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Response Honesty - 3/16/2008 6:46:38 PM   
MD1Master


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Joined: 3/7/2008
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When an individual contacts you regarding interest and, after reading their profile, you determine there is a physical characteristic which is unpalatable, is it best to be honest as a general rule?  For instance, an individual contacted me and her height/weight ratio was not within my desired range.  Should I have simply stated the distance was an issue or that I was speaking with someone else? 

I responded with honesty and wonder if that was the best solution.  In the future I will be concise and simply state "not interested, sorry."  I believe my error was I provided information where none was asked or required.  It was simply a request for interest. 

Thoughts?


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RE: Response Honesty - 3/16/2008 6:49:08 PM   
Kirren


Posts: 580
Joined: 9/5/2007
Status: offline 		I think honesty puts people in a place where they have to also be honest with themselves.

90% of the time you will find that a person sees themself as one thing and when you threaten that, they become another, and its hard for them to deal with. So when you told her that her height/weight wasnt what you were looking for, she suddenly became unattractive, when she had perhaps always felt attractive. Make sense?

This is not to say that honesty shouldnt be the policy that you use...I would recommend it far above any others. But tact is always a plus.

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RE: Response Honesty - 3/16/2008 6:50:09 PM   
TethersEnd


Posts: 102
Joined: 1/29/2007
Status: offline 		Somehow I think if I was Honest with Dom's and said something to the effect of "your short, and have a strange build" they wouldnt think me too submissive now would they???  

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RE: Response Honesty - 3/16/2008 6:54:20 PM   
LadyPact


Posts: 32566
Status: offline 		It's a good question.  I have a feeling there are going to be quite a few folks that will be responding.

Personally, I do believe we should be honest, but that doesn't mean we can't also have consideration.  Very simply, you don't have to give the details.  It's just as easy to say that after viewing the profile, that you aren't compatible.  It isn't necessary to name the trait which makes you think so.  Most people are grown up enough (I hope) to understand that not everyone is a good match for everybody else.


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RE: Response Honesty - 3/16/2008 6:56:58 PM   
xxblushesxx


Posts: 9318
Joined: 11/3/2005
From: Kentucky
Status: offline 		I agree with Lady Pact.
Why hurt someone needlessly?
I don't think that we are compatible at this time works perfectly fine.
If they ask why, just a simple, thank you but no, should be sufficient.

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RE: Response Honesty - 3/16/2008 6:58:48 PM   
AMaster


Posts: 814
Joined: 8/4/2005
Status: offline 		It would be honest enough to say "no thanks- you are not my type."   Honesty is one thing, being insulting is another.

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RE: Response Honesty - 3/16/2008 7:01:49 PM   
MD1Master


Posts: 34
Joined: 3/7/2008
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I completely agree with the above responses.  I supplied information when none was required.  The concise, polite response of "I do not believe we are compatible" was sufficient.  Again, though I truly believe my response was tactful (I have reread it four times) I provided information which was not requested nor required.

Thank you!



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RE: Response Honesty - 3/16/2008 7:02:16 PM   
SinergyNstrumpet


Posts: 305
Joined: 2/26/2008
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: MD1Master





When an individual contacts you regarding interest and, after reading their profile, you determine there is a physical characteristic which is unpalatable, is it best to be honest as a general rule?  For instance, an individual contacted me and her height/weight ratio was not within my desired range.  Should I have simply stated the distance was an issue or that I was speaking with someone else? 

I responded with honesty and wonder if that was the best solution.  In the future I will be concise and simply state "not interested, sorry."  I believe my error was I provided information where none was asked or required.  It was simply a request for interest. 

Thoughts?





Why respond with a reason at all? Do you owe a stranger a reason? I sometimes gave a reason and sometimes I did not. I did not lie about the reason.

If someone was too old for me and too far, I might tell them they were too far and omit too old. If someone was too young for me, I often just told them my preference. If someone smoked or was into things I wasn't, then I would often tell them blanket "compatibility" issues. I never picked on someone's physical appearance as a reason to dismiss them as a prospect. I didn't feel it necessary.


julia

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RE: Response Honesty - 3/16/2008 7:03:26 PM   
burningdesires47


Posts: 120
Joined: 2/22/2007
Status: offline 		I think that tactfully saying that you are not interested is honesty enough--it's true, but you don't need to explain why. If they ask, then fine, go for brutal honesty. Even so, there is a difference between saying "your height-weight ratio is not within my desired range" and saying "you're too fat/too skinny." The first one is more tactful--it doesn't imply fault with the person, just points to an incompatibility. However, any woman who is not in the "average to model" category is still probably going to take offense, but then I think they need to get over their insecurities. I can't tell you how often I get told I'm too skinny... and I'm above optimum weight for my height. Everyone has a preference, and I don't see how we can fault each other for those preferences not coinciding.

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RE: Response Honesty - 3/16/2008 7:04:41 PM   
LuckyAlbatross


Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline 		Nope, no one has anything invested in this, dishonesty as a social lubricant is simply the way of things.  Just say "Sorry, not interested." and move on.

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RE: Response Honesty - 3/16/2008 7:05:27 PM   
SunNMoon


Posts: 1058
Joined: 3/18/2007
Status: offline 		I think you can be nice about it after all not everyone is going to be a perfect match. And well I’m sure you’ll be on the receiving end of it as well, since we all are at one time or another.  As Lady Pact said, you can just say that you don’t think you will be compatible; you don’t have to go into the details of “your just not that hot.” Just be polite.   

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RE: Response Honesty - 3/16/2008 7:06:47 PM   
Leatherist


Posts: 5149
Joined: 12/11/2007
Status: offline 		I usually just say I don't think we would be a match.

Usually because they are too chickshit to take off the masks and show all of who they are.
A sadist can love you more for your evil ,than the little miss pollyanna act,in many cases.
 
But fear being the mind killer........

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RE: Response Honesty - 3/16/2008 7:07:26 PM   
MissHarlet


Posts: 2728
Joined: 9/11/2005
From: El Paso , TX US
Status: offline 		I usually reply with " Im sorry .. you just do not meet the criteria I am searching for .... Good luck in your search"

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RE: Response Honesty - 3/16/2008 7:16:36 PM   
GreedyTop


Posts: 52100
Joined: 5/2/2007
From: Savannah, GA
Status: offline 		My stock response is " Thank you for your interest. Good luck in your search."

If they push, I just repeat the 'good luck..' part.
That usually ends the contact.

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RE: Response Honesty - 3/16/2008 7:19:01 PM   
Leatherist


Posts: 5149
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Status: offline 		Don't call us,we'll call you

The check is in the mail

The dog ate my homework

Etc.........

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RE: Response Honesty - 3/16/2008 7:20:06 PM   
GreedyTop


Posts: 52100
Joined: 5/2/2007
From: Savannah, GA
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Leatherist

Don't call us,we'll call you

The check is in the mail

The dog ate my homework

Etc.........


*snicker*

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RE: Response Honesty - 3/16/2008 7:25:24 PM   
bamabbwsub


Posts: 566
Joined: 5/28/2007
Status: offline 		No one likes rejection.

I personally don't really care as much about honesty in a reply as I do that they're polite about it. If someone says, "Sorry, the distance is too great," versus, "Holy shit, you're fat!" I'd much rather have the polite -- but believable -- lie than the harsher, less polite truth. On the other hand, if someone were to say, "I'm sorry, but I'm not attracted to larger women," I would be okay with that too. Honest, but polite.

Bottom line, whether it's the truth or a lie: Just be polite. How she handles it then becomes her problem, not Yours.

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RE: Response Honesty - 3/16/2008 7:26:43 PM   
Real_Trouble


Posts: 471
Joined: 2/25/2008
Status: offline 		I use a two step method.

First, I say I am not interested, without bothering to explain myself.  I am succinct and polite, but firm, and leave it at that.

If they press and ask me why, then I will tell them; I do not offer it as a general rule unless it is something that could be easily changed (location is the big one there, though that obviously varies wildly case by case) in the first round.

Also, I agree that being polite is the way to go, or at least neutral.  There's no need to be nasty unless someone really did something egregious.


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RE: Response Honesty - 3/16/2008 7:28:31 PM   
Leatherist


Posts: 5149
Joined: 12/11/2007
Status: offline 		Or mention that one of thier hard limits is a deal breaker.

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RE: Response Honesty - 3/16/2008 7:43:11 PM   
Evility


Posts: 915
Joined: 12/19/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: MD1Master
When an individual contacts you regarding interest and, after reading their profile, you determine there is a physical characteristic which is unpalatable, is it best to be honest as a general rule?


In my reply I would thank them for writing and for their interest and simply say that I was not interested without any specifics. If they wrote back and asked what I was specifically not interested in I would tell them the truth. I don't think a stranger is entitled to an explanation but if you are going to elaborate you should be honest.

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