Reasons to DELETE UNREAD? (Full Version)

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PrimeVector -> Reasons to DELETE UNREAD? (3/29/2008 2:19:11 PM)

I have a few questions, and a comment:  how many people here who RECEIVE a message for the first time decide to just delete it without even bothering to open and at least glance at it?  And if so, why?  
 
For those who SEND messages for the first time to someone, how many of those ultimately are tossed away with the result of “DELETED UNREAD” ?  Is this a fairly common practice?  Has this affected the type or style of your initial contact messages?
 
I’m not asking about anything other than FIRST TIME COMMUNICATIONS here, as I can understand "DELETING UNREAD" messages from a stalker or a harasser of course.
 
I’ve seen many people on here who ask for “non-cookie cutter” or “personal” type messages, rather than a “form letter”.  This is, of course, totally reasonable, and I have for the most part strived to be specific and personal in my communications.
 
Recently I had the “learning experience” of sending a personal message to someone for the first time and later noticing that it had, indeed, been DELETED UNREAD. 
 
This wasn’t the first time this happened, BUT this particular message was actually quite long and detailed and took me about three hours to write, as I had been inspired by the subject matter in this particular case, and this person’s profile was long and detailed as well, so I felt it only fair to reciprocate in kind.
 
I can totally understand if someone, after reading a message, cares to not reply or sends a standard “no thanks” or "busy" or whatever message back.  But to just toss it without even looking at it, without even a glance…  seems very wasteful, at best.
 
I am not critizing any particular person. I am sure that this individual had reasons that were perfectly logical when they DELETED my message UNREAD.  BUT they have now of course, been blocked and hidden from my search list.  Their loss.
 
As a result of this learning experience, I believe that from now on I will NOT bother to put that much time, and thought, and honest effort in again for a first contact.  Later on after a rapport has been established, yes. 
 
Perhaps this is why people sometimes use the “form letter” approach…
 



VeryMercurial -> RE: Reasons to DELETE UNREAD? (3/29/2008 2:25:09 PM)

I delete most of my messages unread, I am not obligated to read emails from
strangers.



CalifChick -> RE: Reasons to DELETE UNREAD? (3/29/2008 2:25:43 PM)

There are mail filters that you can set up. Most likely, you fell into their filter and ended up in their "junk mail" box.  Nothing personal.

Also, they can look at your profile without you knowing it, and maybe something in it made them decide they didn't want to know what you had to say.  For instance, your first line says you are looking for height/weight proportionate women.  We had a lengthy discussion on this recently, where even women who WERE in fact HWP were turned off by men who made that such an important thing.  Like, what if I were to gain weight, would he dump me?

Also, your latest journal entry, the one that shows up when they are looking at the "short version" of your profile is pretty whiny. Some people just don't want to deal with that much negativity.

Cali



Skully7000 -> RE: Reasons to DELETE UNREAD? (3/29/2008 2:25:52 PM)

I feel similar. I approach each message with care and effort and write something based on information i get from there profile I also make sure they are looking for dominant men (which is how I identify) so... in the end... youjust have to suck it up. and every time you see a post about the B.S. women have to put up with ...take comfort knowing you are not one of the asshats adding to the pile.

Cheers
Skully



HerLord -> RE: Reasons to DELETE UNREAD? (3/29/2008 2:27:00 PM)

Yeah it happens. But to help explain I will tell you about My Love's in box.  I just had a glance at it as I logged in. There are 4 pages of mail now... she cleared her inbox Fri. So with four pages in a day and a half... Perhaps this might explain why some would delete unread. I do not justify the actions but perhaps this might help. (FYI... three hours is a REALLY long time on an initial contact) While your intial contact may be just the one these recipients are looking for, they do have to filter these out from hundreds or thousands of incoming mails. Any way... keep your pecker hard and your ears on the track. Happy hunting.



MontrealPhoenix -> RE: Reasons to DELETE UNREAD? (3/29/2008 2:28:07 PM)

Having never done this, i don't know what to tell you. I may not reply but i ALWAYS open messages sent to me. If someone takes the time to write to me i figure i owe them that much.
 
Whether or not i reply depends on the message. In general, a message that is pages long is less likely to be read even though i open it. If a message is rude or nasty, it's just deleted. There is one exception to the rule. Messages repeatedly asking to meet even after i've politely said no not interested won't be opened, as i know it's just another such message.
 
But a first contact message? I think it's rude to not at least open it and see what the message is...
 
Phoenix



basheera -> RE: Reasons to DELETE UNREAD? (3/29/2008 2:28:58 PM)

I delete them because most are from crazy people! I don't have time to read crazy people e-mails. And every time I think I should read one...it is always by a crazy person. I have learned my lesson well here and so read when I wish to read and most definitely delete the craziness.



RavenMuse -> RE: Reasons to DELETE UNREAD? (3/29/2008 2:30:21 PM)

There is no excuse for the form letter approach. If the person is interesting enough to be worth contacting at all then they are important enough to put in the effort. That you maybe find they delete unread is a risk you take, along with the risk of read but no reply and the risk of a polite thanks but no thanks... all mean the same thing, not compatable.

Maybe they searched the name and glanced at the short profile, deciding you where not what they where looking for before deleteing, you don't know... but you can't use it as an excuse to start sending impersonal spam mail.... if you do then the impression you give to someone who does read it just maybe loose you the very opportunity you are seeking.



lronitulstahp -> RE: Reasons to DELETE UNREAD? (3/29/2008 2:32:05 PM)

Was there anything in this person's profile that you ignored?  For example..."no un-solicited emails, please" or "no emails from guys..."   Perhaps you unwittingly violated something this person stated in their profile or journal or perhaps this happens to be someone's weak assed way of getting off to some extent.  Either way, why obsess over it? 'tis the net...these things happen



VeryMercurial -> RE: Reasons to DELETE UNREAD? (3/29/2008 2:33:36 PM)

Maybe, now this will be a stretch for many of you, but just maybe, they don't come
here to read emails?

Especially from strangers, so that is why they are deleted.



Owner4SexSlave -> RE: Reasons to DELETE UNREAD? (3/29/2008 2:34:14 PM)

I have a great amount of respect for those who write on their profiles, that they are using the Mail filters and that they won't read messages from somebody who is over a specific age and such. 

However, the ones that don't clearly indicate that they are going to not read messages from people based on blah, blah, blah critia.   I think these people are time wasters.   

Some people will write out nice well thought out emails responses to profiles.  The type of emails that are not canned emails or form letters.

Who honestly knows why emails go unread and deleted, unless the user so states why on their profile.

Perhaps they have found somebody they are clicking well with, and have no desire to read anymore.  

The thing is that Unread emails are a fact of life when responding to profiles.  So keep this in mind when composing email for the first time.  That it may or may not be read, and that they may or may not respond to you.

Try to keep it somewhat simple and to the point, basically express an interest in getting to know them or more about them.   See where it goes.

This will help reduce your own frustration and keep you from wasting your time online here. 




basheera -> RE: Reasons to DELETE UNREAD? (3/29/2008 2:36:27 PM)

I don't know what most of you are speaking about. But the sincere and calm approach usually doesn't work. If you say thank you- they send you an e-mail telling you to and forgive me"F-ck yourself." Or they have others e-mail you saying nasty things too. I live in the real cyberworld where kindness is seen a weakness unless for some reason you're a Dom or Domme and then all is somehow well? I don't think so. I decide life is too short and I don't deserve to be stressed. If I read your profile and your profile doesn't interest me or sounds crazy then the e-mail is unread.




eyesopened -> RE: Reasons to DELETE UNREAD? (3/29/2008 2:36:29 PM)

Even before i was collared i never received more than two or three emails per day so i opened all of them.  There were some where i wish i hadn't but i can see where someone who receives pages upon pages of emails per day just would not have time to read all of them.

Now that i am collared i get about one email every other week, mostly from people i've talked with or those cut n paste emails that are sent to everyone. 

The only thing i can tell you is that perhaps the people you are writing to are the ones who fall into the 'pages of emails a day' category or that your emails are going to the junk mail box because of their filters.



MistressNoName -> RE: Reasons to DELETE UNREAD? (3/29/2008 2:36:53 PM)

PrimeVector,

I have no idea why most people do the things they do, but I think it a damned shame if you end up going the way of the form letter. Although, I can certainly understand the absolute frustration of "slaving" over a thoughtful letter only to find it was arbitrarily disregarded. That would piss me off to no end, let me tell you.

Sometimes I find myself echoing the words of an old family friend (may he rest in peace), "the more I deal with people, the more I love my dog."

Don't give in, the world still needs people like you who give a shit.

MNN



MissLily -> RE: Reasons to DELETE UNREAD? (3/29/2008 2:38:02 PM)

Well, there's all sorts of people in the world. When you're sending out an email, you're basically trying to establish contact with a complete stranger. As in the real world, you have a half and half chance of a positive or negative feedback.
 
I'm sorry you got disapointed, but this is the Internet. Seems like people take the right of being rude or just not to give a darn.
 
Also, there might be a whole set of reasons that have really nothing to do with you for them  to delete you message. Maybe the mail box was full, the person did see when she'd be abel to answer, maybe she's no longer available. The reasons can be anything AND they probably have nothing to do with you. Just don't take it personaly.
 
Also, keep in mind that women over here really do receive A LOT of messages and that most of them are crap. I've had to erease all My mailbox without reading more than one Myself...
 
Anyway, the point of this rambling is that peoples behaviour is about themselves not you, that why it's best not to take it personaly. Especially when they are strangers.
 
Don't give up on sending messages. Maybe you'll meet someone. I normally take the time to answer good messages.
 
Good luck,
Miss Lily



Griswold -> RE: Reasons to DELETE UNREAD? (3/29/2008 2:56:24 PM)

I actually don't have any comments or response to your post, but I'm wondering....your photos....

Are you advertising for that P90 weight loss thing I see on TV at 3 in the morning?



lronitulstahp -> RE: Reasons to DELETE UNREAD? (3/29/2008 3:01:39 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: Griswold

I actually don't have any comments or response to your post, but I'm wondering....your photos....

Are you advertising for that P90 weight loss thing I see on TV at 3 in the morning?
*snort*...Thanks a lot, i'm trying to be more refined...you're sooo not helping!!



Najakcharmer -> RE: Reasons to DELETE UNREAD? (3/29/2008 3:03:57 PM)

I delete without reading if I see an obscene/explicit/kink specific screen name, particularly if there's a photo attachment.  I already know what it's a picture of, and I really don't need to see another one.  [:'(]

Otherwise I'll at least read it.  Scene specific or fetish specific scene names that aren't sexually explicit and don't contain a photo will be deleted if my mailbox is on the full side, otherwise I might risk a quick glance.  Screen names like "sub2serveMistress" or "footslave" are at moderate risk of being deleted unread and high risk if they contain a photo, because I'm not interested in talking to one-dimensional people who are only presenting themselves in a sexual/kinky context rather than introducing themselves as real human beings.  

Screen names that are not sexually explicit or scene/fetish explicit never get deleted unread even if they contain a photo attachment.  If said photo attachment or message does turn out to anything other than your basic, normal, polite conversational introduction, delete/block/ignore promptly follows. 

I don't respond to one-line "hi, how are you" messages, because it's inevitable that if I do respond in any kind of positive way, the very next one will be sexually explicit.  Basically as I say in my profile, unless you've actually read it thoroughly and are willing to start by chatting in a friendly way about completely vanilla topics of mutual interest in the process of getting to know each other, you're politely invited to move along and find someone else to write who is receptive to insta-kink.   There's nothing wrong with wanting insta-kink, but that's just not my personal preference, so I reserve my time and my positive replies for connecting with cool people who genuinely share some of my real life interests and who want to get to know me as a friend first.



faerytattoodgirl -> RE: Reasons to DELETE UNREAD? (3/29/2008 3:12:47 PM)

delete unread? = people who are not looking for men (or something specific) and state it quite thoroughly in their profile that they will delete msgs from them.  therefore no reason to open the msgs.  although its easier to go into mail controls and just block the ones they dont want mail from.





Missokyst -> RE: Reasons to DELETE UNREAD? (3/29/2008 3:15:06 PM)

I use no filters.  I open mail if I feel like opening it and delete it, if not.  I have pretty much the same attitude about mail that comes to my house.  Unsolicited stuff is rarely of interest to me. 
Kyst



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