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ORIGINAL: OmegaG

you know, I have a hard time answering when people ask me how long I've been in the lifestyle.  The more I learn the more I discover that the traits that lable me an s-type have been part of me always, that I've almost always presented myself as half of a D/s relationship even if the other half wasn't Dominant.

What has changed is that the knowlege I've found on the internet has defined what has always been going on and helped me realize what components I needed for a succsessful relationship.  And had I found someone with m'Lords personality outside the lables and the bells and whistles I could have still had a happy, long term partnership.

So in one way, I am who I am and it just happens to fit within the "lifestyle".  On the other hand, I didn't have the words to articulate who I was or what I needed until very recently.

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ORIGINAL: Bound2One

Bottom line - I think there are a lot of people being disingenuous when discussing their experience, and as usual, it boils down to knowing what you want and asking questions to be sure you're getting it.  

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ORIGINAL: LadyPact

I'm a little late in the discussion, but I'm adding My viewpoint anyway.  There was a thread I was reading not too long ago on another forum about the difference between calling it "online and real time" and "online and offline".  Of course, everybody jumped on the bandwagon and said the former definition was more legitimate than the latter.  It made everyone feel better about the non-physical types of relationships that they had and the online only folks felt validated.  The whole time I read it, I was sitting here thinking, call it what you want, but it's still crap.

It may not be popular, but I am in agreement with the OP.  I honestly don't care what you do in front of your computer.  Go right ahead and talk about the slave you own, but you've never met.  Feel free to discuss how much experience you have with the only thing you've ever touched being your keyboard.  Make up all of the imaginary games that you want through the wonders of technology.  It doesn't mean that you have the same nuts and bolts of what it really is.  Until you venture away from that computer, it's not the same.

Somebody back there compared it to sex, so I'll run with that.  Let's say, for example, that a person out there is having cyber sex on a rather regular basis.  They can type up all kinds of things, and even get on cam with other people for the purpose.  Are they really having sex?  Of course they're not.  They aren't physically/sexually *with* another person.  They might be amazingly good at cyber sex, and still a virgin in real life.  Why would anyone think the same doesn't apply to BDSM?

As to the comment that someone made about people in the military being restricted due to career, well, it's not quite the way you make it out to be.  Speaking as someone who has both a husband and a sub in the military, I can promise you that it isn't that you can't participate.  It's more like you can't talk about it.  Oddly enough, it falls under the same "Don't ask, don't tell" category that homosexuality does.  It doesn't stop anyone from going to munches, being at the club, or any other activity during personal hours.  I just don't bruise My sub on the legs during warmer months, when the marks would be visible in his pt uniform.

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BTW Alfred Kinsey was the man who did on the most extensive studies on human sexuality and found that most people who consider themselves "straight" have had at least one homosexual fantasy in their lives. It doesn't make them gay. And there's numerous men who consider themselves straight even though they surf gay porn sites. So sue me if you don't like my opinion

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ORIGINAL: BoiJen

Normally, I choose not to respond to these types of posts...however just for the record...

This boi doesn't have a Domme...She has me. You're welcome to think whatever you want about me as an individual beyond that whether you choose to check with me about my motivations and intent or not.

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ORIGINAL: BoiJen

Just because you have gay fantasies doesn't make you gay. Intent does. Do you have the intent to follow through or stay happily married and only fantasize or only stay online on a damned forum? Intent is a real thing. It's the difference ebtween fantasizing about killing someone and being a murder. And intent is not.."I intend to do this eventually..." and never getting around to it.

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ORIGINAL: stella41b

I'm following the thread and I'm starting to disbelieve some of what I'm reading here. I stand by my opinion earlier and remain in disagreement with the OP.

Why?

BDSM by its very definition is an umbrella term of a very broad spectrum of human behaviour, rituals and activities based on human interaction.

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And like it or not, the Internet is a means of communication,

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It doesn't matter how much experience you have because when you start a new relationship you start in the same position as everyone else{

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Okay, so you're out there living in real time and playing every weekend, having sex, in a committed relationship. I'm happy for you, really I am. But not everyone is that lucky, not everybody can get themselves into a scene or into a relationship at the snap of a finger. It's not just work, there can be other things, family, illness, other circumstances, or the simple fact that you've moved into a new area and need to integrate yourself into your new life. This is not to mention those who stay online out of choice.

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Then there's the people who are in the process of discovering BDSM and trying to work out their interests who need to do a certain amount of research online before they become 'real' or interact with others. This might be a much simpler process if they didn't have to overcome the suspicions of the more experienced that they're 'wannabes', 'fakes', or less than 'real'

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There's a major logical fallacy here committed by the OP and others who agree based on the assumption that because it is online now, at this moment in time, then it's online period and these people are fantasists and not real.

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But hey, does this mean that I really have to prostitute myself at munches and scenes and restrict my choices of Dommes and people to my immediate area?

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Some of are just as real as all the players and those in committed relationships only not online. Why? I speak for myself personally and I much prefer quality over quantity any day. I have my own interests, my own community of friends, and yes I have an online Domme at the moment, and to be perfectly honest I don't need anyone else's validation as to whether I'm real or not. I know who I am, so do those people who know me, and I don't really give a monkey's what anyone else thinks or what assumptions they're inclined to make.

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If you're happy with what you do and it brings you fulfillment and happiness, then why do you feel the need to judge others and take such a great interest in what they are or aren't doing?

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To finalize, I have yet to meet the person who was solely online, then got into the lifestyle, who after experiencing real time for themselves, went back to say that the online experience was so much better.