BitaTruble
Posts: 9779
Joined: 1/12/2006
From: Texas
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quote:
ORIGINAL: MastersVoice
Et Al:
I find it quite disconcerning that so many so called masters/doms, misteresses/dommes do not want members of the opposite sex to speak to the person that they want to have control over.
Will you define 'so many' because that has not been my experience in any way. In fact, I'd say that relatively few dominants take that approach in any sort of long term relationship. For a new relationship, in which a dominant is teaching another how to serve, I do not see this as isolationist at all. Dominants having the desire of the complete focus of their slave/submissive seems to me to be quite natural. Here's the thing that strikes me though .. your complaint is that slaves/submissives are not allowed to speak to members of the opposite sex so those folks are not, actually, being isolated at all. They are still allowed to have a network in place, it's just restricted and if it doesn't include 'you' in particular, well, why should it? How 'you' would Master is not going to be the same as how someone else does, so your input into someone else's relationship really wouldn't make a whole lot of sense. Any advice which you believe is important can be offered via a same gender/orientation network or put to the forums in a generic manner. I guess what I'm failing to see is why you are having a problem with something that doesn't really come across as a problem?
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Are they so frightened that someone else will come along and talk that individual away from them?
Well, that could be true, but it could also be for any other number of reasons. I think it would be a mistake to make the assumption that fear is the 'only' (or even the most often utilized) reason someone would not allow their relationship to be open to other folks.
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If that be the case, then the it is likely the only control you have over them in the first place is FEAR and fear is NOT a factor on which to base a lasting relationship.
I believe that would depend on the level of fear. A little bit of fear can add to an M/s dynamic. Most relationships, however, are not built on any single factor. Honestly, if a slave/submissive is just afraid of someone, do you really believe they will continue to pursue a relationship at all? Most of the time there are going to be several other elements which mingle together and create the 'whole'. I seriously doubt, of all the issues there are which can go wrong and cause a relationship to disintegrate, not allowing a slave/submissive to speak to someone of the opposite gender is going to be pretty far down on the list.
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To those who allow themselves to be placed in such a relationship, I caution you greatly, if a person restricts your ability to have any contact with anyone for any reason, then you should watch out for this individual for in most cases this means that they are weak.
This is completely different from what you said in your first paragraph. You have gone from speaking of restriction of speech to a certain orientation/gender to complete and total isolation and, your words are absolutely meaningless here because those to whom you are writing obviously are not completely isolated or they would not be able to read this forum at all. Unless you are trying to 'prevent' someone from getting into the situation in the first place, it appears as though you have a specific agenda and, it doesn't seem to be all that 'white knight' to me given your journal entries.
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That they are afraid that they cannot keep control of themselves let alone keep control over someone else and WILL in most cases loose their tempers when you attempt to make contact with people.
Pure conjecture on your part with absolutely no basis in fact. Since you are not allowed to speak to those slaves and don't partake of that dynamic yourself, at best you may have a few experiences with a select handful of folks for whom this has been a truth. No where near enough evidence to say 'most' or 'will'.
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These people should be avoided at ALL COST, or at least until they have grown in their ability to trust in themselves with the confidencse that by allowing those under their control the ability to communicate with others will not jeapordize the relationship. (This does not pretain to restritions which are used during training sessions and restricted to those training sessions only, not set for a 24/7/365 factor.)
::shakes head:: Not everyone is going to comply with your One True Way of mastery. Believe it or not, there are plenty of folks who have been having a grand time doing exactly what you caution 'against' because their way is not your way and it works for them. You might want to take a break from riding that white horse you're charging around on because you're passing by the scenery so quickly, you're not stopping to see what the side roads have to offer.
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Those who enter into any submissive or slave situation MUST remember that you should always remain true to yourself.
And if your true self includes a life of addiction, of friends who would influence you in ways which are detrimental, of making bad choices, and isolation is the best and most expediant way to turn around the head of someone who is on a very destructive path.. what say you then? I would caution the use of absolutes when moderate speech can, quite often, be much more effective. Even better, keep it personal and speak to what you 'know' for 'you' rather than what you believe to be a universal truth.
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Your gift of surrender is very precious and MUST be earned, NOT taken or stolen away from you.
Well, I can only say that for me, I give no gift. I don't want to skip along a primrose path with a dandy in powdered wig. I thrive under the Beast, the man of strength and power who can rip the soul right out of me, eat it and keep it safe within his own breast. That's what keeps me by his side and on my knees. My power must be taken because I will never give it freely away. Prove you can earn it by conquest, keep it by consistancy and you can be Blackbeard for all I care which just goes to show how different we all are and why there is no right way.. there is only 'your' way and 'my' way.
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Those who take these gifts with malice are no more than thieves and truly have NO place in our lifestyle.
Of course they have a place in 'our' lifestyle .. they just have no place in 'your' lifestyle, so don't be one of them. Remain true to yourself and realize that for others that just means something different.
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To remain true to yourelf will always greatly enhance the relationship on which you and your partner or partners develop. Be it over a few weeks, months or a lifetime.
Not always, but usually. Again, if you speak in moderation instead of absolutes, you are more likely to be heard as speaking with substance instead of agenda.
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However, there will be many who will not agree with this. For they are of the mind set that things in this life must be taken, slaves and subs must be brutaly forced to surrender and never allowed contact with anyone outside their so called relationship.
I believe this thinking to be exception rather than rule but I have zero issues with even the exceptions because no one is going to be aware of the reasons behind the actions and the isolation and they may be necessary for the good of the parties and the relationship.
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It is also these people who you will see in most cases who continually seek new people to replace those they have used up, to replace the abused which have sought shelter elsewhere or those who have wised up enough to leave before they are forever harmed. Further, you will also see in most cases that it is these same people who have a great deal of trouble adapting to life in general and have problems with their work life, home life and lives in dealing with those around them in general. While this may not be true in all cases it is more true than not.
Do you have a source of reference for what you are claiming here?
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If someone is so insecure that they will not allow you to communicate with others, be very aware of that peson's on ability to communicate.
Two things: first, just because a dominant may isolate you does not mean they are insecure and second, just because they don't want you to communicate with others doesn't mean they are not completely capable of communication themselves. That line of thinking would fit in with your agenda, but it's not very realistic to make those assumptions.
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Not only with you, but with everyone in their life as well.
Again, you have no frame of reference or any basis on which to declare this to be a statement of fact. You are speaking about a select few who, by your own admission you can't communicate with because they won't allow it, then draw conclusions not only on their status as a dominant but on the relationships they have or maintain in every other part of their lives.
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Be very careful of the situation of which you are about to enter and do so carefully. Communication is the key factor in ALL relationships. Good luck in your search, your journey, your life.
As It Is,
~Masters Voice~
You would have fared much better to have had this last paragraph as your 'only' paragraph.
Now, you have spoken to quite a few folks about your experience, so if you are going to continually list such, please, what experience do you have? Are you a founder of APEX? Demo or teach on a local or national level? Perhaps you are an author of M/s, D/s or BDSM books? I mean, do you have a problem with giving folks at least some idea of where you got all your experience, where the notions you have come from and what, exactly, it is that you are hoping to do with this thread?
Celeste
edited for a few typos and to add: By the way, your journal violates TOS, so before you try to start dictating some sort of rule set to anyone else, you might want to consider follow the ones which are already in place yourself.
< Message edited by BitaTruble -- 3/27/2008 1:21:36 PM >
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"Oh, so it's just like Rock, paper, scissors." He laughed. "You are the wisest woman I know."
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