RE: Unfair Punishment (Full Version)

All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> Ask a Mistress



Message

mzbehavin -> RE: Unfair Punishment (3/20/2008 3:47:44 PM)

Looks like i will be agreeing with the others about the 'abuse' vs. D/s factor. To me, that was clearly abusive. Leaving him tied up for 2 hours without even checking on him, knowing he hadnt eaten and having taken a hard beating on top of it all shows a blatant disreguard for his well being. You "feel so bad" now and thats a good sign. Well you should. Hopefully you learned a valuable lesson and did not lose him in the process. Good luck~



MistressDollys -> RE: Unfair Punishment (3/20/2008 5:48:29 PM)

I think as long as a slave's Mistress communicates before hand what constitutes an infraction and what the consequence will be, that is fine.



xxblushesxx -> RE: Unfair Punishment (3/20/2008 6:21:39 PM)

pffftttt....

What if there WASN'T an infraction?

What if 'mistress' lost her mind and forgot what she agreed to?

Then what?

Beat him til he can't work?!!!

uhm...yeah...I think I'll pass on subbing for you any time soon.

or later.



MistressDollys -> RE: Unfair Punishment (3/20/2008 6:25:15 PM)

Haha save us both the heart ache [:)]



Leatherist -> RE: Unfair Punishment (3/20/2008 6:41:55 PM)

fr...Sounds to me more like the op has mental or substance abuse issues......Uncontollable fits of temper-memory black outs? Unsafe at any speed, perhaps consider counseling or a shrink?



crouchingtigress -> RE: Unfair Punishment (3/20/2008 7:07:22 PM)

Please know that what you did has the potential to break a person, and sometimes people dont go back together again, and that is not ok.



pinksissyPA -> RE: Unfair Punishment (3/20/2008 8:50:28 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: Lockit

After reading some of the post, I did read your journal... I was going to try to be constructive and give you some things you could actually do.  But after that... I think it best you just work on some balance and stop the d/s elements because the way you are thinking just doesn't sound healthy.  The poor guy is scared to make a mistake (and will make more in this state) and is turning passive aggressive. Keep this up and he will be gone and one of us will be trying to deal with him.

                   *take what you want and need in life... just do no harm*


Well said Ms Lockit.  As others have said, i feel the "Domme's" behavior was abusive and one should never punish in anger.  Were i the sub in question, i would probably not trust the "Domme" again or more likely leave.

Respectfully,

pink



TNstepsout -> RE: Unfair Punishment (3/20/2008 9:23:58 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: servantforuse

You own him. He is your slave. You had every right to discipline him in any way you wished. He should have accepted his punishment without complaint..


Yes, she does, but if you read her post, she also said she didn't want to lose him. She only has the right to use him as a slave as long as he agrees to give her that power. How long will he remain if she continues to abuse it? She was out of line, and I would encourage any sub/slave being treated like that to get out. She's dangerous both physically and emotionally. Not to mention that the law does not recognize D/s as any kind of legal defense. If he filed charges against her, she would be in hot water.

I refrained from weighing in on this thread because I think everyone else already covered it and I have my doubts about whether this really happened, or if it is someone's weird fantasy they enjoyed getting the rest of us wound up in. One reason I have doubts is, that in reading the OP's journals there is a total focus on punishment and what seems to be a complete lack of any kind of interaction with her husband/sub other than punishment related.  It just seems "off" to me. 

Regardless, as an education to others who might wander this way, I think it's a good subject. I think it's important for people to hear the voice of reason so they can avoid the pitfall of the above argument and end up in an abusive D/s relationship.



LuckyAlbatross -> RE: Unfair Punishment (3/20/2008 9:34:36 PM)

I agree very much with what TammyJo had to say.  I will also add that I hope you understand that rather than just talking for three minutes and saying "Hey, I understand there was confusion, but I don't want to deal with attitude from you about stuff, so next time don't get defensive, just tell me what I asked politely." you chose to make things into a humongous physical and emotional debacle which may have severe ramifications.

I know for me, the FIRST and BEST way to get me off kilter and not thinking on point is to change up my schedule and not let me eat when I need to.  So the moment you chose to deny that to him, you immediately altered his ability to relate to you and work the issue out- basically sabotaging yourself.  Yet you continued to push the point more and more and dug both of you into a cycle of crap.

Good luck with next time.



Parataxis -> RE: Unfair Punishment (3/21/2008 6:02:52 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: TNstepsout

quote:

ORIGINAL: servantforuse

You own him. He is your slave. You had every right to discipline him in any way you wished. He should have accepted his punishment without complaint..


Yes, she does, but if you read her post, she also said she didn't want to lose him. She only has the right to use him as a slave as long as he agrees to give her that power. How long will he remain if she continues to abuse it?


Probably a very, very long time, with that sort of abuse - and that's what makes it so dangerous.

Psychological abuse can have the impact that the abused feels powerless to do anything about it - indeed, in time they can begin to feel that they deserve it.  See: battered wife syndrome, see: stockholm syndrome.

The really dangerous thing about that sort of abuse isn't that he'll leave - it's that he'll be powerless to leave (or voice complaint) and the abuse will continue.  



servantforuse -> RE: Unfair Punishment (3/21/2008 6:12:23 AM)

It might have been unfair and unjust, but to me as a submissive that doesn't really matter. I once spent 3 hours locked in a small closet for being 3 minutes late. I thought that was unfair but I certainly didn't complain when I was let out. I was never late to clean for her after that. Some lessons are learned early.. 



Shawn1066 -> RE: Unfair Punishment (3/21/2008 7:10:02 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: servantforuse

It might have been unfair and unjust, but to me as a submissive that doesn't really matter. I once spent 3 hours locked in a small closet for being 3 minutes late. I thought that was unfair but I certainly didn't complain when I was let out. I was never late to clean for her after that. Some lessons are learned early.. 


So, true abuse doesn't matter just because one happens to be submissive?  Ugh.

DV's Fox



TNstepsout -> RE: Unfair Punishment (3/21/2008 1:52:22 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: servantforuse

It might have been unfair and unjust, but to me as a submissive that doesn't really matter. I once spent 3 hours locked in a small closet for being 3 minutes late. I thought that was unfair but I certainly didn't complain when I was let out. I was never late to clean for her after that. Some lessons are learned early.. 


The two situations are quite different. In your case you failed to do something that was very clearly understood. You were late. Also, being locked in a closet, while unpleasant, does not end with injuries so severe that you have to take time off work. I would say in your case that the punishment fit the crime.

What was the meaning of this punishment? Exactly what did her husband learn? What exactly did he do wrong? As far as I can tell, his trangression was to point out to his wife that she made a mistake. Unless he did so in a thoroughly disrespecful manner, I can think of no reason why such an act warrants so severe a punishment. It sounds like he was justifiably angry, and although he probably should not have spoken to her as he did, her reaction was grossly over the top.

I am of the personal opinion that real punishments should almost never be used. A punishment like that described, would only be used for the absolute MOST horrendous of problems, like blatant, willful breaking of rules or breach of trust. However in those situations I don't think I would punish, I think I would have a serious talk about whether the relationship should continue. So IMO there is NO situation in which a punishment that severe is EVER acceptable. It just isn't.

I'm afraid Partaxis is right. This is exactly the kind of manipulation that can break the spirit and twist a person's thinking until he or she is unable to leave an abusive situation. 



YourhandMyAss -> RE: Unfair Punishment (3/21/2008 1:52:38 PM)

Ok fine , that's your choice but don't be telling other submissives it's how they have to handle it too. Because it's not. It's how you choose to look at it.
quote:

ORIGINAL: servantforuse

It might have been unfair and unjust, but to me as a submissive that doesn't really matter. I once spent 3 hours locked in a small closet for being 3 minutes late. I thought that was unfair but I certainly didn't complain when I was let out. I was never late to clean for her after that. Some lessons are learned early.. 



LadyPact -> RE: Unfair Punishment (3/21/2008 1:58:02 PM)

Just a bit of a hijack here.

I just had to tell you, yourhand, I love that sig line.



undefined -> RE: Unfair Punishment (3/21/2008 3:02:27 PM)

-You mentioned he was acting differently than you're used to. This could be because getting blamed for something that isn't your fault (if he had discussed shopping on Monday with you before and you forgot) can be a very negative thing for some people. I know it is for me, partly due to my getting blamed repeatedly as a child for things my little sister would do, to the point where she would set me up to get in trouble knowing that Mom wouldn't believe me if I tried to fight it. Basically getting blamed for something I didn't do brings back all that mental b.s. and when that happens I'm not in a submissive mindset, I'm my mother's daughter getting unjustly punished.

-That he broke down and cried like that and then said he was sorry and was grateful to sleep on the floor makes me a little worried too. I'm not there, I don't know all the facts, and even then I can't pass judgement on anyone else so this is just me talking about my past experiences. I was in an abusive relationship before where I went through a cycle of something similar. My girlfriend would blame her problems on me, I'd try and defend myself, she'd start going off about everything she hated about me, yelling and throwing things and sometimes threatening me with violence. Since at the time I had no one else in my life to go to, it would crush me to have my lover so angry and hurtful towards me. I'd sob and cry, she'd yell more, until I just gave in to whatever she wanted. When she stopped being angry at me I was so grateful that I convinced myself I was wrong for ever disagreeing with her. This went on for four years, repeating over and over again until I finally realize what was happening and got out of that relationship.

I'm not saying that this has anything to do with your relationship, but I am thinking that your husband was feeling much as I did in that situation - just grateful that you're not angry with him and happy to take the blame if it means he doesn't have to see you like that ever again. I'd suggest talking to him about it and trying to remember in the future to not take your anger out on him in that way.

Again, just suggestions and my two cents. Feel free to disregard.



YourhandMyAss -> RE: Unfair Punishment (3/21/2008 3:56:50 PM)

Thank you LadyPact.
quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyPact

Just a bit of a hijack here.

I just had to tell you, yourhand, I love that sig line.




AcademyForSlaves -> RE: Unfair Punishment (3/21/2008 9:03:12 PM)

Hi.

Yes we have seen this type of behaviour in slaves before. At the time you thought if you put him in his place he would come around but instead the more you dominated him the more he resisted and snapped back. This can happen with slaves who prefer to pick and choose when they are submissive. They often have to be in the mood for it. Being submissive might be an interest he has but he might not be a natural submissive who can live and breathe it 24/7. It takes an effort on his part, and on your end you need to recognize the signs when he might not be in the mood and needs comforting after a bad day rather than discipline. Maybe he already felt beat up from a bad day at work and so coming home to scolding made him snap and forget his place. Training, training, training is the only way to help him overcome this occasional insolent behaviour. Hope this helps.



Leatherist -> RE: Unfair Punishment (3/21/2008 9:14:46 PM)

Are you good at fixing mistresses too?



kajirusilk -> RE: Unfair Punishment (3/21/2008 9:34:10 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: AcademyForSlaves

Hi.

Yes we have seen this type of behaviour in slaves before. At the time you thought if you put him in his place he would come around but instead the more you dominated him the more he resisted and snapped back. This can happen with slaves who prefer to pick and choose when they are submissive. They often have to be in the mood for it. Being submissive might be an interest he has but he might not be a natural submissive who can live and breathe it 24/7. It takes an effort on his part, and on your end you need to recognize the signs when he might not be in the mood and needs comforting after a bad day rather than discipline. Maybe he already felt beat up from a bad day at work and so coming home to scolding made him snap and forget his place. Training, training, training is the only way to help him overcome this occasional insolent behaviour. Hope this helps.


By ALL means Accademy beat the slave senseless.  Break 2 sets of switches on him from what sounds tro be the Domme's mistake..  This is such a clear violation of Safe. Sane and consensual that it boggles my mind.  But to one who profiteers in male submission, i can understand your viewpoint.  However, can can you understand that the viewpoint which you espouse  leads most RT people in DS to categorize those who feel that way as less than prostitutes.  Prostitutes offer a service for a fee it is negotiated and determined up front along with understanding of the services.  Those of your ilk just want money for abuse and discredit the real Pro Dommes who operate in a safe sane and consensuak manner.

Don't bother replying.  I will not respond.  You have shown your putrid colors



Page: <<   < prev  1 2 3 [4] 5   next >   >>

Valid CSS!




Collarchat.com © 2025
Terms of Service Privacy Policy Spam Policy
0.046875