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stella41b -> RE: New to the Lifestyle ...or just online? (3/17/2008 3:54:21 PM)
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quote:
ORIGINAL: BoiJen
BTW I don't just scene...I live this D/s thing too...and service...every fuckin day. It's not about playing. Last time I checked you couldn't do someone else's dishes over the computer.
Oh right, so I take it you're submissive (or dominant) with anyone or anybody who comes into your life, right? Employers..family, friends, so tell me, when you visit a doctor do you do his dishes as well?
Or are we more talking here about a 24/7 relationship with a major D/s component?
So okay, whoopee shit, I'm happy for you, and I do sincerely mean that. But what is it you're expecting here? A medal? Some sort of prize? A round of applause? Lifetime membership in the One True Way Club?
So let me ask you then about all those people who aren't as fortunate to be able to 'live it' as you say 24/7 - what about them? Are they all fake? Pretending? Fantasists? What about those people who are separated from each other for whatever reason? What about those people who have just come out of relationships?
What about all those female submissives out there who spend many months, night after night, online, sat at a computer with their Dom on the other side, both working together to develop and build a successful, harmonious relationship? How many Mistresses out there collared their slaves after months of correspondence? Are these people fake too?
What would you say of some very good friends of mine who spent many months online developing a relationship? She's travelling Jamaica, the United States, and Canada, he's back here in Kent, she comes home, that was six years ago, and they are still together, and their relationship is as strong as ever. Are they fake just because they spent time fucking about on a computer?
It doesn't matter whether they're sitting beside each other on a two seater sofa or thousands and thousands of miles away connecting with each other by way of computer because he's human and she's human and because of this their relationship is just as real - it contains the same feelings, the same emotions, the words they exchange between each other carry the same meanings as they would spoken face to face.
Yes, nothing can beat real time experience and real life relationships, and whatever time is spent online is nothing more than a poor substitute, a placebo, nowhere near the real thing. Online contact is never really anything more than about 30% of the real thing, the feelings are the same, the emotions, the thoughts, but it's missing the most vital thing, the interaction, the physical intimacy
But just because there is no 70% it doesn't necessarily invalidate the remaining 30%.
Yeah, some people don't follow through, some people lie, some people let you down, and some people just don't have a clue. But isn't this true of life in general?
quote:
ORIGINAL: Shawn1066
Also, in response to a few posts up... BDSM is just as real...or as fake...as anything else. It depends on the relationship, the people involved, and the dynamic. You seem to believe it's nothing more than role play. That's certainly true for some people, and there's absolutely nothing wrong with that. For other people, it's not role play at all. It's just what they are and how their relationship dynamic is. They never turn off. If my relationship with my Owner is roleplay, then every single thing in my life--or anybody else's--is roleplay.
Though I do admit to making the statement that BDSM is a role play, it is usually more helpful to read and understand all what I write and not just pick at my postings selectively. This is just a point I wish to make in general, the misunderstanding here is my fault and is because I did make such a statement. I did however qualify it later on. Obviously I wasn't too successful.
However I will try and do so again. Many of the activities, interactions and rituals found in BDSM are based on a role assumed by both people in a relationship, but the role assumed is a role and is nothing more than an integral part of the relationship.
Therefore I don't seem to believe that it's nothing more than role play, but I don't see much difference between the submissive or dominant role, and say the role of a mother, a husband, a housewife, a servant, an employee, or an employer.
You and your Dominant are both people, you are both real people, the needs, wishes, desires and feelings which you both share in your relationship are as real as the kinks you share between each other. If the kinks weren't real, if the desire behind the kinks weren't real, or the desire to experience fulfillment of those needs or desires, there would be no motivation at all to assume either the dominant or submissive role in your relationship, or would there?
No Shawn, your relationship isn't a role play, it is a real, perfectly valid relationship just the same as any other relationship between anyone else. But then again is it really a vanilla relationship? Of course not, but a relationship based on the role of a submissive and Dominant, but the role itself is based on a real relationship between two people. Therefore both role and relationship are very much interwoven and connected to each other.
Let us not forget that a woman who marries a man, if they later have children, takes on the role of wife, and also of mother. Is she playing? No, not really, I very much doubt it, but she is assuming a role, is she not? She is approaching a relationship with another human (in this case a child, but everyone else too) in a specific manner and exhbiting a pattern of interaction and behaviour which would be deemed appropriate for a mother. Is she a mother? Why of course, but she's also a wife, she can also be a secretary, a daughter, a friend, a Dominatrix, a female submissive, whatever role she chooses to adopt with whoever for whatever reason.
If your relationship with your Dominant was just a role, then be sure that neither of you would have any value whatsoever to each other. You could be a submissive to any woman assuming the role of Dominant, and she could be a Dominant to any submissive who came her way. But I'm assuming you chose each other not because of your respective roles, but for who you really are deep inside.
If your relationship is just a relationship and doesn't involve a role of any sorts, then why can't you both find fulfillment with a vanilla relationship? Why do you feel the need to be submissive, and she feels the need to be dominant? These are roles which you assume between each other to fulfill needs, part of the intimacy, the whole relationship.
This is where I have a problem with the OP. It's not for the OP or me or anyone else for that matter to say whether your relationship, or anyone else's relationship for that matter is valid or not. It's not for me to question the presence of anyone here on these boards and to decide whether they are fake or real or not. It's got nothing to do with me, it's none of my business. Your relationship is between you and your Dominant, nobody else.
quote:
ORIGINAL: Shawn1066
I just think it's incorrect to say that BDSM is not real life. Some isn't. Some is. Just like everything else, in my opinion.
BDSM is a part of life, real life, Just as kink is - to me personally - a part of human nature. BDSM in itself isn't the same as real life, it is not a substitute for real life, and this is what I meant when I made that underlined statement.
quote:
ORIGINAL: Shawn1066
I do agree it's good to not have one aspect of your life take over entirely, though. That's very important to remember.
DV's Fox
Very true.
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