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RE: Reasons to DELETE UNREAD? - 3/29/2008 10:47:14 PM

Real_Trouble

Posts: 471
Joined: 2/25/2008
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I only send mail to someone if I've already particular scoped them out and one of the following is true:

- They are someone I have spotted posting on the forums, and I have something to say to them in particular about a post or conversation. Likewise, emails from posters whom I have seen previously are those most likely to be read by me (though I try to give a cursory glance to everything, if only to know for sure I should trash it).

- People I know in real life (there are very few of these, and they have better ways than contacting me on here).

- Someone where I've read their profile quite carefully, and suspect that they are of interest to me and I would be of interest to them; the latter part is quite important. I don't like shooting and missing, as it were, so if I contact someone, I'd damn well better believe that if they knew me, they would want to hear from me.

I've never had emails unread by the first two groups (go figure), but a few have gone unread by the third. I don't know if I was caught in a filter or what (most likely for categorically refusing to post a picture), but I don't take it personally. Why? In my case, I'm arrogant enough to believe it's their loss and then some.

Ahem.

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Post #: 41

RE: Reasons to DELETE UNREAD? - 3/29/2008 10:54:33 PM

StormsSlave

Posts: 629
Joined: 2/6/2008
Status: offline

I read every email, even the ones from people with "obvious" screen names. I've had some brief email correspendence with a couple of men, since My Lord and I are "open" to experimentation. Even one couple. However, I reply to maybe one out of 6. I want people to read my profile to see that I am spoken for (said just like that) and that while we are open to folks, we are not actively seeking.  My life is incredibly busy, and I don't have time to reply to everyone. Most of these men have obviously not read my profile, as their email usually goes into how I would serve them as their dom and what they want in a sub. If they were to bother having the courtesy to read my profile and refer to it, I will happily reply. I reply to almost anyone who is not downright rude or ridiculous. If I don't receive a response to an email, I know this person(s) has decided I am no longer of interest, and I get on with my life.

How do you know they are deleted unread? Hmm...didn't know we could do that.

Regardless, no response is a response. Just because an email is sent, there is not an obvious requirement that it be opened, read, and responded to.  A person can choose to delete you or keep you as they see fit. There are a thousand different reasons why they may not be read, I'm sure everyone of of them personal to the person involved.

My advice: relax. Enjoy the process. Meet people to meet people, and ixnay on the four thousand word essay as an initial email. Hell, I won't read it if it's more than 5 or 6 paragraphs long and it's a first email.   Post on the boards, laugh with people, and try your hardest to be patient. Life is too short to waste negative energy on such things.

Cheers

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Post #: 42

RE: Reasons to DELETE UNREAD? - 3/30/2008 12:53:00 AM

MissMorrigan

Posts: 2309
Joined: 1/15/2005
Status: offline

PrimeVector, as another poster suggested, it's possible your email was picked up by a filter set up by the recipient. Also, I have a few friends via CM and sometimes haven't heard from them after I've written, I'll leave it a week or two but if I still haven't heard I'll contact them again and the usual response is:

I DID write but you never replied! I thought I'd pissed you off somehow so decided to wait for you to contact me again.

The problem with regard to the above scenario is that I've inadvertently deleted an unread email when clearing out my inbox. Silly, I know, and frustrating, but it does happen, so don't take it to heart.

quote:

ORIGINAL: PrimeVector
I’m not asking about anything other than FIRST TIME COMMUNICATIONS here, as I can understand "DELETING UNREAD" messages from a stalker or a harasser of course.

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Post #: 43

RE: Reasons to DELETE UNREAD? - 3/30/2008 1:03:39 AM

MissMagnolia

Posts: 3636
Status: offline

I'm unlikely to open an email from someone called GreedyCumEaterToBeBeatenToDeathAndMyBallsEaten or something equally revolting. Sometimes I'll check a profile before opening an email and am fairly certain it will be a "DO ME, DO ME NOW" type. They get deleted.

I'll also delete emails from males who have emailed me time after time and still don't get the message that no thank you means no thank you. Then I block and delete.

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Post #: 44

RE: Reasons to DELETE UNREAD? - 3/30/2008 5:33:41 AM

AtlantaMistress

Posts: 276
Joined: 6/14/2007
Status: offline

I would bet if you went back and read the profile very carefully, it will say "Messages ______ will be delelted unread" (fill in the blank to be without a picture, from men, from those who are not local, etc). I notice that a lot in profiles.

Regardless, it sounds like you did read the profile (even if you may/may not missed that part) and spent time to write a very geniune message - which makes you different from a large majority of those that send out messages to people they don't know. Don't let this bother you. At some point, your sincerety will pay off, having your message read by the right person. Think of the others as doing you a favor not wasting any more of your time, since they obviously were not right for you.

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~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
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(in reply to Missokyst)

Post #: 45

RE: Reasons to DELETE UNREAD? - 3/30/2008 6:00:14 AM

sambamanslilgirl

Posts: 10926
Joined: 2/5/2007
From: Chicago, IL
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: AMaster

Even if you are not interested, a " no thanks" would be in order. I've had replys that just say "Not interested...." It's better than no feedback at all.

however there other "dominants" who don't take rejection so well that they send a message back wondering why they're rejected. i for one don't need to explain my reasoning to them - a simply deleting the message unread is good enough for me. i'm not obligated to respond back to any dominant who messages me.

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Post #: 46

RE: Reasons to DELETE UNREAD? - 3/30/2008 6:30:26 AM

masterofdrkness2

Posts: 1697
Joined: 3/17/2008
Status: offline

I reserve the right to delete any mail I wish .. after all it is "my" mail box

(in reply to sambamanslilgirl)

Post #: 47

RE: Reasons to DELETE UNREAD? - 3/30/2008 8:07:25 AM

Dominatist

Posts: 87
Joined: 7/18/2007
Status: offline

I must be getting the hang of this...I delete EVERY email UNREAD.

(in reply to masterofdrkness2)

Post #: 48

RE: Reasons to DELETE UNREAD? - 3/30/2008 8:10:34 AM

Real_Trouble

Posts: 471
Joined: 2/25/2008
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: AtlantaMistress
At some point, your sincerety will pay off, having your message read by the right person. Think of the others as doing you a favor not wasting any more of your time, since they obviously were not right for you.

I am glad to see that someone else adheres to my "I would prefer idiots show their true nature as quickly as possible so I can avoid them" philosophy.

Well played, indeed.

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Send lawyers, guns, and money.

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Post #: 49

RE: Reasons to DELETE UNREAD? - 3/30/2008 8:13:49 AM

VeryMercurial

Posts: 620
Joined: 6/5/2006
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: masterofdrkness2

I reserve the right to delete any mail I wish .. after all it is "my" mail box

Imagine that?
It really is that simple.

(in reply to masterofdrkness2)

Post #: 50

RE: Reasons to DELETE UNREAD? - 3/30/2008 8:15:03 AM

Ebonybbw

Posts: 114
Joined: 12/2/2007
Status: offline

I don't believe I have deleted an email without reading it and if so not sure how that happen. I open every email but don't respond to everyone. I'm pretty busy so it may take a week to respond after I may have opened the email. I've had opportunities where I have gone back to respond (because I now have time) and the message is there that I cannot respond to the message)... WTF? Oh well some people are just so impatient I suppose.

If it's a mesage I have no interest in, I will not respond. Now if that person writes back again, I will kindly tell them I have no interest.

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(in reply to Missokyst)

Post #: 51

RE: Reasons to DELETE UNREAD? - 3/30/2008 10:28:13 AM

MistressNoName

Posts: 664
Joined: 10/26/2006
Status: offline

It's amazing to me how many people have posted but have not managed to address the OP's original question. As I understand it, PrimeVector was talking about FIRST TIME contact ONLY and he's said that a couple of times...and he's talking about a scenario where he has taken MUCH time to compose a thoughtful, respectful letter only to get it deleted not once, but twice unread...and his nickname is not 9inchcock or slave2yourpussy or any other outrageous name some folks have come up with...Nor is he challenging anyones' RIGHT to do with their inbox as they please...he's simply wanting to understand why folks do this, hopefully, so he can learn from the experience. The only thing I've read so far that comes close to a viable explanation is the filter feature...which I had forgotten about because I don't use it anymore...and that would explain why some emails get deleted unread. But 3 pages of comments along the lines of, "I delete any potentially rude emails esp if their screennames are overly suggestive" and "it's my inbox, I'll delete if I want to..." How does that address the man's legitimate question?

MNN

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Post #: 52

RE: Reasons to DELETE UNREAD? - 3/30/2008 10:32:46 AM

CalifChick

Posts: 10717
Joined: 10/28/2007
From: California
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: StormsSlave

How do you know they are deleted unread? Hmm...didn't know we could do that.

At the top of your inbox, there is a button that says "sent mail". Click on that, and you can see the list of cmails you sent out. If there is a date in the right hand box, that's when it was read. If it says "no", then it hasn't been read yet. If it says "deleted unread"... well, there ya go.

HelpfulCali

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(in reply to StormsSlave)

Post #: 53

RE: Reasons to DELETE UNREAD? - 3/30/2008 10:46:42 AM

Missokyst

Posts: 6041
Joined: 9/9/2006
Status: offline

I believe several people have stated other reasons. I don't think I even look at screen names when it hits my email box. I delete for a variety of reasons which may have to do with how busy I am at the time, or if I feel like checking out my mail. The point is, that it is unsolicited email. If you aren't interested you just aren't. Why do so many people feel that if they contact you, you MUST respond?
A delete unread, is a response. It means I am not interested.
I have written a couple of people in the past and I have no idea if they read them or not, since I got no response AND I didn't check back to see if they deleted it unread.
I am not the gaurdian of social email ettiquette, I have learned to move through life without being insulted by acts which are not in my control.
And that is the point.
Email deleted unread is something which is not in your control. There is no need for explanation, it just IS.
Kyst

quote:

ORIGINAL: MistressNoName

The only thing I've read so far that comes close to a viable explanation is the filter feature...which I had forgotten about because I don't use it anymore...and that would explain why some emails get deleted unread. But 3 pages of comments along the lines of, "I delete any potentially rude emails esp if their screennames are overly suggestive" and "it's my inbox, I'll delete if I want to..." How does that address the man's legitimate question?

MNN

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(in reply to MistressNoName)

Post #: 54

RE: Reasons to DELETE UNREAD? - 3/30/2008 11:02:47 AM

Cuffkinks

Posts: 1780
Joined: 5/5/2004
Status: offline

I've deleted many e-mails from My little girl's mailbox. They we all blue. I check her box frequently (That sounds interesting!) and I take care of the blue mail. There have been other threads on that subject, so I won't go that deeply into why I do it. But let Me just say this to the OP...So many out there send rude disrespectful e-mails, although you may not be one of them. There are many out there who have been offended and/or gotten upset too many times. My little girl is one of them. I will continue to delete all blue mail from her account. We may be missing out on some great stuff, but that's the way it goes.
They can always send it directly to Me.

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(in reply to Missokyst)

Post #: 55

RE: Reasons to DELETE UNREAD? - 3/30/2008 11:35:24 AM

MistressNoName

Posts: 664
Joined: 10/26/2006
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Missokyst

I believe several people have stated other reasons. I don't think I even look at screen names when it hits my email box. I delete for a variety of reasons which may have to do with how busy I am at the time, or if I feel like checking out my mail. The point is, that it is unsolicited email. If you aren't interested you just aren't. Why do so many people feel that if they contact you, you MUST respond?
A delete unread, is a response. It means I am not interested.
I have written a couple of people in the past and I have no idea if they read them or not, since I got no response AND I didn't check back to see if they deleted it unread.
I am not the gaurdian of social email ettiquette, I have learned to move through life without being insulted by acts which are not in my control.
And that is the point.
Email deleted unread is something which is not in your control. There is no need for explanation, it just IS.
Kyst

quote:

ORIGINAL: MistressNoName

The only thing I've read so far that comes close to a viable explanation is the filter feature...which I had forgotten about because I don't use it anymore...and that would explain why some emails get deleted unread. But 3 pages of comments along the lines of, "I delete any potentially rude emails esp if their screennames are overly suggestive" and "it's my inbox, I'll delete if I want to..." How does that address the man's legitimate question?

MNN

I think one (among several) of the points that's being missed here is that this is still largely a dating/personals, hope-to-make-a-connection site...and most people who have profiles up are legitimately seeking someone. Sure, there are many folks on here who send feelers out to ppl they have no chance of making a connection with and/or may be seeking different things, but sending someone an email on here is a different sort of thing than some start-up dot-com getting hold of an email list and spamming everyone on Yahoo! in hopes of getting that one important sale. You may not personally feel any desire to understand why certain things happen on this site, namely why mail gets deleted unread. I may not have that desire either, since it personally has never happened to me. Yes, I have sent out mail that has gone unanswered...but it was at least read...correction, it was at least opened. Whether the person read it is another issue. And no, of course I can't make anybody respond...but that situation is very different than sitting around wondering why the person just deleted the email and didn't even bother to bloody open it after I spent a good, damned chunk of time composing the letter. Is it wrong to wonder why? Is it wrong to ask the question out loud? I don't think so. Perhaps, at the end of the day, it all boils down to the whole lot of us feeling varying levels of frustration or whatever...I dunno.

It's really difficult, for many different reasons to find suitable people to form relationships with, whether you're into fetish/sm/M-s/leather/Gor or just plain, ole vanilla. And one of the things I've always liked about the boards is the potential to connect with folks and learn about all sorts of things. It's one way of forming connections and it's something that is unique for a free site to be able to do so successfully, as Collarme has managed to do...One of the more disappointing things about the boards, though, has been how very, very often people post questions and concerns, legitimately seeking learning, only to get responses so far removed from their original topic, and in some cases, pages and pages removed, that by the time the 100th person posts a response no one even has a clue what the original poster asked. It's the old game of telephone...only kinky and often with a lot of big words.

My only reason for the comment I posted earlier was to address the fact that PrimeVector's original question was getting lost in the shuffle. Well, that and to remind folks that his question was and still is, in my opinion, relevant and legitimate...and that it would just be nice to see people treat it as such.

Best,

MNN

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Post #: 56

RE: Reasons to DELETE UNREAD? - 3/30/2008 4:11:13 PM

HerLord

Posts: 697
Joined: 2/14/2008
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: MistressNoName
I think one (among several) of the points that's being missed here is that this is still largely a dating/personals, hope-to-make-a-connection site...and most people who have profiles up are legitimately seeking someone. Sure, there are many folks on here who send feelers out to ppl they have no chance of making a connection with and/or may be seeking different things, but sending someone an email on here is a different sort of thing than some start-up dot-com getting hold of an email list and spamming everyone on Yahoo! in hopes of getting that one important sale. You may not personally feel any desire to understand why certain things happen on this site, namely why mail gets deleted unread. I may not have that desire either, since it personally has never happened to me. Yes, I have sent out mail that has gone unanswered...but it was at least read...correction, it was at least opened. Whether the person read it is another issue. And no, of course I can't make anybody respond...but that situation is very different than sitting around wondering why the person just deleted the email and didn't even bother to bloody open it after I spent a good, damned chunk of time composing the letter. Is it wrong to wonder why? Is it wrong to ask the question out loud? I don't think so. Perhaps, at the end of the day, it all boils down to the whole lot of us feeling varying levels of frustration or whatever...I dunno.

It's really difficult, for many different reasons to find suitable people to form relationships with, whether you're into fetish/sm/M-s/leather/Gor or just plain, ole vanilla. And one of the things I've always liked about the boards is the potential to connect with folks and learn about all sorts of things. It's one way of forming connections and it's something that is unique for a free site to be able to do so successfully, as Collarme has managed to do...One of the more disappointing things about the boards, though, has been how very, very often people post questions and concerns, legitimately seeking learning, only to get responses so far removed from their original topic, and in some cases, pages and pages removed, that by the time the 100th person posts a response no one even has a clue what the original poster asked. It's the old game of telephone...only kinky and often with a lot of big words.

My only reason for the comment I posted earlier was to address the fact that PrimeVector's original question was getting lost in the shuffle. Well, that and to remind folks that his question was and still is, in my opinion, relevant and legitimate...and that it would just be nice to see people treat it as such.

Best,

MNN

The reality is... This is also a chat site/message board. To be able to post here you are REQUIRED to have a profile. A profile does not denote intent to be polite to every tom, harry dick or jane.

That said. It is not required that I/You/ANY one do any more than they feel like. If your mail gets deleted unread... good. Saved you a bunch of time having to open all of the not interested replies you would get. Not judging you in any way... But you are not EVERY womans wet dream. This IS a reality. Not EVERY woman/man is going to see your extensive email with baited breath hoping above all else in their life that it is you... The ONE they seek. Most of them are likely to see the length and say "Shit, another three hour prick who tells me everything I NEVER wanted to know before I even tell them my name."

As I said earlier. Three hours to write an opening contact. Dude... Wake up. This is NEVER going to work. Unless in those three hours you came up with " I am the God you seek. Bow before me and pray for my affinity." But I suspect that was not what you did. Three hours? I am still trying to wrap my demented head around this. I don't even spend that long talking to a woman at a bar. If I aint feeling it inside of a minute or two... Outtie. I'm gone.

I don't even spend that long posting on the boards here. And I'm unemployed! I have all the time in the world to do this and still don't! WTF?!? Granted... by the looks of things I am in a better position... (spoken for) but still...

I may suggest that you set a timer and after it goes off you either send it the way it is or you get off that profile and move on to the next. This is after all the largest BDSM site in the world. (or so they say) THREE hours!?! WTF?!?

Still can't get my head into that.

_____________________________

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(in reply to MistressNoName)

Post #: 57

RE: Reasons to DELETE UNREAD? - 3/30/2008 4:29:43 PM

Real_Trouble

Posts: 471
Joined: 2/25/2008
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: MistressNoName

It's amazing to me how many people have posted but have not managed to address the OP's original question. As I understand it, PrimeVector was talking about FIRST TIME contact ONLY and he's said that a couple of times...and he's talking about a scenario where he has taken MUCH time to compose a thoughtful, respectful letter only to get it deleted not once, but twice unread...and his nickname is not 9inchcock or slave2yourpussy or any other outrageous name some folks have come up with...Nor is he challenging anyones' RIGHT to do with their inbox as they please...he's simply wanting to understand why folks do this, hopefully, so he can learn from the experience. The only thing I've read so far that comes close to a viable explanation is the filter feature...which I had forgotten about because I don't use it anymore...and that would explain why some emails get deleted unread. But 3 pages of comments along the lines of, "I delete any potentially rude emails esp if their screennames are overly suggestive" and "it's my inbox, I'll delete if I want to..." How does that address the man's legitimate question?

MNN

Well, I think they answer it quite effectively, actually; that is to say, if this is even a vaguely representative group of people for these boards, it should be clear that a pretty large majority of them will ignore things on a purely arbitrary basis!

Thus, if his well thought out and well-crafted emails are ignored, it should come as no surprise. I'm not sure it says good things about us, necessarily, but it sure says something. Likewise, I get the impression he's not rifling off messages to people who are taken (or at least implies it), so unless people are lying about their relationship status, that's another kind of response that might well not apply.

With all that said, I'd like to offer a third option:

Many of these profiles are quite possibly fake.

Always something to consider.

_____________________________

Send lawyers, guns, and money.

(in reply to MistressNoName)

Post #: 58

RE: Reasons to DELETE UNREAD? - 3/30/2008 5:29:27 PM

CalifChick

Posts: 10717
Joined: 10/28/2007
From: California
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: HerLord

The reality is... This is also a chat site/message board. To be able to post here you are REQUIRED to have a profile.

No, you're really not. Not the way you're thinking. You don't have to have a visible profile on the other side.

Cali

_____________________________

AKA "The Undisputed Goddess of Sarcasm", "Big Bad Cali" and "Yum Bum". Advisor to the Subbie Mafia, founding member of the W.A.C. and the Judgmental Bitches Brigade, member of the Clan of the Scarlet O'Hair-a's and Team Troll

(in reply to HerLord)

Post #: 59

RE: Reasons to DELETE UNREAD? - 3/30/2008 5:33:40 PM

Leatherist

Posts: 5149
Joined: 12/11/2007
Status: offline

They didn't like your profile-or you are too old to bother with.

Maybe they just didn't feel like reading the 50 other mails they got from guys living in fantasy land-and just chucked the whole lot.

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I'm not taking custom orders.

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Post #: 60

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