RE: Found a friends husband here... what do I do? (Full Version)

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Mercnbeth -> RE: Found a friends husband here... what do I do? (3/21/2008 12:07:43 PM)

~ Fast Reply ~
 
'ya know, although some people have them as 'pets' eventually instincts always take over. You may name them, let them play with you, perhaps even let them crawl and role around with you in bed; however at some point their nature takes over.

They should be treated humanly, caged, but ultimately vermin are a plague. I'd suggest he be neutered to protect others from being infested. They were born rats and being a rat is how you can expect them to act.

Whoops  - Just noticed that this was about cheating husbands. Must have clicked on the wrong thread!

Nevermind....



bipolarber -> RE: Found a friends husband here... what do I do? (3/21/2008 12:38:09 PM)

Just to offer a slightly different POV on this...

My wife and I have an open marriage. But, we don't broadcast it to our friends and family. (Frankly, the details of our sex lives are none of their business.) But, occasionally, someone we know will end up doing a Google search, or happen across a dating site profile that shows either her or me. At this point, one of three things usually happens:
1) They keep their mouths shut. (rarely. Once you know a "secret" it starts churning in your gut like an alien chestburster trying to escape.)
2) They approach the other partner, and "break the horrible news" to them about their lying, low-down, no good partner, (and can I help you pack?) This happens about half the time. Usually, they are just chuckled at, and then set straight on the situation.
3) They start the gossip mill in motion. (the other half of the time) This is the most destructive to our relationship, and usually ends the friendship with whomever found out about our "secret." It's a major drag when all of your friends start treating you like you were slime, without telling you why...

Of course, had our relationship been monogamous, then perhaps option 2 would have been the nobel thing to do. But, at least, if you do decide to tell someone that kind of news, do it the proper way, face to face over a cup of coffee. Slipping an annonymous note under the door, or an email, is just plain cowardice on your part.



Lockit -> RE: Found a friends husband here... what do I do? (3/21/2008 3:03:26 PM)

I told my daughter... lost daughter... still waiting on resolution, she is young and in denial... but she did end up running the f'er over when he stood in her path after getting physical.  She does now have a disease she will never be rid of and could pass on.  First love... nice.

I told my friend... she lost the dude before her um's and life could be used up and ruined totally.  We are still friends, but wouldn't have been if I hadn't told her.

I didn't tell a business partner's wife, who later asked me why I didn't warn her.  Things were never the same between us.

Either way one goes with this, there are risks and heartache that could happen.  One could have some real distress over deciding what to do.  I don't envy anyone in this position.  But weighing everything out and trying to do the best thing still won't assure a good outcome.  I don't look at it as a judgement call.  I look at it as a human factor and emotional and physical risk situation.  Don't take on the issues of another... they are not yours, but sometimes you are thrown into something you didn't wish to be a part of... you just do the best you can, knowing things could go sour and be prepared for whatever it is.  Yes, you could lose... but considering the loss in other areas, sometimes we have to consider more than ourselves when it comes to people we love.  Good luck!



sharainks -> RE: Found a friends husband here... what do I do? (3/21/2008 3:16:23 PM)

This is really difficult.  I am all about keeping myself out of other's lives.  On the other hand I would never be able to live with myself if my best friend came up with HIV and I had known he was shopping.  Maybe he has done more than shopping, maybe she is already at risk. 

I know I would be livid if I had to die of a disease because my best friend thought it best to keep info that might save my life to themselves.  That really isn't being much of a friend.   If she dumps you over telling her you will know she isn't much of a friend and you can at least take comfort in knowing you cared enough about her life to tell her.



sirsholly -> RE: Found a friends husband here... what do I do? (3/21/2008 3:20:17 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: Mercnbeth

~. I'd suggest he be neutered to protect others from being infested. They were born rats and being a rat is how you can expect them to act.

Whoops  - Just noticed that this was about cheating husbands. Must have clicked on the wrong thread!

Nevermind....


Mercnbeth...this is a classic!!!!!



domiguy -> RE: Found a friends husband here... what do I do? (3/21/2008 3:33:43 PM)

I am amazed by many of these answers.

The op made it clear that this is not an acquaintance this is one of her "best friends."

I have friends and acquaintances. I know my friends. I know for the most part what is going on in their lives. I know where they stand in their relationships. You only have very, very few good friends...You expect things from your friends...You know, the "I got your back" kinda shit....I would be pissed if my best friends who knew that I was in a monogamous relationship would choose to protect my significant other over me, their 'best friend."

We would have it fucking out.

To the op...If this person is really one of your closest friends and you are 100% confident that you know the internal workings of their relationship then you should inform your friend....However, when you say she is "one" of your best friends....How many people like her are a part of your life? If the answer is much more than two or three then keep the news to yourself. She is not that good of a friend.



Real_Trouble -> RE: Found a friends husband here... what do I do? (3/21/2008 3:43:02 PM)

Perhaps this will reveal me for the truly devious and evil person I am, but what I would do is thus:

Email a link to the profile from a 10-minute mail account to my friend.  Make sure to put some text in the message so it's not filtered out as spam, but don't mention who it is from or how it was found.  Just something along the lines of "perhaps you know, or perhaps this will be deeply disturbing, but either way, you should see this".

I always have my friends' backs, but I don't always need to be obvious about it, because the bearers of bad news sometimes do get shot.



bipolarber -> RE: Found a friends husband here... what do I do? (3/21/2008 3:43:48 PM)

DG, did I misread the OP? I thought she said, quite clearly, that she WASN'T sure what their arrangement might be.



Lockit -> RE: Found a friends husband here... what do I do? (3/21/2008 3:58:23 PM)

I don't care what their arrangement is.  It could be a matter of safety and could ruin lives of family members effected by what could happen.  To protect any um's from a situation where mother could go too soon because daddy had a kink and someone close didn't tell... wow... I would be able to sleep at night!  If it is a question of not knowing what their marrital arrangment is... ask.  But most marriages, whether they are or not, are considered to be two people, not more.  That is why so many get hurt when they have been cheated on.  If someone I love is at risk... sorry... but I have their back.  How I protect them in a sense is not what I am commenting on, but I will weigh it out and go from there.

I do favor letting her know by another route though...



domiguy -> RE: Found a friends husband here... what do I do? (3/21/2008 4:06:16 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: Lockit

I don't care what their arrangement is.  It could be a matter of safety and could ruin lives of family members effected by what could happen.  To protect any um's from a situation where mother could go too soon because daddy had a kink and someone close didn't tell... wow... I would be able to sleep at night!  If it is a question of not knowing what their marrital arrangment is... ask.  But most marriages, whether they are or not, are considered to be two people, not more.  That is why so many get hurt when they have been cheated on.  If someone I love is at risk... sorry... but I have their back.  How I protect them in a sense is not what I am commenting on, but I will weigh it out and go from there.

I do favor letting her know by another route though...


I think many people have open relationships...I would only, ONLY stick my nose in another's biz when I was 100% confident that I understood the situation in it's entirety. How often can you say that with complete confidence?...That is why one has only one or two good friends and scores of acquaintances.



Lockit -> RE: Found a friends husband here... what do I do? (3/21/2008 4:08:11 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: domiguy

quote:

ORIGINAL: Lockit

I don't care what their arrangement is.  It could be a matter of safety and could ruin lives of family members effected by what could happen.  To protect any um's from a situation where mother could go too soon because daddy had a kink and someone close didn't tell... wow... I would be able to sleep at night!  If it is a question of not knowing what their marrital arrangment is... ask.  But most marriages, whether they are or not, are considered to be two people, not more.  That is why so many get hurt when they have been cheated on.  If someone I love is at risk... sorry... but I have their back.  How I protect them in a sense is not what I am commenting on, but I will weigh it out and go from there.

I do favor letting her know by another route though...


I think many people have open relationships...I would only, ONLY stick my nose in another's biz when I was 100% confident that I understood the situation in it's entirety. How often can you say that with complete confidence?...That is why one has only one or two good friends and scores of acquaintances.



Exactly... that's why I say ask.  If they know... great, they can protect themselves.  If they don't know... well they again... can protect themselves.



Vendaval -> RE: Found a friends husband here... what do I do? (3/21/2008 4:10:28 PM)

I think this is the best solution, inform her but do it anonymously.
How much does she check her e-mail?  Does she have Spam filters set up?


quote:

ORIGINAL: TheHeretic

           Send her a link to the profile.  Do it from a disposeable addy if you prefer.  Then never say a word unless she brings it up.



GreedyTop -> RE: Found a friends husband here... what do I do? (3/21/2008 4:15:09 PM)

~FR~

I see a lot of assumptions here;  that the profile is active, that the guy in question is using it for more than just online wank material, that the guy is out fucking like a rabid rabbit and not using condoms, that the OP is privy to every intimate detail of the relationship.

just sayin'.



Lockit -> RE: Found a friends husband here... what do I do? (3/21/2008 4:18:49 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: GreedyTop

~FR~

I see a lot of assumptions here;  that the profile is active, that the guy in question is using it for more than just online wank material, that the guy is out fucking like a rabid rabbit and not using condoms, that the OP is privy to every intimate detail of the relationship.

just sayin'.



LOL... that's why it's always good to do ones homework before spouting off!  Check it all out... weigh it all out... go from there.  But I would rather be an intruder than the one holding their hand when their life has been shattered and I did nothing because I didn't want to intrude.



domiguy -> RE: Found a friends husband here... what do I do? (3/21/2008 4:25:40 PM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: GreedyTop

~FR~

I see a lot of assumptions here;  that the profile is active, that the guy in question is using it for more than just online wank material, that the guy is out fucking like a rabid rabbit and not using condoms, that the OP is privy to every intimate detail of the relationship.

just sayin'.




GreedyTop I've got some bad news...I saw your guy out here searching for other dudes and dudettes.

(GreedyTop collapses on to the couch into Domiguy's lap) "Don't cry. It will be alright." Domiguy says in his most sincere and caring voice...(While reaching for the bottle of Astroglide....Nothing helps a woman get over the sting of a betrayal than a rousing 4-5 hours of anal.)



GreedyTop -> RE: Found a friends husband here... what do I do? (3/21/2008 4:34:04 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: domiguy


quote:

ORIGINAL: GreedyTop

~FR~

I see a lot of assumptions here;  that the profile is active, that the guy in question is using it for more than just online wank material, that the guy is out fucking like a rabid rabbit and not using condoms, that the OP is privy to every intimate detail of the relationship.

just sayin'.




GreedyTop I've got some bad news...I saw your guy out here searching for other dudes and dudettes.

(GreedyTop collapses on to the couch into Domiguy's lap) "Don't cry. It will be alright." Domiguy says in his most sincere and caring voice...(While reaching for the bottle of Astroglide....Nothing helps a woman get over the sting of a betrayal than a rousing 4-5 hours of anal.)



*puddle*



sirsholly -> RE: Found a friends husband here... what do I do? (3/21/2008 4:37:49 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: GreedyTop

~FR~

I see a lot of assumptions here;  that the profile is active, that the guy in question is using it for more than just online wank material, that the guy is out fucking like a rabid rabbit and not using condoms, that the OP is privy to every intimate detail of the relationship.

just sayin'.



Greedy darlin'
I understand what you are saying...but on the flip side can you really assume that this guy IS using condoms/practicing safe sex? I could not live with myself if something happened to her that i could have prevented.
If i was the wife in this situation i would hope that one i call 'friend' would care enough about my health and safety to tell me.
holly



seeksfemslave -> RE: Found a friends husband here... what do I do? (3/21/2008 4:45:44 PM)

I see all of the assumptions   of PC busybodies in this thread.

for example HIV or some other disastrous consequence if I dont do what I want to do....interfere.
I would still bet that you have revealed the good news. if not you soon will.
Desist.



BeckiBreaksBoys -> RE: Found a friends husband here... what do I do? (3/21/2008 4:51:32 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: seeksfemslave

I see all of the assumptions   of PC busybodies in this thread.

for example HIV or some other disastrous consequence if I dont do what I want to do....interfere.
I would still bet that you have revealed the good news. if not you soon will.
Desist.


As upposed to the assumptions of the people who say to keep out: That she'll somehow decide that the person informing her of the dishonesty in the enemy.

Yeah, that makes perfect sense, right? Emoticons can't express how hard my eyes are rolling.





fadedlace -> RE: Found a friends husband here... what do I do? (3/21/2008 4:59:24 PM)

*replying to the OP because I didn't wade through all the pages of the thread* -

I've run across a few men I personally know, online looking to cheat on their wives - granted, none of their wives were my best friend - but usually when I've sent them a note asking if this is, indeed, "X" and commenting that I had no idea they had an open marriage, their profiles vanish.  I personally prefer just letting the guy know I know who he is, and that if I can figure it out, I'm sure others can as well.

If it were me whose husband was online looking to cheat, I'd want to know...mainly for the reason that I'd want to him to discuss with me, his motives for sneaking around and not just talking with *me* about his desires/needs and working out what needed working out.

But...I'm not sure I'd want my best friend to tell me point blank about it.



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