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RE: Is love needful for happiness? - 3/20/2008 7:11:58 PM

Leatherist

Posts: 5149
Joined: 12/11/2007
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quote:

ORIGINAL: charmdpetKeira

My answer is yes, but then; love to me is acceptance, respect, and responsibility, toward something.

As far as desire, I need that too. It is the very thing that drives me. (charges me)

However, I don’t like an over abundance of affection.

I am not used to it and it makes me uncomfortable. (to many people that have been “affectionate” took liberties I hadn’t agreed to give.

k

I think you may well have expressed the way I feel as well.

There is affection, intimacy, respect trust......Those only really happen with me when I know a girl well. But sappy romantic stuff?

Feels smothering, I find it repulsive. I guess that I really am pretty stereotypically male in the regard. I think my love tends to be the dark, conspiratorial sort. I have a pretty even balance of good and evil-and like a partner the same.

The hearts and flowers stuff just gives me a nauseating saccarine overdose-and make me want to go out and do shotgun practice with large pictures of cute kittens and puppies.

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Post #: 21

RE: Is love needful for happiness? - 3/20/2008 7:13:13 PM

CalifChick

Posts: 10717
Joined: 10/28/2007
From: California
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I need someone that cares about me; that is happier with me in their life than without. Anything else is a bonus.

Cali

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(in reply to charmdpetKeira)

Post #: 22

RE: Is love needful for happiness? - 3/20/2008 7:22:05 PM

LuckyAlbatross

Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
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Ds is based on an authority dynamic. Other than that, you can add or take anything you want.

My relationship with my partner IS love based- without love, the relationship wouldn't work.

This isn't to say "love is what keeps us together." HA I wish, that would be easy.

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Post #: 23

RE: Is love needful for happiness? - 3/20/2008 7:27:36 PM

KnightofMists

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Joined: 7/29/2005
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quote:

ORIGINAL: LuckyAlbatross

Ds is based on an authority dynamic.

as Lucky has stated.... D/s in my thoughts is based on an Authority Dynamic and is not a love based dynamic.

However, Love, Respect, Trust and other values often become part of the relationship as well. These other things enhance the relationship..... kinda of like putting furniture into a beautiful home. Without the furniture... the house no matter how beautiful is rather empty. It's the difference of having a House... or having a Home!

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Post #: 24

RE: Is love needful for happiness? - 3/20/2008 7:45:14 PM

charmdpetKeira

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Joined: 6/2/2007
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quote:

ORIGINAL: ownedgirlie

If that dynamic changed, we would part ways, whether the love was there or not.

To me, this would be love; in light of the fact that you are a slave, and he, a master.

k

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Post #: 25

RE: Is love needful for happiness? - 3/20/2008 7:56:27 PM

LadyHibiscus

Posts: 27124
Joined: 8/15/2005
From: Island Of Misfit Toys
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I want someone to love me, but I don't see it as essential in a D/s relationship. It's good if it develops, I think, since the bonds deepen and both are more motivated to keep the relationship going.

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Post #: 26

RE: Is love needful for happiness? - 3/20/2008 8:06:12 PM

charmdpetKeira

Posts: 916
Joined: 6/2/2007
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quote:

ORIGINAL: Leatherist

I think you may well have expressed the way I feel as well.

quote:

There is affection, intimacy, respect trust......Those only really happen with me when I know a girl well. But sappy romantic stuff?

Feels smothering, I find it repulsive. I guess that I really am pretty stereotypically male in the regard. I think my love tends to be the dark, conspiratorial sort. I have a pretty even balance of good and evil-and like a partner the same.

Agreed. I tend to go with mysterious, and exciting. I can no longer relate to the concept.

quote:

The hearts and flowers stuff just gives me a nauseating saccarine overdose-and make me want to go out and do shotgun practice with large pictures of cute kittens and puppies.

I enjoy receiving a plant, occasionally. I can “love” discomposure, but I find life to be more inspiring.

Ah man, what did the pictures do to you?!? ;)

k

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Life is tough, that does not mean it isn't fair.

There is no wrong choice, only consequence.

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Post #: 27

RE: Is love needful for happiness? - 3/20/2008 8:11:17 PM

DesFIP

Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
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Well, most Aspie's don't seem to need it. So I guess it isn't a requirement for everyone.

But most people with normally working emotions who are in touch with their emotions feel the need for love. Certainly, I need it.

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Post #: 28

RE: Is love needful for happiness? - 3/20/2008 8:24:12 PM

ownedgirlie

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quote:

ORIGINAL: charmdpetKeira

quote:

ORIGINAL: ownedgirlie

If that dynamic changed, we would part ways, whether the love was there or not.

To me, this would be love; in light of the fact that you are a slave, and he, a master.

k

How do you mean?

(in reply to charmdpetKeira)

Post #: 29

RE: Is love needful for happiness? - 3/20/2008 8:47:19 PM

onlyfreelycaged

Posts: 254
Joined: 4/3/2007
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No. Romantic love is not needed for happiness.

(in reply to ownedgirlie)

Post #: 30

RE: Is love needful for happiness? - 3/21/2008 4:28:16 AM

MD1Master

Posts: 34
Joined: 3/7/2008
Status: offline

I view happiness as a requirement to love. However, love is not a prerequisite for happiness.

As for basing a D/s relationship, I think love is the ultimate end result. The relationship can be based on many aspects and ultimately should be based upon all. Respect, consideration, and cooperation to name just a few. Intellectual stimulation coupled with physical and emotional responses are others. Trust is another big basis or even the main basis for D/s.

I am reminded of a proverb I read decades ago by an unknown author...

Before you love,
Learn to walk through snow,
Leaving no footprints.

Actually, I think I will start a new thread here and request everyone's interpretation.

(in reply to Leatherist)

Post #: 31

RE: Is love needful for happiness? - 3/21/2008 4:31:13 AM

RCdc

Posts: 8674
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Affirmation. That is all it comes down to and whether that comes from love, or friendship or whatever doesn't matter. It's an autosuggestion.

the.dark.

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Post #: 32

RE: Is love needful for happiness? - 3/21/2008 5:49:19 AM

sirsholly

Posts: 42360
Joined: 9/7/2007
From: Quietville
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quote:

ORIGINAL: lronitulstahp

love...soft as an easy chair.....fresh as the morning air....

one of those songs that stays with you all day......thanks a heap

(in reply to lronitulstahp)

Post #: 33

RE: Is love needful for happiness? - 3/21/2008 6:34:04 AM

charmdpetKeira

Posts: 916
Joined: 6/2/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: ownedgirlie

How do you mean?

I am a pet, in accepting this fact; I realize I require an environment that will allow fulfillment of my needs as a pet.

A part of those needs is a D/s based relationship.

If I were no longer getting that from my owner, I would need to leave and search for it elsewhere; in order to continue to be respectful to myself.

If I stayed, I would become miserable, in turn, making him miserable; therefore not “loving” either of us.

I hope this helped clarify.

k

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Life is tough, that does not mean it isn't fair.

There is no wrong choice, only consequence.

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Post #: 34

RE: Is love needful for happiness? - 3/21/2008 6:42:50 AM

Justme696

Posts: 3236
Joined: 1/7/2008
From: Royal kingdom of the Netherlands
Status: offline

I lived a long time with out a loved one...It was ok, but I missed the things involved with "love" too.
On the other side.. you can be hurt be love.

Anyway..to me such things happen..I don't plan it.. if it comes..and I like it..I take it.

and it is "aftherwards" that I can judge about it.

< Message edited by Justme696 -- 3/21/2008 6:44:10 AM >

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Post #: 35

RE: Is love needful for happiness? - 3/21/2008 7:44:43 AM

CreativeDominant

Posts: 11032
Joined: 3/11/2006
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Daddyslilpookie

In my opinion yes it is. If I din't have love I would die, I need affection and comfort I am human after all. Everyone needs love.

That's just it though, pookie...if you mean love in terms of affection and comfort, many need it, some do not even need that.

And if you mean "everyone needs love" in terms of a romantic nature...again, sadly or not, not everyone does need it or even want it. They might want comfort and affection and, as noted in my line above, that expresses the only kind of love they need.

Yes, I want romantic love and yes I prefer to have it in MY D/s dynamic of a long-standing nature. But I have been involved with submissives and with vanilla women in my life that I cared for and, in that way, loved BUT...it was not romantic love.

(in reply to Daddyslilpookie)

Post #: 36

RE: Is love needful for happiness? - 3/21/2008 7:58:54 AM

Maya2001

Posts: 1656
Joined: 8/22/2007
From: Woodstock ONT,CANADA
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Things like affection, mutual respect and care can exist without love being present, it is possible to be content with that and sometimes love can grow out of that being part of the foundation which constitutes love.. it is not essential to have love to be happy but is viewed as the ultimate bonus. too often many confuse infatuation with love,....infatuation being a more immediate feeling where as love is something that grows and evolves slowly over a long period of time

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Post #: 37

RE: Is love needful for happiness? - 3/21/2008 8:00:02 AM

ownedgirlie

Posts: 9184
Joined: 2/5/2006
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: charmdpetKeira

quote:

ORIGINAL: ownedgirlie

How do you mean?

I am a pet, in accepting this fact; I realize I require an environment that will allow fulfillment of my needs as a pet.

A part of those needs is a D/s based relationship.

If I were no longer getting that from my owner, I would need to leave and search for it elsewhere; in order to continue to be respectful to myself.

If I stayed, I would become miserable, in turn, making him miserable; therefore not “loving” either of us.

I hope this helped clarify.

k

I understand now. Thank you for clarifying.

I feel a bit differently than you. If my needs were not being met, I would still stay as long as he wishes me to be his, because I am his slave. My duty to him as his slave comes before a desire to be loved. I need to love him, whether he loves me in return or not, and I do. I have ways of expressing that, whether my other needs are tended to or not. My primary needs are to serve him and love him.

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Good is the enemy of great.

(in reply to charmdpetKeira)

Post #: 38

RE: Is love needful for happiness? - 3/21/2008 8:07:38 AM

charmdpetKeira

Posts: 916
Joined: 6/2/2007
Status: offline

I define love as; accepting something for what it is (or what I know of it), and respecting it, by being responsible for and toward myself, in light of the knowledge I do, or do not have.

The thing that most people call love, I would call desire, probably mixed with passion.

Just me trying to find some solid ground.

k

_____________________________

Life is tough, that does not mean it isn't fair.

There is no wrong choice, only consequence.

(in reply to Maya2001)

Post #: 39

RE: Is love needful for happiness? - 3/21/2008 8:24:38 AM

charmdpetKeira

Posts: 916
Joined: 6/2/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: ownedgirlie

My primary needs are to serve him and love him.

What if you were not allowed to serve, but he wanted you to stay?

k

_____________________________

Life is tough, that does not mean it isn't fair.

There is no wrong choice, only consequence.

(in reply to ownedgirlie)

Post #: 40

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