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Pseudo-Dom or not? - 3/17/2008 7:28:47 PM   
MontrealPhoenix


Posts: 1526
Joined: 2/27/2008
Status: offline 		I came across the profile of a dom who believes that a subbie's limits should be left up to him as he has many years of experience and would be able to discern what her limits actually are.
 
Now to me that's a bunch of BS because how can someone i've just met possibly know what my limits are/aren't? Would you say this guy is for real and just too confident or a fake?
 
Phoenix

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"He who ties a woman owns her"
~Guardsman Of Gor pg 267


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RE: Pseudo-Dom or not? - 3/17/2008 7:34:53 PM   
LuckyAlbatross


Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline 		Does he mean he'd be able to tell instantly, or that he'd learn over time and that he would be the one who decided what was al imit and what wasn't?

There's definitely an air of posturing and preening, but that doesn't mean much of anything.

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RE: Pseudo-Dom or not? - 3/17/2008 7:36:56 PM   
Leatherist


Posts: 5149
Joined: 12/11/2007
Status: offline 		They are up to him.
 
He can decide she's not for him if he doesn't like her limits-and not a damned thing she can do about it.

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RE: Pseudo-Dom or not? - 3/17/2008 7:40:04 PM   
SinergyNstrumpet


Posts: 305
Joined: 2/26/2008
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: MontrealPhoenix

I came across the profile of a dom who believes that a subbie's limits should be left up to him as he has many years of experience and would be able to discern what her limits actually are.
 
Now to me that's a bunch of BS because how can someone i've just met possibly know what my limits are/aren't? Would you say this guy is for real and just too confident or a fake?
 
Phoenix


He is not the only one that believes this, there are many on here that believe a submissive's limits are theirs to determine... perhaps not instantly, but without reading the profile I do not know if this is your interpretation of what he stated or what he actually meant.

If it does not work for you, pass it by. It might work for another submissive sort. I try not to judge people as "fake" based upon them fitting my preconceived idea of what a dom should be. It was my job to find a suitable dom for me, whether or not others are real is of little importance.


julia

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RE: Pseudo-Dom or not? - 3/17/2008 7:45:37 PM   
lovewithoutfear


Posts: 153
Joined: 7/11/2005
Status: offline 		Actually Leatherist, I disagree.  Because she too can decide he's not for her if she doesn't like his attitude, and there's not a damned thing he can do about that, either. 

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RE: Pseudo-Dom or not? - 3/17/2008 8:00:18 PM   
marieToo


Posts: 3595
Joined: 5/21/2006
From: Jersey
Status: offline 		I personally don't care for the posturing and that over-played opening line about how many years someone has been in the lifestyle.   However, there are plenty of girls out there who would take no exception to anything he said, including the line about limits. 

I will actually rule someone out immediately if they say to me "So...what are your limits?".  When they say this, I know right away that we could never be compatible, because we don't approach bdsm in the same mindset and I can tell from that statement alone.  So,  while this guy's statement wasn't exactly eloquent,  there are plenty of people who would agree with what he said.  If that is "bs" to you, then you need to find someone who approaches this from the same angle as you do.  There are plenty of others out there who think like you.  But remember---your "pseudo-Dom" is someone else's "the one". lol 

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RE: Pseudo-Dom or not? - 3/17/2008 8:04:10 PM   
Leatherist


Posts: 5149
Joined: 12/11/2007
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quote:

ORIGINAL: lovewithoutfear

Actually Leatherist, I disagree.  Because she too can decide he's not for her if she doesn't like his attitude, and there's not a damned thing he can do about that, either. 


Then agree with me by disagreeing.
 
It means the same regardless.

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RE: Pseudo-Dom or not? - 3/17/2008 8:06:52 PM   
Leatherist


Posts: 5149
Joined: 12/11/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: marieToo

I personally don't care for the posturing and that over-played opening line about how many years someone has been in the lifestyle.   However, there are plenty of girls out there who would take no exception to anything he said, including the line about limits. 

I will actually rule someone out immediately if they say to me "So...what are your limits?".  When they say this, I know right away that we could never be compatible, because we don't approach bdsm in the same mindset and I can tell from that statement alone.  So,  while this guy's statement wasn't exactly eloquent,  there are plenty of people who would agree with what he said.  If that is "bs" to you, then you need to find someone who approaches this from the same angle as you do.  There are plenty of others out there who think like you.  But remember---your "pseudo-Dom" is someone else's "the one". lol 


Nods....They won't ask you about limits. They will simply make clear what they expect to be submitted to-and the ball is in your court. It's how they weed out what they consider to be "Psuedo subs."
 
 And it's an extremely efficient method.

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I'm not taking custom orders.

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RE: Pseudo-Dom or not? - 3/17/2008 8:11:49 PM   
SinergyNstrumpet


Posts: 305
Joined: 2/26/2008
Status: offline
quote:

Nods....They won't ask you about limits. They will simply make clear what they expect to be submitted to-and the ball is in your court. It's how they weed out what they consider to be "Psuedo subs."

And it's an extremely efficient method.


Strange, that wasn't how it worked for us at all, he did not want to talk about limits, but respected that I had them... really listened to me, and if I said that something scared me took his time going there. Now I have no limits but his limits... same result, but not your method


julia

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RE: Pseudo-Dom or not? - 3/17/2008 8:12:20 PM   
Hippiekinkster


Posts: 5512
Joined: 11/20/2007
From: Liechtenstein
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: MontrealPhoenix

I came across the profile of a dom who believes that a subbie's limits should be left up to him as he has many years of experience and would be able to discern what her limits actually are.
 
Now to me that's a bunch of BS because how can someone i've just met possibly know what my limits are/aren't? Would you say this guy is for real and just too confident or a fake?
 
Phoenix
I've been in the "lifestyle" for so long I mentored deSade.

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RE: Pseudo-Dom or not? - 3/17/2008 8:17:03 PM   
Leatherist


Posts: 5149
Joined: 12/11/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: SinergyNstrumpet

quote:

Nods....They won't ask you about limits. They will simply make clear what they expect to be submitted to-and the ball is in your court. It's how they weed out what they consider to be "Psuedo subs."

And it's an extremely efficient method.


Strange, that wasn't how it worked for us at all, he did not want to talk about limits, but respected that I had them... really listened to me, and if I said that something scared me took his time going there. Now I have no limits but his limits... same result, but not your method


julia



Methods will vary. Learning to discern when someone is worth making the investment in to develop, is the art of it.
 
Regardless of roles.
 
It's about potential.

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My shop is currently segueing into production mode.

I'm not taking custom orders.

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RE: Pseudo-Dom or not? - 3/17/2008 8:22:58 PM   
DesFIP


Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: SinergyNstrumpet

Strange, that wasn't how it worked for us at all, he did not want to talk about limits, but respected that I had them... really listened to me, and if I said that something scared me took his time going there. Now I have no limits but his limits... same result, but not your method


julia



He didn't start out asking about what I wouldn't do, but about what I most wanted to do. We started with the things we both loved and built trust to do the stuff that was harder.

But of course at some point the limits talk had to come up. I suffer from vertigo and therefore can't do anything that might set it off. Stuff that sets off a panic attack were mentioned as well. These are medical issues, no different then a diabetic saying she has to stop and eat every few hours. We don't view them as limits to be broken, but things that we need to adapt our play around.

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RE: Pseudo-Dom or not? - 3/17/2008 8:27:43 PM   
Leatherist


Posts: 5149
Joined: 12/11/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: DesFIP

quote:

ORIGINAL: SinergyNstrumpet

Strange, that wasn't how it worked for us at all, he did not want to talk about limits, but respected that I had them... really listened to me, and if I said that something scared me took his time going there. Now I have no limits but his limits... same result, but not your method


julia



He didn't start out asking about what I wouldn't do, but about what I most wanted to do. We started with the things we both loved and built trust to do the stuff that was harder.

But of course at some point the limits talk had to come up. I suffer from vertigo and therefore can't do anything that might set it off. Stuff that sets off a panic attack were mentioned as well. These are medical issues, no different then a diabetic saying she has to stop and eat every few hours. We don't view them as limits to be broken, but things that we need to adapt our play around.


But limits from practical concerns-not preconcieved notions of "It would be awful because."

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RE: Pseudo-Dom or not? - 3/17/2008 9:13:56 PM   
DesFIP


Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
Status: offline 		Not true, stuff that the preconceived ideas of set off panic attack are also limits. And yes, there's a couple of them.

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RE: Pseudo-Dom or not? - 3/17/2008 9:18:17 PM   
solia


Posts: 115
Joined: 8/1/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: MontrealPhoenix

I came across the profile of a dom who believes that a subbie's limits should be left up to him as he has many years of experience and would be able to discern what her limits actually are.
 
Now to me that's a bunch of BS because how can someone i've just met possibly know what my limits are/aren't? Would you say this guy is for real and just too confident or a fake?
 
Phoenix


I'm curious to know what his defense in court will be...

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RE: Pseudo-Dom or not? - 3/17/2008 10:57:21 PM   
SimplyMichael


Posts: 7229
Joined: 1/7/2007
Status: offline 		I am with leatherist on this one.  I don't negotiate,  you either want to submit to me or you don't, that goes for relationships or casual play.  That isn't the same as saying I think I can do anything with someone on day two, it takes time to get there but I don't have to worry about IF I can go there, only when.

That said, most who talk that way are cyber geeks searching for silly women who don't know any better.  I bet they also have a profile up as a mentor somewhere too.

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RE: Pseudo-Dom or not? - 3/18/2008 12:16:34 AM   
kinkypuppy2


Posts: 345
Joined: 11/4/2007
Status: offline 		Real ...

with a way over inflated opinion of himself..

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RE: Pseudo-Dom or not? - 3/18/2008 1:25:07 AM   
MasterFireMaam


Posts: 5587
Joined: 3/1/2006
From: Charleston, WV
Status: offline 		It would depend on if I trusted him or not. Reading off a profile...probably not. Knowing him for years...maybe. I have friends who pretty much operate that way...and I'd trust them if I ever chose to serve them because I know their character, their abilities and their intent. However, my friends also don't take those kind of liberties with people who are not either in service or outright collared to them.

My opinion: You have to get to know someone first and get to know them well, if you operate that way. So, if the guy is willing to talk a LOT before EVER picking up a flogger...maybe. If he's expecting it the moment you walk in the door....no way. Bottom line: if you don't trust him, don't submit.

Master Fire


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RE: Pseudo-Dom or not? - 3/18/2008 1:33:52 AM   
ownedgirlie


Posts: 9184
Joined: 2/5/2006
Status: offline 		If you haven't even spoken a word to him there is no way you can ascertain whether he is "real", "fake", too confident, full of BS, or right on target the perfect Master in the world.  All that anyone says here about him is purely speculative based on one sentence in his profile.

If you didn't like his profile, move along, there are a lot of others.

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RE: Pseudo-Dom or not? - 3/18/2008 3:52:03 AM   
MontrealPhoenix


Posts: 1526
Joined: 2/27/2008
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: SinergyNstrumpet

quote:

Nods....They won't ask you about limits. They will simply make clear what they expect to be submitted to-and the ball is in your court. It's how they weed out what they consider to be "Psuedo subs."

And it's an extremely efficient method.


Strange, that wasn't how it worked for us at all, he did not want to talk about limits, but respected that I had them... really listened to me, and if I said that something scared me took his time going there. Now I have no limits but his limits... same result, but not your method


julia

Exactly, Julia. I don't come with a long list of limits, actually i have few but i like to know that those i do have will be respected.  For instance, i've been chatting with this one dom, and during the course of discussing what we both like, he told me about something that is a hard limit and told him so. He respects that.

_____________________________

"Only in a collar can a woman be truly free"
~Tribesmen of Gor ..pg 75

"He who ties a woman owns her"
~Guardsman Of Gor pg 267



(in reply to SinergyNstrumpet)
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