Padriag
Posts: 2633
Joined: 3/30/2005
Status: offline
|
quote:
ORIGINAL: helpless1
Aye, i do feel shame for what i have done Sir. Though i swear it was never intentional. What happened for me was that i met quite a few Men off this site for coffee or what not. But always the "safe" ones. The ones i truely connected with, the ones who could make me "feel" those were the ones that scared me. And though i wanted to, i just could not bring myself to meet them.
I believe you, I believe you aren't alone in that either. I have met several, especially online, who have done exactly the same thing you describe. I'm glad you realized what you were doing and have changed that behavior, for your own sake as well as that of others. Most people don't screw up intentionally, its just the opposite in fact, we intend to do good and go wrong. That happens because our logic is faulty, we make the wrong choices because the way we reach those decisions was based on bad information or not being honest with ourselves. You realized your logic was faulty and the consequences of it, and you changed it, and for that good girl.
quote:
Perhaps my thoughts might have some value for Your friend. i sat down and thought about what i was doing logically, and did not like what i saw. Pushing away what i truely desired out of fear, and meeting only those whom i knew in my heart would never be hard enough for me. i realized that was getting me no where, and placing me again and again at risk. Meeting someone off line is always a risk and i was perpetuation my own problem. So, . . .i decided that i would take the leap. i decided to pick one person, who was of preference involved in the local scene, and trust them. Then if i trusted them it would follow logically that anyone they trusted could also be trusted. i chose one who was a friend to me not one who looked to possess me. i chose wisely, i was very fortunate and now i am living a life i only dreamed of. i still serch for where i truely belong but i am much closer than i was before when i was alone and afraid of who i was.
i urge the nervous to take the leap to the public scene. Though it is VERY intimidating, it is also MUCH safer than meeting man after man alone with no real knowledge of who they are. Think of it this way. If you are at a social and yell for help, trust me 18 people will be there in 10 seconds flat to make sure you are okay.
I think your thoughts might be of value to a whole lot of people right here at CM and I hope they read and think about it. Thank you for sharing it and in doing so saying something in a way perhaps better than the rest of us could have, because what you said came from the heart.
More than once I've encountered a submissive who behaved as you did. They would speak with me and I could tell there was a connection there. The things we talked about, the life I wanted excited them... but they wouldn't commit to it, to making it real and the reason in many of those cases was just what you describe, they were afraid. I see many submissives deliberately sabotage their own relationships because of fears they have, often stemming from unresolved issues in their past. I seem to evoke it quite a bit, perhaps because the passion in me reaches out to others and causes them to feel more than they are comfortable with. I was painfully reminded of it just this year in fact.
We'll call her K. I met her in a chat room and we became friends. I was a mentor to her for awhile, someone she came to for advice and explanations about things. K was bright, intelligent, caring, thoughtful, she had so many good qualities, it was easy to like her, easy to care about her. We became closer and began talking on the phone. Our conversations were wonderful, I could talk to her about such a broad range of topics, she was educated and liked to read. She took an interest in my interests, went to my web site and picked out three books from my library to read so she could discuss them with me. She was one of those rare people I could really relax with when I spoke with her, talking at my own level without having to be conscientious about my level of conversation. Sexually, well... you'd have thought we were a couple of teenage kids. She inspired me and she found a place for herself in my heart. She got to see sides of me the rest of you never will, peek in at those hidden parts, those fantasies I'll never talk about, find out about that secret world of mine I keep out of view. She was special to me and things were going great... until we started seriously talking about her coming to be with me as my slave. Suddenly the phone calls stopped, the emails became rare, the conversations in chat became more strained. K has fears and I knew what they were, I watched her struggle with them. You can lead a slave to water, but you can't make them drink. She kept waiting for the other shoe to drop, and when it didn't, she dropped it herself. She expected me to be angry with her, I wasn't. I was disappointed, sad and a little hurt, but not angry... I knew why this was happening. I think she wanted me to be angry with her, it would have made it easier for her. We haven't spoken since, I don't expect we will. I miss her, but you can't force someone into a relationship, either they want it or they don't. Either they get over that fear and take that next step or they don't. And when they choose not to... even though its frustrating, and sometimes it hurts, as a dominant we have no choice but to let go an walk away.
That's the flip side of that fear. Maybe between the two of us others out there reading this will pause and think and grow and change. One can only hope.
_____________________________
Padriag
A stern discipline pervades all nature, which is a little cruel so that it may be very kind - Edmund Spencer
|
RE: You said you wanted! - 
Profile
New Messages
No New Messages
Hot Topic w/ New Messages
Hot Topic w/o New Messages
Locked w/ New Messages
Locked w/o New Messages
Post New Thread