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RE: feeling abused - 3/26/2008 10:27:20 PM

Poetryinpain

Posts: 341
Joined: 3/20/2008
Status: offline

I wouldn't condone abuse whoever did it to whomever. Woman on woman, woman on man (it's been done, you know), man on woman, or man on man.

The element in the story that makes it abuse is the anger involved. Any time someone strikes out in anger they are not in control. Injuries inflicted while the one inflicting them is not under control are abuse.

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Post #: 41

RE: feeling abused - 3/26/2008 10:33:35 PM

ModeratorEleven

Posts: 2007
Joined: 8/14/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Pyrrsefanie

If you want confrontational, sweetie, you haven't seen ANYTHING yet. Bring it on if you've got the balls for it.

That would not be wise. Chill out, folks.

XI

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(in reply to Pyrrsefanie)

Post #: 42

RE: feeling abused - 3/26/2008 10:43:45 PM

MissHarlet

Posts: 2728
Joined: 9/11/2005
From: El Paso , TX US
Status: offline

Any physical harm made in anger ... by anyone of any sex on anyone is abuse in my opinion ...and is reason to get out of the situation as soon as possible ....once it starts it NEVER .... stops .... and always escalaltes sooner or later .....

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(in reply to Ryeguy91)

Post #: 43

RE: feeling abused - 3/27/2008 7:30:46 AM

OsideGirl

Posts: 14441
Joined: 7/1/2005
From: United States
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: amberwarren
Hy decided to spend the money for my new glasses on a fishing trip.

So, he just put his fun before your well being.

quote:

he lost control and grabbed my by the head, neck, and shoulders and wrestled me onto the bed. Hy clamped Hys hand over my mouth and twisted my head into the mattress while holding both arms.

This wasn't okay. Just because it's TPE doesn't mean it's ok.

Chances are it will happen again. The abuse pattern is that he'll apologize, be sweet for awhile......and then decide that you've done something that deserves to be nonconsentually beaten again.

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(in reply to amberwarren)

Post #: 44

RE: feeling abused - 3/27/2008 9:35:13 AM

nwcutie102

Posts: 162
Joined: 1/13/2008
Status: offline

i vote for abuse. good to seek counsel.... please be safe

(in reply to christine1)

Post #: 45

RE: feeling abused - 3/27/2008 9:38:23 AM

Najakcharmer

Posts: 2121
Joined: 5/3/2004
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: BoundDown

I am not offended just amused by all the "real men don't hit woman in anger" retoric.

And it's still true. If her partner identifies as Hym, then he is (or strives to be) a real man. Manhood and womanhood isn't necessarily about what you have in your pants.

I'd say he's failing pretty badly right about now, though.

(in reply to BoundDown)

Post #: 46

RE: feeling abused - 3/27/2008 12:19:13 PM

lovingpet

Posts: 4270
Joined: 6/19/2005
Status: offline

I have seen abusive situations in which there was no out of control anger. Why was it still abuse? It was still abuse because someone chose to disregard boundaries and the basic needs of the other person. Your contract set up the boundaries and he broke it (according to your own account). You had a health need and he chose to not meet it. I will not scare you with the horror stories of abuse, though I think those who have did so only to assist you in making a decision that may well save your life.

I want you to look at these things and thing about these things happening in another context. Just the act of denying you your glasses would be punishable by law if it were done to a child by a parent. It is called medical neglect of a child. Neglect is a form of abuse, it is a passive-agressive form, but nonetheless damaging to the person neglected. Should your "daddy" be held to lower standards? I don't think so. Add to this the physical and emotional suffering you endured, there is no doubt except that which your heart allows. It is time to use your head and not your heart. Save the devotion in your heart for someone more deserving and, despite what you may think, there will be someone more deserving.

Warm wishes,
lovingpet

(in reply to Najakcharmer)

Post #: 47

RE: feeling abused - 3/27/2008 12:50:07 PM

tsatske

Posts: 2037
Joined: 3/9/2007
From: Louisville, KY
Status: offline

The not allowing her to buy her glasses is certainly abusive, in a power structure where one partner is allowed to make the decision for another partner. Power is to be used with great care, not abused. I really like the needs/Needs/Wants/wants dynamic someone suggested.
That said, it is possible that we don't have enough information. Perhaps, for instance, there was a fishing trip coming up which needed to be paid for this week. There is enough money for it in the fund for her glasses. There would be enough money for it, anyway, next month... so you are not so much denying her glasses as postponing them for a month. Depending on how badly she needs them (just the time of year to get a replacement pair? doing fine without them but still supposed to have them? or lost hers and can't see the nose on her face?) this might not be abuse, though it might be the kind of thing a couple might have a tiff over.
Leaving the agreed on, consensual aspects of their relationship, however, and doing violence in anger, is definitely abusive, IMO.

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(in reply to lovingpet)

Post #: 48

RE: feeling abused - 3/27/2008 4:19:51 PM

Kalista07

Posts: 4240
Joined: 7/1/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: BoundDown

if someone has to come here ans ask up for advice, then I doubt they were abused.

Or, perhaps could it be that they are in shock and need some sort of outside validation? Hm....Nah, i suppose You are right. Afterall, i was more than likely not raped, beaten, and assualted because as i was on my way home from the police station the first thing i did was IM a good friend and ask Him what had just happend....eh, You are probably right i probably made up everything including the physical scars and damage...
Good thing You are here to educate me.
Kali

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(in reply to BoundDown)

Post #: 49

RE: feeling abused - 3/27/2008 5:48:21 PM

Mastersplitlicke

Posts: 19
Joined: 2/7/2008
Status: offline

Why would you or anyone need to ask if that was abuse if what you wrote was correct and I believe it was......
Just think of how nice he would be if he reads these posts.
Get out of there and away from him, lets hope there are no kids involved

(in reply to christine1)

Post #: 50

RE: feeling abused - 3/27/2008 5:52:52 PM

KnightofMists

Posts: 7149
Joined: 7/29/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: ModeratorEleven

quote:

ORIGINAL: Pyrrsefanie

If you want confrontational, sweetie, you haven't seen ANYTHING yet. Bring it on if you've got the balls for it.

That would not be wise. Chill out, folks.

XI

AAAAAAAAAAWWWWWWWWWWW MOM!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

why can't you be cool like the other Mom's???

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Knight of Mists

An Optimal relationship is achieved when the individuals do what is best for themselves and their relationship.

(in reply to ModeratorEleven)

Post #: 51

RE: feeling abused - 3/27/2008 6:08:03 PM

rick19

Posts: 98
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: BoundDown

FR

I just wanted to make sure everyone was aware but I think that Hym really equals Her, its a female/female relationship just that one female is butch but not a man.
Abuse is wrong, so all you stat posters what do you have to say about girl on girl abuse?

LOL, the only thing that shows is that no one bothered to read her profile before giving her advice....her profile clearly states that she is a lesbian. But maybe everyone thought that the male was the abuser is because she posted it here, in the Maledom forum

(in reply to BoundDown)

Post #: 52

RE: feeling abused - 3/27/2008 6:47:55 PM

Missokyst

Posts: 6041
Joined: 9/9/2006
Status: offline

What does the sex matter? A punch is still a punch (so to speak) whether it is male or female. Whether or not it is abuse has nothing to do with sex. If my mate had tossed me onto the bed then he better well be fucking my hot wet cunt. If he (or she) had done it in anger for a pissy reason such as the one she stated then they better be prepared for the fallout.
As someone who lived with a man who would often browbeat me by following me around yelling at me until I gave in, I would say that is abuse. And I don't care if it was some guy, or some girl, or some heshe. An ass is still an ass.
Kyst

quote:

ORIGINAL: rick19

LOL, the only thing that shows is that no one bothered to read her profile before giving her advice....her profile clearly states that she is a lesbian. But maybe everyone thought that the male was the abuser is because she posted it here, in the Maledom forum

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pain is the breaking of the shell that encloses your understanding ~Gibran, Kahlil

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(in reply to rick19)

Post #: 53

RE: feeling abused - 3/28/2008 1:08:20 AM

saradeanna469

Posts: 49
Joined: 12/4/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Najakcharmer

Let's see, he stole money you needed for medical/functional reasons to go fishing, then beat you up when you said you had a problem with that. If you've really handed over all your freedom and ability to consent or withdraw consent in a TPE, then by your own agreement, he's within his rights. The question is whether you made the right decision as to the kind of person who should have those rights over you. I'd say probably not, so you either need to seriously re-negotiate your relationship and set boundaries, or get the fuck out. It sounds like neither of you are ready for a TPE.

I'm no expert on bdsm relationsahips, especially the TPE contracts, but I think that the context of the situation that occurred would need to be seriously taken into consideration. It's one thing if what he did to her was a part of a scene that she asked to be handled violently in and he obliged her... or even if she didn't ask for it but it was still obviously part of an on-going scene. It is quite another for that same violent act to occurr while she is getting ready for work and because she wanted to talk about why he spent her glasses money on something so frivolous as a fishing trip. That is clearly assault and battery and there is no excuse for it. I don't know about the other 49 states but I do know that in my state, TPE contracts are not legally binding and will most likely get a laugh out of a judge if presented as evidence.

Amberwarren: I find his/hys behavior appaling and completely unacceptable. This may sound strange considering that I'm involved in this site which deals heavily in the subject of how to inflict pain on people but I am very, very against the hitting of men and women. I know the difference between bdsm and abuse and there is no excuse for abuse. Good luck to you.

One more thing, Amber. Is he taking male hormones? If so, that could be the cause of his/hys lashing out like that. I've heard of it happening before.

< Message edited by saradeanna469 -- 3/28/2008 1:27:34 AM >

(in reply to Najakcharmer)

Post #: 54

RE: feeling abused - 3/28/2008 6:01:01 AM

DavidsGem

Posts: 51
Joined: 7/21/2007
Status: offline

Brightest Blessings

<<<TPE contracts are not legally binding and will most likely get a laugh out of a judge if presented as evidence.>>>>

any BDSM, D/s, M/s contract is not legally binding. As well that lovely whipping you receive is illegal as well, most of the percussion kind of play most of us participate in are considered assault, and you can not consent to an illegal act.

I rarely answer posts on here especially abuse claims, because of the way I have chosen to live my life, the acts he committed are perfectly "legal" actions in my relationship *shrugs* I would not consider it abuse, I would consider it a good time had by all.

OP you should look for a good therapist and face the emotional backlash that will no doubt happen to you because of this incident, you can not move forward into healthy relationships without examining the past and how it shaped you.

Just 2 cents from a stranger.

Blessed Be
Gem

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(in reply to saradeanna469)

Post #: 55

RE: feeling abused - 3/28/2008 6:25:12 AM

parttimehotty

Posts: 4002
Joined: 11/19/2007
From: Virginville
Status: offline

Definitely abuse. Feeling 80% safe is NOT good enough. Call a friend if you have no family in the area/stay there until you're able to get your own place (That is if you & he are living together).

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(in reply to amberwarren)

Post #: 56

RE: feeling abused - 3/28/2008 6:52:11 AM

kyraofMists

Posts: 3292
Joined: 7/29/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: rick19

LOL, the only thing that shows is that no one bothered to read her profile before giving her advice....her profile clearly states that she is a lesbian. But maybe everyone thought that the male was the abuser is because she posted it here, in the Maledom forum

First... I didn't read her profile....

Second.... I didn't make my OP to reference a Male .... I stated Dominant Partner

Third... One didn't have to read her profile..... Read the OP... note how she used the letter "Y" for masculine words... like Him, He.... was Hym, Hy..... though the OP did use His.... and didn't use Hys.... It can sometimes be hard to change learned acceptable spelling and gramma to something more specific.

EDITTED to add. this Post was done by the Owner of this slut in the picture!!! I really need to pay more attention to who is logged in on the computer...

KoM

< Message edited by kyraofMists -- 3/28/2008 6:55:19 AM >

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"Passion... it lies in all of us. Sleeping, waiting, and though unbidden, it will stir, open its jaws, and howl. It speaks to us, guides us... passion rules us all. And we obey..." ~Angelus

(in reply to rick19)

Post #: 57

RE: feeling abused - 3/28/2008 7:10:22 AM

pinkwind

Posts: 367
Joined: 1/9/2005
Status: offline

If this is the first indication that your Master is an abuser let it be the last as well.

i don't care that you have a TPE agreement or not, nobody has the right to hurt you in anger, abuse you, frighten the crap out of you and excuse it as being part of your relationship.

You deserve better than this, you are worth more than this, and i would advise you move out and on with your life and make a better, more safe relationship with someone else.

As an ex wife and abused woman all i can say is that i wish i had so many others telling me what i was too afraid to admit to myself, that i was with a man who could potentially kill me if i didn't leave him.

i wish you well, and hope you make the decision that is right for your future.

(in reply to kyraofMists)

Post #: 58

RE: feeling abused - 3/28/2008 8:10:11 AM

SimplyMichael

Posts: 7229
Joined: 1/7/2007
Status: offline

I don't care what fucking kind of relationship you are in, that was abuse, pure and simple.

Using anger to control another isn't D/s, it is abuse

Using violence and fear to cover up for the doms error is abuse.

Sometimes it isn't black and white, this is black and white and clearly abusive conduct.

(in reply to christine1)

Post #: 59

RE: feeling abused - 3/28/2008 11:57:21 AM

MisterStrongWill

Posts: 44
Joined: 12/31/2004
Status: offline

From my point of view it is abuse. A TPE contract is a very tricky thing I use them, using the money the way he did is ok. I personally would not deprive my slave of item she needs such as glasses, clothes,food, basic needs. I do limit style and price.
It may be time to review your situation. Feel free to contact me if you need some advice.

(in reply to amberwarren)

Post #: 60

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