RE: ~What you are getting and what that's worth.~ (Full Version)

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littlebitxxx -> RE: ~What you are getting and what that's worth.~ (3/22/2008 7:21:09 AM)

Michael and Treasure have gotten to the point quite admirable with lots of good advice.  My only question would be:  why do relationships have to be boiled down to "I do, you do...and it must be equal" ?  Her tasks and responsibilities are obvious ones that you can see every day, minor but obvious.  Does she know all the stuff you do, mostly behind the scenes stuff?  Maybe she is feeling that even just a stupid little chore like cleaning has become such an issue that why bother?  It's only going to get mussed up again and you don't really notice when it's clean anyway.  What does she get from the relationship that is equal to the worth of keeping your house spotless?  Does she see it?  If she doesn't clean the house during the day, she needs to do it at night when you're there, correct?  What happens if she does get it all done before you get home?  Do you praise her and give her the night off, or just tell her that now you have time to do more stuff for me?  Sorta leading from one set of chores into another list of must-dos.  Sometimes, hell, dishes are the better option.

While I agree that getting something out of a relationship based on what (in your mind) you put into it, a return on one's investment, is vital, why does it have to come down to the tit-for-tat aspect.  "I'll do this for you but only if you do that for me".   Or.   "I've done and done and gotten nothing back so I'm gonna stop doing."  Seems to me that, at that point, it's gone far past the mutual caring for one another into a childish argument.

Just my 2 cents before the caffeine hits.



daddysliloneds -> RE: ~What you are getting and what that's worth.~ (3/22/2008 7:54:13 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: SteelofUtah

My Question is do you ever feel that what you are putting in isn’t worth what you are getting out and what do you do to try and fix this issue? I would like opinions from both sides please.

As Always

Steel



yes, i get what i give, mainly because in our worlds we are 'equal' but opposite halfs, which means, i don't get a list of chores to be done, we both do what is necessary to keep our homes and lives running as well oiled machines, and if one of us is falling behind in being able to do so, then the other one of us steps up to the plate to 'make it so'.  it has absolutely nothing to do with who is the dominant and who is the sub/slave, and everything to do with making life more comfortable and happy for each of us, not only as partners but as individuals.  i see a number of 24/7 relationships, and have spoken to a number of people who won't involve themselves in 24/7 relationships, because 'they are too much work'; it's only work if you allow it to become work, and sometimes it becomes work when the dominant partner feels that they have to be leaders/teachers all the time, instead of being partners, and/or the submissive has a need to be a follower/student all the time and can't get comfortable with the fact that while they differ/yield, they too are partners; equals.



charmdpetKeira -> RE: ~What you are getting and what that's worth.~ (3/22/2008 8:25:59 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: SteelofUtah

My Question is do you ever feel that what you are putting in isn’t worth what you are getting out and what do you do to try and fix this issue? I would like opinions from both sides


I do, on occasion.
 
In order to get myself back on track, I remind myself what I am in it for; the energy.
 
As long as it exist, so does the relationship.
 
k



SayaNereida -> RE: ~What you are getting and what that's worth.~ (3/22/2008 8:40:03 AM)

quote:

My Question is do you ever feel that what you are putting in isn’t worth what you are getting out and what do you do to try and fix this issue? I would like opinions from both sides please.


*I have not read anything but the OP*

I talk, in the beginning I explain my strengths and weaknesses of what I had to offer and listened while he explain his, then we agreed on what we expected from ourselves and each other.  When things have not been done to expectations, we talk and try to figure out why.  Then we decide if our expectations or actions (or lack of actions) needs to change.

Some time ago, I explained to Ryu that I didn't want praise, a pat on the head or a reward for doing my 'job' but I did want him to respect the 'job' I was doing. 

I find it frustrating and defeating when I do a 'job' well, praise is given, yet respect for it (the job) and me is not given.  It's all fine and well to say, "Thank you I appreciate what a great job you did cleaning the whole kitchen, it looks beautiful."  However, those words mean very little being said as you are standing in the middle of the clean floor covered in mud from head to toe, having made a sandwich leaving all the fixing and dirty dishes sitting on the counter.  (no he has never done the example above).

It all comes down to communication though.  If you feel you are not getting back what you put in, you need to discuss why you feel this way, IF it is because someone else is not living up to expectations; only communication can fix it.  Clear communication of; expectations, understanding of expectations, and ability to fulfill those expectations.

Saya








CalifChick -> RE: ~What you are getting and what that's worth.~ (3/22/2008 8:47:19 AM)

Steel:  It doesn't matter how much you put into it if she doesn't want it ("it" being the power exchange relationship), if she pays lip service to the idea of wanting it, but it's not really in her heart. Instead of finding ways to please you, she finds ways to complain or try to shift the chores to you when a heart-to-heart discussion would be more productive (a discussion along the lines of, "no one has ever taught me the proper way to keep house, I need some practical guidance; or, I feel overwhelmed and I need guidance")

You're going to keep putting more and more into it, and not getting what you want out of it. So you have choices... keep doing what you're doing or reset your expectations or find another way to get what you want. You notice that none of those choices involve changing HER, because only she can do that.

Cali



Sirsinini -> RE: ~What you are getting and what that's worth.~ (3/22/2008 1:41:33 PM)

I am my Sir's devoted property...not his mollymaid, not his emerilchef, not his taxicab/chauffer, not his editor typist, not his chinese launderess...  I am the woman He cherishes and adores and He knows my life and work is as important as His.

.... I have been recently wondering about why I’m still involved in this lifestyle. I have been the kind of person to say that this is something that I “AM” and not something that I do. Because of this one could say I am here because there is nowhere else I could be as Vanilla isn’t an option unless I betray who I say I really am. ................
You can ONLY betray who you are by not being whom you are to yourself.  We live not in a world run by dominant tops who "keep" slave bottoms; but in a world we make for ourselves and those who live in our world and whom we love and care about. 

If I saw her cleaning such things on a DAILY basis and she was still getting overwhelmed I would jump in or perhaps take over the task myself but because I have given her the ability to do these things as they need done I notice she does nothing about them at all until they become overwhelming and when she looks to me for help again I am disappointed because if only she would maintain the activity then she would not get overwhelmed as easily.   Obviously as I see it, she is your mollymaid, your chef, your laundromat and your chaffeur.........  is this what the "contract" stated? What are YOUR responsibilites on a DAILY basis?


I do realize that I do not maintain an equal amount of the housework however I see her as being able to maintain these things in learning my household discipline and helping her to be of better service to me, in that the more time and energy I have the more focus I can put on her. I end up resenting the fact that I am doing things that my girl agreed to have as her responsibilities and I am even more resenting the fact that I live in a dirty home because she feels overwhelmed and I feel she just isn’t working hard enough.

D /s ~~  M /s  are equal on the playground scale of see/saw.  My Sir lives up to his responsibilites of Sir/dominant and I am disciplined if I do not live up to my responsiblities.... and yes, I have the option that "slaves" dont have...to discuss, which I rarely do, if my responsibilities or even his (god forbid)  are carried through with.

do you ever feel that what you are putting in isn’t worth what you are getting out and what do you do to try and fix this issue?

If what you are getting from something (slave) isnt what you think you (Master) are getting from said slave...maybe you aught to rethink the WORTH you place in yourself and your slave. 
 
Does she feel of value or worth to you?
Maybe she doesnt realize she is giving no value/no worth to you because she doesnt "feel" it from you? 
 
Just my 2.76 cents from a submissive (not slave) perspetive  
 



SteelofUtah -> RE: ~What you are getting and what that's worth.~ (3/22/2008 2:31:00 PM)

Wow this thread went to shit real quick.

I wish to state before I leave this thread to what it has become that None of you here know me. You know a set of words a handful of paragraphs and yet you have decided in those handful of paragraphs that you knew my inner most workings or my true desires.

Over and Over I said that the situation at hand is NOT what is going on right now. Some of the things that were said were brilliant and I have discussed them with andi and even she laughed at some of the things on this thread because they are so far from who I am and what I am about that it just looks like someone throwing shit on a wall and seeing what sticks.

In 11 years I have come across this small alotment of concpets that I wanted to discuss, I never said that anything was a constant in my life only that I have had these things happen. Some of the people who posted to this thread felt the need to question my ability as a Dominant which I find Odd because I'm Not thier Dominant, Others felt the need to Cut me down as a Man and to them I also found that Odd because it served no purpose other than to put another down so that you could feel superior to someone.

There were those who TRIED to help but again made so many assumptions that it lost all symbalance of actual help. Then there were those who did excatly what I asked for in the first place and they give me the most insight.

I am not going to shame anyone for what they posted, I'm not even upset at the things that were said, because true or not I'm the one who has to live with what it actually is. And none of the people on this thread save for maybe one or two have a clue what it is like to be in my shoes.

I appreciate all those who helped, tried to help, or thought they were helping when they were not. I want you all to know however that just because I place a few paragraphs of my real life in a Forum and it somehow agree's, disagree's, Mimics, or Is found similar to your own ideals does not mean you know me.

"Untill you have ate at my table and drank from my cup, a stranger will you be to me."

I'm done with this thread I honestly never thought this would go to cheap pot shots and psycho babble from Keyboard Kowboys. But I guess that will teach me for thinking.

Have fun with this

Steel



LadyHathor -> RE: ~What you are getting and what that's worth.~ (3/22/2008 2:51:30 PM)

quote:

My Question is do you ever feel that what you are putting in isn’t worth what you are getting out and what do you do to try and fix this issue? I would like opinions from both sides please.


I sent his ass home--and I vowed I would never ever settle for less than what I seek---so I guess, I AM a picky, canterkerous bitch!
 
smiles




RCdc -> RE: ~What you are getting and what that's worth.~ (3/22/2008 3:02:45 PM)

Steel
When people personalise a post onto someone, instead of answeing the question themselves and for themselves, they do it because it makes them feel and be.  Just take what you need from the thread, throw the rest away.
 
the.dark.



SimplyMichael -> RE: ~What you are getting and what that's worth.~ (3/22/2008 3:09:46 PM)

Steel,

If you already knew what you wanted to hear us say, you should have stated that at the beginning.  If you had, many of us would not have bothered to respond, I certainly wouldn't have. 

You complain we are making assumptions.  I assume I will be alive tomorrow and that the sun will rise.  I could die and the sun could explode but they are still reasonable assumptions.  As a dominant, haven't you ever sized up a submissive accurately despite having relatively little information?  That is exactly what some of us have done with you.

You cannot see how clearly you have telegraphed some of your issues and I stand by what I wrote.   I also stand by my statement that you are a better dominant than many who post on CM.   Humanity hasn't changed much, we are all far more similar than not.  That is why Greek tragedies and Shakespearean comedies still ring true after centuries.

We ALL have issues, it is how we choose to face them that is the mark of our character. 
  



Prinsexx -> RE: ~What you are getting and what that's worth.~ (3/22/2008 5:45:13 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: SteelofUtah

Wow this thread went to shit real quick.





I appreciate all those who helped, tried to help, or thought they were helping when they were not. I want you all to know however that just because I place a few paragraphs of my real life in a Forum and it somehow agree's, disagree's, Mimics, or Is found similar to your own ideals does not mean you know me.


Have fun with this

Steel

It's a beautiful world. Emotionality is a luxury that around two thirds of the world's population cannot afford to have.
Exposing your personal and emotional life on a forum like this is really worth a fortune because you are sharing about that which is the richest and surely the most valueable part of your existence.
I get told i'm fucked up on collarme all the time.....*smiles* well often, enough anyway...and sometimes in private mail from friends and foe i have made here.
But i do not take it as jusgement: i simply take what i need and use it to support myself. That is why i would have opened a post or participated in a thread anyways.

Don't defend what you feel you need to protect and don't attack what you feel you need to defend yourself against.

That's not it: i learned a great deal from reading everyone's contributions here.
My personal stuff wasn't meant as an overlay, or as a blanket, or as a filter or indeed even to be a microscope of judgement upon your life or upon not-your-life.
Actaully your OP made me get a great deal clearer about my stuff and i thank you for that.
Prin



kyraofMists -> RE: ~What you are getting and what that's worth.~ (3/22/2008 5:58:09 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: SteelofUtah
My Question is do you ever feel that what you are putting in isn’t worth what you are getting out and what do you do to try and fix this issue? I would like opinions from both sides please.


No, I do not think that what I get out of this relationship is not worth what I put into it.  Mainly, because we don't view our relationship as a ledger that needs to be balanced.  All of us focus on giving to the relationship.  We have found that in giving to the relationship and putting it first in our lives that we naturally get what we need and want from it.

Knight's Kyra



CalifChick -> RE: ~What you are getting and what that's worth.~ (3/22/2008 6:48:00 PM)

Steel sweetie, I'm going to give you some "Dear Cali" advice... you need a blowjob.  [:)]

I'm actually glad you posted this topic, even though it didn't go where you figured. And if you're peeved at what I said, please let me know on the other side, otherwise I'll figure we're good.

Cali



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