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Would you if you could? - 3/27/2008 5:19:27 PM

Twicehappy2x

Posts: 1096
Joined: 3/27/2007
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Would you if you could?

If it were possible for your friends, family, neighbors, to know what type of lifestyle you live, either a sub/slave or a Dom/Domme or a switch, and be accepting of your choice, would you tell them?

Here is what set me to thinking about this question.

Recently during my apparently never ending search for another subbie for our little family i asked if the person i was speaking to was willing to do poly. The reply i got stated that yes, they would, but how did we explain our living situation to other folks, friends, neighbors and the like.

After a few more emails i became aware of their true concern. Basically they were asking what our cover story for the situation was. Apparently this individual would not be willing to enter into a M/s or D/s relationship where their position as the sub or slave was publicly known.

Now in this house we are lifestyle open. All our families know. Most people we know and anybody who visits this house are very aware of our situation. That is to say quite bluntly, they know i am a slave, the collar i wear is very plain to see, literally and figuratively speaking. And i always call Scooter Master, at home, out to dinner, in Wal-Mart; it does not matter where we are.

So, would you if you could?

A note here before i get flamed with lack of concern for other folks families; I did explain to this individual that if they were collared whether or not it would be visible collar folks around here would know what they were regardless. I also explained that what they told their family would be up to them of course, and that we would support their decision in that respect.

< Message edited by Twicehappy2x -- 3/27/2008 5:27:50 PM >

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Post #: 1

RE: Would you if you could? - 3/27/2008 5:35:27 PM

lally3

Posts: 595
Joined: 3/4/2008
Status: offline

i told my closest g/f everything and two days later in the dentists she found herself in the possession of a Dom - bitch!

my mother would faint, my brothers wouldnt understand atall and my dad would probably just smile and reminis over the times he had my mum otk on at least one occasion that i remember very clearly.

would i tell them, no, probably not, but i wouldnt hide the dynamic and they would see i was happy and let it be.

oh!... im indecent.. cool!

< Message edited by lally3 -- 3/27/2008 5:37:27 PM >

(in reply to Twicehappy2x)

Post #: 2

RE: Would you if you could? - 3/27/2008 5:41:19 PM

katie978

Posts: 352
Joined: 7/21/2007
Status: offline

I've told the majority of my friends, and none of them were overly suprised. I could picture telling my mother and sister, my very close family. However, my extended family wouldn't understand, and as such, I wouldn't ever tell them.

However, I think poly is a little bit different. Even in a D/s relationship, if the standard man-woman routine is followed (or man-man, woman-woman, other-other), vanilla people can chalk it up to bedroom antics. When you bring in more people, that's crossing into completely different territory. I would still tell the people that I loved, but explaining it to aquaintances would be somewhat more difficult.

My problem is with the very publicness of you folk's relationship. Calling master master in Walmart seems to be crossing a line, what with the unmentionables and hapless old ladies wandering around there. I doubt I'd flaunt an obviously unusual relationship in public like that. Going shopping with 3, no big deal. Screaming across the store- "MASTER! You could totally spank us with this!!"-not cool in mine eyes.

(in reply to Twicehappy2x)

Post #: 3

RE: Would you if you could? - 3/27/2008 5:46:50 PM

midgetmafiosa

Posts: 195
Joined: 3/23/2008
From: Maine, and SLC, UT
Status: offline

I am still apparently a New England Puritan in this regard. My mother nearly had a heart attack when she found a toybag of mine. And that had nothing really scary in it. I think part of it's because I'm new, but I actually like the "behind closed doors" aspect of it all. Makes it more seductive.

(in reply to katie978)

Post #: 4

RE: Would you if you could? - 3/27/2008 5:49:47 PM

Noah

Posts: 1660
Joined: 7/5/2005
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quote:

ORIGINAL: Twicehappy2x

Would you if you could?

If it were possible for your friends, family, neighbors, to know what type of lifestyle you live ...

I don't live a lifestyle and I hope you don't either.

I live an actual life, and I hope you do too. Some of my life is public, some of it is private. I hope that altogether it reflects healthy psychological boundaries.

Don't you wish everybody's did?

< Message edited by Noah -- 3/27/2008 5:52:24 PM >

(in reply to Twicehappy2x)

Post #: 5

RE: Would you if you could? - 3/27/2008 5:51:04 PM

batshalom

Posts: 1990
Joined: 9/17/2007
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I don't see the need to overtly tell or to overtly hide, just like if I were a heterosexual monogamous traditional woman I wouldn't feel the need to disclose that either. The people who want to know can ask, and if I trust them enough maybe I'll share a thing or two. It would all depend on why that person needed / wanted to know and who that person was to me.

(in reply to katie978)

Post #: 6

RE: Would you if you could? - 3/27/2008 5:51:29 PM

SailingBum

Posts: 3225
Joined: 12/10/2007
From: Sailin the stormy sea
Status: offline

In a word NO. As a rule I do not discuss my sex life with anyone. mom dad family friends ppl on the street. Much the same way I don't discuss my salary.

BadOne

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(in reply to Twicehappy2x)

Post #: 7

RE: Would you if you could? - 3/27/2008 5:54:15 PM

Lynnxz

Posts: 4813
Joined: 10/3/2006
From: Atlanta
Status: offline

I'd never casually flaunt what I do in front of people that probably don't want to hear it. What mom wants to hear, "Moommm? Why is that lady licking that man's boots in the fruit aisle???"

A few people know... sort of. If a vanilla-ish person asks, I generally end up telling them I'm a "Dominatrix" Less explaining to do. ^_^

< Message edited by Lynnxz -- 3/27/2008 5:56:44 PM >

(in reply to SailingBum)

Post #: 8

RE: Would you if you could? - 3/27/2008 6:03:31 PM

YourhandMyAss

Posts: 5516
Joined: 6/25/2006
From: Sacramento
Status: offline

I already have told my mom and my dad know I am into bdsm and so does my biological brother and his wife. And any one I'd become friends with has to be aware of the kink community and ok with it at least on some level cause I refuse to keep the biggest part of me from people I am friends with. And frankly if any one finds out and they're not ok with it I don't care, I will continue to be me who I am with or with out their approval.

quote:

ORIGINAL: Twicehappy2x

Would you if you could?

If it were possible for your friends, family, neighbors, to know what type of lifestyle you live, either a sub/slave or a Dom/Domme or a switch, and be accepting of your choice, would you tell them?

(in reply to Twicehappy2x)

Post #: 9

RE: Would you if you could? - 3/27/2008 6:07:43 PM

Real_Trouble

Posts: 471
Joined: 2/25/2008
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No, I wouldn't.

I am an intensely private person, and there are many details about myself and my life, many unrelated to kink, that I prefer not to advertise.

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Send lawyers, guns, and money.

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Post #: 10

RE: Would you if you could? - 3/27/2008 6:07:57 PM

lighthearted

Posts: 1165
Joined: 11/26/2006
Status: offline

no, I don't think I would. frankly, it would be just too much of a hassle to explain something I don't really feel the need to explain.

that being said, I don't live with my daddy. if I did, I'd be more inclined to say he was my boyfriend or some other 'nilla label, but again, nothing explicit. for me, kink is a "need to know" kinda thing.

_____________________________

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(in reply to Twicehappy2x)

Post #: 11

RE: Would you if you could? - 3/27/2008 6:16:01 PM

Skully7000

Posts: 377
Joined: 7/22/2007
Status: offline

overall I'm pretty open... in try to stop short of Bragging about it..

but when it comes to family I admit I flat out LIE. I admit that I"m heavily into the Goth Scene and chalk up anything They have seen in that regards simply to Fashion.

I've been relativly open with my parents about the Poly thing just not using as many words... I joke when they ask " How's your G/F" and I respond with "which one? "

they just assume that means that the relationship is not as serious as it is.

as for Poly Households... depends on the circumstances... my g/f lives in one and in some cases she talks about her daddy... in others its about her "other" boyfriend in other cases he is the Roomate.

(in reply to YourhandMyAss)

Post #: 12

RE: Would you if you could? - 3/27/2008 6:18:35 PM

BRNaughtyAngel

Posts: 1821
Status: offline

His friends know, and even if they don't completely understand our relationship, they accept it.

I shared my personal details with my only two close friends many months ago.... they thought they could accept it and me, but couldn't. I walked away from those friendships.

Two members of my family know certain details of my relationship, but not all. I wanted to make sure that someone reasonably open-minded knew some things because if something were to happen to me and I were found covered in marks from our play time, I didn't want Him accused of abuse.

Other than that, no, I feel that in my case, even if there were some miraculous acceptance, it would invite too much familiarity into my personal life........ and I just know that would lead to problems.

(in reply to Twicehappy2x)

Post #: 13

RE: Would you if you could? - 3/27/2008 6:24:33 PM

Missokyst

Posts: 6041
Joined: 9/9/2006
Status: offline

Nope, I wouldn't tell people because I don't see the point. I don't want to know their business, I don't ask to go into their bedrooms, or check out their cabinets. I never understood why someone would want everyone to know how they live their lives.
Kyst

_____________________________

pain is the breaking of the shell that encloses your understanding ~Gibran, Kahlil

“The truth is, everyone is going to hurt you. You just got to find the ones worth suffering for.”
― Bob Marley

(in reply to Twicehappy2x)

Post #: 14

RE: Would you if you could? - 3/27/2008 6:29:50 PM

MasochistToy

Posts: 21
Joined: 1/18/2008
Status: offline

We are not open in public due to personal circumstances that make it impossible to be so, but I don't have any problem with anyone who is. I wish we could be more open. Although I do agree with some who say that the added element of secrets make part of the life delicious. I don't live a lifestyle either though. This is my life. I call Daddy Daddy nearly everywhere we go. I am proud to be his, and proud of who I am. I just live in an area and have a job and exhusband who would not tolerate what we do if it were public.
My family does know a few aspects of our life, and I am openly deferential to Daddy at all times, but I have not gotten that huge painslut tattoo across my forehead.

_____________________________

"Though time refeather the wing, ankle slip the ring, the once confined thing is never again free."

Daddys Masochist

(in reply to BRNaughtyAngel)

Post #: 15

RE: Would you if you could? - 3/27/2008 6:35:35 PM

christine1

Posts: 6155
Joined: 12/15/2007
From: i'm headed to HIM...
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my best friend in the world knows. as far as telling my family, no i wouldn't....it's none of their business as far as i'm concerned.

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He's the "boom" overwhelming...

He is my Master, my lover, my best friend my everything.

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Post #: 16

RE: Would you if you could? - 3/27/2008 6:45:24 PM

ophelialocke

Posts: 127
Joined: 9/2/2007
Status: offline

Some know some don't.
Some I have told some have found out.
Some I have thought about telling but changed my mind, for now.
Some want to talk to me about it some don't.
Most people I know who are also "this way" don't know many private details.
Few people actually care, actually, what I do as long as I am happy.

(in reply to christine1)

Post #: 17

RE: Would you if you could? - 3/27/2008 6:49:31 PM

mzbehavin

Posts: 253
Joined: 1/15/2008
Status: offline

Enough gossip flies around this small town with out me adding ammunition. No i wouldnt tell. My sex life, personal life and home life are no ones business.
Say you are "out" and proudly so, it may work fine for you, but maybe your 10 year old sons friends mom and dad dont get it and liljr. isnt allowed to play at your house anymore.
What is fine for you may have a negative impact on someone else, even though unintentional, its something i'd not risk.
If you mean~ in a fantasy way where everyone loves and accepts you for who you are and what you are in the lifestyle and thinks its all wonderful, well thats not realistic. Not in the near future.

(in reply to christine1)

Post #: 18

RE: Would you if you could? - 3/27/2008 6:52:56 PM

DiurnalVampire

Posts: 8125
Joined: 1/19/2006
From: Nashville, TN
Status: offline

I wouldnt. I am too private for that. Those who are already accepting already know. The others dont know either becasue Id rather they not know details, or because thats just not the type of things we talk about. Friends are one thing, but mine are pretty much accepting. Family, though, doesnt get details about my relationships, vanilla or not.

_____________________________

I will be your Dominate if you will be my submit - Fox

Snarko Ergo Sum
If you cannot change your mind, how are you so sure you still have one? -proverb

*Owner of Fox - collared 10/13/07*
VampiresLair

(in reply to mzbehavin)

Post #: 19

RE: Would you if you could? - 3/27/2008 6:54:39 PM

OmegaG

Posts: 1474
Joined: 10/23/2007
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Mafiosa, can you blame her? Poor lady.

I would not tell my family if I could. Some parts of my life are just meant to be private. Very few people are given a peek and nobody gets details.

Now, in reality, I can't even get my mother to accept the fact that I don't believe in marriage.

_____________________________

Regret for the things we did can be tempered by time; it is regret for the things we did not do that is inconsolable. Sydney J. Harris

Sex without pain is like food without taste.
- de Sade

(in reply to midgetmafiosa)

Post #: 20

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