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Dominants Discussing Decisions - 3/20/2008 8:24:00 AM

Stephann

Posts: 4214
Joined: 12/27/2006
From: Portland, OR
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co·nun·drum n. 1. A paradoxical, insoluble, or difficult problem; a dilemma:

Standard Disclaimer

Obviously dominants face an enormous number of decisions. Many are simple, others complex, but uniformly it's my belief that the decisions the dominant makes, he needs to be willing to accept responsibility for those decisions. Thus, naturally, some degree or another of input from the submissive/slave is often required in order to make the best decision possible.

I value my slave's opinions. I wouldn't want a slave that I thought was a complete idiot with no opinions of her own. At the same time, I've found that, on occasion, making decisions without her input enables her to more readily accept or embrace those decisions, regardless of her personal feelings for the topic. So I sometimes find myself balancing between discussing an issue at length with her (especially if I know she's going to initially be resistant to the outcome, but will probably enjoy it ultimately) and simply making the decision.

This morning we were discussing a hair color change. I've never expected it of a woman before, but I'm trying to decide if I'd like to make her go platinum blond. I've never particularly liked blonds, but I think it might be very attractive on her. She's quite agreeable to a hair color change, but thinks going that light would make too much of a statement about who she is. Our dynamic is such that, ultimately, if I say "this is how it will be", that's what happens. Yet, as I said, her input is important, as she often sees sides to things that I don't.

For the dominant types, how often are you willing to overrule your submissives opinions on things? How lightly do you make such a demand (one that's clearly, and simply, aesthetic), without consulting her?

For the submissive types, how well do you embrace such expectations? How much of a voice do you feel is necessary, to feel you have had your say, without feeling like you're dictating rules?

Regards,

Stephan

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Post #: 1

RE: Dominants Discussing Decisions - 3/20/2008 8:27:58 AM

Archer

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As often as it makes really good sense to over ride. LOL
Which really isn't all that often.

AS thow often I exercise the option to make decissions without input from my slave, rarely, not because I cannot do so but rather ecause failure to use both sets of brains I own would be wastefull.

(in reply to Stephann)

Post #: 2

RE: Dominants Discussing Decisions - 3/20/2008 8:28:48 AM

colouredin

Posts: 4279
Joined: 2/2/2007
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I would like to be heard, Espeically if it was something that I felt important. For example if I was asked about body modification (piercing/tats) but fundementally if I have not stipulated it as a limit then i would want the Dominant to make the final call.

Also I dont see what the problem with the hair change is, if she doesnt like it then it can be dyed back (though if she is going to go blond best to go to a hairdresser not do it yourself because of how dark her hair is they may want to do it in stages)

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Post #: 3

RE: Dominants Discussing Decisions - 3/20/2008 8:33:40 AM

chamberqueen

Posts: 1597
Joined: 10/25/2007
From: Kalamazoo, MI
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I was told by my master to have my hair colored professionally after I told him I was going to use a home kit. (I get the style where you add your own highlights and it looks very professional - understated and natural, not tacky.) I knew that it would be very expensive, and I had a bit of a problem with that idea (though I never told him). He also told me to wear a butt plug when I went, something I had never done in public before.

I actually slid into subspace while at the studio. I was thinking about how I had given away my free will to please him, feeling as if he was behind me and smiling down at me, and the beautician actually said something about how I was a million miles away to get my attention back. Hair is a very personal thing to most women, tied in with their sense of themselves. Just think about how "bad hair day" has caught on - for many of us our hair can actually set the mood.

The great thing about hair color is that you can change it again. You could, for instance, have her go blonde for just a week. If you're not completely sure about it, or she is afraid of her public appearance, you could always have her wear a blonde wig for specified amounts of time.

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RE: Dominants Discussing Decisions - 3/20/2008 8:37:10 AM

junecleaver

Posts: 1145
Joined: 4/6/2005
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I generally do not have a say in the play type things we do, but he asks my opinion in relationship matters a lot. We look at the world very differently and I think he appreciates my perspective.

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Post #: 5

RE: Dominants Discussing Decisions - 3/20/2008 8:42:22 AM

kittinSol

Posts: 16926
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quote:

ORIGINAL: Archer

As often as it makes really good sense to over ride. LOL
Which really isn't all that often.

I concur - especially when it comes to a decision on physical appearance. If you make someone do something they're unsure of and that will affect the way they look, it might destroy their self-esteem... and a submissive with a bad self-image isn't an enjoyable thing, from what I've heard.

Similarly, if a Dominant radically changes the way they look and it makes them look like shit, it might throw the whole fragile equilibrium off balance... we underestimate the power of vanity.

Why do you want her to go blonde anyway? Just curious.

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Post #: 6

RE: Dominants Discussing Decisions - 3/20/2008 8:44:00 AM

GreedyTop

Posts: 52100
Joined: 5/2/2007
From: Savannah, GA
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Stephann... based on the pictures, I'd say for her to go with a darker blonde.. it appears she has skin tones similar to mine, PLATINUM is a BAD BAD BAD idea. I know this from experience.

Try a light chestnut, or maybe a very light auburn.

As far as discussion... I prefer to be asked about stuff.. and I listen to input from my bottoms. Ok, so theyre bottoms, not subs.. BUT input is valuable, coming from a POV not my own. Doesnt mean I'll act on that input but any POV is welcome...

(hell, did that make sense??..btw.. if I havent said so before..love the pics :) )

edited for bad spacebar action and to complete a thought...

< Message edited by GreedyTop -- 3/20/2008 8:45:32 AM >

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Post #: 7

RE: Dominants Discussing Decisions - 3/20/2008 8:53:45 AM

Stephann

Posts: 4214
Joined: 12/27/2006
From: Portland, OR
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quote:

ORIGINAL: kittinSol

quote:

ORIGINAL: Archer

As often as it makes really good sense to over ride. LOL
Which really isn't all that often.

I concur - especially when it comes to a decision on physical appearance. If you make someone do something they're unsure of and that will affect the way they look, it might destroy their self-esteem... and a submissive with a bad self-image isn't an enjoyable thing, from what I've heard.

Similarly, if a Dominant radically changes the way they look and it makes them look like shit, it might throw the whole fragile equilibrium off balance... we underestimate the power of vanity.

Why do you want her to go blonde anyway? Just curious.

See, I completely agree with this statement. "Not all that often." I think I can count on one hand the number of times I've done it, and always on incredibly trivial matters. Hence the question "when do you?"

As for the why, she has been doing some modeling, and is likely to do a great deal more of it. It's not simply something I'd enjoy aesthetically (I prefer natural redheads, or very dark hair) but for once, I think charlotte might look good blond, and I'm considering her desirability/employability.

Thanks for the thoughts so far, we really appreciate them.

Stephan

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Men: Find a Woman here

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Post #: 8

RE: Dominants Discussing Decisions - 3/20/2008 8:53:47 AM

tahlly

Posts: 57
Status: offline

My owner appreciates that I have a mind of my own; opinions that sometimes differ from his. There are some areas that he never bothers to ask my input on; these are areas that he is much more capable in; just as there are areas that he completely leaves up to me, without requiring that I first come to him. If I am uncertain of something, I will ask his advice on it, but he ultimately will let me make the final decision if it is an area that I have more expertise in.
With that said; all others fall into the category of ‘his final decision, with or without my consent, agreement, or knowledge’. It is something that was agreed upon before my collaring, something that I accepted as his right in our relationship. In these instances, my opinion, or voice as you put it; means very little to the outcome.

(in reply to Stephann)

Post #: 9

RE: Dominants Discussing Decisions - 3/20/2008 9:18:20 AM

kittinSol

Posts: 16926
Status: offline

If it's for modelling purposes, even more the reason to not do something drastic just because you think that extreme blondes have more fun. Seriously, I agree with Toppy that you need to consider skin and eye colour - very bright blonde on slightly olive skin isn't a good combination. Successful modelling comes because of a very individual look, not from looking like everybody else. And if in doubt, always consult your friendly hair salon.

More generally, I would have a really hard time changing anything about my appearance just because it was asked of me - but I'm a handful, not a pliant person at all .

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RE: Dominants Discussing Decisions - 3/20/2008 9:21:20 AM

Justme696

Posts: 3236
Joined: 1/7/2008
From: Royal kingdom of the Netherlands
Status: offline

quote:

For the dominant types, how often are you willing to overrule your submissives opinions on things? How lightly do you make such a demand (one that's clearly, and simply, aesthetic), without consulting her?

honestly......it just happens mostly. It is not something I think about. I do appreciate my subs input.
But as you said..soemtimes they like to think with us..and sometimes they want us to think for them.
We are humans too... I just follow my heart and mind.

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Post #: 11

RE: Dominants Discussing Decisions - 3/20/2008 9:24:42 AM

subtee

Posts: 5133
Joined: 7/26/2007
Status: offline

I don't have a Dom so, I can't decide...

It's my opinion that Charlotte would look amazing bald or in any other coiffure. Lovely girl!

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Post #: 12

RE: Dominants Discussing Decisions - 3/20/2008 9:28:39 AM

charlotteS

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Joined: 3/9/2008
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: subtee

It's my opinion that Charlotte would look amazing bald

Now please don't go putting ideas into his head!!!

quote:

Lovely girl!

Thank you.

charlotte

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Post #: 13

RE: Dominants Discussing Decisions - 3/20/2008 9:29:30 AM

CalifChick

Posts: 10717
Joined: 10/28/2007
From: California
Status: offline

Addressing the side issue of the blonde thing... I would take her to a wig shop, Stephan, and try different colored wigs on her. Blonde is not something you can "try on" with hair color. You're basically stripping out her natural brown color and replacing it with another, instead of covering up what remains there, as happens with other hair color (going from brown to red, for instance). You can cover up blonde while it grows out, but it rarely looks really natural.

Cali

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Post #: 14

RE: Dominants Discussing Decisions - 3/20/2008 9:34:11 AM

BossyShoeBitch

Posts: 3931
Joined: 1/13/2007
From: South Florida
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I agree with Subtee.. Charlotte would look great if she had feathers for hair..
That being said, when the decision to make involves something that the sub may have a great deal of knowledge about (ie: things usually specific to women) it it probably good practice not to override her wishes...
In the case of a drastic change to platinum blonde, this would involve bleaching the hair (which completely strips it) and has the potential to do alot of damage to the hair.. Even potentially changing the texture of the hair..
As far as color, you can still go blonde if you use a high lift color, which adds color on top of, rather than stripping color away..

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Post #: 15

RE: Dominants Discussing Decisions - 3/20/2008 9:41:11 AM

Stephann

Posts: 4214
Joined: 12/27/2006
From: Portland, OR
Status: offline

Hey guys, much as I really appreciate the suggestions on hair color, can we take that chat over here:

http://www.collarchat.com/m_1722816/mpage_1/key_/tm.htm#1722816

The color isn't really the point of the question I had.

Thanks!!

Stephan

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Nosce Te Ipsum

"The blade itself incites to violence" - Homer

Men: Find a Woman here

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Post #: 16

RE: Dominants Discussing Decisions - 3/20/2008 9:50:45 AM

SailingBum

Posts: 3225
Joined: 12/10/2007
From: Sailin the stormy sea
Status: offline

As a pratical matter sure I listen to what my girl has to say. Wheather it's her hair color <yes it has come up> or where we are going for vacation. The final decision is mine. Typically I don't interceed on trivial stuff by there nature it doesn't matter. My voice is heard on the matters I deem important. Her opinion gets trumped maybe once every couple of months.

BadOne

< Message edited by SailingBum -- 3/20/2008 9:51:30 AM >

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Post #: 17

RE: Dominants Discussing Decisions - 3/20/2008 9:53:08 AM

Lashra

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Joined: 2/9/2006
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I discuss it with him because thats how I operate. I would not try to force him to do something that he really did not want to do. Perhaps that makes me look weak in the eyes of some but I'd rather he be happy and untraumatized than to go through something that could cause some damage physically or mentally. I'm not big on demands anyway so my list is pretty short.

As for her coloring her hair, hmm her hair looks pretty dark. You should consult a good colorist because bleaching is very hard on the hair and can damage it badly. Besides I think she looks hawt as a brunette

~Lashra

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Post #: 18

RE: Dominants Discussing Decisions - 3/20/2008 9:59:42 AM

fairerthanshe

Posts: 3035
Joined: 1/18/2007
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Greetings,

When SJ asks me to do something, I do it. When he asks for my input ahead of time, I answer him honestly ( and I think this is the key ) I don't try to think of how he wants me to answer. Whatever decision or course of action he makes is his to make and I obey it without question.

What I often see, is a slave being asked for her input and not being honest rather trying to please her Master with an answer he will want to hear. She sets herself up for double disappointment, because her Master does not give her kudos for her answer and now he has no clue as to what she really wants. So my advice to slaves and subs out there, when you are given the opportunity to state your opinion, do so and do it clearly.

Master, I can see your point about it being easier for her to accept if she has had no prior consultation - girls are like slow cookers, once the idea is in her head it stews and she comes up with 18 other variations or options - sometimes its best just to tell her what to do without her input. ( not that I have ever done this...lol)

well wishes ~ fairer than she

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Post #: 19

RE: Dominants Discussing Decisions - 3/20/2008 10:04:41 AM

DesFIP

Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
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Unless you are absolutely positive of the outcome, it is always better to gather as much info as possible ahead of time, including how a decision may impact her feelings. Assuming you care about her feelings more than you do about living out your fantasies. Generic you since I know you're concerned about keeping the relationship healthy.

You may not know how bad the bleaching is for the hair, and that she will within a few months have to cut it very short because of the constant breakage. So if you want it platinum and very long, that's an impossibility. Finding that out ahead of time allows you to choose which you prefer.

For me, who is jet black, being forced to dye it platinum would leave me looking ugly and skanky in front of my offspring, their friends and parents. Since he's agreed not to destroy my family relationships, he would need to know this before he embarrassed them and decimated my self esteem. The only way he could know this is to talk to me about it. Afterwards would be too late because dyeing it back will leave it unnatural looking.

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