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RE: Response Honesty - 3/16/2008 8:01:53 PM

AquaticSub

Posts: 14867
Joined: 12/27/2005
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Honesty does not require you to forgo tact. A simple "I'm sorry but you aren't what I'm looking for" is enough.

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It was ok for him to beat me but then he tried to cuddle me! - Me

Member:Clan of the Scarlet O'Hair

(in reply to MD1Master)

Post #: 21

RE: Response Honesty - 3/16/2008 8:38:53 PM

LadyTeazer

Posts: 225
Joined: 4/1/2007
Status: offline

I agree with GreedyTop --  I have used the "thanks, and good luck" reply when contacted by someone I felt no attraction to.

If the boy is polite and respectful in his initial email to Me, that deserves a reply. I feel that his good and proper behavior should be "rewarded", so to speak, and I will (and have) commented on such in My response to him.    Positive things like that in a boy need to be acknowledged, and encouraged.

If his email obviously shows him to be a player ("hey baby!! wanna spank my bad little ass?"), it gets deleted without hesitation.

If his email shows that he has no clue what D/s is all about, or that he is only interested in getting "his" needs met  ( "I am a sub male. I like <fill in the kinks of your choice>, and I want you to do this <fill in the activities of your choice> to me."), again, he gets deleted without a response.   Someone needs to clue him in that ~his purpose is to serve the Domme's needs~ , not the other way around.   At first, I really had to practice restraint, by not going off on a dipwad like that, and setting his dumb ass straight. But now, I "just let it go" because I realize that someone like that isn't worth My time or effort.

And, by the way, GreedyTop....... did I hear you mention "Sparklies"?     Oooooooooooo.....Where???????   **stretches Her neck and looks around for them**

LadyTeazer -- Proud Owner of [saberwolf34]
and still a WOW -- Wonderful Older Woman

(in reply to GreedyTop)

Post #: 22

RE: Response Honesty - 3/16/2008 8:49:45 PM

mzbehavin

Posts: 253
Joined: 1/15/2008
Status: offline

At first i just didnt respond. But now as time goes on i realize many people feel thats rude, so now i use the auto response button. Thank you etc..
No, i dont get into reasons unless they persist.

(in reply to LadyTeazer)

Post #: 23

RE: Response Honesty - 3/16/2008 9:21:26 PM

TemptingNviceSub

Posts: 3054
Joined: 10/1/2005
Status: offline

I generally go with the thought of how would I like to be rejected...The general vague response is good enough for me...To point out an obvious is unnecessary..unless requested by the rejected in a second e-mail..then honesty is called for..sometimes one has to be careful of what they wish for or request..for they may just get it..Tempting

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You must make tracks into the unknown~~Thoreau

(in reply to MD1Master)

Post #: 24

RE: Response Honesty - 3/17/2008 12:18:08 AM

Taintedblood

Posts: 116
Joined: 10/22/2007
Status: offline

It depends on how the message has been laid out as to how i respond or if i respond but usually its a simple no thank you i'm not interested.

(in reply to TemptingNviceSub)

Post #: 25

RE: Response Honesty - 3/17/2008 12:31:14 AM

adoracat

Posts: 1779
Joined: 2/16/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Evility

quote:

ORIGINAL: MD1Master
When an individual contacts you regarding interest and, after reading their profile, you determine there is a physical characteristic which is unpalatable, is it best to be honest as a general rule?

In my reply I would thank them for writing and for their interest and simply say that I was not interested without any specifics. If they wrote back and asked what I was specifically not interested in I would tell them the truth. I don't think a stranger is entitled to an explanation but if you are going to elaborate you should be honest.

i applaud this method. if someone says i'm not their type, i can deal with that. i am NOT everyone's type, and that's fine.

if i really wanted to know the exact reason *why*....i can ask. i dont need it said outright "you arent height/weight porportionate". yeah, i know that. i wouldnt contact anyone who had that listed as something important to them.

kitten

(in reply to Evility)

Post #: 26

RE: Response Honesty - 3/17/2008 3:22:11 AM

DesFIP

Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
Status: offline

Thanks but no thanks is more than sufficient. Telling someone that they're too fat/short/ugly/shortsighted is just rude and needlessly hurtful.

And if they come back whining "why not" then don't respond, just block and ignore.

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(in reply to Evility)

Post #: 27

RE: Response Honesty - 3/17/2008 3:37:33 AM

lally3

Posts: 595
Joined: 3/4/2008
Status: offline

but, what about the rest of her, was it all hopeless. was her height/weight ratio so out of wack that you couldnt consider putting her on a diet and rebuilding her self esteem.

just looking at the external and not looking further might mean you miss out on a jewel. you never know.

people find it so hard to find people in this lifestyle, there are so many variables to contend with - but a weight issue isnt a big one i dont think, that can be sorted, if she's open to it.

(in reply to DesFIP)

Post #: 28

RE: Response Honesty - 3/17/2008 4:44:29 AM

Madame4a

Posts: 2045
Joined: 2/4/2008
From: Washington, DC area
Status: offline

I personally feel this huge urge to explain -- because I'm nice and don't want to hurt anyone's feelings. BUT, I don't think its necessary, for I would have to say things like (the HWP thing, or something else, not so nice) and its just not necessary.

I say things like a simple "no, thank you" and if they've taken time to write a nice note, I will thank them very much for that and decline politely.

Sometimes, it still gets angry responses -- see my journal.

I think its much better, if you do respond, to say no thank you politely and not worry about the whys.

(in reply to MD1Master)

Post #: 29

RE: Response Honesty - 3/17/2008 6:49:41 AM

velvetears

Posts: 2933
Joined: 6/19/2006
Status: offline

i don't think it would matter what you said any bbw who puts her weight in her profile is going to be prepared to get responses like yours. i prefer honesty and like to know if my weight is a factor in their decision. We know the pool of prospects is slimmer (no pun intended lol) because of our weight, it's not a big deal. i personally would not have been offended.

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(in reply to Madame4a)

Post #: 30

RE: Response Honesty - 3/17/2008 6:56:22 AM

subtee

Posts: 5133
Joined: 7/26/2007
Status: offline

~FR

It seems to me the succinct, innocuous "no thank you but I do wish you well" is the best response. If they write back pressing for more I would become even more terse: "Good luck" (right on GT), or just delete. When they start to press, they're usually trying to engage. If that's the case they aren't going to hear your reasons; they're going to argue with you and as long as they can get your to respond, they believe they can convince you.

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Don't believe everything you think...

(in reply to Madame4a)

Post #: 31

RE: Response Honesty - 3/17/2008 6:58:42 AM

mrac

Posts: 10
Joined: 6/13/2007
Status: offline

i love big girls

(in reply to Evility)

Post #: 32

RE: Response Honesty - 3/17/2008 7:30:02 AM

CreativeDominant

Posts: 11032
Joined: 3/11/2006
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: MD1Master
When an individual contacts you regarding interest and, after reading their profile, you determine there is a physical characteristic which is unpalatable, is it best to be honest as a general rule? For instance, an individual contacted me and her height/weight ratio was not within my desired range. Should I have simply stated the distance was an issue or that I was speaking with someone else?

I responded with honesty and wonder if that was the best solution. In the future I will be concise and simply state "not interested, sorry." I believe my error was I provided information where none was asked or required. It was simply a request for interest.

Thoughts?

I am going to chime in here with what I have said on other posts. Honesty is a fine and dandy policy but even when you use it upright...you can still get kicked in the teeth for it. Add a lack of tact into the equation and now you end up hurting someone. You can be honest..."Sorry...I do not think we are compatible" without being tactlesss..."Sorry...I do not think we are compatible. I find your height/weight ration to be disproportionate" (insulting) or tactless and hurtful..."Sorry...I do not think we are compatible...I do not go for short, fat girls". The last two of the three examples given may be honest but are they necessary when the first should suffice quite well.

(in reply to MD1Master)

Post #: 33

RE: Response Honesty - 3/17/2008 7:58:09 AM

Leatherist

Posts: 5149
Joined: 12/11/2007
Status: offline

Or you can just send a link!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JT22n6x7J0g

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(in reply to CreativeDominant)

Post #: 34

RE: Response Honesty - 3/17/2008 7:59:35 AM

greyarcher315

Posts: 99
Joined: 12/7/2006
Status: offline

Honesty is a good thing, and should be encoureged whenever possible, but the same goes for being polite. i always try to be honest when contacting someone, but if they say "no, thanks" i also don't push it and ask for an explanation. i am just thankful they bothered to reply and move on in my search. i guess the best rule would be "if its not nice, don't say it." Then again, i am sure there are those that see things differently, as being honest and polite are both things that are lost by many online.

(in reply to CreativeDominant)

Post #: 35

RE: Response Honesty - 3/17/2008 8:01:40 AM

LaTigresse

Posts: 26123
Joined: 1/15/2006
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: MD1Master

When an individual contacts you regarding interest and, after reading their profile, you determine there is a physical characteristic which is unpalatable, is it best to be honest as a general rule? For instance, an individual contacted me and her height/weight ratio was not within my desired range. Should I have simply stated the distance was an issue or that I was speaking with someone else?

I responded with honesty and wonder if that was the best solution. In the future I will be concise and simply state "not interested, sorry." I believe my error was I provided information where none was asked or required. It was simply a request for interest.

Thoughts?

Why do you have to give a reason?

"Thank you but, no thank you." works quite well for me.

_____________________________

My twisted, self deprecating, sense of humour, finds alot to laugh about, in your lack of one!

Just because you are well educated, articulate, and can use big, fancy words, properly........does not mean you are right!

(in reply to MD1Master)

Post #: 36

RE: Response Honesty - 3/17/2008 8:10:35 AM

LordVelvet

Posts: 311
Joined: 4/25/2006
Status: offline

To the OP:
I would say if You're going to reply You mentioned honesty. I heard a saying "Honesty without compassion is cruelty", I try to live by that. Just My thoughts.
LordVelvet

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(in reply to LaTigresse)

Post #: 37

RE: Response Honesty - 3/17/2008 10:09:38 AM

DesFIP

Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: lally3

but, what about the rest of her, was it all hopeless. was her height/weight ratio so out of wack that you couldnt consider putting her on a diet and rebuilding her self esteem.

just looking at the external and not looking further might mean you miss out on a jewel. you never know.

people find it so hard to find people in this lifestyle, there are so many variables to contend with - but a weight issue isnt a big one i dont think, that can be sorted, if she's open to it.

Really? For most women I know, weight issues are directly tied into emotional issues. And I already know I'm overweight, having someone say "you would be good enough to fuck when you lose 50 pounds, contact me then" would be needlessly hurtful. As would him saying he would only be interested in me if he could change me off the bat.

Besides, if he can't get it up with an overweight woman, then he would need to tell her that and I doubt she would feel great about it. Plus she'd worry about being abandoned if she gained some weight back. There's just too much emotional stuff tied into weight.

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Slave to laundry

Cynical and proud of it!

(in reply to lally3)

Post #: 38

RE: Response Honesty - 3/17/2008 10:21:11 AM

CalifChick

Posts: 10717
Joined: 10/28/2007
From: California
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: CreativeDominant

You can be honest..."Sorry...I do not think we are compatible" without being tactlesss..."Sorry...I do not think we are compatible. I find your height/weight ration to be disproportionate" (insulting) or tactless and hurtful..."Sorry...I do not think we are compatible...I do not go for short, fat girls". The last two of the three examples given may be honest but are they necessary when the first should suffice quite well.

The only time I would expect anything more than short and sweet would be if someone that I actually felt that I knew decided they didn't want to know me that way any longer ("someone I feel I know" means for me, someone I've talked with on the phone, because I don't take it to phone on the first date, so to speak).

Cali

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(in reply to CreativeDominant)

Post #: 39

RE: Response Honesty - 3/17/2008 10:41:21 AM

ExSteelAgain

Posts: 1803
Joined: 7/2/2006
From: Georgia
Status: offline

I find the whole matter of discussing why you reject someone on here who has actually contacted you kind of tacky. Should we post here why we reject every offer we get? She is going to read this board more than likely.

If you feel you owe her an apology, then email her. You have already told her once that she is too heavy for you. Why repeat it again here except to show you get offers and you can reject women who are too heavy. I don’t get the reason for the post if you are concerned that you hurt the woman.

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You can paint a cinder block bright pastel pink, but it's still a cinder block. (By Me.)

(in reply to MD1Master)

Post #: 40

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