises! You didnt perhaps get lockjaw for any reason in the past???? Dear Cali, do tell....

I didn't say I made them up, I said I'm no amateur. They work well for many things. I just wish I could find something to help with the aftereffects from that long-ago hip dislocation I suffered from when I... uhhhhh... never mind.

Cali

_____________________________

AKA "The Undisputed Goddess of Sarcasm", "Big Bad Cali" and "Yum Bum". Advisor to the Subbie Mafia, founding member of the W.A.C. and the Judgmental Bitches Brigade, member of the Clan of the Scarlet O'Hair-a's and Team Troll

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Post #: 454

RE: DEAR CALI - 4/12/2008 4:34:12 PM

camille65

Posts: 5746
Joined: 7/11/2007
From: Austin Texas
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: lusciouslips19

quote:

ORIGINAL: CalifChick

You're not dealing with an amateur here.

Cali

You cant fool me Cali. Those are TMJ exercises! You didnt perhaps get lockjaw for any reason in the past???? Dear Cali, do tell....

Hahahaha I recognised them too! *says she with the 7mm mouth*

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Post #: 455

RE: DEAR CALI - 4/12/2008 4:38:22 PM

lusciouslips19

Posts: 9792
Joined: 9/8/2007
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quote:

ORIGINAL: CalifChick

quote:

ORIGINAL: lusciouslips19
You cant fool me Cali. Those are TMJ exercises! You didnt perhaps get lockjaw for any reason in the past???? Dear Cali, do tell....

I didn't say I made them up, I said I'm no amateur. They work well for many things. I just wish I could find something to help with the aftereffects from that long-ago hip dislocation I suffered from when I... uhhhhh... never mind.

Cali

I am no amatuer either.

Pelvic tilts dahing. pelic tilts. Add a feww kegels, well just because.

_____________________________

Original Pimpette,
Keeper of Original Home Flag and Fire of Mr. Lance Hughes
Charter member of Lance's Fag Hags,
Member of the Subbie Mafia
Princess of typos and it's my prerogative

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Post #: 456

RE: DEAR CALI - 4/12/2008 4:39:32 PM

GreedyTop

Posts: 52100
Joined: 5/2/2007
From: Savannah, GA
Status: offline

reminds me of the 'wide mouthed frog joke"

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polysnortatious
Supreme Goddess of Snark
CHARTER MEMBER: Lance's Fag Hags!
Waiting for my madman in a Blue Box.

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Post #: 457

RE: DEAR CALI - 4/12/2008 5:01:09 PM

CalifChick

Posts: 10717
Joined: 10/28/2007
From: California
Status: offline

No kegels here, I wouldn't want to pinch anybody's dick off. And the hip dislocation, well, if I hadn't been airborne, and if my foot hadn't gotten stuck, well, I'm sure it wouldn't have happened. Although it wasn't any more embarrassing than the time I got a concussion from sex in the kitchen.

Cali

_____________________________

AKA "The Undisputed Goddess of Sarcasm", "Big Bad Cali" and "Yum Bum". Advisor to the Subbie Mafia, founding member of the W.A.C. and the Judgmental Bitches Brigade, member of the Clan of the Scarlet O'Hair-a's and Team Troll

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Post #: 458

RE: DEAR CALI - 4/12/2008 5:26:46 PM

GreedyTop

Posts: 52100
Joined: 5/2/2007
From: Savannah, GA
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*snicker* I had to have 5 stitches on my thumb once, from slicing a bagel

_____________________________

polysnortatious
Supreme Goddess of Snark
CHARTER MEMBER: Lance's Fag Hags!
Waiting for my madman in a Blue Box.

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Post #: 459

RE: DEAR CALI - 4/12/2008 6:02:01 PM

sunshinemiss

Posts: 17673
Joined: 11/26/2007
Status: offline

*I am practicing, practicing, practicing. Thank you Cali, Goddess of BJs

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Yes, I am a wonton hussy... and still sweet as 3.14

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Post #: 460