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RE: Is love needful for happiness? - 3/21/2008 8:37:16 AM   
ophelialocke


Posts: 127
Joined: 9/2/2007
Status: offline 		I think it is a mistake to look to this "narrative" of "romantic love" as something concrete that we can base or definitions off of. 

How does your Dom or sub make you feel? Good? Content? Centered? Repspected? Hot? Sexy? Desired?

Are there negatives? Do the positives overall outweigh the negatives?

Do you feel the way you want to feel as a person when you are with that person? Do you feel crowded or do you have enough space?

Do you get enough time together? Too much? Not anywhere near enough?

Do you have enough time for work? For play? Do you have an imbalance of same? A good balance?

Do you WANT to keep spending time with this person?

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Profile   Post #: 41
RE: Is love needful for happiness? - 3/21/2008 8:42:08 AM   
charmdpetKeira


Posts: 916
Joined: 6/2/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: ophelialocke

I think it is a mistake to look to this "narrative" of "romantic love" as something concrete that we can base or definitions off of. 


If this is in response to something I've said, I am unclear as to what that was.
 
k

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RE: Is love needful for happiness? - 3/21/2008 8:43:54 AM   
ophelialocke


Posts: 127
Joined: 9/2/2007
Status: offline 		i am lazy and should have done post not fast lol


< Message edited by ophelialocke -- 3/21/2008 8:45:22 AM >

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Profile   Post #: 43
RE: Is love needful for happiness? - 3/21/2008 8:48:56 AM   
charmdpetKeira


Posts: 916
Joined: 6/2/2007
Status: offline 		No problem. I was just making sure; sometimes I confuse easily.
 
Alright; much of the time.
 
k

< Message edited by charmdpetKeira -- 3/21/2008 8:51:00 AM >

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RE: Is love needful for happiness? - 3/21/2008 11:31:28 AM   
ownedgirlie


Posts: 9184
Joined: 2/5/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: charmdpetKeira

quote:

ORIGINAL: ownedgirlie

My primary needs are to serve him and love him.


What if you were not allowed to serve, but he wanted you to stay?
 
k


Then I am obeying by staying, and therefore serving him.

It has happened with us.  I stayed.  And when it happened, I served him by living as he wanted me to live, honoring him, continuing with my rituals and my writings, and reporting to him as he enjoys.  Serving is not limited to sex, BDSM play and domestic use.  I served him today by getting up at 7:00, going for a long walk, eating healthy, and doing some computer research that was necessary. I serve him by being self aware, having a positive attitude, and being good to myself and others.  I serve him by feeling him as my foundation, and considering him in all that I think and do.  The 4 1/2 awake hours of my day have been spent in honor of and in service to him. My fulfillment is in knowing he is content, and I know he is content that his girl is living as he wants her to live, whether she can be with him in person or not.  He can rely on my focus to be intact, no matter what comes about, and he enjoys that.

So yes, I would stay.  I will always stay.

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RE: Is love needful for happiness? - 3/21/2008 12:05:05 PM   
CreativeDominant


Posts: 11032
Joined: 3/11/2006
Status: offline 		Love...such a funny thing.  In my earlier post, I stated that I prefer to have romantic love in MY D/s dynamic.  That is because I seek long-term and I want someone that loves the ME that is ME and that includes parts of me that are outside the D/s dynamic.  This is going to sound a bit twisty-turny but I want the love to come out of the woman/human part of them and not just because they are submissive to me.  As for the hearts and flowers and all the saccharine...no...but occasional hearts and flowers and honest to God sugar rather than saccarine...yes.

But the original question was along the lines of whether or not love is needed for D/s.  In going along that line, then I go with what I said in my original post...no, not for a D/s dynamic.  The D/s dynamic...as others have stated...is a relationship dynamic involving power and authority, not love.  As can be seen from the variety of responses, the degrees of love that can grown within the dynamic...and the necessity of that love to sustain and grow the dynamic further varies widely.

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RE: Is love needful for happiness? - 3/21/2008 2:57:21 PM   
charmdpetKeira


Posts: 916
Joined: 6/2/2007
Status: offline 		Thank you for responding.
 
The reason I asked, is because I had to make such a decision last summer. Only there were no assignments, other then to sit and wait (indefinitely), with the occasional “my life is falling apart here, there and everywhere.”
 
I managed 7mo with only two visits with him, one of which was only ten min; relevant only to the fact I was unable to keep the energy going between us, by myself.
 
It seems to me, from your words, your relationship might be mathematically expressible as: 6+9=1? 1 being your master.
 
Mine looks like this: 6+9=8. 8 being the energy created by the dynamic.
 
For me, it was like sitting in an airplane that was no longer on the ground; the pilot had hit eject and walked away, long before the engine had died, and I had decided they weren’t coming back; and I was headed for a rather abrupt landing; that’s when the relationship became harmful to me.
 
Thank you for responding.
 
While it is not the choice I would make, it is one I can certainly respect.
 
My best,
 
k

< Message edited by charmdpetKeira -- 3/21/2008 2:58:13 PM >

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Profile   Post #: 47
RE: Is love needful for happiness? - 3/21/2008 3:09:46 PM   
ownedgirlie


Posts: 9184
Joined: 2/5/2006
Status: offline 		I'm sorry, Keira, that must have been really painful for you, and couldn't have been an easy decision by any means. 

I don't really understand your 6 + 9 equation, but that's ok.  :)

Thank you for sharing that part of yourself.  I certainly understand and respect where you are coming from.  I'm glad you opened the dialogue.

Warm wishes to you...

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Profile   Post #: 48
RE: Is love needful for happiness? - 3/21/2008 3:54:06 PM   
charmdpetKeira


Posts: 916
Joined: 6/2/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: ownedgirlie

I'm sorry, Keira, that must have been really painful for you, and couldn't have been an easy decision by any means. 



Thank you.
 
Yes.
 
My point was; I left because I loved myself enough to jump, before the plane crashed. Which was good for both of us, because he might have gotten caught up in the explosion, if I went down with the plane and was still holding on to him; I call that love.
 
I learned a lot from the experience. :)

quote:

I don't really understand your 6 + 9 equation, but that's ok.  :)


69/opposite poles of energy.

quote:

I'm glad you opened the dialogue.


*smiles* I'm glad you hung in there with me.
 
My best,
 k

_____________________________

Life is tough, that does not mean it isn't fair.

There is no wrong choice, only consequence.

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Profile   Post #: 49
RE: Is love needful for happiness? - 3/21/2008 4:35:22 PM   
ownedgirlie


Posts: 9184
Joined: 2/5/2006
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quote:

ORIGINAL: charmdpetKeira
My point was; I left because I loved myself enough to jump, before the plane crashed. Which was good for both of us, because he might have gotten caught up in the explosion, if I went down with the plane and was still holding on to him; I call that love.
 
I learned a lot from the experience. :)

 
I can only imagine.  I think lack of guidance or direction would indeed feel like being on a plane heading for a crash landing.  That wasn't my personal experience (lack of guidance and oversight - it was toned way down but it was there, and he prepared me for it beforehand), which may be why our answers differed.  I would have been a disaster otherwise.  I understand exactly what you are talking about, and yes, in that situation, letting go would be love.


quote:


69/opposite poles of energy.

Thank you!  Sounds interesting - I'll look into that.

quote:


*smiles* I'm glad you hung in there with me.

Any time at all.  :)


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RE: Is love needful for happiness? - 3/21/2008 4:50:06 PM   
Real_Trouble


Posts: 471
Joined: 2/25/2008
Status: offline 		Personally speaking, I have never understood the appeal of romantic love as it is often presented.  I don't know why.  It's just not my thing.

When I conceive of an ideal relationship, in terms of what I would base any sort of highly intimate relationship with a sexual component on, I basically look for someone who is a combination of a best friend and wicked fun in bed; I want someone who's company I enjoy, who is intelligent and interesting, who is kinky as all hell, who I can trust, and who I respect.  The whole romantic love thing is overblown to me.  The kind of "love" (if that is the right term - I find the standard English dating lexicon lacking in this regard) I look for is much more practical, which seems to fit my personality and world view overall.

To me, the mutual attraction through intelligence, personality, and appearance, along with trustworthiness and respect, are the key issues.  I don't need to be head over heels in love with someone; I do need to think I could spend a weekend with them and enjoy their company rather than want to kill them by the end of it.


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RE: Is love needful for happiness? - 3/21/2008 4:51:10 PM   
Leatherist


Posts: 5149
Joined: 12/11/2007
Status: offline 		Amen!!!!!!

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RE: Is love needful for happiness? - 3/21/2008 5:03:30 PM   
whiteslavebitch


Posts: 479
Joined: 9/10/2007
Status: offline 		All of my previous relationships were without romantic love, I didn't feel it for them, and if they truly loved me, I couldn't feel it or believe it. I was mostly emotionally dead.

I wouldn't recommend it as a way to live a happy life, I was seriously unhappy for most of my adult life. I had low self esteem, and couldn't accept or give romantic love.

Now that things are better for me, and I believe myself to be worth loving, and loving someone else, I could not be happy without that love in a romantic relationship.

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Profile   Post #: 53
RE: Is love needful for happiness? - 3/21/2008 7:30:47 PM   
lighthearted


Posts: 1165
Joined: 11/26/2006
Status: offline 		what comes to mind is that some people (like myself) flourish with romantic love.  I can be hotter, kinkier, more obedient under it's influence than not.

but that's just me...I think romantic love falls under the "my kink isn't your kink" type of thing, just because it's not your thing doesn't mean it's not a valid basis for a relationship and vice versa.

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RE: Is love needful for happiness? - 3/21/2008 8:07:54 PM   
CalifChick


Posts: 10717
Joined: 10/28/2007
From: California
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Real_Trouble
To me, the mutual attraction through intelligence, personality, and appearance, along with trustworthiness and respect, are the key issues.  I don't need to be head over heels in love with someone; I do need to think I could spend a weekend with them and enjoy their company rather than want to kill them by the end of it.


Well fiddlefuck.  You had me right up until the last nine words. 

Cali


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Profile   Post #: 55
RE: Is love needful for happiness? - 3/21/2008 8:41:34 PM   
Arrrchibald


Posts: 350
Joined: 1/3/2008
Status: offline 		I love what I do for sure. 

Leaves little time for romantic love, but I've never been happier.  

(in reply to ophelialocke)
Profile   Post #: 56
RE: Is love needful for happiness? - 3/21/2008 8:51:43 PM   
Real_Trouble


Posts: 471
Joined: 2/25/2008
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: CalifChick

quote:

ORIGINAL: Real_Trouble
To me, the mutual attraction through intelligence, personality, and appearance, along with trustworthiness and respect, are the key issues.  I don't need to be head over heels in love with someone; I do need to think I could spend a weekend with them and enjoy their company rather than want to kill them by the end of it.


Well fiddlefuck.  You had me right up until the last nine words. 

Cali



To be fair, that looks a lot less sinister and more sarcastic when you don't highlight it in bright blood red.  And besides, I've only confessed to wanting to kill people who really annoy me, not actually doing it!

Wuss.


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Profile   Post #: 57
RE: Is love needful for happiness? - 3/21/2008 8:58:52 PM   
CalifChick


Posts: 10717
Joined: 10/28/2007
From: California
Status: offline 		You misunderstood my admittedly-weird sense of humor. I think I can spend the weekend with someone, enjoy their company, AND want to kill them by the end of it.

Cali


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Profile   Post #: 58
RE: Is love needful for happiness? - 3/21/2008 9:24:17 PM   
kallisto


Posts: 1185
Status: offline 		To me love is just as personal as religion and politics.   There are an infinte number of variables that come with love as well as many different forms of love.  

For a D/s dynamic to work, does there have to be love?  No.  Doesn't have to be for it work for lots of people.   But on the other hand, lots of others need it and want it to work.   Ther is no right or wrong answer.  


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Profile   Post #: 59
RE: Is love needful for happiness? - 3/21/2008 9:47:13 PM   
Hippiekinkster


Posts: 5512
Joined: 11/20/2007
From: Liechtenstein
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Maya2001

Things like affection, mutual respect  and care can exist without love being present,  it is possible to be content with that and sometimes love can grow out of that being part of the foundation which constitutes love..  it is not essential to have love to be happy but is viewed as the ultimate  bonus.   too often many confuse infatuation with love,....infatuation being a more immediate feeling where as love is something that grows and evolves slowly over a long period of time  
I have given this a great deal of thought over the past half year or so.  I must admit I do like that feeling of infatuation, but I am much happier in the long run if I have those feelings of acceptance and (as  D&the_d said) affirmation, which are essential components of "love" for me. I ran across this in my musings and readings which gave me a better handle on my feelings, so to speak.
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Limerence

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Profile   Post #: 60
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