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RE: Dominants Discussing Decisions - 3/20/2008 10:07:23 AM   
OmegaG


Posts: 1474
Joined: 10/23/2007
Status: offline 		We talk and sometimes it changes his minds in decisions he is making, though I can't say we've had a conversation where I've directly changed a decision.

More times then not, he's managed to talk himself out of his own decision, sometimes based on what I've said and sometimes just becuase the more he's vocalized it, the less he likes his decision.

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Regret for the things we did can be tempered by time; it is regret for the things we did not do that is inconsolable. Sydney J. Harris

Sex without pain is like food without taste.
- de Sade

(in reply to Stephann)
Profile   Post #: 21
RE: Dominants Discussing Decisions - 3/20/2008 10:08:49 AM   
LadyHibiscus


Posts: 27124
Joined: 8/15/2005
From: Island Of Misfit Toys
Status: offline 		Many decisions I would cheerfully go on about without consulting my slave or sub.  Changing his or her appearance in a non-temporary way?  I wouldn't go there without discussing it.

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Profile   Post #: 22
RE: Dominants Discussing Decisions - 3/20/2008 12:10:01 PM   
LadyPact


Posts: 32566
Status: offline 		It isn't often, Stephan, but it has been known to happen.  I do want My boy's input, so I can make well rounded decisions.  After all, I did pick him because one of the many things he offers is his intelligence.  Still, he accepts and obeys when the decisions that I make for him would not especially be his first choice.

Now, like just about every other chick, I'm off to the hair color thread.


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Profile   Post #: 23
RE: Dominants Discussing Decisions - 3/20/2008 1:42:22 PM   
KnightofMists


Posts: 7149
Joined: 7/29/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Stephann

For the dominant types, how often are you willing to overrule your submissives opinions on things?  How lightly do you make such a demand (one that's clearly, and simply, aesthetic), without consulting her?


 
I am always willing to overrule.... but just because I am willing doesn't mean that I will... Most times my girls are very much in line with what I want. 

As far as making choices without consulting them....  the simple stuff... too so much... the more complex issues... I generally looking for their prespectives.  Then again.. I have mades some complex stuff without their input and simple stuff with their input. 
]

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An Optimal relationship is achieved when the individuals do what is best for themselves and their relationship.

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Profile   Post #: 24
RE: Dominants Discussing Decisions - 3/20/2008 1:55:02 PM   
marieToo


Posts: 3595
Joined: 5/21/2006
From: Jersey
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Stephann

For the submissive types, how well do you embrace such expectations?  How much of a voice do you feel is necessary, to feel you have had your say, without feeling like you're dictating rules?



 
For me, the less of a voice the better.   I think I want to be heard to some extent, but when my opinion influences the dominant, it's as if the wind has been let out of my sails.   The last thing I really want is a dominant looking for my approval of what he wants to do. 

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Profile   Post #: 25
RE: Dominants Discussing Decisions - 3/20/2008 2:03:15 PM   
SimplyMichael


Posts: 7229
Joined: 1/7/2007
Status: offline 		Try a wig, great way to play without taking a big step.

I don't see it as overruling as it is my rule in the first place although I may not choose to exercise it.  I told BSB what color nails I wanted for a certain visit and they were.  I have indicated I like dark hair and she has, without further input slowly explored darker hair.  She doesn't want to pierce her nipples or her cunt but knows at some point I will choose to do so, probably after we live together or at least I am there long enough to deal with the healing process as I figure I can at least do that much.

She is my glorious and intelligent talking Barbie Doll.  I dress her up how I want and that includes any aspect of her appearance I choose to pay attention to.  She doesn't need my input to look hot and I do listen to her advice as something the way I want to dress her won't look good on her.

The only time I really give her opinion real weight over mine is when it is something that will make her unattractive either in her head or in the eyes of others.  There I tread carefully, scratch that, I tread respectfully.  I don't go there lightly and only if I have some goal.

Clothing and appearance is something I enjoy expressing my dominance over, there are other areas I don't bother or others do a more/better/extreme/deeper way than I.

(in reply to BossyShoeBitch)
Profile   Post #: 26
RE: Dominants Discussing Decisions - 3/20/2008 2:16:15 PM   
Leatherist


Posts: 5149
Joined: 12/11/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: marieToo

quote:

ORIGINAL: Stephann

For the submissive types, how well do you embrace such expectations?  How much of a voice do you feel is necessary, to feel you have had your say, without feeling like you're dictating rules?



 
For me, the less of a voice the better.   I think I want to be heard to some extent, but when my opinion influences the dominant, it's as if the wind has been let out of my sails.   The last thing I really want is a dominant looking for my approval of what he wants to do. 


Because if he has gotten to the point of being accepted as Your Dominant by then,he should understand that about you. And why that makes you want to be his.

< Message edited by Leatherist -- 3/20/2008 2:17:02 PM >

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Profile   Post #: 27
RE: Dominants Discussing Decisions - 3/20/2008 3:56:08 PM   
ownedgirlie


Posts: 9184
Joined: 2/5/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Stephann
For the submissive types, how well do you embrace such expectations?  How much of a voice do you feel is necessary, to feel you have had your say, without feeling like you're dictating rules?


He likes to make informed decisions, so quite often he wants to know what I think or feel about something he is considering, before he finalizes his decision.  It doesn't always happen, but when it does, it's because he wants to gauge how something will affect me (he usually knows this, however) or if I see a persepctive he has not considered.  Sometimes he feels he has all the information he needs and decides what he decides.  He has also reversed decisions, if it has had a negative effect.  I do not, however, tell him what he should or should not do.  Once his decision is made, I accept it.  Sometimes I might ask if I can provide input, sometimes I don't.  It depends on the situation.  Sometimes it really doesn't matter what I think about it - it's something he feels is right and so it is done. And always, if he says that's the decision and there will be no more discussion about it...then the subject is closed.

< Message edited by ownedgirlie -- 3/20/2008 3:59:33 PM >

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Profile   Post #: 28
RE: Dominants Discussing Decisions - 3/20/2008 4:03:40 PM   
Mercnbeth


Posts: 11766
Status: offline 		~ Fast Reply ~

Stephan,
In manner such as these I ask for beth's input when either alternative would be 'interesting' for me to experience. When there is an overwhelming preference on my part no option is offered.

Hope this helps.

Platinum blond huh????

Could work, and if it doesn't work you could always correct it with a nice buzz cut for summer.

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Profile   Post #: 29
RE: Dominants Discussing Decisions - 3/20/2008 4:37:19 PM   
derfrewop


Posts: 74
Joined: 5/10/2007
From: Vancouver
Status: offline 		I see this as an entirely context based issue. Who are you, who is your sub, where is your relationship and what do each bring. For example, finacial decisions almost always come down to me but aesthetic decisions almost always comes down to her choice. I am way better at dealing with money and she is way better at dealing with beauty. Money burns a hole in her pocket and if it weren't for bad taste, I'd have no taste at all. A dom who is utterly self sufficient would be better off flogging a mannikin, a sub who is utterly self sufficient probably doesn't need a dom

Its two people. If both sides are making every effort to make the relationship work in a particular way, then the lines of who gets to decide what are part of that effort.

So thats not an actual answer but from from my experience its the truth.


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Profile   Post #: 30
RE: Dominants Discussing Decisions - 3/20/2008 4:41:18 PM   
charlotteS


Posts: 203
Joined: 3/9/2008
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Mercnbeth

Could work, and if it doesn't work you could always correct it with a nice buzz cut for summer.


Hmmmm....that's two votes for shaving it off.

charlotte


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Profile   Post #: 31
Whoa ! - 3/20/2008 4:51:40 PM   
Kinbakudayo


Posts: 68
Joined: 2/21/2008
Status: offline 		I think Charlotte would make a fine model; she has a good personality to work with photographers and believe me that makes a huge difference.   However, I find that when we select models for shoots there is something said for the organic beauty the model brings to the project. 

Charlotte would do well in any hair color you choose of course.   But looking at it photographically in my head, her skin tones and hair color work very well for her as stands.
Wow big decision to go out as a model and in step with the OP. Did you make this decision for her or discuss it? 

(in reply to Stephann)
Profile   Post #: 32
RE: Dominants Discussing Decisions - 3/20/2008 5:10:37 PM   
SirJohnMandevill


Posts: 546
Joined: 11/10/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Stephann
For the dominant types, how often are you willing to overrule your submissives opinions on things?  How lightly do you make such a demand (one that's clearly, and simply, aesthetic), without consulting her?

For the submissive types, how well do you embrace such expectations?  How much of a voice do you feel is necessary, to feel you have had your say, without feeling like you're dictating rules?

Regards,

Stephan


 
I greatly value my submissive's opinions. I wouldn't want it any other way.
 
I think much depends on how long you've been together and the level of trust you've established. In a long-term relationship where my submissive trusted me completely, I would expect her to obey in this kind of situation. It's not breaching a hard limit or endangering her in any way.
 
Les (Purveyor of Fine, Handcrafted Kink)

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I am a fully eroticized being
No more neuroses
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With the deviant ingredient
---The B-52s

(in reply to Stephann)
Profile   Post #: 33
RE: Dominants Discussing Decisions - 3/20/2008 5:14:10 PM   
Evility


Posts: 915
Joined: 12/19/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: SailingBum
As a practical matter sure I listen to what my girl has to say.  Whether it's her hair color <yes it has come up> or where we are going for vacation.  The final decision is mine.  Typically I don't intercede on trivial stuff by their nature it doesn't matter.  My voice is heard on the matters I deem important.


That sums up how I feel about it pretty well. Control over most day to day things that don't directly affect me doesn't interest me much.

(in reply to SailingBum)
Profile   Post #: 34
RE: Dominants Discussing Decisions - 3/20/2008 5:18:58 PM   
daddyncherry


Posts: 656
Joined: 10/9/2007
Status: offline 		i think i'm on the right track here with your OP, and there is one that my Daddy has and it is when it comes to me asking to get a haircut, some slight layers around my face, just so i can do a bit more with it, esp since i plan to start working soon.

When i have mentioned it he screws up his face in a way to make it TOTALLY clear that IT IS NOT a good idea as far as he is concerned....i know better than to go against this, since he doesn't force me to do things, he is basically leaving the ball in my court, and letting me decide to submit to his wish or not.

i tend to let the haircut question go for many months (like a year) before breeching the idea again, as it would become and issue and i'm not big on haircuts to start with......but right now, with the upcoming possible job, a bit of a cut/style would be a really good thing....So now i am trying to put my logical imput in and hope to come to a mutally satisfying decision.

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Hugs,
cherry

Walking through life, and fear with a smile on my face.
Walking directly through the eye of the hurricane...and through to the other side..without fear....realizing everything will be okay. :)

being obedient 1day at a time

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Profile   Post #: 35
RE: Dominants Discussing Decisions - 3/20/2008 5:33:21 PM   
BitaTruble


Posts: 9779
Joined: 1/12/2006
From: Texas
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Stephann

For the submissive types, how well do you embrace such expectations?  How much of a voice do you feel is necessary, to feel you have had your say, without feeling like you're dictating rules?

Regards,

Stephan




 
When I am asked for my opinion, I always give it. When he asks, that's not a request for information, it's a command. This is understood between us.
 
When he makes a decision based on less than factual information and I have such factual information, I inform him of this information, asked for or not.  This is my nature. Whether or not he chooses to change a decision based on new information is up to him and I respect those decisions. This is my duty.
 
Celeste

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"Oh, so it's just like
Rock, paper, scissors."

He laughed. "You are the wisest woman I know."


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Profile   Post #: 36
RE: Dominants Discussing Decisions - 3/20/2008 5:45:14 PM   
domiguy


Posts: 12952
Joined: 5/2/2006
Status: offline 		It's kind of a bullshit topic. You make the decisions and she obeys or she doesn't. Those are the only two possible outcomes.

Either she decides that you are worth hanging around or not. Shave her head. Scar her face. Make her get an education. What difference does it make?

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Profile   Post #: 37
RE: Dominants Discussing Decisions - 3/20/2008 5:48:52 PM   
DiurnalVampire


Posts: 8125
Joined: 1/19/2006
From: Nashville, TN
Status: offline 		I make decisions. Fox and I dont generaly discuss things, much, he follows my lead. We havent had anything worthy of discussion come up. The only things he has had input on has been decisons about side dishes for dinner.

Angel and I discuss, because he is not nearly as dependant on me as Fox is. He and I have to made advanced plans to see one anotehr, so things have to be planned out or they do not work out right. I see him for hours, where I see Fox for days. Makes for a different continuum.

DV


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I will be your Dominate if you will be my submit - Fox

Snarko Ergo Sum
If you cannot change your mind, how are you so sure you still have one? -proverb

*Owner of Fox - collared 10/13/07*
VampiresLair

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Profile   Post #: 38
RE: Dominants Discussing Decisions - 3/20/2008 6:30:28 PM   
crouchingtigress


Posts: 4387
Joined: 3/19/2006
From: Maui
Status: offline 		in a situation like you desribe i would question my intention. why do i want the hair color to change? and why do they resist?

if i thought it would be a growth experiance to be "too much of a statement" then i would likely have her do it anyway, but i would be less interested in my will being done, and much more interested what her experiance stepping out of her comfort zone was like, and what skills and talents did she use to rise to the occasion.

but then again she has said to me "you are the only person i know that gets turned on from personal growth" i know this cant be true, but i dont meet many who share that particular fettish.

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Profile   Post #: 39
RE: Dominants Discussing Decisions - 3/20/2008 6:43:35 PM   
Lumus


Posts: 5968
Joined: 9/16/2007
Status: offline 		I generally tend to provide discussion as an option to my girl in most matters.  She knows I have the final say - wants and prefers it, really.  No one can always be right all the time, so, as you've said, Stephann, I value her input.

As for when I simply assume control:  my girl can sometimes have difficulty making a decision.  Sometimes she needs to be directed in matters she is unfamiliar with.  It's also a necessary evil at times when her anxiety creeps up.  Any decision thus foisted upon her is guided by my own intent for her to be happy and well.  If I don't have an answer for her right away, I say as much and then proceed to educate myself to give her a proper response.

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<Talk to educate; listen to learn.>

~ the other half of "L&L" ~

I have been dubbed the Rainmaker. Do not make me take your water for my tribe.

(in reply to Stephann)
Profile   Post #: 40
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