RE: ~~Let's be Friends.....Now can I see you Naked??~~

Collarspace Discussion Forums

Home Login Search

RE: Let's be Friends.....Now can I see you Naked??

View related threads: (in this forum | in all forums)

Logged in as: Guest

All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> General BDSM Discussion >> RE: ~~Let's be Friends.....Now can I see you Naked??~~

Page: << < prev 1 [2] 3 4 5 next > >>

Login

Message

<< Older Topic Newer Topic >>

RE: ~~Let's be Friends.....Now can I see you Naked??~~ - 3/28/2008 6:55:50 PM

DesFIP

Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
Status: offline

When you started asking them things about themselves, what kind of things were you looking for?

See any time I become friends with someone I don't have a list of questions. I don't try to figure them out. I let them share what they want to, and if I feel comfortable, then I share stuff myself. But I don't talk about sex, BDSM or relationships with guys. Because that changes the dynamics of the situation.

I talk about vanilla stuff, just like I do with my brother in law. Weather, movies, art, cars, music - stuff that doesn;t carry overtones. But a man claiming to want friendship who started sending out sexual and/or dominant undertones is not a guy who wants to be my friend. See, my friends don't try to boss me around or lead the conversation all the time. They don't demand that I share stuff I don't want to share. And that's why they're my friends and not my dom/me.

_____________________________

Slave to laundry

Cynical and proud of it!

(in reply to lusciouslips19)

Post #: 21

RE: ~~Let's be Friends.....Now can I see you Naked??~~ - 3/28/2008 7:03:17 PM

Aileen1968

Posts: 6062
Joined: 12/12/2007
From: I miss Shore, New Jersey
Status: offline

Most normal people actually like their friends. So why be surprised that you want to do something physically and mentally enjoyable with someone you like.

_____________________________

(in reply to SteelofUtah)

Post #: 22

RE: ~~Let's be Friends.....Now can I see you Naked??~~ - 3/28/2008 7:03:43 PM

Vendaval

Posts: 10297
Joined: 1/15/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: SteelofUtah

So the QUESTIONS?

Do you think it is really possible for Male Dom's and Female subs to be friends when there is flirting involved or when the friendship is emotionally involved?

Yes

Do you think that a Female Domme can be frineds with a Male sub and keep it STRICTLY Platonic?

Yes

And do you think that they relationships can be sustained when one person is interested in the other for any reason.?

Yes, but only if both parties are very clear about their wants, needs and desires.

When Sex is involved, or rather sexual attraction, can Friendship actually be achieved?

Yes, of course.

Do you often think that just because the person being your friend discusses sexuality with you that they are only intersted in having sex with you?

No, they often are trying to learn something about themselves or figure out an issue with their partner.

How is frindship in this lifestyle supposed to be sustained in this lifestyle if everyone simply assumes the worst of the other person?

It is better to have a neutral stance while simultaneously hoping for the best and preparing for the worst.

_____________________________

"Beware, the woods at night, beware the lunar light.
So in this gray haze we'll be meating again, and on that
great day, I will tease you all the same."
"WOLF MOON", OCTOBER RUST, TYPE O NEGATIVE

http://KinkMeet.co.uk

(in reply to SteelofUtah)

Post #: 23

RE: ~~Let's be Friends.....Now can I see you Naked??~~ - 3/28/2008 7:07:02 PM

BitaTruble

Posts: 9779
Joined: 1/12/2006
From: Texas
Status: offline

quote:

So the QUESTION? Do you think it is really possible for Male Dom's and Female subs to be friends when there is flirting involved or when the friendship is emotionally involved?

I think it's possible, but not probable. The male/female friendship is not the same as a f/f or m/m friendship. The battle of the sexes rages on and adding in orientation just complicates it all. I mean, honestly, you don't flirt with your guy friends do you, so you are automatically putting a female into a category which goes beyond 'friend' because there is an automatic possibility there for 'more' than friendship. If you try to push that or take advantage of it, just see how quickly you lose that friendship.

quote:

Do you think that a Female Domme can be frineds with a Male sub and keep it STRICTLY Platonic? And do you think that they relationships can be sustained when one person is interested in the other for any reason.

Again, I think it's possible but not probable and if one party is interested and the other is not, the one interested is probably going to end up allowing their feelings to hurt them in the long run.

quote:

When Sex is involved, or rather sexual attraction, can Friendship actually be achieved?

Sure, I've had fuck buddies and we were able to remain friends after the sex because we were friends 'first' as in the friendship was the priority with us, not the sex. So, yes, I know for a fact that can work because I've made it work myself. I don't think, though, that it's common and most people probably shouldn't get involved in fuck buddy type situations. I'd think it would, generally, lead to hard feelings because many do equate having sex with having a relationship and by that I mean a relationship beyond friendship.

quote:

Do you often think that just because the person being your friend discusses sexuality with you that they are only intersted in having sex with you?

Not at all, but unless they were already a 'very' good friend, I wouldn't discuss my sex life or sexuality with them in the first place. "My" sex life should not be the topic of conversation unless I'm the one who brings it up. Otherwise it's just snoopy and rude.

quote:

How is frindship in this lifestyle supposed to be sustained in this lifestyle if everyone simply assumes the worst of the other person?

It's easy when boundaries aren't pushed. Reading through your OP, it seems you have a bit of a problem in pushing too quickly. Friendships 'develop' over time. I don't think friendships should ever go faster than is comfortable with both parties. I'm picky about my friends and as such, the friendships I form tend to last for a very long time. I don't put pressure on my friends, ever, to be more than friends. Look at your behavior and honestly evaluate whether or not your behavior can be construed as pressure. I mean, all those women are running from you for some reason .. and it's been several, not just one and the only thing they all have in common is you.

Celeste

_____________________________

"Oh, so it's just like
Rock, paper, scissors."

He laughed. "You are the wisest woman I know."

(in reply to SteelofUtah)

Post #: 24

RE: ~~Let's be Friends.....Now can I see you Naked??~~ - 3/28/2008 7:08:05 PM

ELUSIVE1

Posts: 536
Joined: 9/11/2005
Status: offline

I always question why a man online that has never met me face to face wants to be my friend...really, what is it exatly you are wanting out of this online friendship? I have lots of male friends that I talk to online, but those are r/t friends that we talk online rather than on the phone...guess my history is just that men asked to be friends, then they want pictures, if you bring up sex at all they want details (I visualize them behind the screen wacking off)..I guess online friends are fine for some, but I want someone local that will meet me for a drink after a tough day, or go to the park and throw frisbee with me....

_____________________________

"Words have no power to impress the mind without the exquisite horror of their reality"

*Poe
http://alt.com/blog/ELUSIVE1NC
http://users.adultspace.com/ELUSIVE1NC/

(in reply to lusciouslips19)

Post #: 25

RE: ~~Let's be Friends.....Now can I see you Naked??~~ - 3/28/2008 7:13:52 PM

faerytattoodgirl

Posts: 5824
Status: offline

unfortunately nobody can see me naked until my main photo is approved..oh and pix #3,4 need approval...so im still waiting.

hahaha its like they are reading the boards!! OMG too funny. theyre up

< Message edited by faerytattoodgirl -- 3/28/2008 7:15:53 PM >

_____________________________

I did not reply to your cmail.

I am flawed.

Imperfect.

MUST SPANK!!!

SPAAAAAAAANK!!!

(in reply to SteelofUtah)

Post #: 26

RE: ~~Let's be Friends.....Now can I see you Naked??~~ - 3/28/2008 7:32:58 PM

lusciouslips19

Posts: 9792
Joined: 9/8/2007
Status: offline

Wooo Hoooo, Faery's Showing some tittie! can I touch???

_____________________________

Original Pimpette,
Keeper of Original Home Flag and Fire of Mr. Lance Hughes
Charter member of Lance's Fag Hags,
Member of the Subbie Mafia
Princess of typos and it's my prerogative

(in reply to faerytattoodgirl)

Post #: 27

RE: ~~Let's be Friends.....Now can I see you Naked??~~ - 3/28/2008 7:37:49 PM

MasterFireMaam

Posts: 5587
Joined: 3/1/2006
From: Charleston, WV
Status: offline

The problem with flirting is that we are taught to communicate through subtleties rather than direct, frank, words. So, when you flirt, there's almost always that little question in their mind wondering just how serious you are. It's easy to take it further than it's intended because we're working on the undertones we THINK are there...but might not really be.

I learned as a teenager that flirting with people I'm really not interested in send out a whole lot of signals that I'd rather not be sending. So, I have learned behavior to not flirt unless I MEAN it. I'm getting better about it, but that's pretty much my default setting.

So, in all, I think a flirting friendship ONLY works if you are VERY clear that the flirting is just that...and that if it becomes a serious offer, the person giving the flirt will SAY it's serious. Otherwise, it's just fun.

Master Fire

_____________________________

The power of who we are can be intoxicating. The power of who we could be is humbling.
-----
Ms Relationship Books
-----
BDSM How-To Books

(in reply to SteelofUtah)

Post #: 28

RE: ~~Let's be Friends.....Now can I see you Naked??~~ - 3/28/2008 7:38:35 PM

MontrealPhoenix

Posts: 1526
Joined: 2/27/2008
Status: offline

Personally i've been friends with any number of men with whom there is shameless flirting and there has never been a problem. I find it a really fun thing to do and i'm a shameless flirt myself.

So, let me give answering some of your questions a shot..

No i don't assume that just because we are discussing sex, that he is trying to get in my pants any more than i would if the friend were female.

I never assume the worst about someone, i tend to assume the best. As my friend Terry says: " I automatically like you. It's up to you to change that."

The fact is, Steel, you are someone i would very much like to be friends with. I really like your honesty and the fact that you tend to post things which state your true feelings on a subject whether or not they are the popular thing to say and regardless of whether or not ppl will agree...

I understand your frustration, but not all of us are like that. Some of us really want friends even when our profile states that we are looking for a Dom. Not every Dom who has contacted me was compatible. But some of them have become friends and that's okay too.

Phoenix

_____________________________

"Only in a collar can a woman be truly free"
~Tribesmen of Gor ..pg 75

"He who ties a woman owns her"
~Guardsman Of Gor pg 267

(in reply to SteelofUtah)

Post #: 29

RE: ~~Let's be Friends.....Now can I see you Naked??~~ - 3/28/2008 7:41:05 PM

catize

Posts: 3020
Joined: 3/7/2006
Status: offline

On-line is a crap shoot at best. It is ethereal, less solid than face to face. As a result people indulge in fantasies of ‘what if’, but their life situation, their personality or other factors may deter them from making it real.
I’ve lost contact with on-line women friends; no one is at fault, it’s simply that connections fade. Sometimes I think about re- contacting them, but my guilt gets in the way.
What I’m tryin’ to say here is that it’s not necessarily a dominant/submissive thing, or even a man/woman thing. People move on and it isn’t necessarily a rejection.
This may seem silly but I remember a book I used to read to my (now adult) son; the title was Little While Friends; it talked about how some friendships are to be appreciated in the moment but aren’t always forever.

_____________________________

"Power is real. But it's a lot less real if it's not perceived as power."
Robert Parker, Stranger in Paradise

(in reply to SteelofUtah)

Post #: 30

RE: ~~Let's be Friends.....Now can I see you Naked??~~ - 3/28/2008 7:50:41 PM

GreedyTop

Posts: 52100
Joined: 5/2/2007
From: Savannah, GA
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: MontrealPhoenix

Personally i've been friends with any number of men with whom there is shameless flirting and there has never been a problem. I find it a really fun thing to do and i'm a shameless flirt myself.

So, let me give answering some of your questions a shot..

No i don't assume that just because we are discussing sex, that he is trying to get in my pants any more than i would if the friend were female.

I never assume the worst about someone, i tend to assume the best. As my friend Terry says: " I automatically like you. It's up to you to change that."

The fact is, Steel, you are someone i would very much like to be friends with. I really like your honesty and the fact that you tend to post things which state your true feelings on a subject whether or not they are the popular thing to say and regardless of whether or not ppl will agree...

I understand your frustration, but not all of us are like that. Some of us really want friends even when our profile states that we are looking for a Dom. Not every Dom who has contacted me was compatible. But some of them have become friends and that's okay too.

Phoenix

What MP said :)

_____________________________

polysnortatious
Supreme Goddess of Snark
CHARTER MEMBER: Lance's Fag Hags!
Waiting for my madman in a Blue Box.

(in reply to MontrealPhoenix)

Post #: 31

RE: ~~Let's be Friends.....Now can I see you Naked??~~ - 3/28/2008 7:54:00 PM

domahpet

Posts: 1505
Joined: 12/3/2006
From: Santa Rosa
Status: offline

was gonna comennt, but its way more important that i perv faery right now!
bbl...

_____________________________

Zeedaddys
~DJ domahpet~
*Love is giving someone the power to break your heart, but trusting them not to*

*crystal*
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SLI12uN6k5k

(in reply to catize)

Post #: 32

RE: ~~Let's be Friends.....Now can I see you Naked??~~ - 3/28/2008 8:10:59 PM

littlebitxxx

Posts: 732
Status: offline

Yes, it's possible to be "best buddies" with a Dom/sub/Domme/slave/male/female/dog/cat/porcupine whatever and still flirt outrageously. Knowing you're safe with them and it's just fun to do so, whether you end up together sexually or not.

Yes, it's possible to be platonic only with the same as mentioned above and still have oodles of fun.

Yes, it's possible to keep the "best buddies" friendship alive when you've just fucked each other's brains out. It's just another layer of the friendship. After all, can you really enjoy yourself (or your partner) in bed if you can't talk face to face once in awhile?

Yes, it's possible to have an online friendship as deep as, or deeper, than a personal one. When you've never met the person in real life and yet you've bared your soul to them and they still love and accept you, and you know more about them than their mother or wife ever did. The anonymity of the keyboard sometimes facilitates such a friendship and yes, it's possible to love another, as friend, deeply and soulfully and never get a real hug. (I miss you, Dorsai)

I'm sorry you had to run into those "baddies", Steel. I think we've all been there at one point or another and it's not fun. But those friends that we do make, as mentioned above, are priceless.

_____________________________

There is no such thing as can't unless it is followed by yet

It is the meaningless little acts that become meaningful in the doing.

The people that mind don't matter and the people that matter don't mind.

(in reply to domahpet)

Post #: 33

RE: ~~Let's be Friends.....Now can I see you Naked??~~ - 3/28/2008 8:13:16 PM

MontrealPhoenix

Posts: 1526
Joined: 2/27/2008
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: GreedyTop

quote:

ORIGINAL: MontrealPhoenix

Personally i've been friends with any number of men with whom there is shameless flirting and there has never been a problem. I find it a really fun thing to do and i'm a shameless flirt myself.

So, let me give answering some of your questions a shot..

No i don't assume that just because we are discussing sex, that he is trying to get in my pants any more than i would if the friend were female.

I never assume the worst about someone, i tend to assume the best. As my friend Terry says: " I automatically like you. It's up to you to change that."

The fact is, Steel, you are someone i would very much like to be friends with. I really like your honesty and the fact that you tend to post things which state your true feelings on a subject whether or not they are the popular thing to say and regardless of whether or not ppl will agree...

I understand your frustration, but not all of us are like that. Some of us really want friends even when our profile states that we are looking for a Dom. Not every Dom who has contacted me was compatible. But some of them have become friends and that's okay too.

Phoenix

What MP said :)

Lazy bitch ! Just for that i get a free grope, lmfao....

_____________________________

"Only in a collar can a woman be truly free"
~Tribesmen of Gor ..pg 75

"He who ties a woman owns her"
~Guardsman Of Gor pg 267

(in reply to GreedyTop)

Post #: 34

RE: ~~Let's be Friends.....Now can I see you Naked??~~ - 3/28/2008 8:14:35 PM

AtlantaMistress

Posts: 276
Joined: 6/14/2007
Status: offline

I gotta go with Lady H here as well...I am a very sensual woman. Whether in D/s, the vanilla world,when I was in corporate, and while married - I was a big flirt. I have always been very comfortable with my sexuality, and use it to my advantage. I have always had much better friendships with men, most at some point have said they would like more, but have always respected me enough to never push. For the most part, I have felt sex would ruin friendships. It did once - when I crossed the line with a friend, attempted a relationship, then realized I had been unfair. I was more confident, smarter, more outgoing, and well...basically, he couldn't handle that. It took a long time to get the friendship back, but we did. I have remained friends with the men I have had relationships with, since I have never worn the "dating mask" becoming a different person over time. Once we have gotten over whatever issue broke us up, they still liked who I was, and wanted to stay friends. The boys I see as a Pro Domme, I develop VERY special frienships with, and do vanilla things with them (even had one to Easter Dinner at my Mom's, with my boy, because he was going to be alone otherwise). I know these men want more - but they know I am off limits, and respect it. I am able to use that for my power, to tease - and deny.

I think it is totally different though with FemDommes and male subs though - it is the one double standard in gender where women can win. It doesn't have to be about sex. Either extreme is possible, or anywhere in the middle. We can be off limits, or we choose to have sex slaves. It seems that the Male Dom/female sub dynamic is much more about sex - so I can imagine the frustration of the OP in the just trying to be friends thing. Even though you may wait for her to open the door in the examples, you were still ready to walk through every time! lol

_____________________________

Mistress Sandy

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
I'd rather be hated for something I am than loved for something I am not.

(in reply to lusciouslips19)

Post #: 35

RE: ~~Let's be Friends.....Now can I see you Naked??~~ - 3/28/2008 8:14:45 PM

GreedyTop

Posts: 52100
Joined: 5/2/2007
From: Savannah, GA
Status: offline

*gropes MP like mad*

_____________________________

polysnortatious
Supreme Goddess of Snark
CHARTER MEMBER: Lance's Fag Hags!
Waiting for my madman in a Blue Box.

(in reply to MontrealPhoenix)

Post #: 36

RE: ~~Let's be Friends.....Now can I see you Naked??~~ - 3/28/2008 8:18:31 PM

MontrealPhoenix

Posts: 1526
Joined: 2/27/2008
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: GreedyTop

*gropes MP like mad*

i meant that i get to grope you but this works too *grin* See Steel nothing wrong with a good grope between friends....

_____________________________

"Only in a collar can a woman be truly free"
~Tribesmen of Gor ..pg 75

"He who ties a woman owns her"
~Guardsman Of Gor pg 267

(in reply to GreedyTop)

Post #: 37

RE: ~~Let's be Friends.....Now can I see you Naked??~~ - 3/28/2008 8:54:43 PM

GiantSteps

Posts: 61
Joined: 3/23/2008
From: Nigh Philadelphia
Status: offline

Steel, just something to consider - take it for what it is or is not worth.

You listed four examples; but like that old Sesame Street thing, one of these things is not like the others; one of these things just doesn't belong.

Case 2 - "Sweet Charity" didn't neccessary like what you said, but she's still out there talking. Let's knock that one out of the box, and look at the other three.

Case 1 - "Girliegirl" had a very active friendship with you, until you ""Odd, I happen to BE a Dom like me, and I have always been fond of you so, hey here's a Model Idea How about ....ME?" You wanted to redifine the relationship.

Case 3 - "Nastybetty" told you she liked your posts, and wanted to be friends, then you bombarded her with questions and info, and when she demurred from providing what you demanded of her, you "If you want to be friends don't you think I deserve to at least know a little about the person I am letting be MY Friend?" So, you tried to define the friendship, and off she went.

Case 4 - "lil sara" - She wanted to be friends, but when she broke up with her Ex, you put on a full court press for a different relationship, and away she went.

If all is as you described it, there's a pattern there.

The word "Friendship" means exactly what a person means it to be... and sometimes that's not the definition the friend is envisioning. Sometimes they mean brother, nephew, co-worker I don't despise or guy I talk to at the bus stop while waiting for the 437. They might not want to date the bus stop guy. They might not even want to go out to lunch with the bus stop guy. The maleability of the word "Friend" is a minefield.

Now, my answer is geared towards your specific examples rather than your direct question simply to bring up the possibility you may be asking the wrong question. If your quandry is related to these examples, then the question seems more like, "do they have the right to withdrawl if they don't like the direction you're pushing towards without giving you a chance to step back?" Sadly, yes.

< Message edited by GiantSteps -- 3/28/2008 9:05:03 PM >

(in reply to lusciouslips19)

Post #: 38

RE: ~~Let's be Friends.....Now can I see you Naked??~~ - 3/28/2008 9:11:21 PM

StormsSlave

Posts: 629
Joined: 2/6/2008
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: SteelofUtah

When Sex is involved, or rather sexual attraction, can Friendship actually be achieved? I think so. I have remained friends with men with whom I had had sexual relationships.

Do you often think that just because the person being your friend discusses sexuality with you that they are only intersted in having sex with you?
Specifically, yes and no. I know that most men generally want to have sex with the majority of women they meet up with. It's not a personal thing, and in truth, often has more to do with the fact that I have a vagina and breasts then anything to do with me. That being the case, I know that element is always there, but as long as everyone is able to be an adult about it, it doesn't have to interfere.

How is frindship in this lifestyle supposed to be sustained in this lifestyle if everyone simply assumes the worst of the other person?
First, wanting to have sex with someone doesn't make you bad. It makes you horny, and how is that bad? I know that I have tried to be friends with men, and have found that when they discover that yes, I really just want to be friends, suddenly their not so friendly. I can see why girls are skitzy. However, I try to be honest in my profile, and I try to be honest and upfront with them about it. I would be delighted to be approached by a man who actually DID want to just exchange emails and be friends.
Okay that's a LOT of questions just answer the ones that you want.

Steel

edted for foot in mouth disease.

_____________________________

Congratulate me...I'm a missus!!

--nobody's resident anything.

(in reply to SteelofUtah)

Post #: 39

RE: ~~Let's be Friends.....Now can I see you Naked??~~ - 3/28/2008 9:16:31 PM

TNstepsout

Posts: 1558
Joined: 8/3/2005
Status: offline

Because it all comes down to telling someone you like, and think is a really great guy, that you don't find them sexually attractive.

(in reply to GiantSteps)

Post #: 40

Page: << < prev 1 [2] 3 4 5 next > >>

All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> General BDSM Discussion >> RE: ~~Let's be Friends.....Now can I see you Naked??~~

Page: << < prev 1 [2] 3 4 5 next > >>

Jump to:

New Messages	No New Messages
Hot Topic w/ New Messages	Hot Topic w/o New Messages
Locked w/ New Messages	Locked w/o New Messages

Post New Thread

Reply to Message

Post New Poll

Submit Vote

Delete My Own Post

Delete My Own Thread

Rate Posts

Collarchat.com © 2025

Terms of Service

0.094