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darklachrymosa -> RE: ~~Let's be Friends.....Now can I see you Naked??~~ (3/29/2008 5:49:13 AM)
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Pulling teeth from a very alert gorilla, huh? I've been (actually, still generally AM) that very alert gorilla.
I think that part of the normal gender dynamic is flirtatious behavior. In today's society, where homosexuality is about as accepted as heterosexuality and androgyny often flourishes, the flirtation expands to include acceptable levels of flirtation between same genders. I mean hey, what's pretty or fascinating to me is pretty and fascinating regardless of what's betweeen your legs.
Your first case...you say you had 'the conversation' after a "slew of bad failed relationships." Well, hell! Any overtures that come after that are likely to make a chickie go running! I had a catastrophic relationship with a dom that I was very, very emotionally invested in, and two years later there's things my current dom does or says that triggers a memory and makes me want to run away. Pain from a beating is one thing to want, but the prospect of repeating the emotional misery that accompanies relationships of any level can be a daunting prospect, and one that we're not always brave enough to face.
Sometimes I think the levels of trust and intimacy that are invested into a D/s relationship are deeper and become more intense than those of a vanilla one...which of course makes the disintegration of that relationship so much more painful. And masochism only takes you so far.
Case 3...why my goodness, I believe you are talking about me! I'm the same way, and I've frustrated more than one person with my redirects and my walls...without even realizing I'm doing it. I wonder sometimes if I linger, hiding behind my walls because the way I gain enough trust in someone to where I'll open up and let them in is simply because they stay. My dom complained about that for awhile...said it felt like he was always running into a wall, headfirst, again and again when we would talk. Of course, I was simply enjoying the conversation with no inkling he felt this way. Apparently, there's still moments when I slide back into that. Not everyone opens up right away, and some of us need to know that you're going to stick around before we can bring ourselves to be vulnerable
As for case 4, well, I can understand that one too. I'm in college, taking enormous class loads while holding a fulltime job,and sometimes things just get busy. Term papers, overtime, studying...on and on. The last thing I can have time for is to sort out some tangle of an online friendship. If you're interested in retaining her friendship, I would email and explain yourself, with the caveat that you understand she might be busy right now, but you hope to cultivate at least an honest friendship.
Anyway. Back to the...whatever. I've had male friends for years where it's been strictly platonic, and yet others will ask how we're involved, because of the apparent sexual tension between us. So I would say yes, it's possible,a nd that electricity can make it delicious. However, its delicious because it's unknown and enticing, and should actual sex become involved than the mystery disappears, and it might be more fun to go somewhere else and have that mystery all over again.
As to discussing sexuality...I think it's possible to have frank discussion of sexuality, but I suspect it's easier between same genders. I've had very frank discussions of sexuality with female friends, and while there are admittedly extremely high levels of attraction between us, we're friends first. I don't know that I'd have the same discussions with my male friends...but that could be because I'm like on of the guys, and I kind of want to keep it that way. However, there's a male coworker who knows some of my kinks and will ask me questions and entertain discussion because he wants to know, not because either of us are interested in sleeping with each other.
A friendship in this lifestyle is sustained the same way it is in any other lifestyle. It takes dedication and trust and caring. Just like you have quarrels in your 'real life' relationships, be it family, romantic, or friends, you're going to have them here too. Sticking it out and fixing the problems, even though it's not fun, is what forges that relationship stronger. Yes, there's going to be people for whom that's too much work. But think about ratios in real life - think how many relationships of any degree have been failed in real life, and then apply that same ratio to this lifestyle. I think you'll find it's not so very different.
Finally, assuming the worst of people is self defense. I do it alot, for a lot of different reasons, and unfortunately, I'm not often very wrong...
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