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RE: Sex? or not? My 2 cents... - 3/26/2008 7:29:00 AM   
orfunboi


Posts: 1223
Joined: 10/22/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyHibiscus

My dominance is not sexual.  If I never ever engage in a s/m activity again, I will still be able to have totally nonsexual D/s relationships.

That said, DAYUM I am way envious of you folks who are getting to attend the hot parties, Detroit is the haven of boredom these days.  If I want a good party, I have to host it myself (or persuade a friend)!  No nudity, no CBT, no female nipples showing, heaven forfend there be anything resembling penetration or a blowjob! 


Yea, things have pretty much died around here in the last few years. Not sure why....but that would be a whole new thread.

(in reply to LadyHibiscus)
Profile   Post #: 81
RE: Sex? or not? My 2 cents... - 3/26/2008 7:37:11 AM   
Shawn1066


Posts: 987
Joined: 10/7/2007
Status: offline 		Fast Reply.

A BDSM relationship does not require sex.  However, having sex in a BDSM relationship doesn't somehow damage the legitimacy of the relationship either. So, really, it's up to the individuals involved in the specific relationship.

Originally, my Owner and I were not going to have sex in our relationship.  Mostly because I was abstaining until the time was right.  A while into our relationship, the time was right...  It's been a part of our relationship ever since.

DV's Fox

(in reply to ownedgirlie)
Profile   Post #: 82
RE: Sex? or not? My 2 cents... - 3/26/2008 7:37:45 AM   
Stephann


Posts: 4214
Joined: 12/27/2006
From: Portland, OR
Status: offline 		Part of why I originally abandoned Michigan was the downturn of the state economy.  BDSM is not a 'po man's sport.  Kentucky, Arkansas, Missouri, Nebraska, Iowa, Alabama, these states aren't particularly well known for being kinky.  Florida, California, New York, Texas, Colorado, and Northern Virginia/Maryland, on the other hand, have booming economies and booming BDSM communites.  Coincidence?

Stephan


_____________________________

Nosce Te Ipsum

"The blade itself incites to violence" - Homer

Men: Find a Woman here

(in reply to orfunboi)
Profile   Post #: 83
RE: Sex? or not? My 2 cents... - 3/26/2008 8:28:05 AM   
SimplyMichael


Posts: 7229
Joined: 1/7/2007
Status: offline 		Pro-Doms are prostitutes and are no different than any other sex worker, a profession I have the highest respect for.  Personally when people call lawyers whores I think it is wrong, I would never insult a prostitute by calling her an attorney!  In fact, California, among other states has prostitutes like LeCuir to thank for legalizing BDSM.  Because the courts have so tied pro-domming to prostitution that bdsm cannot then be labeled as abuse to charge us and so I would like to thank all prostitutes who practice bdsm for pay for paving the way!

As for sex and BDSM the two ARE the same even if  you aren't having intercourse while doing it.  Lots and lots and lots of bdsm groups allow and some even encourage sex at parties.  Of course some have all sorts of rules about it, often allowing naked cunts to be shown but recoil in horror if any cocks appear.  Hypocrisy is as common in bdsm as in any other walk of life.


(in reply to mslecuir)
Profile   Post #: 84
RE: Sex? or not? My 2 cents... - 3/26/2008 8:35:10 AM   
Stephann


Posts: 4214
Joined: 12/27/2006
From: Portland, OR
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: SimplyMichael

As for sex and BDSM the two ARE the same even if  you aren't having intercourse while doing it. 


I can't really agree.  Many of the activities that I think people engage in aren't sexual, and have no sexual ties in any form.  I tend to think of cross dressers in this light; this isn't to say that cross dressing can't be sexualized, but rather the act itself isn't necessarily sexualized.  I've seen the same sort of non-sexual euphoria in people who practice needleplay.  Many rubber fetishists focus on the sensations of rubber, without associating a sexual drive to it.  I've done bondage with a few women who didn't appear to have any sexual excitement from the bondage, but rather a sense of comfort, not unlike if I were to wrap her in a blanket and carry her in my arms.

For me, it's like saying carmel is vanilla ice cream.  They go great together, but you can certainly distinguish between enjoying one or the other for their own sake, but I always prefer my ice cream to have carmel on it.

Stephan


_____________________________

Nosce Te Ipsum

"The blade itself incites to violence" - Homer

Men: Find a Woman here

(in reply to SimplyMichael)
Profile   Post #: 85
RE: Sex? or not? My 2 cents... - 3/26/2008 9:02:37 AM   
subtee


Posts: 5133
Joined: 7/26/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: LordOfTheMad

Ice cream is not part of BDSM. If you do BDSM, you can't have Ice Cream, alright? You.. yes you, PUT THAT FUCKING SPOON DOWN!! I don't care whether you enjoy spreading it over your sub's breasts and licking it off... it's NOT part of BDSM.

Remember, many sub's who contact you on here are actually more interested in Ice Cream than BDSM.



HEY! Wait a minute, man. Who the hell are you to spout your one-true-anti-ice-cream-wayism?  What if some like to spank an ass red hot and then spread ice cream on it and lick it off, huh? Is that kink not okay with your BDSM rules? You're just wrong, wrong, wrong. Do you have some frozen dessert abuse in your past? Have a bad Baskin Robbins experience? Someone Haag the Dazs and hurt your feelings? What about your gelatos, sorbets or frozen yogurts? Or is it just the "cream" you gotta problem with? Well too bad, man, that's your deal and you can't go spreading your ice cream hate and expect not to get flamed. I personally think you're just jealous of the firmness of the sugary, chilled cream. Overcompensating much?



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Don't believe everything you think...

(in reply to LordOfTheMad)
Profile   Post #: 86
RE: Sex? or not? My 2 cents... - 3/26/2008 9:05:39 AM   
SimplyMichael


Posts: 7229
Joined: 1/7/2007
Status: offline 		If it isn't sexual, it can't BE a fetish by the very definition of what a fetish is.

(in reply to Stephann)
Profile   Post #: 87
RE: Sex? or not? My 2 cents... - 3/26/2008 10:31:02 AM   
Stephann


Posts: 4214
Joined: 12/27/2006
From: Portland, OR
Status: offline 		BDSM doesn't necessarily equate with fetish.  Bondage doesn't happen only to kinky people, Discipline happens to all of us in our lives, Sadism and Masochism aren't necessarily sexual.  Personally, my sadistic interests aren't even remotely sexually fueled.  I agree, that means they aren't fetishes then.  Yet there are activities that I enjoy that may appear to be sadistic, but really do fall under the heading of domination; choking, for example, is a fetish of mine, while bondage (for me) is not.

Not trying to split hairs here, I'm just sayin.

Stephan


_____________________________

Nosce Te Ipsum

"The blade itself incites to violence" - Homer

Men: Find a Woman here

(in reply to SimplyMichael)
Profile   Post #: 88
RE: Sex? or not? My 2 cents... - 3/26/2008 11:41:11 AM   
subtee


Posts: 5133
Joined: 7/26/2007
Status: offline 		Stephan, what about ice cream? Is my kink not okay?

_____________________________

Don't believe everything you think...

(in reply to Stephann)
Profile   Post #: 89
RE: Sex? or not? My 2 cents... - 3/26/2008 12:44:34 PM   
Poetryinpain


Posts: 341
Joined: 3/20/2008
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: subtee
What if some like to spank an ass red hot and then spread ice cream on it and lick it off, huh? Is that kink not okay with your BDSM rules?


Oooooohhhhhh!!!!! It's okay with my  BDSM rules! Except I'd be the spankee. It'd be like ice cube torture only so much more fun. I don't mind that I'd not get to eat any - I'm diabetic anyway, but the idea ......

_____________________________

There is none so blind as he who will not see.

(in reply to subtee)
Profile   Post #: 90
RE: Sex? or not? My 2 cents... - 3/26/2008 6:24:22 PM   
Griswold


Posts: 2739
Joined: 2/12/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: mslecuir

There seems to be a debate of sorts going on within this site about if sex is a part of BDSM or not. I will add my 2 cents here. In my professional opinion, true BDSM does NOT involve sex. For proof of this go to your local BDSM group. You should not see any type of sex going on. I concur that adding BDSM to a relationship is a wonderful way to add some variety to a relationship. But it should not be added to a casual relationship for the purpose of initiating sex. Trust is the issue. How can you truly trust someone that you hardly know? Yes, there are many out there who use BDSM as a vehicle to get in someones pants. You know the type. This is just an ulterial motive and not a true interest in BDSM. I was very hardline with this doctorine when I was Pro. I had to be...I was not, under any circumstances a sex worker. No sex was involved period. On the other hand, once I found out how much more enjoyable sex was when you experimented with some BDSM with someone you cared about, it changed much for me. I realized that in this time of my life my BDSM career was much too impersonal and lacked the intimacy that I desperately needed. I realize that some can draw the line and can play at local groups and change up in the bedroom. This is something that I do not do anymore. I have no desire to do so and that is my personal choice. Hence what it says in my profile..."I do NOT engage in BDSM activities with anyone that I'm not in a relationship with". I know that this may seem incongruent to some...but it is my personal choice. Don't forget that respect is a big part of any relationship, friendly or intimate. So who is right and who is wrong? You be the judge. Hopefully this will generate some meaningfull discussion and not negative banter. Remember to always be respectful enough to listen to others views and to try to walk a mile in their shoes before reacting.
 
Ms Le Cuir


(Will your 2 cents ever include something like paragraphs....and sentence breaks?)

(in reply to mslecuir)
Profile   Post #: 91
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