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Found a friends husband here... what do I do? - 3/20/2008 8:02:20 PM

DommeBoots

Posts: 1
Joined: 11/29/2007
Status: offline

Hey all,
I was here browsing around at profiles tonight and I came across a big surprise. One of best friends' husband has a profile on here obviously looking to cheat on her. I know she is totally not into this stuff, she thinks I'm nuts. I know she has never said anything to her husband about my lifestyle and she is pretty vanilla. They haven't even been married for a year yet. Do I say something to her? I'm almost tempted to contact him (not telling him who I am of course) and see just how far he would really go. Find out if he would really cheat on her or if he just has some closet fetish and needs a place to vent. I've met lots of married men on here before that are just looking for cyber but most of the time they're looking for r/t. Has this happened to any of you?

Post #: 1

RE: Found a friends husband here... what do I do? - 3/20/2008 8:04:57 PM

chellekitty

Posts: 3923
Joined: 3/27/2005
Status: offline

don't do anything...it's not your place to tell her and if you "play with him" then you're the "other woman" to your friend...so just forget you saw it...

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(in reply to DommeBoots)

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RE: Found a friends husband here... what do I do? - 3/20/2008 8:05:16 PM

LuckyAlbatross

Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline

Do nothing. Not your business, and you will not be welcomed for your information.

If you MUST do something, email him briefly and cordially, saying who you are and that he needs to be aware of the risks he's taking and being so careless.

Then move on.

_____________________________

Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

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RE: Found a friends husband here... what do I do? - 3/20/2008 8:15:38 PM

DesFIP

Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
Status: offline

He may, for all you know, have come clean to her and gotten the okay to play but not have sex with a domme. All you know is that she isn't into wiitwd, you don't know anything about the internal workings of their relationship. And it isn't any of your business.

< Message edited by DesFIP -- 3/20/2008 8:44:24 PM >

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Post #: 4

RE: Found a friends husband here... what do I do? - 3/20/2008 8:18:19 PM

TemptingNviceSub

Posts: 3054
Joined: 10/1/2005
Status: offline

Did you take note of when he joined?..possibly an old profile? and possibly just here to talk with like minded people, since you say she thinks all this is nutz...As far as telling your friend or not...humm..one of the oldest and most debated questions in any life....All I can say is that no good deed ever went unpunished..the possibilites are boundless..if you tell, your relationship with friend will alter dramatically...if you keep mouth shut, you will have to attempt to wipe this from your mind and be one hell of an actor when you are with them together..and know that when or if their relationship ends, you still can never say you saw him on any website..for that too will alter your friendship for all time...and if you tell him you saw him, then he will make all attempts to sabotage your frienship with his wife, and she may just let him.......tough one........Tempting

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RE: Found a friends husband here... what do I do? - 3/20/2008 8:19:16 PM

LadyHibiscus

Posts: 27124
Joined: 8/15/2005
From: Island Of Misfit Toys
Status: offline

Walk away quietly.

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RE: Found a friends husband here... what do I do? - 3/20/2008 8:20:01 PM

petitespitfire64

Posts: 182
Joined: 10/4/2007
Status: offline

Beware...they used to KILL the bearers of bad news.

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"The right thing to do isn't always the popular thing to do"

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RE: Found a friends husband here... what do I do? - 3/20/2008 8:23:45 PM

SophiaCorrupted

Posts: 69
Joined: 2/3/2008
Status: offline

Guess I'm in the minority, but I would love to know if my husband was going behind my back and looking for some side action.

If he's cheating on her, he's cheating on her and that's fucked up.

If he's just looking to chat about BDSM, there's no reason he shouldn't tell his wife.

If she's cool with it, then telling her will won't result in any negative consequences.

I don't see the downside to telling to her.

(in reply to petitespitfire64)

Post #: 8

RE: Found a friends husband here... what do I do? - 3/20/2008 8:27:21 PM

atursvcMaam

Posts: 1195
Joined: 5/10/2004
Status: offline

say hello, and tell him who You are. No matter what his thought process, it will introduce him to some level of reality. let it be his, and Your friend's decision as to where it needs to go from there. in my humble opinion, You are more likely to lose a friend over letting her know than to help her through. this is a bit of a guess, as i do not know the relationship that You have with her, nor that she has with her husband.

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Post #: 9

RE: Found a friends husband here... what do I do? - 3/20/2008 8:41:47 PM

slaveboyforyou

Posts: 3607
Joined: 1/6/2005
From: Arkansas, U.S.A.
Status: offline

She's one of your best friends? Hell yeah you tell her. I can't believe the people on here that say you shouldn't. I am glad I am not friends with them. If I saw my buddies' wife fucking around on them, I would say something. What kind of friend would stand by and say nothing as he/she was being fucked over like that?

I really can't believe some of the responses here. Shame on a lot of you. Where is your sense of loyalty?

(in reply to DommeBoots)

Post #: 10

RE: Found a friends husband here... what do I do? - 3/20/2008 8:50:08 PM

KMsAngel

Posts: 17415
Joined: 4/13/2007
Status: offline

sbu, i have a feeling it's very different for men. the emotional r'ship you have with your male friends isn't the same as what women have.

if one of my friends had said she knew my ex was having an affair before we were ex, i wouldn't have believed her and it would have strained the r'ship.

as it was, some told me a LONG time after we were ex's and i was past the worst of the grief/trauma. i believed them then, and wasn't angry at them. i just asked why they didn't tell me at the time in a curious way and every one said, you wouldn'lt have believed me and i knew you'd need someone afterwards.

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Post #: 11

RE: Found a friends husband here... what do I do? - 3/20/2008 9:06:46 PM

TheHeretic

Posts: 19100
Joined: 3/25/2007
From: California, USA
Status: offline

Send her a link to the profile. Do it from a disposeable addy if you prefer. Then never say a word unless she brings it up.

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That's why people with no sense of humor have such an inflated sense of self-importance.

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Post #: 12

RE: Found a friends husband here... what do I do? - 3/20/2008 9:17:58 PM

Owned1

Posts: 847
Joined: 7/6/2005
From: Toronto, Ontario
Status: offline

What would you want someone to do if the shoe was on the other foot?

For me I would want someone to tell me if they found out this kind of information.

Owned

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Post #: 13

RE: Found a friends husband here... what do I do? - 3/20/2008 10:25:35 PM

Pyrrsefanie

Posts: 1222
Joined: 9/18/2007
From: NEW HAMPSHAAAAAAH!
Status: offline

I think it really depends on your friend.

Some women prefer a "don't ask, don't tell" approach to things. Others would want to know of something like this right off the bat.

Personally, I'd send a message to him and ask him what the Hell has gotten into him. It may scare him enough to delete his profile or confess on his own just because he thinks you're going to rat him out.

And on a not-serious-at-all note, you could always blackmail him for exorbitant sums of money.

(in reply to Owned1)

Post #: 14

RE: Found a friends husband here... what do I do? - 3/20/2008 10:33:38 PM

MissMagnolia

Posts: 3636
Status: offline

What a vile situation to find yourself in DB

You say that she's one of your best friends. If you hardly knew her, it would be easier to stay silent but, as you are close to her, I think you should do something about it. In her place, I would certainly want to know.

I actually liked Heretics idea. Send her the link and let her make up her own mind what to do about it. If she knows about it already and they have an "understanding" she won't care. If she doesn't know, it's fair to think that she needs to make a decision on continuing the marriage to someone who is not being faithful to her and looking for a bit on the side.

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Post #: 15

RE: Found a friends husband here... what do I do? - 3/20/2008 10:36:18 PM

slaveboyforyou

Posts: 3607
Joined: 1/6/2005
From: Arkansas, U.S.A.
Status: offline

quote:

sbu, i have a feeling it's very different for men. the emotional r'ship you have with your male friends isn't the same as what women have.

if one of my friends had said she knew my ex was having an affair before we were ex, i wouldn't have believed her and it would have strained the r'ship.

as it was, some told me a LONG time after we were ex's and i was past the worst of the grief/trauma. i believed them then, and wasn't angry at them. i just asked why they didn't tell me at the time in a curious way and every one said, you wouldn'lt have believed me and i knew you'd need someone afterwards.

KMsAngel, I have a lot of female friends. I have the same kind of friendship with them. I would say something, and I would expect them to do the same. Everyone who knows me, knows I tell the truth. I don't lie, and I pride myself on having that reputation. If a friend didn't believe me, than I don't need to be friends with them.
I am friend's with all my friend's spouses, and they know better than to get caught by me seeing them do that shit. Loyalty and honesty are very important. You don't have anything when your word is not valued.

(in reply to KMsAngel)

Post #: 16

RE: Found a friends husband here... what do I do? - 3/20/2008 10:38:13 PM

Shawn1066

Posts: 987
Joined: 10/7/2007
Status: offline

Tell her.

DV's Fox

(in reply to slaveboyforyou)

Post #: 17

RE: Found a friends husband here... what do I do? - 3/20/2008 10:41:21 PM

SugarMyChurro

Posts: 1912
Joined: 4/26/2007
Status: offline

MYOB = Mind Your Own Business.

(in reply to Pyrrsefanie)

Post #: 18

RE: Found a friends husband here... what do I do? - 3/20/2008 10:44:13 PM

domahpet

Posts: 1505
Joined: 12/3/2006
From: Santa Rosa
Status: offline

mind your own business, itll all come out in the wash sooner or later

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Post #: 19

RE: Found a friends husband here... what do I do? - 3/20/2008 10:48:38 PM

fairerthanshe

Posts: 3035
Joined: 1/18/2007
Status: offline

Greetings,

To me, this isn't a question of loyalty - its a question of whether or not you want anyone who sees your profile to decide that other people in your life need to know about this.

In our local community, recently an elder Dom contacted a young sub girls parents to tell them what she was doing because he was worried about her. Her parents had no idea she was in the lifestyle and it caused miles and miles of problems for her. The Dom swore up and down that he was only looking out for her, but truly it wasn't his place to out her. She is of age and so it isn't any of his business.

You would essentially be doing the same thing. It's none of your business and think about the people in your life you don't want knowing about your lifestyle and what if one of us contacted them - out of loyalty, just lookin out for you, whatever justification you want to slap on it - walk a mile in his shoes before you tell your friend.

well wishes ~ fairer than she

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Post #: 20

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