RE: You might be a redneck if.............

RE: You might be a redneck if............. (Full Version)

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LilMissHaven -> RE: You might be a redneck if............. (3/26/2008 12:32:50 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: CalifChick quote: ORIGINAL: LilMissHaven YOu might be a redneck if you have mastered the art of having sex on top of a horse. grins and winks I got skillz Holy keeerap. Somebody get me a mirror, I think I need to check the color of my neck. Thanks LMH, thanks a BUNCH. Cali Thats what sister slaves are for winks

parttimehotty -> RE: You might be a redneck if............. (3/26/2008 12:33:56 PM)
. . . you itch your butt in front of your wife. (from TImboysfive) . . . are missing a lot of teeth. (from TImboysfive) . . . you have beer cans all over your yard. (from TImboysfive) . . . you don't take a shower for a long time. (from TImboysfive) . . . you use the word ain't a lot. (from TImboysfive) . . . you miss your 5th grade graduation becasue your are called for jury duty. (from REAGAN) . . . your sister is also your aunt. (from Oldnavyret) . . . your toilet is a 5 gallon bucket. (from Stormshopper) . . . you have 500 men working under you and you cut grass at the cemetery. (from JoeDebDem) . . . you can spit tobbaco juice through the holes in your truck's floorboard. (from Lemans82) . . . your sister has ever asked to borrow the backhoe. (from ADAMSBOERGOATS) . . . somebody says, "HO DOWN" and your wife falls to the ground!! (from Jay) . . . you pave your parking spot just because your neighbor calls you a red neck. (from Siress24) . . . the first thing you do in the morning is check your critter trap, and you're dissapointed when it is empty. (from Blondebomb0068) . . . you scratch your butt at night and smell your hand in the morning. (from REDNECKDONI) . . . you've ever had to put on a pair of boots to go to the bathroom. (from Ketchumtrainer) . . . your deer stand has an address. (from Ketchumtrainer) . . . you and your dog have the same toilet. (from Ketchumtrainer) . . . there is anyone named Cletus in your family. (from Ketchumtrainer) . . . you've ever attended a Gun and Knife show as a dealer. (from Ketchumtrainer) . . . you have a motor swinging from a tree in your yard,a dog tied to the fence post,and someone sitting in a rocking chair that's over 75 and has a Remingtom 12 gauge ,a spit cup, and Copenhagen in the back pocket. (from Ketchumtrainer) . . . you have a peeing contest with your wife and she wins. (from Whozyourdaddymac) . . . you have a tattoo that says "I Love My Mommy" and mommy is spelled wrong. (from Whozyourdaddymac) . . . you shop-lift from Goodwill. (from Cody D.) . . . your family gathers for Monday Night RAW. (from b_purple_waves_8) . . . you know what a jockey lot is and you go more than once a week. (from TStorm) . . . you've ever used a toaster to light your cigarette. (from BuckeyesRC) . . . you're on a date and you see a childhood friend and you tell your date "she is like my sister" and that makes her worried. (from DreaFos) . . . you refuse to shave or bathe until you've bagged your first deer of the season. (from Debnhar427) . . . your first name consists of initials. (from Debnhar427) . . . you nick-name children "possum" and "critter." (from Debnhar427) . . . you wear camouflage pants with a plaid flannel shirt and combat boots. (from Debnhar427) . . . you call your wife "ma" and want her to call you "pa." (from Debnhar427) . . . you own a badly made, ugly gun cabinet that you made in wood shop. (from Debnhar427) . . . the only songs you know on guitar are Lynard Skynard songs. (from Debnhar427) . . . Hank Williams, Jr. is your hero. (from Debnhar427) . . . you use the word "man" at least four times in each sentence you speak. (from Debnhar427) . . . you carry a gun to the store "just in case the car breaks down and a stranger approaches to help." (from Debnhar427) . . . you spray crawling bugs with hair spray and light them on fire with a lighter. (from Debnhar427) . . . directions to your house include "turn off the paved road" (from Megamuff927) . . . you exclaim "Whoo, Doggy , tell ya what!!" when you see your coon hound have pups on your living room floor. (from PhoneGrrl21) . . . you have ever used spit tobacco as a fish attractant. (from RGrycki) . . . you call toilet paper a leaf and a toilet a bucket. (from Sephroth01) . . . you have used a rag as a gas cap. (from PLUMBINGuy) . . . your 5 year old calls your mother MOM and YOU Debbie. (from PLUMBINGuy) . . . your own farts don't seem to smell so bad. (from PLUMBINGuy) . . . you know exactly how long it takes for pizza to get fuzzy in the fridge. (from PLUMBINGuy) . . . you have an aunt-mom and uncle dad. (from PLUMBINGuy) . . . you think that "HANK" of "Huntin with Hank" is a real fine actor (BTW Hank is the dog). (from PLUMBINGuy) . . . you had your own parking space in Jr High. (from PLUMBINGuy) . . . you have a "church" cap. (from PLUMBINGuy) . . . you pull the legs off of flys then toss them into the air to see how long it takes them to "crash land". (from PLUMBINGuy) . . . your idea of the newspaper is a 14 year old copy of Dog Fancy. (from TheDude77691) . . . your mom is your sister,aunt and your dads mother. (from [email protected]) . . . your house has more miles on it than your car does. (from Ftkgold) . . . your old toilet now serves as a flower pot in your front yard. (from Candida1022) . . . you made your fishin pole outta popcicle sticks. (from TeresaandJoeS) . . . you have to fill your toilet up with lake water to use the bathroom. (from TeresaandJoeS) . . . you ask whats for dinner and your wife props her legs on the table and says "crabs". (from TeresaandJoeS) . . . your computer don't work cuz the cat ate the mouse. . . . you're having sex with your wife and she tells you, "That tickles." (from O4josh) . . . you think a lava lamp is erotic. (from O4josh) . . . your bathroom is 50 feet away from your house. (from GoPed818) . . . your husband is going out huntin and puts on urin and it turns you on. (from Tab358) . . . you think a date is going out mooning people. (from Tab358) . . . you took your sister/brother to the prom. (from Tab358) . . . you think dressing up is putting on all your camo. (from Tab358) . . . you keep all your guns in a fire-proof locked safe and everything else out in the open. (from Am9786) . . . you have a bumper sticker that says, "Kiss the crack below my back." (from Jordan452313) . . . your idea of camping in the woods is inviting the family over and pitching a couple of tents in the back yard. (from DARKRIS322) . . . you have to watch for cow patties when you play golf. (from DARKRIS322) . . . your lawn tractor has a better paint job than your car. (from Jcamaro83) . . . your lawn mower is a goat. (from Ricky Barnaby) . . . you can eat an ear of corn and spell "Home Sweet Home" on it. (from Ricky Barnaby) . . . you base the purchase of a refridgerator on how many cases of beer it holds. (from MadameJaye) . . . your children look more like your brothers-in-law than your husband you are worried that he might notice. (from MadameJaye) . . . you make your dogs sleep on top of the house in the rain because you can't afford to patch the roof. (from MadameJaye) . . . you go to a drive through the person at the window asks you to shut off your engine because it's too loud. (from MadameJaye) . . . you go to a drive through you have to open your door because your window hasn't rolled down in 5 years. (from MadameJaye) . . . you get turned on when your wife/girlfriend shoots an armidillo. (from Relena195) . . . your daughter thinks she a reincarnation of Xena because she has nightmares about her. (from Lil2te) . . . you tell everyone your wife is the reincarnation of Ares, the god of war. (from Lil2te) . . . you buy your wife camouflage lingerie. (from BlueEyesc4me) . . . you borrow a sleeveless T-shirt from your Mom. (from BlueEyesc4me) . . . your living room furniture doubles as your camping gear. (from BlueEyesc4me) . . . you have to steal your neighbor's paper to see what the date is or you are out of toilet paper. (from BlueEyesc4me) . . . you can grunt like a deer and you are proud of it. (from BlueEyesc4me) . . . you tell your wife to squeal like a pig to start foreplay. (from BlueEyesc4me) . . . when you think of the planet Saturn you think of your mother-in-law at the same time. (from Marijane42085674) . . . your way of seeing if you need to bathe is by sticking your hand between your butt cheeks and smelling it. (from ReaperAngel15) . . . you rake your carpet because the sweeper motor is being used for your truck. (from ReaperAngel15) . . . you have a working television on top of a broken one. . . . the gazebo in your yard is bigger than your trailer. (from Spike) . . . you have a pallet in your yard with tires stacked on it. (from Spike) . . . your garage is so full you can't park your car in it. (from Spike) . . . you spent more money on a souvenier Clint Black shirt, than on your whole wardrobe. (from Spike) . . . you have two pairs of jeans, and six pairs of boots. (from Spike) . . . your front yard has any broken appliances in it. (from Spike) . . . you have gotten a warning to remove vehicles from your own back yard. (from Spike) . . . you ever say "oh yeah I can fix it". (from Spike) . . . your favorite night of the week is the night before trash day. (from Spike) . . . your truck has any bondo on it. (from Spike) . . . your car has more than three bumper stickers with the word jesus on them. (from Spike) . . . there is bungee cord holding your bumper on to your car. (from Spike) . . . no matter how you clean your hands, the dirt under your nails won't come off. (from Spike) . . . you think that duct tape works better than spot welding. (from Spike) . . . you go to strip joints for family reunions. (from Spike) . . . you re-use dental floss to save money. (from Spike) . . . you can't work on Thursday night or you'll miss smack-down. (from Spike) . . . you won't get your dog "fixed" because you never no when someone might want him to stud. (from Spike) . . . Friday night is "sneak into the drive-in night". (from Spike) . . . you have an air-conditioner on your front porch. (from Spike) . . . you slam your truck's door and your 12 gauge makes a new sun roof. (from TakatchiGrado) . . . you have stuffed heads from the following: deer, a moose, a mallard, a Siamese cat, a largemouth bass, and your mother-in-law. (from TakatchiGrado) . . . that white tailed deer is being paid 10 bucks an hour to stand on a ladder behind your wall and stick his head in. (from TakatchiGrado) . . . your dad pees on a rabbit's head while peeing off the back porch. (from COORSGUZZLER) . . . your dogs kill more animals than you do all hunting season. (from COORSGUZZLER) . . . you and your son compete for the only single gal in town with all her teeth. (from WVwishingstar15) . . . you watch Jerry Springer to see if any of your relatives are on the show today. (from WVwishingstar15) . . . your table cloth is a bed sheet. (from Gordon24Knight) . . . your whole wardrobe is work boots, camoflage pants, a plaid flannel shirt, and a John Deere hat. (from Gordon24Knight) . . . the landscaping in your front yard is broken down cars. (from Gordon24Knight) . . . you drive your tractor along the high way. (from Gordon24Knight) . . . your family reuinions consist of ex-wives. (from Gordon24Knight) . . . you need a truck to move your barbecue. (from Yolanda) . . . your toenails stick out the end of your tennis shoes. (from KrazeyRay) . . . you let your 12 year old daughter smoke at the dinner table in front of her kids. (from Larubia3207) . . . you have 10 cars in your front yard and only once of them isn't on blocks and the engine works. (from Larubia3207) . . . you take a six-pack cooler to church. (from Larubia3207) . . . you bum a pinch of chew from your girlfriend. (from Larubia3207) . . . you have a sign hanging in your living room that says "We interrupt this marriage to bring you deer season" (from Larubia3207) . . . you look both ways before crossing a one way street. (from Flyers3102) . . . you drive through your car port to park your blue Pinto in the backyard. (from Flyers3102) . . . your birthday cake consisted of nothing but Twinkies. (from Joker0159) . . . you shave your beard and find a french fry. (from GeneralLee01311) . . . you have ever asked your dad for the keys to his Mack. (from Dbdtruckin) . . . you can entertain yourself for more then an hour with a fly swatter. (from Zeakdude) . . . your truck is stolen and sold by your mother to buy beer and Copenhagen. (from Kirk and Julie Snyder) . . . your CB antenna on your truck doubles as your cane pole. (from Brandonharrell) . . . you tip the waiter with change. (from Chew45665779182) . . . your honeymoon was featured on true stories of the highway patrol. (from SteelCowboy47) . . . you think 401k is your mother-in-law's bra size. (from SteelCowboy47) . . . instead of buying your girlfriend candy and flowers, you spray paint her name on an overpass. (from SteelCowboy47) . . . you think 2 Pac Shakur is a Jewish holiday. (from BeauRulz97) . . . your local yellow pages has only 3 sections: places to get cigarettes, place to get liquor, and places to get bait. (from FoOtBaLlPlAyA7) . . . the library in your city ran out of the book "The ABC's of Belching". (from FoOtBaLlPlAyA7) . . . the seats in your car are also your living room furniture. (from FoOtBaLlPlAyA7) . . . you had to buy an 18-Wheeler for family vacations. (from FoOtBaLlPlAyA7) . . . you have a Rebel flag in your front yard! (from junior5241) . . . you have your t.v on top of empty beer cans and call it recycling. (from SailorSpringStar) . . . your dishwasher consists of kids that you baby-sit. (from SailorSpringStar) . . . you think that the apple com-pu-ter is the latest in new fangled tech-o-nol-o-gee. (from SailorSpringStar) . . . the newspaper (the business) is the community toilet paper. (from SailorSpringStar) . . . the town policeman stops by so much, you know his 5th grade GPA. (from SailorSpringStar) . . . your airplane cost you less than 15 hundred bucks and uses two stroke oil. (from Lawrence Benton) . . . you say "I tell you wut!" more than 3 times a day. (from Kelly) . . . your daddy's last words were "Hey ya'll look what I can do!" (from Kelly) . . . your lawn furniture was in your house last summer. (from Kelly) . . . your car uses more oil than gas. (from Shelly1179) . . . you have ever used a turkey baster bulb to get something out of your ear. (from Kim Scurti) . . . your dog wants you to be the girl tonght. (from TDOGG333) . . . you use the car that is broken down in the driveway as a tool shed. (from Scrpah5454) . . . fine dining is the Waffle House. (from Ferrari92687) . . . you've ever been in a fist fight with your best friend because he said his John Deere will out pull your Farmall. (from Browning1225) . . . your dog has a litter of puppies on your living room floor and no one notices. (from Eboom386) . . . you fall in love with a girl and write "I Love You" using duck tape. (from BillyBobBaitShop) . . . you think "harass" are two words. (from SwingMs) . . . your race car looks and runs better than your own car. (from Beisballer9) . . . you get drunk while mowing the grass. (from Donnie) . . . you have a beer cooler on your riding lawn mower. (from Donnie) . . . you have ever opened a beer bottle with your truck door. (from Donnie) . . . hot dogs and pork-n-beans are your favorite Sunday night dinner. (from DeposRus) . . . your hair is five times as long in the back as it is on top. (from DeposRus) . . . you put mud grips on your new Cadillac. (from Patsyweeksj) . . . your Mama yells, "Close the screen door boy, you're letting all the bugs out!" (from RSki460957) . . . you have no idea who the President is but you can name five NASCAR drivers in a single belch. (from Roni1010) . . . you actually know what "puked a motor" means. (from Roni1010) . . . you've ever been in a fist fight involving the phrase "Dale Earnhardt is the Intimidator". (from Roni1010) . . . you think 7-11 is a grocery store. (from Shaun McElhinney) . . . your kids fall down in the house and get grass stains. (from Shaun McElhinney) . . . you have to slide out of the passenger side of your truck because the driver's side door is jammed. (from Shaun McElhinney) . . . if the dashboard of your work vehicle is covered with empty cigarette cartons and Mountain Dew bottles (from Shaun McElhinney) . . . your Daddy picks you up from school in a Swamp Buggy. (from QSLUQRU) . . . you refer to Walmart as going to the mall. (from Shaun McElhinney) . . . your sister/brother is also your cousin. (from Txdixiechick01) . . . your wife wears a dress on Sunday and one of you're flannel shirts over it. (from Rebelwolff1) . . . you go into an auto parts store and tell them you need a part for your Chevy and when they ask you make and model you answer, "They're all the same." (from THREEDDONZI) . . . you go coon hunting with a spot light instead of a dog. (from THREEDDONZI) . . . you hunt deer from a moving vehicle. (from THREEDDONZI) . . . your wife's deer head hanging on the wall is bigger than yours. (from THREEDDONZI) . . . you take your wife fishing and she out fishes you and all your buddies. (from THREEDDONZI) . . . your wife can out drink you or any of your friends and is willing to prove it. (from THREEDDONZI) . . . your wife can belch louder than you can. (from THREEDDONZI) . . . you consider yourself the blacksheep of the family because you are the only one not living in a trailer house. (from THREEDDONZI) . . . your mama spends more money fixing up her old trailer house than it cost to build a new brick home. (from THREEDDONZI) . . . your mama has more gadgets and accessories on her pickup truck than you do. (from THREEDDONZI) . . . you got more antenas on your truck than the local TV station. (from Honeybee24595981) . . . you call a chicken a yard bird. (from Oamanecer0) . . . you get a ticket cause you got a confederate flag as a front license plate. (from Daisy May) . . . the police are lookin for you in a brown truck so you wiped off the mud a bit so they wouldn't recognize you. (from Daisy May) . . . your wardrobe consists of nothing but cammo and flannel. (from REDNECKTNKER) . . . you see your grandmother naked and it turns you on. (from Honeybee24595981) . . . you have a transmission in your bathtub. (from Honeybee24595981) . . . you're homeschooled and you date someone in your class. (from JOYFULJENNY) . . . your Mama was ever asked to leave a Bingo game because of her language. (from FOGHATIRONHEAD) . . . you've ever put a tarp in the bed of your truck to use it as a swimming pool. (from Donna R.) . . . you finally mow your front lawn and you find the pickup truck that you thought was stolen. (from annonymous) . . . you know exactly how many cans of spray paint it takes to paint a 1976 full size Chevy truck. (from ChickenFryes) . . . the bigest city you've ever been to is Wal-Mart. (from Aannetta) . . . you have a complete set of salad bowls and they all say cool whip on the side. (from Aannetta) . . . you think a tv dinner consists of a RC Cola and a moonpie. (from Honeybee24595981) . . . you join the army for the free uniform. (from Brad) . . . you wash your truck in a mud puddle. (from Countryboyz4x4) . . . you spend more time with you truck than your family. (from Countryboyz4x4) . . . your kids eat on the floor while your dogs eat at the table. (from Countryboyz4x4) . . . your 80 year old grandma can shoot better than you. (from Countryboyz4x4) . . . you have ever peed in the sink cuz your mom was hogging up the outhouse. (from Tweetheart86chic) . . . your beer can pyramid is taller than your trailer. (from Celotheswhite) . . . you have to mow the hoods of your cars. (from Celotheswhite) . . . you put a sign up that says "Billy Bob & Sally wedding --->" on a carboard sign in spray paint nailed to a tree. (from Celotheswhite) . . . you have ever surrendered to the police in exchange for ciggaretes. (from Danspumpkins) . . . you think "manual labor" is a Spanish ambassadar. (from Danspumpkins) . . . you have ever had to gift-wrap a tire. (from Danspumpkins) . . . your dog's collar costs more than the clothes you are wearing. (from Danspumpkins) . . . your kid learns to shoot a gun before he learns his alphabet. (from Myerslaue) . . . you divorced your 1st. cousin, married your 2nd. cousin and are cheating with your 3rd. cousin. (from Armando T.) . . . you found a toy boat in your toilet when you were taking a bath and started playing with it. (from Tweetheart86chic) . . . you dust furniture with underwear. (from Pinehillfarmky) . . . you sat on your roof with a loaded gun waiting for twelve midnight to roll around on Y2K. (from NBC Tutolo) . . . your whole yard has chickens and cows in it. (from Girlsloveme67863) . . . you not only pass the beans at the supper table but your teeth so Billy Bob can chew them also. (from Keith S. Penna) . . . you give Tic-Tacs out at Christmas instead of candy canes. (from I185dude1) . . . you have the same meal for a week straight. (from S23Goodrich) . . . you've got a tab at the ABC Liquor Store. (from S23Goodrich) . . . your father marries someone with the same last name as yours. (from S23Goodrich) . . . you've ever driven a tractor to a family reunion. (from S23Goodrich) . . . you buy something you already have. (from Jgtex86) . . . you're trying to start a 16 hp motor and your shed catches on fire. (from REGGIE101372) . . . you think garabage pickin' is a hobbie. (from REGGIE101372) . . . your grandmother has to be taken out of bingo because of her language. (from Gwing12345) . . . your wedding cake was made by Sara Lee. (from Koston03) . . . the figures on your wedding cake wore overalls. (from Koston03) . . . you have to change gears in your pickup by opening the hood and moving the gear arm, then jump back in before the truck drives off without you. (from Patrick A. Hall) . . . your screen name is JohnDeere. (from Johndeere77) . . . you think the unibomber was a wrestler. (from MMichaelOne) . . . you think the quarterhorse is the ride outside of Wal-Mart. (from MMichaelOne) . . . you've ever gotten a "lap" dance from your sister! (from GBandS4ever) . . . the fairground's main attraction is to see who can throw cow pie the farthest! (from CallmeWinsie) . . . you take your dog on more vacations than your wife! (from CallmeWinsie) . . . the bouqet at your wedding was stolen from a cemetary. (from Adria116) . . . your only time spent sober is the time spent getting another 6 pack. (from Bordem420) . . . your house doesn't have curtains but your truck does. (from Totizzi4u) . . . you decorate the lawn mower with red Christmas lights at Halloween. (from Hed666) . . . you think Iraq is a high performance Camaro. (from CRISSY56) . . . your pocket knife has ever been referred too as Exhibit A. (from KnightofNi62) . . . your Sunday vest is green and consists of three different fishin' lures. (from KnightofNi62) . . . you think that "loaden up the dishwasher" means getting your wife drunk. (from KnightofNi62) . . . your pick-up is at least 3 colors. (from Caputsevilno) . . . all of the light switches in your house are wired to turn on the light on the front porch. (from Caputsevilno) . . . you think coming from a broken home means your trailer has a flat. (from Caputsevilno) . . . both your house and car are on blocks. (from DESERTTRANSPLANT) . . . you have a cow tied to the front bumper of your broken down Chevy truck as a pet. (from Patrick A. Hall) . . . you use coffee filters when you run out of toilet tissue. (from SYLB261) . . . you think W.W.J.D stands for, "What would Junior do?" (from Skylane227) . . . any of your children were concieved under a stop light. (from Danspumpkins) . . . you name your children after the cars they were concieved in. (from Danspumpkins) . . . your wife's bridal reception was at Wal-Mart. (from Danspumpkins) . . . you call fast food hitting a deer at 60mph. (from Starpuppy316) . . . you floss with barb wire. (from slemp) . . . your tire swing has a truck stilll attached to it. (from Danspumpkins) . . . on cold nights, your dog sleeps on the bed and your wife dosn't. (from Danspumpkins) . . . you are naked on laundry day. (from Danspumpkins) . . . the words Nascar, tire, dog or shotgun appeared in your wedding vows. (from Danspumpkins) . . . you pull one of your dogs loose teeth and keep it to have something to remember him by. (from GenieMathers) . . . your idea of a family cook-out is the whole family gathering around the Chevy with the hood up. (from Herferd) . . . your Computer has Winders 95 instead of Windows. (from dfowler779) . . . your moms maiden name is Bubba. (from dfowler779) . . . your sister has more hair on her legs than you do. (from dfowler779) . . . your dog can open a beer can for you. (from dfowler779) . . . your favorite fishing hole has more car parts in it than a junk yard. (from dfowler779) . . . you think your sister is sexier than your wife. (from dfowler779) . . . you and your dad share the same mistress. (from dfowler779) . . . you ever told your Mom that she looks sexy in mini skirts. (from dfowler779) . . . your wife shaves her beard more than you shave yours. (from dfowler779) . . . you thought Texas A&M is a root beer made in Texas. (from dfowler779) . . . you ever had a riffle in your back at a wedding. (from dfowler779) . . . you have a Confederate flag for bed sheets. (from dfowler779) . . . you name your dogs after your favorite "Playboy" centerfold. (from dfowler779) . . . you grandmother spits farther than you. (from dfowler779) . . . you think the WWF is a romantic sport. (from dfowler779) . . . your porn collection is also called the family videos. (from dfowler779) . . . you have at least five hunting dogs in your bed at night. (from dfowler779) . . . you put a corn cobb on a screwdriver and call it a back-scratcher (from KTwinkles) . . . you have a gun rack on the back of your bicycle. (from JMSpyke13) . . . you get kicked out of the KKK for being a bigot. (from Korn2122) . . . you got your pickup truck from a lake. (from Tekman228) . . . you wore your Burger King hat to your Prom. (from Billybob1388) . . . if you think hocking loogies onto oncoming vehicles should be an Olympic sport. (from HaulMail37311) . . . you get your 4-wheel drive stuck. (from HaulMail37311) . . . your mechanic looks under the front of your car or truck and asks if you work for the Roadkill Cafe. (from HaulMail37311) . . . you have a rebel flag displayed on your truck. (from HaulMail37311) . . . your son Bubba J.r. uses his school locker as a gun cabinet. (from GoWest78) . . . your Mama has failed the 3rd. grade five times. (from Chillichikk) . . . you were born and raised in a pickup truck

LilMissHaven -> RE: You might be a redneck if............. (3/26/2008 12:34:11 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: sirsholly quote: ORIGINAL: Not to be mistaken with the Ball Breaker which results from not arranging your package properly upon mounting your horse. then they try to shift the goods and hope no one sees.... Yes but a true redneck woman will point out that they saw them shifting their goods and approved.

SteelofUtah -> RE: You might be a redneck if............. (3/26/2008 12:34:14 PM)
I am a red neck dom and I have had a red neck slave so ALL of these qualify You Might be a Redneck Dom... ...If you have ever used Duct Tape to do a Bondage Scene at a Play Party. ...If your first set of Shackles was 4 or your Dads old Ties Crudely sewn to the corner of your Matress. ...If you ever Belch Mid swing with a Riding Bat ...If you own Leather pants from a Deer YOU YOURSELF KILLED ...If you have used a Monted Deer Rack as a Latching Point for a Bondage Scene ...If you Father has ever walked in on you in the middle of a bondage scene and said "You cut her down before you go to bed tonight ya'hear?" ..If you have ever taken three women home and for a kinky night and wound up showing them the horses and taking them all for a ride instead. ...If you have ever field stripped a dear and a sub (Clothing I'm not a Monster) in the same day on the same hunting trip. You might be a Redneck sub... ...If you have ever been Jealous of your Master Gun. ... If you commonly purchase lube and rope at the same time and only one is for sex. ...If you have ever got into a fight with your Dom's Ex over who was better for him ...If you took pictures of youself on a Mechanical Bull and all he could think about was how fun it would be to ride the bull ...If you have ever belched or farted and tried to blame it on the dog. ...If you have ever had to go out and find the had cuff keys in the Pick up Ashtry cause you always keep a spare there. ...If you knew how to tie a Bowline Knot before you know it could be kinky. Hope that helps

CreativeDominant -> RE: You might be a redneck if............. (3/26/2008 12:34:47 PM)
If you grumble because "miss fancy-pants submissive" can't unnerstan' the financial sense of using the same harness and/or bridle on her that you use on the mare...you just might be a redneck dominant. If you can't understand why your dominant wants a glass for his beer, thus making you have to wash just one more thing, or why he can't just add red food coloring to his white wine, you just might be a redneck submissive.

parttimehotty -> RE: You might be a redneck if............. (3/26/2008 12:35:39 PM)
. . . you buy a padded headboard to practice safe sex. (from Vern Dutta) . . . you spray-painted your dog hunters orange to, "make him look more decent like." (from Dave Simons) . . . you've been on TV more than 5 times describing what the tornado sounded like. (from Bak2525) . . . your best laundry bag is made by Hefty. (from MARANN77) . . . you're going up the highway and hear a kid ask his mom if he can get out and push their car too! (from rifsm2) . . . you've ever worn a tie with a flannel shirt. (from JOSHUA SNYDER) . . . someone accuses you of lying through your tooth. (from Scott Bender) . . . you were allowed to drink beer and date the teacher all through high school. (from Tornaday) . . . you painted your truck camouflage and now you can't find it. (from Tornaday) . . . you've ever sold your car for gas money. (from Lee Wood) . . . you've ever picked up your girlfriend in a John Deere. (from SC7886637) . . . your wife wears tight leather and it makes her look like a re-tread. (from Gary Watts) . . . your brother is your wife's favorite son. (from Bryce) . . . your lawn mower gets better millage than your car. (from CRnuts3) . . . you run a garden hose from outside, through a window to fill your indoor hot tub. (from John H. Richardson) . . . your local funeral home has a drive-thru. (from Lamar Fuller) . . . when you buy your new bride a burned down trailer and tell her you're gonna "fix it up a little" (true story). (from Tommy Miller) . . . you heard that most accidents happen within twenty miles of home, so you moved. (from Anthony & Celeste) . . . you refer to deer hunting as a religion. (from Anthony & Celeste) . . . you wore camoflauge to your wedding. (from Anthony & Celeste) . . . truck drivers tell your wife to watch her language. (from Beanoeightlegs) . . . you wear a tube top to a wedding. (from Beanoeightlegs) . . . you think good china is China without any Chinese people. (from airman120) . . . you use your computer as a stereo. (from Stormshopper) . . . someone can circumcise you by kicking your little sister in the jaw. (from Shane Woods) . . . the most common prase in your house is "someone go jiggle the handle." (from Shane Woods) . . . you purposely feed the cockroaches. (from Shane Woods) . . . you shop lift from a yard sale. (from Dunkshoot2)

parttimehotty -> RE: You might be a redneck if............. (3/26/2008 12:37:00 PM)
you take your car to the repair shop to have the donut tires rotated. (from Jennifer Newman) . . . you make change in the offering plate. (from DINOHEAD42) . . . you can recite your vowels in one burp. (from Shannon) . . . you practice your cow chip throwing techniques while they're still fresh. (from PUPPYKONIG@) . . . you take a bag to an All-You-Can-Eat bar. (from Hendu16) . . . you use your native language, to cuss at your kids, to cover up the fact that you are a redneck in your native country. (from butterflybady) . . . your favorite stick is your fishing pole. (from BLUEDAZE94016734) . . . your favorite shoes were bought at a yard sale (from BLUEDAZE94016734) . . . your bathroom is your favorite make-out place. (from BLUEDAZE94016734) . . . none of these jokes are making sense to you. (from BLUEDAZE94016734) . . . you use your weed whacker as a toothpick. (from BLUEDAZE94016734) . . . your wreath is made out of beer cans. (from BLUEDAZE94016734) . . . you use duct tape as bikini wax. (from BLUEDAZE94016734) . . . you learned the alphabet by eating Cambpell's alapahbet soup. (from BLUEDAZE94016734) . . . your engine is duct-taped to your car. (from BLUEDAZE94016734) . . . your outhouse is in your front yard. (from BLUEDAZE94016734) . . . you wear your Mom's dress that she wore at her funeral. (from BLUEDAZE94016734) . . . you clean your toilet with the tooth brush that you use every day. (from BLUEDAZE94016734) . . . you have sheep in your backyard because they never, ever tell. (from BLUEDAZE94016734) . . . your favorite song is --------Old McDonald!!!!! (from BLUEDAZE94016734) . . . your toilet seat says "Sit Here". (from BLUEDAZE94016734) . . . when you were younger you sold fresh, cold pee as ice-cold lemonade. (from BLUEDAZE94016734) . . . PMS stands for "Parent Medical System." (from BLUEDAZE94016734) . . . you bathe your cat in the toilet. (from BLUEDAZE94016734) . . . you use your shower curtain as your Prom dress. (from BLUEDAZE94016734) . . . you use your shoe as a tobacco can. (from BLUEDAZE94016734) . . . you use your water gun as a shower sprayer. (from BLUEDAZE94016734) . . . you use your boxers as a surrender flag. (from BLUEDAZE94016734) . . . your trasportaion is your boat. (from BLUEDAZE94016734) . . . your favorite place is your deerstand. (from BLUEDAZE94016734) . . . you think dingle berries are a fruit. (from CelticRebl) . . . you strung Christmas lights on an old truck parked in your yard. (from Thomas Smith) . . . you give your best bud a carton of cigarrettes as a wedding gift. (from Shirley L McDonald) . . . the tailgate on your truck is also your lawn furniture. (from RednkJeff) . . . your at a family reuniuon, your mother-in-law goes to the bathroom and then says, "Y'all come look at this 'fore I flush it." (from Kim Y.) . . . you had to call the police department to get your flare gun back. (from Wayne D. Maxted) . . . you use the CD-ROM drive on your computer to hold your beer. (from SSIS87) . . . you've ever had sex in a sattelite dish. (from GTTEAMBMX) . . . you own more than 5 trucks that you need ladders to get into. (from Angel) . . . you have a piece of cardboard that says "No Trespassing" beside your front door. (from HellraisernNC) . . . your wife's idea of a sanitary napkin is one of your dirty work socks left beside the toilet. (from JsscStev) . . . you always start a story with "Y'all aint gonna believe this!" (from RE3Freak) . . . you think that "Winnie-the-Pooh" is something your Granny just left on the rug. (from Muffy19234) . . . you have three kids named: Peggy Sue, Peggy Jean, & Billy Bob. (from JGK) . . . your truck has a variety or different make of parts (ex. Chevy radiator, Dodge starter, Ford body). (from CrazyredriderX) . . . you eat your daily road-kill out of the same dirty bowl every night. (from Robinsaponaro) . . . you bring home from school a certificate as "The Best Reader in the Fourth Grade" for three years in a row. . . . your pick-up has four new tires and none of them are the same size. (from Gaylene Cooper) . . . you go to the bank for a loan and the loan officer asks to see the stock you have listed as collateral, so you bring in the three hogs you bought last month at the auction. (from Gaylene Cooper) . . . your life savings is buried in your back yard. (from TEDMARIEJ) . . . you walk the ends off your jeans instead of hemming them. (from Loki, the friendly maniac) . . . you thought the Y2K Bug was a new species of insect. (from Mdebel22486) . . . you thought the Sega Dreamcast was a new fishing rod. (from Mdebel22486) . . . you buy your china as a grocery store special every week. (from MIRALLY) . . . your neighbor uses left-over house paint to paint his car. (from JAY W.GUYER) . . . you use mason jars to make lamps. (from JAY W.GUYER) . . . your grandma gives you a wedding present wrapped in christmas paper. (from JAY W.GUYER) . . . you can see all your family members when you're in your own bed. (from JAY W.GUYER) . . . your dad guts one of the old TV's for a another knick-knack shelf. (from JAY W.GUYER) . . . you think beef stroganoff is when the bull is playing with himself. (from EJASpfld) . . . the other 13 trailers out back of yours belong to your children and their families. (from Adrian Everett) . . . all you want for Christmas is deer pee. (from Nick English) . . . your 2-year old has more teeth than you do. (from Lane007Fan) . . . your dog can smoke a cigarette. (from Lane007Fan) . . . you think "Old Yeller" refers to your brother's tooth. (from Lane007Fan) . . . you have a house that's mobile and 16 cars that aren't. (from Lane007Fan) . . . you have more than 4 vehicles up on blocks in your yard. (from Lane007Fan)

SteelofUtah -> RE: You might be a redneck if............. (3/26/2008 12:38:35 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: CreativeDominant If you can't understand why your dominant wants a glass for his beer, thus making you have to wash just one more thing, or why he can't just add red food coloring to his white wine, you just might be a redneck submissive. Okay THAT was funny as hell You would be hog tied and left in a closet if you had suggested that to My Friend. Steel

SteelofUtah -> RE: You might be a redneck if............. (3/26/2008 12:39:53 PM)
Parttimehottie okay we get it you found a site with a WHOLE BUNCH just make up your own and make it easier for someonr to read the thread. Steel

parttimehotty -> RE: You might be a redneck if............. (3/26/2008 12:41:34 PM)
Uh, ok, you might be a redneck if.............you know where to find redneck jokes?? :((( i so sorry![&o]

LilMissHaven -> RE: You might be a redneck if............. (3/26/2008 12:41:38 PM)
You might be a redneck if your idea of the ideal family is a ma, pa and a whole passle of kids.

LilMissHaven -> RE: You might be a redneck if............. (3/26/2008 12:42:55 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: parttimehotty Uh, ok, you might be a redneck if.............you know where to find redneck jokes?? :((( i so sorry![&o] I enjoyed them. But, then again some of us just have way too much time on our hands and can take the time to read lengthy posts like that. Like me sighs

sirsholly -> RE: You might be a redneck if............. (3/26/2008 12:48:34 PM)
you might be a redneck if the nipple clamps double as roach clips.

parttimehotty -> RE: You might be a redneck if............. (3/26/2008 12:55:49 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: LilMissHaven quote: ORIGINAL: parttimehotty Uh, ok, you might be a redneck if.............you know where to find redneck jokes?? :((( i so sorry![&o] I enjoyed them. But, then again some of us just have way too much time on our hands and can take the time to read lengthy posts like that. Like me sighs <sighing> me too....Thanks to Steel for stopping me before i got TOO out of control....i felt the urge, now i'll channel that energy elsewhere [:)] Baby Bubba, your 1st cousin is on her way home to create some more......................redneck jokes :)))

faerytattoodgirl -> RE: You might be a redneck if............. (3/26/2008 12:57:08 PM)
if you think ronald mcdonald isnt actually wearing a clown suit.

subtee -> RE: You might be a redneck if............. (3/26/2008 12:59:58 PM)
this describes your typical "date": What about the "gaping vagina?" When you can stick a leg and an arm into the holiest of holes....Even the D***dong might pale in comparison. I don't think that male enhancement drugs actually work, so I imagine that a guy is rather stuck with the cock that he is dealt with. Now you ladies, most of you at one time or another actually had a pooooonanni that had walls and some structural integrity....Unfortunately with all of your unnecessary reproduction and when coupled with you cramming and ramming everyone and thing up into your nether regions you have created a human sink and stinkhole of biblical proportions....

sirsholly -> RE: You might be a redneck if............. (3/26/2008 1:00:04 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: faerytattoodgirl if you think ronald mcdonald isnt actually wearing a clown suit. come on Faery...everyone KNOWS he wears a clown suit. I am just happy he doesn't wear a wig.

sirsholly -> RE: You might be a redneck if............. (3/26/2008 1:03:34 PM)
you tell your um a story... but instead of "once upon a time" it starts with "Y'all ain't gonna believe this shit"

softness -> RE: You might be a redneck if............. (3/26/2008 1:03:43 PM)
you could be a red neck when Your idea of seducing a slut from overseas ... is offering her a trailer in Nevada smiles sweetly ..not that it wasn't a wonderful offer Sir ...beams

DarkVictory -> RE: You might be a redneck if............. (3/26/2008 3:06:01 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: softness you could be a red neck when Your idea of seducing a slut from overseas ... is offering her a trailer in Nevada smiles sweetly ..not that it wasn't a wonderful offer Sir ...beams What the fuck, cunt? Now a goddamned just ten year old double wide inside the compound aint good enough for ya? You're only gonna have to share with two other wives, woman. What the fuck do you want?

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