quote:

ORIGINAL: LaTigresse

Honestly, you may never get it back. You may, however, come to the realization that you don't need, or even want, it back. That you can be happy and whole, love someone else, even without it.

You might even find that it wouldn't even fit you any long anyway.

quote:

ORIGINAL: LaTigresse

Honestly, you may never get it back. You may, however, come to the realization that you don't need, or even want, it back. That you can be happy and whole, love someone else, even without it.

You might even find that it wouldn't even fit you any long anyway.

quote:

ORIGINAL: velvetears

LaTigress i have tried to accept it and let it go at that, but it has intefered in the formation of new relationships, like having a ghost show up thats unwanted and unexpected.   How can someone give themselves to another when they still have these kinds of reactions?  i would feel dishonest, so in a sense it is holding me back.

kittensol the relationship definately changed me, i embace those changes and am grateful for them.  Every relationship i have ever had has left it's impression on me in some form or another.  Some i look back on with fondness and some with relief they are over, but none of them do i still feel emotional and physical effects from.  It's like a grip on me that i can't get out of. 

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ORIGINAL: DiurnalVampire

Dont get upset about the reactions, just remember they are to what used to be there, and not what it turned into later.

DV

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ORIGINAL: thetammyjo


Positive or negative experiences all change us and I do not think it is possible to go back to the original state.

So you can only work on going ahead. Over time, as you develop other parts of yourself and expand those parts that were affected, the pain will lessen until hopefully the negative is just a dull feeling. At least that's been my experience as a dominant who went through a very painful ending of a "DS" dynamic many years ago.

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ORIGINAL: LadyHibiscus

I had a horrible ending to a D/s relationship that took me literally years to recover from.  I still have all sorts of untapped rage that I can send in the creature's direction, should we have the mischance to meet again, but now I can be amused at what happy memories I have, and be glad for the good I got out of the debacle. 

Sincere emotions generate lifetime memories.  What they evolve into can be good, if we allow it to be.  Let the bad stuff fade away and try not to repeat whatever mistakes you made.

quote:

ORIGINAL: jadedserendipity

Velvet,

    I must say I can relate to your position, and as much as I would love to say oh it will go away, I must say it may never. You forged a deep bond with this man and seeing him must be much akin to tearing the healing scab off of a fresh wound. You have not been able to allow it to heal and it seems to leave you with a fresh pain. You chastise yourself because when he is near and possibly even just the thought of him brings a visercal or emotional reaction, just remember what you gave to him. It will take much time to begin to heal, and you will need time to yourself to think things through in my opinion. Will you ever be whole again or have that piece of you back? No, we leave bits of ourselves with all that we have loved, and those that have loved us also leave their own bits behind with us when they are gone. Do you feel whole? It comes to a point where you know you have left behind a piece of yourself, your heart, your soul, but you must know it is your marker in anothers life and nothing more sweetie. You are whole, you miss a piece here and there but think of it as breadcrumbs in your trail. I must sound quite silly but these thoughts made it easier for me. If you wish to talk more message me on the other side.

~*Jaded*~

quote:

ORIGINAL: velvetears

i was once told by my ex that even when a sub/slave is released the Master will always still own a piece of her, that the bond will never fully be broken.  i didn't put much stock into what he said at the time as i have had many relationships over the course of my life, some long term and when they ended, they ended.  i never looked back nor had regrets and if i ran into that person there was no sense of intimacy or bond left in the slightest degree. 

i haven't been with my ex in over 3 years, we were together for 5 and as circumstances have it we must see each other one to two times a month (personal reasons i don't want to delve into here, suffice it to say this won't change for at least one to one and a half years). 

i won't go into details but the break up was difficult and there was much emotional turmoil at the time - lots of loose ends that never came together for the right kind of closure one needs to really put it to rest.  Sometimes those are things we just have to deal with when things don't turn out as expected in relationships.  i don't wish or want to be with him again on a D/s level.  He's offered to "play", still hints around to it when i see him, and i have declined graciously.  i live a fairly "normal" life - i work hard, raise my girls, etc so i function day to day and get done what needs doing.  i'm not a wishy washy person and i don't like to waver when i have made a decision - after it is well thought out, i like to carry it through to it's conclusion.  What bothers me is that when i am around him i react physically - i feel lighter, happier, those old feelings come to the surface although i know they are not appropriate and i don't want them to surface, yet i cannot deny their existence.  i get angry at myself at times telling myself i am being weak or even at times bereating myself for being what i consider foolish.  i know i won't ever act on those emotions. i will keep the distance i need and never get involved intimately with him again but i guess my question to anyone reading this post is, will this always be the way it is, was he right in that there will always be a part of me he still "owns"?  If it had only been 6 months i would say time, but 3 years later?  i don't want to have emotional or visceral reactions when i am with him and i look forward to the day i don't have to deal with him, even though i know there will be a void, maybe always there, that i will feel.  Anyone have similar reactions/experiences and if so how did it turn out in the long run? 

quote:

ORIGINAL: LaTigresse

Velvet, all I can tell you is what I did. I avoided beginning a new relationship until I knew there wasn't going to be a ghost jepardizing a new relationship. I had to. It would not have been fair to the new person.

I focused on taking care of me. Personal growth, trying to learn more to avoid the mistakes I made in the past.

Also......I've come to accept that what I felt for her, it's never going to disappear as though it never happened. Not without a lobotomy. But you know, that's okay too. I don't have to stop loving her to love someone else.

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ORIGINAL: Mercnbeth

this slave had an ex tell her once that NO-ONE would want her after he was done with her...
 
it took about 3 years, accompanied by non-conventional and non-pharmaceutical therapies to work past it.  this slave feels nothing for him now.  no hatred, no love, just...nothing.
 
best of luck!!!