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RE: feeling abused - 3/26/2008 4:43:29 PM

Leatherist

Posts: 5149
Joined: 12/11/2007
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Decide if you trust him now.

He decided unilateraly to use health care money for elective fun.

When you called him on it-he lost it to the point of attacking you.

If the answer to "Do I think he will do it again?"

Is yes-that's all the answer you need.

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(in reply to amberwarren)

Post #: 21

RE: feeling abused - 3/26/2008 4:45:22 PM

mastervalentine

Posts: 157
Joined: 3/9/2008
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quote:

ORIGINAL: amberwarren

i feel about 80% sure Hy won't try anything else. i am trying to decide whether to go home or not

I'm sorry, but having grown up in a violent home with a father who did what your "daddy" pulled today on a routine and consistant basis, the only advice I can give you is to get out, as fast as your legs can take you, and consider pursuing it from a legal angle. He abused you, and no amount of love or hope on your part can take that back.

It is never an easy thing to do, letting go is the hardest part. Find a friend, someone to confide in, if it makes it easier, but I believe you need to get away from that one. He's shown his colors, and trust me. Black and blue won't suit you.

_____________________________

"If philosophy has taught me any one thing, it is that a rushed action invites disaster." ~MasterValentine

Say not, 'I have found the truth,' but rather, 'I have found a truth.' Kahlil Gibran

(in reply to amberwarren)

Post #: 22

RE: feeling abused - 3/26/2008 4:47:16 PM

Leatherist

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Joined: 12/11/2007
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I agree. Once the dam is breached with an abuser-it becomes a recurring pattern.

Especially if you back down now-its like giving a green light.

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I'm not taking custom orders.

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Post #: 23

RE: feeling abused - 3/26/2008 5:02:36 PM

Lockit

Posts: 11292
Joined: 5/7/2007
Status: offline

Please, please listen to these folks. I worked in domestic abuse for many, many years. Once things turn physical, most often they do not stop. Things get worse. It might start with emotional or verble abuse... and sooner or later will quite often move to physical. Once physical and they get away with it, they will do it again in most cases. If you have somewhere else to go, please consider it. You are wavering now... maybe making light of certain things, afraid... in love... maybe feeling some guilt for some other incident... but what you are doing is very common. Still... please consider that most the people that responded to your post are in the lifestyle and disagree with what your 'daddy' did and most say it is abuse from what you have shared here.

I wish you the best. Sometimes one won't get out before it is too late. Sometimes some won't leave the first time and go back and forth for a while... but I hope you won't be one of these. He broke his word or agreement with you. When a person can't honor their word and are angry and have been physical in the way he was... they don't simply say they are sorry and never do it again. I'm sorry they don't, but go look at some domestic abuse sites... they may confirm what I have said.

I live every single day of my life with the results of domestic abuse... I am not angry, nor do I hate men. I love men! lol But you are in danger if he rages like that and I really wish you would just run. The police can stand by while you remove some personal belongings and in some states, if he abuses you, you can call the police, prove to them what has happened, an automatic protective order is issues and the person cannot come back to the place. Not that they won't try, but it wouldn't be legal. Please be wise.

(in reply to Leatherist)

Post #: 24

RE: feeling abused - 3/26/2008 5:03:01 PM

Frenzy

Posts: 5
Joined: 2/27/2008
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: amberwarren

thanks everyone for your validation. i am trying to decide now how to move forward.

Very quickly...and away from him.

Seriously, there's only one person here that can answer your question. And your question shouldn't be "Was that abuse?" but "Do I want to go through that again?". Ultimately, it's your decision.

My advice, given the limited facts: get out while you can.

(in reply to amberwarren)

Post #: 25

RE: feeling abused - 3/26/2008 5:09:04 PM

DesFIP

Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
Status: offline

Leave now. If you're bruised, have pictures taken. Go talk to the police about escorting you there to get your clothes. Don't tell him where you're going. Inform your boss that this has occurred and he needs to be escorted off the premises if he shows up. Should he show up at work or wherever you're staying, first call the police, then get an order of protection.

Stealing money needed so you can see is the act of the lowliest sort of human being on earth. Don't give him another chance. You deserve better.

_____________________________

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(in reply to christine1)

Post #: 26

RE: feeling abused - 3/26/2008 5:55:18 PM

Poetryinpain

Posts: 341
Joined: 3/20/2008
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One thing I have heard over and over again is, "A man should never strike a woman in anger." You called him on something he did that he probably knew was wrong, and he was unwilling to back down and admit the error of his ways. Taking the money needed for your glasses was thoughtless and abusive in itself. Would he have taken the money you needed for insulin if you were diabetic?

You need to go somewhere to get help - someone to stand by you, stand behind you, and give you minute-by-minute advice on how to handle this situation.

_____________________________

There is none so blind as he who will not see.

(in reply to DesFIP)

Post #: 27

RE: feeling abused - 3/26/2008 6:42:27 PM

KatyLied

Posts: 13029
Joined: 2/24/2005
From: Pennsylvania
Status: offline

quote:

i feel about 80% sure Hy won't try anything else.

Wow you are a brave (?) girl. I think you have bigger problems than not having new glasses.

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(in reply to amberwarren)

Post #: 28

RE: feeling abused - 3/26/2008 7:22:13 PM

KnightofMists

Posts: 7149
Joined: 7/29/2005
Status: offline

What concerns me about the OP is not so much the actions of the apparent Dominant of this relationship... but the fact that the OP had to ask the question in the first place.

quote:

was that abuse?

Individuals with Healthy boundaries are more than able to answer this question themselves.

To the OP....

Amber... you really need to take a serious look at your own personal boundaries. You need to understand what they are. Next you have to beable to communicate what those boundaries are to the stranger on street to a close intimate partner when you feel that they are endanger of being crossed. Then you need to be capable of standing up for those boundaries when someone crosses them.

PS... when a person ignores those boundaries that you have communicated to them... they have violated you... and if they continue to do so... they are abusing you.

So... was it abuse?.... I ask in return..... what are your boundaries?... and that is where you will find the answer for you.

_____________________________

Knight of Mists

An Optimal relationship is achieved when the individuals do what is best for themselves and their relationship.

(in reply to amberwarren)

Post #: 29

RE: feeling abused - 3/26/2008 8:15:26 PM

Aylee

Posts: 24103
Joined: 10/14/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: KnightofMists

What concerns me about the OP is not so much the actions of the apparent Dominant of this relationship... but the fact that the OP had to ask the question in the first place.

quote:

was that abuse?

Individuals with Healthy boundaries are more than able to answer this question themselves.

To the OP....

Amber... you really need to take a serious look at your own personal boundaries. You need to understand what they are. Next you have to beable to communicate what those boundaries are to the stranger on street to a close intimate partner when you feel that they are endanger of being crossed. Then you need to be capable of standing up for those boundaries when someone crosses them.

PS... when a person ignores those boundaries that you have communicated to them... they have violated you... and if they continue to do so... they are abusing you.

So... was it abuse?.... I ask in return..... what are your boundaries?... and that is where you will find the answer for you.

Wow! That is a fantastic answer!

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I don’t always wgah’nagl fhtagn. But when I do, I ph’nglui mglw’nafh R’lyeh.

(in reply to KnightofMists)

Post #: 30

RE: feeling abused - 3/26/2008 8:25:28 PM

MissHarlet

Posts: 2728
Joined: 9/11/2005
From: El Paso , TX US
Status: offline

If you have to ask ... you already know the answer ... it is abuse....... Good luck and remember you have to take care of yourself first and foremost

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To be respected you must be respectful, to be loved you must be willing to love,
to be trusted you must be willing to trust.

(in reply to christine1)

Post #: 31

RE: feeling abused - 3/26/2008 8:32:05 PM

psykocloud

Posts: 50
Joined: 1/25/2006
Status: offline

Damn straight it was abuse.....I would not put up with it again. I would probably leave, ask out of my contract....

(in reply to christine1)

Post #: 32

RE: feeling abused - 3/26/2008 9:04:12 PM

Pyrrsefanie

Posts: 1222
Joined: 9/18/2007
From: NEW HAMPSHAAAAAAH!
Status: offline

Yeah... um... TPE or not, that's just fucked up what he did to you. You could have been seriously injured.

Trust me when I say that no matter how hard they apologize for losing their cool the first time, there's always going to be a second time, and it's just going to get progressively worse once he realizes he can beat you up as hard as he wants and you're not going to leave.

An old friend of mine was an ER nurse and told me the story of a woman who came in beaten so badly they weren't even sure it was a woman on first glance. Nearly every bone in her body was broken, clumps of her hair had been pulled out, she'd been violated in every orifice with what they guessed was an inanimate object to the point of ripping and tearing, most of her teeth had been knocked out... the fucker basically used her for batting practice. She came in unconscious and never woke up. The guy who did this to her was her "Master," who, as it turns out, had been beating the shit out of her in a non-kinky way for a long while. And she kept going to him, because according to her friends, she didn't think she was being abused. It started out as bruises and ended in her death, which, by the way, being beaten to death is an excruiciatingly slow and painful way to die.

I wish I could scrounge up the news story on it's been a couple of years and I'm no longer in contact with him. He was in Kansas City, though, if anybody in the area is familiar with that case.

I'm sorry if that shocked you or made you sick to your stomach, but you know what, I'm a believer in tough love and not sugarcoating reality. I'm not saying that this guy is for-sure going to end up killing you someday but he's going to continue to make your life a living Hell, and there are many long-lasting injuries you can get from beatings that are much worse than death.

Plus, WTF, he's beating you up because you bought new glasses instead of letting him go on his fishing trip? You know, I could see him being pissed off if you spent his money on a pair of $300 Gucci sunglasses that you didn't need, although it still wouldn't warrant him beating you up when you wouldn't stop and listen to his lecture... but your fucking glasses that you need to see?

Honey, I don't know if you're staying with him because you've got self-esteem issues and don't think you can do any better, or maybe you're just looking for a daddy figure in your life, and really there are guys out there who would be more than happy to treat you like their little princess... but this fucker isn't it. He's not. He's a control freak in a very bad way, and my advice to you is to get the Hell out of Dodge as fast as you can.

(in reply to psykocloud)

Post #: 33

RE: feeling abused - 3/26/2008 9:07:00 PM

BoundDown

Posts: 76
Joined: 11/25/2007
Status: offline

FR

I just wanted to make sure everyone was aware but I think that Hym really equals Her, its a female/female relationship just that one female is butch but not a man.
Abuse is wrong, so all you stat posters what do you have to say about girl on girl abuse?

(in reply to Pyrrsefanie)

Post #: 34

RE: feeling abused - 3/26/2008 9:11:45 PM

Pyrrsefanie

Posts: 1222
Joined: 9/18/2007
From: NEW HAMPSHAAAAAAH!
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: BoundDown
Abuse is wrong, so all you stat posters what do you have to say about girl on girl abuse?

It's equally as wrong as man on woman abuse. Sex does not exclude someone from the general rule that beating the shit out of someone with intent to inflict harm is fucked up and wrong.

Go ahead and change all incidences of "he" with "she" and "Master" with "Mistress" if it offends you so.

(in reply to BoundDown)

Post #: 35

RE: feeling abused - 3/26/2008 9:15:40 PM

stef

Posts: 10215
Joined: 1/26/2004
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: BoundDown

FR

I just wanted to make sure everyone was aware but I think that Hym really equals Her, its a female/female relationship just that one female is butch but not a man.

So?

quote:

Abuse is wrong, so all you stat posters what do you have to say about girl on girl abuse?

It's wrong no matter who the abuser/abused are. It doesn't get much more simple than that.

~stef

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(in reply to BoundDown)

Post #: 36

RE: feeling abused - 3/26/2008 9:27:15 PM

Leatherist

Posts: 5149
Joined: 12/11/2007
Status: offline

I knew a local girl here in the seattle area a few years back. Her "master" started pulling the same shit about a year before she left him-he was poly and the wife thought that was just part of being a slave-or that was the bs he used to cover it.

She finally had enough and moved out into a hotel. The fucker started by cutting the radiator hoses on her car-she started it up not knowing (rain had washed away the traces) and the engine burned up. Filed a police report-no one could prove it was him.

He kept after her-and she let him come over to the hotel. She wouldn't go back, and he beat her severely. She filed a police report and he was arrested. A few days later she had a stroke from a blood clot from the beating that broke loose. Ended up paralyzed on one side from it-had to have a state appointed caregiver take care of her. Meanwhile, the courts convicted him of first degree assault and battery-he plead guilty on advice of his lawyer and got three months in jail. It was a first offense, so it was basically a slap on the wrist.

Last I heard, she left the state with no forwarding address. Fortunately, the damage from the stroke was not permanent..I hope she's doing well-it shows you the lengths that some of these crazy fuckers will go to.

_____________________________

My shop is currently segueing into production mode.

I'm not taking custom orders.

(in reply to Pyrrsefanie)

Post #: 37

RE: feeling abused - 3/26/2008 9:32:54 PM

BoundDown

Posts: 76
Joined: 11/25/2007
Status: offline

I am not offended just amused by all the "real men don't hit woman in anger" retoric.
Abuse is a personal thing and if someone has to come here ans ask up for advice, then I doubt they were abused. That senerio, in this home, would be considered forplay or what I call a "hit and run", but while the actions would be the same the intent may not be, but it is not for me to judge. I don't jump on bandwagons w/ only one side of the story from someone that may not even be telling it acurately, but once again it is not for me to judge.

My only comment was to the stat throwers to pull that rabbit out of their hats....which was not done, but thank you for your comment anyway, even if it was useless and dare I say a smit confrentational.

(in reply to BoundDown)

Post #: 38

RE: feeling abused - 3/26/2008 9:45:43 PM

Pyrrsefanie

Posts: 1222
Joined: 9/18/2007
From: NEW HAMPSHAAAAAAH!
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: BoundDown
My only comment was to the stat throwers to pull that rabbit out of their hats....which was not done, but thank you for your comment anyway, even if it was useless and dare I say a smit confrentational.

Pot, kettle, black.

The only useless comments in this thread have been yours, which seem to be intended for nothing but stirring up trouble.

If you want confrontational, sweetie, you haven't seen ANYTHING yet. Bring it on if you've got the balls for it.

(in reply to BoundDown)

Post #: 39

RE: feeling abused - 3/26/2008 10:07:45 PM

Ryeguy91

Posts: 28
Joined: 10/9/2007
From: Pittsburgh
Status: offline

For obvious safety reasons, acting in anger is NEVER acceptable. Get away while you can.

RG

(in reply to Pyrrsefanie)

Post #: 40

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