Is this really the message people are now getting? (Full Version)

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mistoferin -> Is this really the message people are now getting? (9/28/2005 12:11:46 PM)

I have a submissive acquiantance who is married to her Dominant. Both are fairly new to the lifestyle....less than 5 years. She called me a few weeks ago and told me that she would soon be divorcing him, although he knows nothing of her plans yet. She wants more time to build a nest egg before she drops the bomb....her words, not mine. I told her during that call that I didn't think that was really the most honorable way to proceed with this and left it at that.

Today I get a call from her saying that she is going out of town this weekend to meet a "new" Dom. She wanted to give me a "head's up" and let me know that she would be telling her Dom that she is going away with me and asked if I would cover her story. My answer to her was a flat out "NO". I will not become involved in her deception.

Well that led to a tirade about how I had better catch up with the times because this lifestyle is not what it used to be...it is now all about ACCEPTANCE! Just because I don't agree with what she is doing, I should still ACCEPT it....even cover it up for her. If I were really a true friend I would cover for her. Besides, everyone knows that submissives in the lifestyle today stand behind each other in a united front of sisterhood....obviously I must wish to be outside the circle of kinship. Huh????????

Please folks...am I losing it? Could this really be the message that people are getting today? Everyone can do whatever they want and it must be accepted by all?



MistressFire70 -> RE: Is this really the message people are now getting? (9/28/2005 12:17:31 PM)

This doesn't really have anything to do with the lifestyle. Even if you accept what she's doing, it's going against YOUR moral code. You are not bound by HER moral code to cover for her and it's unaccepting of HER to feel you should be. The would be true if she were vanilla or whatever deception she was undertaking.

I'm sorry you've been put in this position. It's not an easy one to be in.

Fire



lonewolf05 -> RE: Is this really the message people are now getting? (9/28/2005 12:19:27 PM)

acceptance.. not me. i refuse to lie for anyone about anything.

i will not..get involved. they make their own bed..let em lay in it.

wolf



KatyLied -> RE: Is this really the message people are now getting? (9/28/2005 12:23:07 PM)

Ugh. You did the right thing. It's always best not to get too deeply involved in that type of situation. And it has nothing to do with the lifestyle, it's her personal choice.



leatherylace -> RE: Is this really the message people are now getting? (9/28/2005 12:23:20 PM)

In my opinion BDsM's main aspect is COnsent. I veiw this to mean consent between all parties invloved. Even though her Dom/husband in not directly involved, I see this situation with his involvement. If she is his wife he has the understanding to know of her actions. If he has not knoledge of his sub/wife meeting another Dom, I veiw that he has no oppurtunity to give his consent or not. His ignorence of this situation, to me, implys lack of consent. Lack of consent is 'breaking' an essential code of BDsM.

If she were going and having sex with another man or woman, it would be considered cheating...it is my veiw that this is the same thing. I veiw her actions as a form of cheating.

Indeed acceptance is essential of any queer sexaulity or lifestyle, but encouraging cheating or nonconsenuality is wrong in any situation.

Speak up for what you believe is wrong.

Strenth is sent your way

Leather and Lace



Quivver -> RE: Is this really the message people are now getting? (9/28/2005 12:23:44 PM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: lonewolf05

acceptance.. not me. i refuse to lie for anyone about anything.

i will not..get involved. they make their own bed..let em lay in it.

wolf


Q's With Wolf on this one.......... I lie for nobody.



lustiwench -> RE: Is this really the message people are now getting? (9/28/2005 12:24:00 PM)

I would think that you don't have to 'accept' anything you don't want to, and this was just a poor attempt to justify her own actions and manipulate you into doing something you didn't want to.



thetammyjo -> RE: Is this really the message people are now getting? (9/28/2005 12:24:02 PM)

I think your friends wants you to cover for her and give her support in her deceptive ways so she's trying to use some "community standard".

Frankly I always thought the over riding standards for BDSM were mutual consent -- I don't see that in how your friend is behaving.

But I don't know her and I don't know her situation.

You, erin, did stand up for yourself and your own code of ethics and honor. I applaud you for that.



EmeraldSlave2 -> RE: Is this really the message people are now getting? (9/28/2005 12:24:04 PM)

It was completely wrong of her to ask you to be dishonorable because of her actions. Confiding something you know is wrong is hard enough for a friend, making them accomplices is pretty bad.

And then to get defensive and act like YOU are doing something wrong...well it's pretty obvious this person wants to justify their actions.

Kinship of submissives *snort* There's PLENTY of cheating submissives out there, they perhaps SHOULD form a troupe together so they can cover eachothers asses, no need to bring in the ones who choose to be honest.

It would have been hard for me to snap back and ask exactly how going to see this new dom was helping her build her nest egg?




Dxanman -> RE: Is this really the message people are now getting? (9/28/2005 1:07:23 PM)

I'm relatively new here, but after reading your post, I have to say that it's just wrong! I can understand your friend wanting you to cover up for her, but not on something this big. I'm sure there's a consenus here, that if she wanted to break it off with her Master/Husband, then the best way to do it would be face to face, no matter what the consequences are. But to have you (or even ask you) to cover for her, not only put her and the relationship in jeopardy, but it also puts you in trouble as well, because someone might take it that you're affairing with the wife. That's just the way it seems to me.



BlkTallFullfig -> RE: Is this really the message people are now getting? (9/28/2005 1:30:17 PM)

quote:

I had better catch up with the times because this lifestyle is not what it used to be...it is now all about ACCEPTANCE! Just because I don't agree with what she is doing, I should still ACCEPT it....even cover it up for her. If I were really a true friend I would cover for her. Besides, everyone knows that submissives in the lifestyle today stand behind each other in a united front of sisterhood....obviously I must wish to be outside the circle of kinship. Huh????????

Please folks...am I losing it? Could this really be the message that people are getting today? Everyone can do whatever they want and it must be accepted by all?
erin
Erin,
I sure miss your posting more regularly.
Liars will use whatever excuse they need to justify their position.
I stole because he/she has more than he will ever need, so why not?
Catch up with the times to act more like a lying S.O.B.? No thanks. M



happypervert -> RE: Is this really the message people are now getting? (9/28/2005 1:59:48 PM)

Your friend is just a manipulative bitch. Her sleazy behavior and warped ideas have nothing to do any messages at all.



Rover -> RE: Is this really the message people are now getting? (9/28/2005 2:31:24 PM)

Sadly, this is often the state of things in our new "tolerant" age, where everything goes because you have to accept what I do and I should never have to feel judged or bad about myself for being an utter creep.

Tolerance for kinks? Kewl. But lying isn't a kink. Nor are any other number of things that people want to do and don't want to be judged about.

Newsflash... people judge us on what we do and how we act. EVERYONE judges, though it is no longer politically correct to admit to doing so. And not all things are to be tolerated, another politically incorrect reality.

John



TheHungryTiger -> RE: Is this really the message people are now getting? (9/28/2005 3:19:33 PM)

Maybee when you told her "NO" she thought it was a fantisy roleplaying no.

You shoudl have screamed yoru safeword.[;)]



Awakener -> RE: Is this really the message people are now getting? (9/28/2005 3:25:39 PM)

Everything this women said is just munipulative BS. Follow your own moral code and you will be much happier, even if it means pissing people off, or even losing a friend or two.
I'm sure many believe it is perfectly acceptable to do what she is doing. Yet I assure you just as many find it disgusting behaviour.
I for one, have found great honesty in this Lifestyle, but then maybe I brought it with me rather than finding what was already there.



caitlyn -> RE: Is this really the message people are now getting? (9/28/2005 3:33:46 PM)

One person's tolerance, is another's intolerance.

To my mind, Erin was right in this situation, but only because she was dragged into the situation.

Specific to her questions ... yes, a person can do whatever they want. It's their life. What they do with it is really not anyone's business but their own. If you want to be a friend, you pretty much have to accept them as they are.

Now, in Erin's example, she was dragged in this mess, which at that point made it her business, and she is within her rights to do whatever she sees fit.

Myself ... I would have lied for my friend. I hate to lie and try to never do it for my own gain ... but for a close friend I would do it every time. I would try to be understanding ... and try not to be intolerant of a friend ... and try to remember that their life is not mine to live. In the end I guess I would do just about anything to support a friend.

So, what is tolerance to some, is intolerance to others. Thank goodness for diversity.



firefighteremt -> RE: Is this really the message people are now getting? (9/28/2005 3:34:07 PM)

mistoferin-- Stand by what you believe is right. She has the right to be happy and find whoever it is out there that will make her happy. She is just going on about it the wrong way and you know it. Stick to your guns and don't enable her. Its a lot better for you in the long run



WickedKev -> RE: Is this really the message people are now getting? (9/28/2005 3:38:10 PM)

True the lifestyle has lost a lot of honour but I tend to find that from what I call the wannabes and not the genuine people. I will not judge this friend of yours as she has the right to do whatever she wants. I feel sorry for her Dom/Husband, but when you refused to get invlved and cover her lie you proved yourself to be an honourable person. Welcome to the the real lifestyle....



BlkTallFullfig -> RE: Is this really the message people are now getting? (9/28/2005 4:00:58 PM)

quote:

Tolerance for kinks? Kewl. But lying isn't a kink. Nor are any other number of things that people want to do and don't want to be judged about.

people judge us on what we do and how we act. EVERYONE judges, though it is no longer politically correct to admit to doing so. And not all things are to be tolerated, another politically incorrect reality.
John
I agree, and don't think it's apropriate to dispose of good judgement so as to become popular, especially if the popular if phucked up and hurts unsuspecting bystanders. M



EmeraldSlave2 -> RE: Is this really the message people are now getting? (9/28/2005 4:01:22 PM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: caitlyn
I would have lied for my friend. I hate to lie and try to never do it for my own gain ... but for a close friend I would do it every time.

Doesn't that mean your own sense of ethics is completely dependent on the people around you?

You can be tolerant of someones choices and not endorse or support them.



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