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RE: Do you thank your sub? - 4/1/2008 9:26:01 PM   
smallsoldiers


Posts: 29
Joined: 5/18/2007
Status: offline 		:)

(in reply to BlackSakura)
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RE: Do you thank your sub? - 4/2/2008 8:14:34 AM   
thetammyjo


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Joined: 9/8/2005
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quote:

ORIGINAL: undergroundsea

Sure, dominance does not equate with rudeness, and I don't think not saying thank you necessarily equates with rudeness in a BDSM relationship. If I am generally comfortable that a domme appreciates me and is respectful of me, a thank you for each and everything I do is unnecessary and accepting my service in itself thanks me. In fact, a lack of thank you can even enhance the submissive mindset for me--the sentiment that I see behind such a response is not that my act of service is unappreciated but that it is the natural course of things and the service is to be expected.

Cheers,

Sea


This couples well with secondary's comment
quote:

As a slave, I liked being thanked in a certain tone. A casual "thanks slave" or "thanks boy" reconfirms my lower status more than being ignored or being snapped at. My slave position is subtlely but surely re-inforced."
a few posts down

This is a very good point.

When I thank Fox it is often more of a "Good job" reaction than an actual "thank you" -- it's more acknowledging and judging his actions or attitude and hopefully encouraging good service than a "thank you" between colleagues or friends or someone in the service industry.

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Check out my website at http://www.thetammyjo.com Or www.tammyjoeckhart.com

And my LJ where I post fiction in progress if you "friend" me at http://thetammyjo.livejournal.com/

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RE: Do you thank your sub? - 4/2/2008 6:26:28 PM   
MsHonor


Posts: 55
Joined: 8/15/2005
Status: offline 		As if another assenting opinion were needed...

I use 'please', 'thank you', and 'I'm sorry' as appropriate.  The reasons and desired effects are manifold, as has already been discussed.  I use thanks both for gratitude and approval.

I believe civility and refinement suit well with nobility.  I find boorish behaviour at least as belittleing of the boor as it is of the intended victim.  It's simply beneath me.

(in reply to thetammyjo)
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RE: Do you thank your sub? - 4/2/2008 7:19:13 PM   
MistressDolly


Posts: 917
Joined: 8/24/2006
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quote:

ORIGINAL: BlackSakura

Do you believe in thanking your submissive/slave?  If yes, how so and how often.  If not, why?



a thank you, a smile or nod - I think it's imperative the male serving you knows you are pleased with him; it's an inspiring incentive to carry on the same. I don't think a Mistress should always offer such gestures, however; he may start to expect them and feel disappointed if he doesn't get one. My preference is acknowledge him a little less, so when he gets an acknowledgment, it means more. I also like that he gets attached to such approval. It's good that he become juicily addicted to my praise. :) Mmmhmm


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RE: Do you thank your sub? - 4/2/2008 7:21:26 PM   
MistressDolly


Posts: 917
Joined: 8/24/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: undergroundsea

Sure, dominance does not equate with rudeness, and I don't think not saying thank you necessarily equates with rudeness in a BDSM relationship. If I am generally comfortable that a domme appreciates me and is respectful of me, a thank you for each and everything I do is unnecessary and accepting my service in itself thanks me. In fact, a lack of thank you can even enhance the submissive mindset for me--the sentiment that I see behind such a response is not that my act of service is unappreciated but that it is the natural course of things and the service is to be expected.

Cheers,

Sea


Totally agree.

///\\\

(Rudeness can be hot, in a certain context too)

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RE: Do you thank your sub? - 4/2/2008 10:30:57 PM   
Renee7852


Posts: 88
Joined: 11/12/2007
Status: offline 		      Most definately!  he enjoys hearing it from Me ...and I enjoy showing my appreciation and gratitude for what he gives to Me. Occasionally I will present him with a gift (usually something we will both enjoy.,.a new toy etc).  Then he knows he has made Mistress <very> happy!

(in reply to Daddysredhead)
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RE: Do you thank your sub? - 4/2/2008 10:42:32 PM   
KindLadyGrey


Posts: 358
Joined: 11/6/2007
Status: offline 		(FR)

I try to always thank anyone who does something for me, submissive or not! Sometimes I get in a bossy mood and end up barking commands for a while, but I always thank them later. (I do this sometimes not in a D/s context too. My bad!)

Also, I'm liberal with the "good boy" talk. It's so cute to watch them melt into my hands.

(in reply to Shawn1066)
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RE: Do you thank your sub? - 4/3/2008 4:38:06 AM   
Lashra


Posts: 4900
Joined: 2/9/2006
Status: offline 		Yes I do, I was taught that manners never go out of style. It took my sub a while to learn to accept this from me as he felt that dominants should never say "thank you or please". I disagreed with him. If I want to be polite I will and he is in no position to say otherwise.

~Lashra


_____________________________

“We can never judge the lives of others, because each person knows only their own pain and renunciation. It's one thing to feel that you are on the right path, but it's another to think that yours is the only path.”






(in reply to BlackSakura)
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RE: Do you thank your sub? - 4/3/2008 5:13:05 AM   
petdave


Posts: 2479
Status: offline 		Maybe i'm in the minority, but i tend to think of "thank you" and "please" to be in two entirely separate categories in a D/s relationship... i consider "thank you" to fall under positive reinforcement, which is very important to me ("good job, pet" is even better!), but somehow "please" feels off to me. It gives the recipient power over whether or not to fulfill the request, and a straightforward instruction seems much more natural to me. Or maybe i just read too much into it 

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RE: Do you thank your sub? - 4/4/2008 6:15:50 AM   
MsHonor


Posts: 55
Joined: 8/15/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: petdave
Maybe i'm in the minority, but i tend to think of "thank you" and "please" to be in two entirely separate categories in a D/s relationship... i consider "thank you" to fall under positive reinforcement, which is very important to me ("good job, pet" is even better!), but somehow "please" feels off to me. It gives the recipient power over whether or not to fulfill the request, and a straightforward instruction seems much more natural to me. Or maybe i just read too much into it 


I think it's a matter of tone and bearing... Done one way, it's pleading... 'p-p-p-puh-leez do as I ask...?'  But from another person it's just refined civility... A velvet gove on the iron hand, to use a too-well-worn illustration...  The 'please' one might hear from an Admiral or Queen. 

While I can assure you, my slaves know instinctively - or learn terribly quickly - that the only proper response to one of my "polite requests" is "Yes, Ma'am."... But it may very well be, at least in part, an affectation on my part.  I admit I like the juxtaposition of a very courtly "please" with the steeley firmness I can put into my countenance. :-)

(in reply to petdave)
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RE: Do you thank your sub? - 4/4/2008 6:33:03 AM   
MaamJay


Posts: 2101
Joined: 9/2/2005
Status: offline 		In the risk of being run of the mill ... Yes I thank subs ... and Master thanks me ... and yes, both of Us were brought up proper wiv good manners!

I think please, thank you and I'm sorry are appropriate on both sides of the slash in the appropriate contexts. To Me, saying "Please fetch the orange juice from the other fridge" is no less a command than "Fetch the orange juice from the other fridge" ... it's just that the former is, by My upbringing, more polite. Naturally, I am only looking for subs who respond to that, I am not interested in those (and I acknowledge they exist) who are looking for what I call the "cold bitch type of Domme" who is going to bark orders at them. Fine if that is their kink, but it's not Mine.

Nice to see how many of Us are like-minded though!

Maam Jay aka violet[A]

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RE: Do you thank your sub? - 4/4/2008 10:15:10 PM   
LadyNlace


Posts: 25
Joined: 2/13/2008
Status: offline 		My submissive is a mirror of my reflection. If I don't reflect upon her gratitude, among other things then how is she to shine on the world? I always say "good girl" when she does anything good or right. Training using possitive reinforsment is also very important.
Ms Jewel

(in reply to Shawn1066)
Profile   Post #: 52
RE: Do you thank your sub? - 4/4/2008 11:30:37 PM   
MsKaraZ


Posts: 7
Joined: 8/25/2006
Status: offline 		Yes, I always thank a sub. I believe in thanking/praise them when they have done well and punish when they have not. You need to give them goal. In the end it is just good manners to be polite, regardless of their situation.

(in reply to LadyNlace)
Profile   Post #: 53
RE: Do you thank your sub? - 4/6/2008 9:23:15 AM   
Mustardseed


Posts: 291
Joined: 5/27/2006
From: Seattle, WA
Status: offline 		I'm a new domme. My sub is experienced. We're having the equivalent of a new lieutenant - seasoned sergeant relationship, though I've been good and haven't goofed so badly that I've called him "Sir" yet. I do thank him about ninety-five percent of the time, and only that little because he let me know that I don't need to thank him. I'm debating on occasionally swapping out for, "That'll do, pig" just for the look on his face.

(in reply to Shawn1066)
Profile   Post #: 54
RE: Do you thank your sub? - 4/6/2008 2:38:55 PM   
mercifulsiren


Posts: 339
Joined: 7/17/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: BlackSakura

Do you believe in thanking your submissive/slave?  If yes, how so and how often.  If not, why?


Yes I believe in thanking a sub.  If a sub does something for me I will thank them everytime. 

(in reply to BlackSakura)
Profile   Post #: 55
RE: Do you thank your sub? - 4/6/2008 3:16:29 PM   
MistressFaye1


Posts: 276
Joined: 10/7/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Mustardseed

I'm a new domme. My sub is experienced. We're having the equivalent of a new lieutenant - seasoned sergeant relationship, though I've been good and haven't goofed so badly that I've called him "Sir" yet. I do thank him about ninety-five percent of the time, and only that little because he let me know that I don't need to thank him. I'm debating on occasionally swapping out for, "That'll do, pig" just for the look on his face.


Mustardseed,

LOL...I can relate and picture your illustration of the relationship.  I was in the military and when a wet behind the ear officer came in as our HHIC we were always wondering if they would come in throwing their rank around rather than take the time to learn what the hell was going on.  For those that don't know it, officers can be assigned to any station or job whether she/he knows anything thing in that particular field or not.  The officers that came in willing to learn, rather than throw the rank on her/his collar at us, were the ones we respected the most, actually taught the most, willingly, dilligently, and with total awareness and respect towards not only the rank but for the person wearing the rank.

So in a situation like that... the ranking officer doled out a lot of thanks to us.  The more she/he became familiar with the position you could see the shift of whom was leading whom.  It was a natural occurance to us, as it will be with your "experienced" sub.

To the OP:  yes... I thank any one that does something for me.  I am especially thankful when someone, submissive or anyone else goes above and beyond my expectations and I make sure it's known just how thankful I am. 

I also find being behaviorally specific when saying thank you can be a powerfully wonderful to way to have the behavior repeated (geeze that came out counselor-like which I am *smile*)  We all want to feel appreciated no matter what our stations are in life.

Ms. Faye

_____________________________

You can put away your masquerade
You won't ever have to be afraid of Me
Open up your eyes and see what is in store
I must the One that you are searching for.

(in reply to Mustardseed)
Profile   Post #: 56
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