RE: BDSM w/o sex. Would you? (Full Version)

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leakylee -> RE: BDSM w/o sex. Would you? (3/26/2008 8:43:57 AM)

The control and power exchange are the true basis of any real dynamic relationship for me, but no sex, no way. I am to sexual and sensual of a creature to give that up. No way, no how..

lee



faerytattoodgirl -> RE: BDSM w/o sex. Would you? (3/26/2008 8:47:49 AM)

quote:

f you could not have physical sex would you remain in the same lifestyle


i am intersexed...as such the genitalia does not work.  no chance of ever having sex. therefore i am just lugging around...cause there has been ZERO interest in me for the reason that i cant offer sex. 

my profile is setup in a way that sex is not an issue.  i get ZERO replies.  gee i wonder why....its all about sex sex sex.  so i'll never find a Mistress.  10 years and counting...  maybe i should be a pro dom? hmmmmmmm



wideeyedgirl -> RE: BDSM w/o sex. Would you? (3/26/2008 8:51:22 AM)

*fast reply*

I wish I could say I would. But bdsm play is inherantly sexual to me. Sometimes scenes are without sex, but they are still sexual in nature.  Im going to echo many other responses - if already involved and commited, devouted and due to something (medical Im guessing?) sex could not happen..yes I would stay. Need to differentiate between sex (as in no intercourse) or nothing sexual whatever so ever. and the why.

But I know i wouldnt get involved in something new..knowing it would never happen. Im a horny little puppy hehe. I can go a while, but why deprieve myself?



Najakcharmer -> RE: BDSM w/o sex. Would you? (3/26/2008 8:56:31 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: faerytattoodgirl
i am intersexed...as such the genitalia does not work.  no chance of ever having sex. therefore i am just lugging around...cause there has been ZERO interest in me for the reason that i cant offer sex. 


That's not the only reason.  There's location, and there's your "one on one only" stipulation.  I'd be potentially interested, but I don't live in Canada and I do have other partners that I'm not willing to throw out of my life. 

Heh, I thought you were a bio female until you posted this, so I never bothered perving your profile before.



faerytattoodgirl -> RE: BDSM w/o sex. Would you? (3/26/2008 9:00:05 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: Najakcharmer

quote:

ORIGINAL: faerytattoodgirl
i am intersexed...as such the genitalia does not work.  no chance of ever having sex. therefore i am just lugging around...cause there has been ZERO interest in me for the reason that i cant offer sex. 


That's not the only reason.  There's location, and there's your "one on one only" stipulation.  I'd be potentially interested, but I don't live in Canada and I do have other partners that I'm not willing to throw out of my life. 

Heh, I thought you were a bio female until you posted this, so I never bothered perving your profile before.



i post 1 on 1 because couples and poly want sex.  most of the time they want you there for the man to have sex with.  and nothing to do with the woman involved.  i have done that scene with couples...it is a waste of time.  i want to be loved and cherished.  that can not happen in couple/poly.  there is too much jealousy and hate between all parties.  and someone is always neglected in the end.

i AM BIO FEMALE.  intersexed=biologically female and biologically male.  i have everything that you do.  but also a penis.   a person is born intersexed and is not transgender/transsexual.



Mercnbeth -> RE: BDSM w/o sex. Would you? (3/26/2008 9:00:37 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: camille65

quote:

ORIGINAL: Mercnbeth

I'll again pose the question. If it is not "sex" - what is it?

 What is it (to me)? It is my connection. The way to fill my need for balance which requires a power exchange. I have NO sex drive. I cannot orgasm no matter how hard I try, or how hard he tries. No matter what toys/lack of toys etc are involved. That made me curious as to just how important sex is, and if others for whatever reason they have for no sexual activity are still of the mind that WIITWD is a vital part or the whole part of their world.

camille,
Appreciating that it is impossible to discuss this in an exchange of posting, I'll still try my best.

There is no focus on orgasm with me either. I don't think my ability to have one, and your inability is material.

You say that it fills your "need for balance" and it "requires a power exchange"; differentiate that from 'sex'. Is is possible? Isn't that statement a drive? You have a sex drive, you express it in the "need for balance". You desire 'intercourse' expressed by a "power exchange". I don't think the point I make is one of semantics.

The physical orgasm is less 'sex' and more body function.

There is so much more that can be said on the subject, but I think this is a case where less is more.



sambamanslilgirl -> RE: BDSM w/o sex. Would you? (3/26/2008 9:14:54 AM)

currently in a relationship where we view sex as desert after a 7-course meal.  in other words, having sex doesn't define our D/s dynamic like it would with others.  to be honest, i'm happy that it's not part of what i have with Daddy ...and for not having it almost 2yrs, i'm quite content.



SimplyMichael -> RE: BDSM w/o sex. Would you? (3/26/2008 9:16:04 AM)

I am not sure what exactly the question is.    Are you asking if a person loses all interest in sex or if they are unable to participate in sex, or are they incapable of performing sex?

If bsb lost all interest in having sex with me, I am not sure what I would do.  We have a pretty amazing connection and that is pretty rewarding in and of itself but I would have to find sexual release somewhere and if our roles were reversed, so would she.  Even then, if she or I simply lost interest, I don't think that would keep us from pleasuring the other out of sheer love anyway.

If for some reason my cock would explode if anyone played with it and so I couldn't participate in sex, well I might just explode too!

If I was simply incapable of performing because as in the example above it blew up (or if I got a wild hair and went for a sex change and it went bad and I ended up as the ultimate eunuch, I still have my mind, my tongue, my hands, my voice, my body, and Merc to help me out.  I think that is still enough to pleasure a small horde of concubines.



YourhandMyAss -> RE: BDSM w/o sex. Would you? (3/26/2008 9:36:04 AM)

for me penis in vagina sex is very low on importance scale for me, as long as my emotional and pysichal and mental stimulation needs are being seen to. Sure every now and then I really crave the connection of human on human insertion, but I am almost more happy on the whole if I am given a skin orgasm which  is where he strokes and touches the skin * yes skin not the vagina, like arms sides and back*in a right way and combo that makes my whole skin shudder than a vaginal one, cause they're more intense, and less messy, and they do not have the difficulty in achieving and trauma vaginal orgasms do. Vaginal orgasm are very difficult to achive for me, and not very intense, unless I am masturbating alone.
quote:

ORIGINAL: camille65

cherry physical sex is really important for most people I think.



azropedntied -> RE: BDSM w/o sex. Would you? (3/26/2008 9:39:32 AM)

May i get the definition of SEX ? Is it pure intercourse only ? Are we speaking of oral ,teasing,hands etc?My bdsm exchanges  are sexual  but i have not had intercourse in a VERY long time so if that is the main context then i would say gone this long no problem.If your saying you may not have any of your pleasure triggers on the body played with ever again , then that is taking everything away and i would say NO i have to have a crumb now n then . Just cuz i do not get  tab A placed into slot B and do an intercourse act does not mean i miss it any less but stoppage due to no sex is not an option as my bdsm is who i am in my genetic  dna make up .



Najakcharmer -> RE: BDSM w/o sex. Would you? (3/26/2008 9:45:46 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: faerytattoodgirl

i post 1 on 1 because couples and poly want sex.  most of the time they want you there for the man to have sex with.  and nothing to do with the woman involved.  i have done that scene with couples...it is a waste of time.  i want to be loved and cherished.  that can not happen in couple/poly.  there is too much jealousy and hate between all parties.  and someone is always neglected in the end.


Sorry you've run into the wrong sort of poly folks.  There seem to be a fair number of them out there, and they really ought to call themselves "swingers" since they don't really fit the definition of "polyamory".  "Couple seeking casual sex toy" does *not* qualify as being "many loves".  It is very possible to be loved and cherished in a poly relationship by all your partners together, and to be good and loving friends with your partners' partners if they aren't sexually compatible. 


quote:

i AM BIO FEMALE.  intersexed=biologically female and biologically male.  i have everything that you do.  but also a penis.   a person is born intersexed and is not transgender/transsexual.


Sorry bout that, I was using "bio female" to mean someone who hadn't any other gender-diverse or interesting parts to their body or brain.  I identify as genderqueer, which means I have said parts, but only in my brain. 



OmegaG -> RE: BDSM w/o sex. Would you? (3/26/2008 10:03:16 AM)

I just wanted to say that I perved you, both you and your tatoos are beautiful.



Gleegal67 -> RE: BDSM w/o sex. Would you? (3/26/2008 10:41:08 AM)

Experiencing BDSM, without penetrating sex, is still amazing with the right partner.  I am blessed in having that type of relationship with a very special man.  Do I want to have sex with him?  Hell, yeah!  Will I be allowed to? Nope, it's the defined hard limit for him, which I completely respect.  Let me tell you though, when the energy is flowing hot and high, the not having sex part I believe actually enhances our time together, which is pretty darn amazing to experience!

I have experienced many BDSM relationships that there was no sex, every one of them were very special and I only hold great memories of our times together.  If sex were part of those relationships, I believe they would have been more complicated on an emotional level.  I remember having many conversations with my partners stating how they felt closer to me than any other, even though there was no sex, very interesting to them.

I believe that there are many times through the years, that I preferred a BDSM no sex relationship, there was always a sense of more freedom, and a heck of a lot of creativity involved!  Anyone can have sex...even incredible sex...but to create or generate similar feelings without the sex can actually transcend the acts of sex.

If y'all tried having 1-3 months without any penetrating sex with your partner, I bet y'all would end up being very creative in your adventures...just a touch can send orgasmic shivers through you!



CrazyC -> RE: BDSM w/o sex. Would you? (3/26/2008 10:47:23 AM)

i know someone who is completely into BDSM and not for the sex at all. She loves pain and alot of it, but never gets turned on by it. I for one couldn't, but i have come to realize and accept there are those who do.



azropedntied -> RE: BDSM w/o sex. Would you? (3/26/2008 11:40:34 AM)

Aweee shark bait thats so sweet of you to post that .. [:)]



LafayetteLady -> RE: BDSM w/o sex. Would you? (3/26/2008 11:43:36 AM)

The question doesn't clarify enough (for me), the details of the situation. 

If I were in a committed relationship and something occurred making ALL sexual activity impossible, I would not necessarily leave, but even then, there would have to be a great deal of discussion about how that new situation was going to impact us both.

I would not enter into a BDSM relationship that would not involve sexual contact.  However, I am also one of those people who won't have BDSM contact without a relationship.  I don't do "play".  Given that, to me it goes hand in hand.  I intend to be in a relationship, the relationship should be intimate.

If I were in a relationship with someone who decided that they no longer wanted to engage in sexual activity with me?  First I would hope that there could be a discussion to find out why that was, and whether it could be fixed.  Barring that, I would leave at the speed of sound, because to me, a huge part of the relationship would be destroyed for me.



Viridana -> RE: BDSM w/o sex. Would you? (3/26/2008 11:56:43 AM)

bdsm doesn't involve sex or sexual excitation for me on any level so yes, if I were physically incapable of having sex, that would not change in any way how, where and why I practice bdsm.



domiguy -> RE: BDSM w/o sex. Would you? (3/26/2008 11:57:59 AM)

We're fucking.



littlebitxxx -> RE: BDSM w/o sex. Would you? (3/26/2008 12:03:42 PM)

I find bdsm and sex to be part and parcel of each other.  Bdsm by itself can be great, but sexual touching/intimacies during makes it awesome.  Sex by itself can be great, but bdsm added makes it awesome.  I could never go back to a vanilla relationship where there was sex but no bdsm.  I couldn't be happy in a relationship where there was bdsm and no sex.  Yes, I am one of those who finds bdsm is based on sexual gratification in a world where a lot more are into the control and energy transfer of a session.  I can and have played where there was no sex at all, and orgasmed all the way through it.  But it doesn't lessen my desire for a good hard fuck afterward.

If it means being with one person and going outside to fulfill either, so be it.  Now, if I were incapable or unable of providing one or the other to my partner, I'd be more than willing if he went elsewhere to get satisfied.  After all, why should he lose out on part of his life that makes him happy if I can't provide it properly?  Or even just for variety sake so that the two old sneakers comfortable with each other don't rot in the closet.  Within a relationship, if either bdsm or sex drops off, there would be a whole lot of discussion going on.  But I really don't think I would start one if one or the other wasn't there. 



Maya2001 -> RE: BDSM w/o sex. Would you? (3/26/2008 12:33:25 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: OmegaG

If I was already in a relationship where emotional bonds had been formed and then something happened to prevent sex in the future, I'd probably stay, though it would be difficult.

I would not consider beginning a relationship where sex wasn't a part of it.


Similiar views with regards to starting out a relation but would not walk away as long as their is the mental/emotional bond, but  here is where my views part company because  I view sex as including so much more than the act of penetration ,  okay if I had an auto accident and was paralyzed from the waist down...does sex stop at the cunt?  no .. my hands and mouth  can still function,  how many  have gotten off..  while daydreaming and fantasizng or from  visuals . our largest, most pwerful sex organ is our brains not the penis or the cunt one can stimulate and arouse it instead and have a powerful sexual experience, what about physical intimacy ..like touching ...holding and kissing, in  scenes his voice can cause powerful arousal if I am well intuned, so in the case where he had ED... I would not consider that sex has ended it will just become  different than what it  was.    

Now if  sex could not occur because of a mental state then the person would not be functional in BDSM in a consentual state either



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