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feeling abused - 3/26/2008 1:32:10 PM

amberwarren

Posts: 3
Joined: 11/28/2007
Status: offline

i am a babygirl sub in my first 24/7 D/s relationship. spanking for punishment with a wooden hairbrush and for pleasure with riding crop is consensual in my relationship, but W/we do not do sessions or bondage or anything that i think could have made Hym think what happened this morning would be ok.
Here is what happened.... this morning Daddy and i got in a tiff b/c Hy decided to spend the money for my new glasses on a fishing trip. i had to get ready for work and i did not want to go to work upset so i asked that we discuss it when i get home (i am allowed to do this under the terms of O/our TPE contract) Daddy kept following me around the apartment lecturing me and blocking my way while i was trying to move around b/w bathroom, closet, etc.
eventually Hy blocked me into the bathroom. i asked Hym to let me by and he would not so i tried to remove his hand from the doorknob and he lost control and grabbed my by the head, neck, and shoulders and wrestled me onto the bed. Hy clamped Hys hand over my mouth and twisted my head into the mattress while holding both arms. it was very painful. i can still feel pain on my face from where his hand was and it has now been 4 1/2 hours. was that abuse?

Post #: 1

RE: feeling abused - 3/26/2008 1:38:14 PM

DiurnalVampire

Posts: 8125
Joined: 1/19/2006
From: Nashville, TN
Status: offline

It was a violent act, and I would definately reconsider my safety around him. Obviously, he has a bit of a temper problem that caused him to snap over your tiff. You can either discuss it, and see what he has to say about it, or you can assume this is how things wil always go and start looking to remove yourself from the situation. It could very easily turn into abuse if it continues that way.

DV

_____________________________

I will be your Dominate if you will be my submit - Fox

Snarko Ergo Sum
If you cannot change your mind, how are you so sure you still have one? -proverb

*Owner of Fox - collared 10/13/07*
VampiresLair

(in reply to amberwarren)

Post #: 2

RE: feeling abused - 3/26/2008 1:38:42 PM

giveeverything

Posts: 348
Joined: 9/4/2007
Status: offline

That must have been so scary. It is abuse and it's not okay. What do you want to do about it? Do you feel safe?

(in reply to amberwarren)

Post #: 3

RE: feeling abused - 3/26/2008 1:39:17 PM

Taintedblood

Posts: 116
Joined: 10/22/2007
Status: offline

I would say that was abuse

(in reply to amberwarren)

Post #: 4

RE: feeling abused - 3/26/2008 1:49:49 PM

colouredin

Posts: 4279
Joined: 2/2/2007
Status: offline

If you feel it was, then it was, if you are frightened can you go somewhere else? Stay with a friend or something? Have you spoken about it with him? How are you feeling?

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(in reply to amberwarren)

Post #: 5

RE: feeling abused - 3/26/2008 1:51:23 PM

cuddlemesoft

Posts: 47
Joined: 3/20/2008
Status: offline

Im sorry that happened to you and yes if it occurred as you stated it is abuse...I am glad you wrote it down in some form because later either you or he may try to change the story..I say you may change the story later (if even in your own head) only because noone wants to think that someone intended to hurt us especially if they are someone we love.

Further more, it concerns me that he spent money that was suppose to be for your glasses (your necessity) on his fishing trip (his pleasure). As a Master, it is my opinion, he should put your physical and emotional needs before his own enjoyment. Wonder if anyone else agrees with me on this?

(in reply to Taintedblood)

Post #: 6

RE: feeling abused - 3/26/2008 2:07:01 PM

Venatrix

Posts: 2238
Joined: 11/28/2007
Status: offline

Yes, that's the first thing that occurred to me: what kind of creep would use money for something like his sub's glasses and spend it on himself? That's just pathetic.

(in reply to cuddlemesoft)

Post #: 7

RE: feeling abused - 3/26/2008 2:12:44 PM

DefiantFlower

Posts: 204
Joined: 2/15/2007
Status: offline

That just makes me mad. I would consider that abuse. And it does not seem like he cares about your needs at all. Sounds a lot like insecurity mixed with immaturity. Since you already have a dynamic in place, you may be hesitant to completely write him off. But please at least be more cautious from now on, now that you know more about him.

(in reply to cuddlemesoft)

Post #: 8

RE: feeling abused - 3/26/2008 2:19:47 PM

Najakcharmer

Posts: 2121
Joined: 5/3/2004
Status: offline

Let's see, he stole money you needed for medical/functional reasons to go fishing, then beat you up when you said you had a problem with that. If you've really handed over all your freedom and ability to consent or withdraw consent in a TPE, then by your own agreement, he's within his rights. The question is whether you made the right decision as to the kind of person who should have those rights over you. I'd say probably not, so you either need to seriously re-negotiate your relationship and set boundaries, or get the fuck out. It sounds like neither of you are ready for a TPE.

(in reply to amberwarren)

Post #: 9

RE: feeling abused - 3/26/2008 2:23:59 PM

Lashra

Posts: 4900
Joined: 2/9/2006
Status: offline

Your "Daddy" is abusive, he was following you around and lecturing you, only to block you off to intimidate you. Then when it didn't work he lost his temper and figured it was time to man handle you. Abusive and a theif...hmm doesn't sound like much of a Daddy to me, sounds more like an asshole.

Perhaps you'd better run and not walk to the nearest exit on this one before he steals everything you have and kicks you out on the sidewalk.

~Lashra

_____________________________

“We can never judge the lives of others, because each person knows only their own pain and renunciation. It's one thing to feel that you are on the right path, but it's another to think that yours is the only path.”

(in reply to amberwarren)

Post #: 10

RE: feeling abused - 3/26/2008 2:32:24 PM

CalifChick

Posts: 10717
Joined: 10/28/2007
From: California
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: cuddlemesoft
As a Master, it is my opinion, he should put your physical and emotional needs before his own enjoyment. Wonder if anyone else agrees with me on this?

I was taught by a wonderful person that it works best as: needs/Needs/Wants/wants. This means: sub's needs, then Dom's needs, then Dom's wants, then sub's wants. If the sub's basic needs are not attended to, then she can not take care of her Dom's needs. I like this philosophy and it works for me (trying to put up enough disclaimer here so that it doesn't degenerate into a "one true way" discussion).

So he took a number three slot item (a fishing trip) and threw it in front of a number one slot item (her glasses). Sounds pretty pathetic to me.

Cali

_____________________________

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(in reply to cuddlemesoft)

Post #: 11

RE: feeling abused - 3/26/2008 2:34:45 PM

Daddyslilpookie

Posts: 498
Joined: 3/3/2008
From: OC, California
Status: offline

Sounds like abuse to me. What an immature fucktard, he used your money that you needed to buy eyeglasses on himself what a loser

. No offense to you, but I feel sorry for you for haveing to put up with that. Was he drinking at all at the time this happened? What you should do is tell him that what he did is not acceptable and if it happens again I would leave him. Maybe he needs to go to anger managment. Nobody deserves to be treated like a piece of shit. I have been in a situation similar to yours but I got thrown down a flight of stairs, punched in the face ect. by my first Dom too he had a very explosive temper I was 17. Nobody deserves to be abused. Get help if you have too. Best of luck to you. Be safe

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Princess Andie

"A Woman Loves Only Her Master"

(in reply to amberwarren)

Post #: 12

RE: feeling abused - 3/26/2008 2:55:12 PM

Lockit

Posts: 11292
Joined: 5/7/2007
Status: offline

Men who are like this do not typically change and get far worse. I would suggest looking into domestic abuse and learning about it if you are not sure it was abuse. I agree that it was. He is angry, selfish and disrespectful of you and the agreements you have committed to with him. He doesn't honor his word and will not honor any word he gives you to settle or excuse or make up with you. Typically in domestic abuse, the abuser gets worse when their partner leaves. Know what you are facing and if you can't get out right this moment, prepare to leave. Stay and well... plan on more of this type of treatment.

It is always good to get a second set of documents you will need and have a stash of money if you can. If money is short and he is taking from your needs to provide himself some fun, you may have to consider leaving with very little. It is better to be alive and have to start with nothing, than to stay trying to keep something. One wrong move in that angry move from the bathroom to the bed... one hit upon the wall just the right way... could have you seriously hurt. One toss and I had a curved spine, back surgery and lifelong pain. A few shakes and a push and I had a separated shoulder, concusion and whip lash. (Mine was many years ago and I left first touch... but they can and do come back at you sometimes.) This can be serious. Take it as such.

< Message edited by Lockit -- 3/26/2008 3:53:13 PM >

(in reply to Daddyslilpookie)

Post #: 13

RE: feeling abused - 3/26/2008 3:05:17 PM

TracyTaken

Posts: 615
Joined: 2/1/2008
Status: offline

quote:

was that abuse?

Yes, and consider that next time, he might just snap your neck.

He "acts out" his anger ... a bad trait in anyone. So cap your "I's", lose the weird "y," give him a bucket of nightcrawlers as a boobie prize and be on your way to something better, which you surely deserve.

(in reply to amberwarren)

Post #: 14

RE: feeling abused - 3/26/2008 3:15:34 PM

DavidsGem

Posts: 51
Joined: 7/21/2007
Status: offline

Brightest Blessings

Was it abuse only you can decide what constitutes abuse in your world. However you said you are in a TPE exactly what does that mean to both of you? IN most TPE's that I know, what he did was brutal but well within his rights, he has total power/control. Could my Owner do this to me sure, has he come close to throttling me a time or two yup. I have been used as a literal whipping post because that is what he needed at that moment in time, I surrendered 9 years ago I gave him total control and power over me, he can do whatever the hell he wants. As for the glasses thing, it goes without saying that it was irresponsible but if it's his money then he can do what he wishes with it ( assuming that when one says they are in a TPE that they really mean Total and not just bits and pieces like he doesn't control the money)

Blessed Be
Gem

_____________________________

Fear Fuil Iobair-
(Man's Blood Sacrifice)

"If I had a choice I would not serve with love, for she is a hard cruel mistress, much harsher than I can take most days”-Gem2007

(in reply to amberwarren)

Post #: 15

RE: feeling abused - 3/26/2008 3:20:25 PM

charmdpetKeira

Posts: 916
Joined: 6/2/2007
Status: offline

I see abuse as the opposite of love.

If someone is not accepting something for what it is, treating it with respect, and or, not acting responsibly for and toward their self, in light of it; that is abuse.

The question is; by who, and to whom; how, and to what degree?

k

< Message edited by charmdpetKeira -- 3/26/2008 3:23:41 PM >

_____________________________

Life is tough, that does not mean it isn't fair.

There is no wrong choice, only consequence.

(in reply to amberwarren)

Post #: 16

RE: feeling abused - 3/26/2008 3:31:58 PM

domahpet

Posts: 1505
Joined: 12/3/2006
From: Santa Rosa
Status: offline

if it happened to me id be dead, or at the least a parapalegic (sp?)
i wouldnt bother talking about this, other than to tell him you want
your money so you can get out before its too late.
be well, be safe.

_____________________________

Zeedaddys
~DJ domahpet~
*Love is giving someone the power to break your heart, but trusting them not to*

*crystal*
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SLI12uN6k5k

(in reply to charmdpetKeira)

Post #: 17

RE: feeling abused - 3/26/2008 4:07:18 PM

amberwarren

Posts: 3
Joined: 11/28/2007
Status: offline

i feel about 80% sure Hy won't try anything else. i am trying to decide whether to go home or not

(in reply to giveeverything)

Post #: 18

RE: feeling abused - 3/26/2008 4:09:12 PM

amberwarren

Posts: 3
Joined: 11/28/2007
Status: offline

thanks everyone for your validation. i am trying to decide now how to move forward.

(in reply to amberwarren)

Post #: 19

RE: feeling abused - 3/26/2008 4:25:36 PM

christine1

Posts: 6155
Joined: 12/15/2007
From: i'm headed to HIM...
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: amberwarren

i feel about 80% sure Hy won't try anything else. i am trying to decide whether to go home or not

80 percent isn't good enough darlin....take care of YOU and YOUR safety, his feelings don't really matter at this point, your safety does.

_____________________________

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(in reply to amberwarren)

Post #: 20

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