RE: Found a friends husband here... what do I do?

RE: Found a friends husband here... what do I do? (Full Version)

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sirsholly -> RE: Found a friends husband here... what do I do? (3/21/2008 5:10:08 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Zensee "Yeah hon, I totally knew he was cheating on you for years but I didn't want to hurt your feelings with the friggin' TRUTH! How's the HIV treatment coming along BTW?" Either he's an incurable cheat, so best be rid of him, or they have fixable issues that should be addressed openly. In either case, protective ignorance is the cowards way out. Z. I was unsure until Zensee's post. For her sake i would have to say something.

pahunkboy -> RE: Found a friends husband here... what do I do? (3/21/2008 5:10:28 AM)
Dudess! Every profile on here is real! every single one. EVERY profile! Is real. A sworn on the bible REAL. Now- what say you?

colouredin -> RE: Found a friends husband here... what do I do? (3/21/2008 5:13:08 AM)
In reality only you know the answer, Its very easy to say keep out but at the same time she is your best friend. You know her, you know what she is like etc. I have had many hypothetical questions with friends about this, what would you want, would you want to know etc etc. It is true "good conduct well chastised" you may get a lot of crap for telling her. But only you know if your friend is likely to do that. Just yesterday my sister punched me for my telling her that her bloke said he wanted to shag other people. It happens, would I go back and not tell her? Probably not.

NorthernGent -> RE: Found a friends husband here... what do I do? (3/21/2008 5:15:32 AM)
I'd like to think my friends would pass on some information that is relevant to me. That's not what I call "butting in". It's up to me to decide how I act on that information. 'Best to have all the information from which to make the right decisions. I would thank the friend for the information. It goes without saying that it all depends on your friend's character and personality. The alternative is to do it anonymously - you'll get the same result.

seeksfemslave -> RE: Found a friends husband here... what do I do? (3/21/2008 5:39:49 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: GreedyTop I'm with the "butt out" crowd. best friend or not, you still have NO idea what is TRULY going on inside their relationship. This is the answer.. Read and inwardly digest. OP disregard any sense of power/influence you may feel you have because of what you know. In other words examine yourself OK and keep schtumm. I'd be willing to bet you will do the opposite. Purely with the best intentions of course.

pahunkboy -> RE: Found a friends husband here... what do I do? (3/21/2008 5:49:53 AM)
How can she not tell? She will. The thing is- to ascertain weather the outcome will be good bad or otherwise. Marrital affairs are among the last thing that should ever be butt into. I learned the hard way. I stay OUT of these things as best I can. I usually am vocal and verbose. But on this- I myself would shut up. Only if I was asked would I offer my "opinion" on it. My little sister ok, I dont tell her what to do. When she had troubles. I coached her on divorce law. Only saying what she needs to know to make HER own decissions. Maybe it is different with sisters. Oh the advice, I told her about the 10 year pay in to Social security- based on the higher of income of marrieds...and that pensions are property like a house. So thats what I thought she needed to know. She isnt beat physically, and If so- I have 2 brothers who are not as nice as I am. I want her to have the knowledge she needs to make a best decission. She has it now that I alerted her on those 2 items. Interesting note in the 10 year thing. I know a woman who stuck out the 10 years soley to collect more. Well- she passed early, and the way it worked out- HE benifited by it not her. So life itself sure is perplexing at times.

kittinSol -> RE: Found a friends husband here... what do I do? (3/21/2008 5:53:29 AM)
If she's a good friend as you say, you owe it to her to tell her. I couldn't justify to myself keeping a secret like that: after all, is your loyalty to her, or to him? If you keep shtum, you're effectively protecting him. If you don't act on this, you're effectively withdrawing knowledge from her. You asked! Good luck.

blissy -> RE: Found a friends husband here... what do I do? (3/21/2008 5:56:43 AM)
i guess i think it would depend on how 'they' are as a couple, if they are happy then why would he be here? (i havent read the whole thread, sorry didnt have time so if this has already been said i apologize!)

beargonewild -> RE: Found a friends husband here... what do I do? (3/21/2008 6:18:39 AM)
~FR~ Seems that another course of action is for the OP to send a discrete message to the supposedly cheating spouse and then have a discrete chat with her best friend. All the while avoiding making and out and out accusations. After that to MYOB. Unless she knows every detail of her friend's marriage then I'd think long and hard about the repercussions if she was wrong about him cheating.

MontrealPhoenix -> RE: Found a friends husband here... what do I do? (3/21/2008 6:33:41 AM)
Woah, let's take a big step back. OP the first thing to do is go back to the profile and check when he was last on this site. It may very well be that this is an old profile he no longer uses. IF this is a current profile, i for one would want to know...but i would want proof so printing out the profile or providing the link before telling her would be a good idea. Surely if you are as good friends as you say she would know that you wouldn't have any motivation other than wanting her to know for telling her. Phoenix

MissSCD -> RE: Found a friends husband here... what do I do? (3/21/2008 7:39:46 AM)
*You may want to confront him, but do not tell your friend. She will find out sooner or later.* *Both of them will probably turn against you.* *Regards, MissSCD*

parttimehotty -> RE: Found a friends husband here... what do I do? (3/21/2008 8:14:38 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: MissMagnolia What a vile situation to find yourself in DB[&:] You say that she's one of your best friends. If you hardly knew her, it would be easier to stay silent but, as you are close to her, I think you should do something about it. In her place, I would certainly want to know. I actually liked Heretics idea. Send her the link and let her make up her own mind what to do about it. If she knows about it already and they have an "understanding" she won't care. If she doesn't know, it's fair to think that she needs to make a decision on continuing the marriage to someone who is not being faithful to her and looking for a bit on the side. Reg Hectic's idea about sending the link....to read it she'll need her own profile set up. i've sent links before of my updated profiles to friends/they've always needed to create their own acct or use my sign on info. *Edited to say that you should tell her IF she really is your BEST friend. It's a hard thing to tell a friend, but if you don't tell her, they break up THEN you tell her, she'll probably be even angrier at you for withholding this info. She'll probably be angry at you for telling her, but sign onto your acct in front of her to show her his profile if she doesn't believe you. It'll be a very hard pill to swallow :((****

insidioustoy -> RE: Found a friends husband here... what do I do? (3/21/2008 9:04:19 AM)
One of the first Dom's I met here was married, unbeknownst to me. And yes I asked. Yet I had the funny feeling something was not quite right so after about 2 months, I broke it off. About 4 months later after having no contact to or from him, I get a phone call from his WIFE on Valentines Day. He had disappeared on her and the poor thing was calling the phone numbers she had found on his cell phone bills. We had a good little talk. So yes, cheaters are slick greasy bastards and we all want them to be pulled out of their rat holes and strung up by their smallest extremities. However, all the "rat him out! yeah, get that sorry bastard" yelling and waving of torches and pitchforks seems to me, to be jumping the gun a little. As some have said here no one has ANY idea what is really going on in someone elses personal lives unless you live with them on a day to day basis. I live in a small town, I have very conservative friends and only one person in my life other than my Master and my few BDSM friends know anything about my lifestyle. If outed to any of my friends they would likely be shocked. Perhaps this man and woman have an open marriage and they choose to maintain a social "norm" to friends and keep quiet about it. We don't know. I don't judge other peoples marriages based on what I want mine to be. I find it funny, so many of you screaming about loyalty and cheating and such have posted on other threads about tolerance and being non-judgemental of what other peoples ideas of BDSM are. We do NOT all have the same values when it comes to marriage just like we do NOT all have the same ideas of what IS or IS NOT BDSM. I am not a typical Christian with the rock solid marriage vow views. I would value an open marriage or a marriage in which my partner could play as much as they like online and fulfill whatever fantasy I could not. And I would expect the same. Now before you all attack me, would you judge me any harsher than those here you support who are into poly BDSM relationships? What is the difference? The difference is that all of you are superimposing your own values of what is and is not marriage and what is and is not cheating on a situation you really do not have all the facts on. The OP only knows what her friend has told her. Not many women would admit, "Oh yes I let my husband play outside the marriage" because of the social stigma that carries. Look at the way all of you jumped the gun and screamed "slimey cheater". She may lie about the way their marriage is because she is afraid of being judged according to "normal" social standards. Again he may just be a pig of a man who is lying and cheating. The point is, WE DON'T KNOW!!!!!!! AND NEITHER DOES THE OP!!!! My advice, a calm, rational. non-judgemental e-mail to the husband. Something neutral like "Hmmm, fancy running into you here . . . What's going on? Is everything okay between you and 'so-and-so'?" If it is an open marriage thing or cyber-only that the wife doesn't mind him doing to fulfil a BDSM fantasy, he may reply with something along the lines of, okay we need to talk and he may have the wife call and explain. If he is cheating, this will let him know that he is being obvious and not as hidden here as he may think he is and his reaction will likely let you know what course to take. If he is cheating, he will likely run and hide by disappearing, canceling profile, whatever, or he will get defensive and attack, "If you rat me out I will x,y,z, etc." He may even threaten to rat you out to mutual friends if you are not already "out". That would open up a whole 'nother can of worms. Take note of his reaction, go from there. nikki

kdsub -> RE: Found a friends husband here... what do I do? (3/21/2008 9:29:52 AM)
hmmm tough one for sure...BUT just remember he could be putting your friends health at risk. Take her to lunch... hint a little at your purpose without coming right out with it...feel her reactions out... I'll bet pretty soon she will asking you rather then you telling her. It is important how you tell her this information and her reaction. Know when to back off or offer support...Usually it will be obvious what she will want from you. Butch

Gwynvyd -> RE: Found a friends husband here... what do I do? (3/21/2008 10:31:24 AM)
I am of 4 minds... First, I would see when the profile was created.. it may be an old profile. He might just cruise the message boards chatting.. who knows? Second, they might have an arrangement no one else knows about. Who knows.. Third, I would bloody want to know... so in a way the email from an anon. email sounds good.. but only if it was a brand spanking new profile filled out seriosuly looking.. and I was sure ( with proof) he was looking for some action.. not just folks of a like mind. Fourth, I have a close knit group of friends who all thought my bestest buddy in the world and I were fucking like mad. He is married.. and I am damn near. ( With my girl ) We go out camping a lot.. I stay over at thier house on some weekends.. I baby sit thier son.. they used to watch ours durring the summer. We are really close and have a lot in common. Hell we finish each others sentances. People who do not know us think I am his wife.. and his wife is his sister or something. ~yeah it is kinda odd. We have never done any thing he is my brother from another mother. Some of them were gossipping and seriously thinking about marching over to his wife and telling her that he was having an affair with me.. because he just had to be ~because of our closeness. Thankfuly our mutual best friend heard the nonesense and straightened them out.. occasionaly you still hear bits and peices of it.. but she keeps the lid on the rumors. So it is really hard. I would say unless you have solid proof he is currently messing around I would wait and see. Gwyn

MstrssM4u -> RE: Found a friends husband here... what do I do? (3/21/2008 10:45:46 AM)
I would tell Her that I found something that I want Her to see. then I would forward it to Her. I would let Her make Her own decsion as to what to do about that situation.if he is My friend and for over a 10 yr period. I would tell Her. that I couldn't hide from Her. I now Her and know how she is. now it might be an old profile from before or whatever the case may be. but if that is the case he shouldn't have it up if it is an old one. if it is new, then She decides for herself about what she is going to do. I know I would want Her to tell Me. if it's a stranger. I have to be honest. I would get with that person and see if She wanted to do the bastard together. and I would show him about cheating. and from that point on. he would be Mine and who ever else wanted his slutty ass. he wouldn't even know that I knew about it. I am just like that sometimes. but then again that is just Me. I am wicked like that sometimes.then I would really show him, that if he wants to share I am the only Bitch that shares. Not him. lol, especially if he is seeking out a Mistress. Ms M

Lashra -> RE: Found a friends husband here... what do I do? (3/21/2008 11:02:31 AM)
Forget you saw it. She may in fact know he is on here. Or if you do tell her she may turn on you. I know its hard we want to protect our friends if we can, but in this case I'd back away. ~Lashra

Raechard -> RE: Found a friends husband here... what do I do? (3/21/2008 11:06:14 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: DommeBoots Hey all, I was here browsing around at profiles tonight and I came across a big surprise. One of best friends' husband has a profile on here obviously looking to cheat on her. I know she is totally not into this stuff, she thinks I'm nuts. I know she has never said anything to her husband about my lifestyle and she is pretty vanilla. They haven't even been married for a year yet. Do I say something to her? I'm almost tempted to contact him (not telling him who I am of course) and see just how far he would really go. Find out if he would really cheat on her or if he just has some closet fetish and needs a place to vent. I've met lots of married men on here before that are just looking for cyber but most of the time they're looking for r/t. Has this happened to any of you? I remember seeing this storyline in Eastenders I think they resolved the situation by killing Dirty Den.[8\|]

Muttling -> RE: Found a friends husband here... what do I do? (3/21/2008 11:17:47 AM)
I find it telling that the OP has one and ONLY one post to their name. The post that started this thread which she has not even responded to. I'm smelling a troll instead of an honest situation, but it is quite ironic that a thread complaining about a lier is started by what may be a lier.

MontrealPhoenix -> RE: Found a friends husband here... what do I do? (3/21/2008 11:36:51 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Muttling I find it telling that the OP has one and ONLY one post to their name. The post that started this thread which she has not even responded to. I'm smelling a troll instead of an honest situation, but it is quite ironic that a thread complaining about a lier is started by what may be a lier. This post was only started yesterday evening, it's a bit soon to be deciding she's a troll, isn't it? She may well have not been back since, after all it's not all of us who hang around here all day, is it? Phoenix

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