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RE: First Munch Bad Dom - 3/30/2008 5:41:33 PM

Leatherist

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Take a friend along, and if he approaches you-let him know he has become a hard limit.

It's not rocket science.

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RE: First Munch Bad Dom - 3/30/2008 5:45:37 PM

Evility

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You stayed and rolled the dice where other people would have wisely picked up their chips and moved along. You rolled snake eyes. It happens. Did you deserve to be treated like that? Not at all. Was there enough advance warning that this might not have been a good idea? Sounds like it. Learn from it.

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RE: First Munch Bad Dom - 3/30/2008 5:52:41 PM

LadyHibiscus

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He's a dick. And what do we do with dicks? We IGNORE them. We do not chat with them, or accept rides from them. If they do things we do not like, we tell them NO. Loudly, so that others nearby can hear. Because we are not in their company where others canNOT hear.

Don't let this guy get in the way of your future good time, but don't associate with him anymore, either. In guy parlance, or at least in DICK guy parlance, you led him on simply by speaking to him. Your lack of NO was accepted as an implicit YES.

You know how to be a gracious bitch, I'm sure. (or you wouldn't have your domme card, eh! LOL) Use your skills to keep yourself happy, and do not concern yourself with this guy.

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RE: First Munch Bad Dom - 3/30/2008 6:09:53 PM

BoiJen

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Okay am I the only one who caught "he bought me a membership"? That's not something I would EVER do for anyone I Just chat to from time to time. And I'm betting most guys who have their heads where mine stays most of the time would feel the same way.

Face it...you lead him on. And it's just as unfair of you to do that to him as it is for him to lash out.

Besides last time I checked...that little "x" in the right hand corner of your window ends the conversation and removes it from your sight. Grow up. Take responsibility for your part it in it and stop playing a victim when there's nothing to be a victim about.

Attn: whores.

"Bad Dom/me...no cookie for you" says the bottom.

< Message edited by BoiJen -- 3/30/2008 6:12:09 PM >

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RE: First Munch Bad Dom - 3/30/2008 6:10:41 PM

HerLord

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He's right. You're a tease.

I'll explain. You've disliked him for Years, so you say. But yet for some ungodly reason you still maintained contact to the point of friendship(maybe a bit exaggerated to begin with). Then you go with him to a sex event. AND DON'T do anything with him. While he was doing whatever he wanted WITHOUT you, You got irritated that he wasn't coming on to you and made him leave. Yeah I've heard this sob story before... You want him to stop...
STOP LEADING HIM ON!!!
Just my copper.

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RE: First Munch Bad Dom - 3/30/2008 6:13:09 PM

Gemini1766

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BoiJen, I respectfully disagree that she led him on. He offered to buy the membership, and honestly, in my younger years, I've done the same thing to get closer to a few women I was interested in. They didn't lead me on, I lead myself on. Huge difference.

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RE: First Munch Bad Dom - 3/30/2008 6:21:29 PM

HerLord

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Gemini1766

BoiJen, I respectfully disagree that she led him on. He offered to buy the membership, and honestly, in my younger years, I've done the same thing to get closer to a few women I was interested in. They didn't lead me on, I lead myself on. Huge difference.

After reading this post... nothing changes. She has remained "friends" with someone who has repeatedly asked for more (a sign they are not content to leave well alone) knowing there would never be more... Tease.

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RE: First Munch Bad Dom - 3/30/2008 7:06:37 PM

MasterWilliam55

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When someone in your RL community acts in this matter it's far more difficult to deal with then on-line. He may have some standing in the community, but he is real time. We had a somewhat similar incident in our community where a Dom inappropriately groped both attached and unattached women at a play party and at a few munches. It was dealt with by the offended woman reporting his behaviour to the munch and play party organizers who in turn reported him to other orginizers in our community. He has been pretty much banned from local munches.

The point is, we here in CM may not be able to help you, but your local community might be able to help you. They could and should ban him if he is using their venue to meet women and then abuse them if they don't go along with his demands.

I'm assuming here that the story you are telling is a true account of what happened and just as an added note, don't talk to guys who do not respect you, just because you want to be courteous.

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RE: First Munch Bad Dom - 3/30/2008 7:11:51 PM

Gemini1766

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quote:

ORIGINAL: MasterWilliam55

When someone in your RL community acts in this matter it's far more difficult to deal with then on-line. He may have some standing in the community, but he is real time. We had a somewhat similar incident in our community where a Dom inappropriately groped both attached and unattached women at a play party and at a few munches. It was dealt with by the offended woman reporting his behaviour to the munch and play party organizers who in turn reported him to other orginizers in our community. He has been pretty much banned from local munches.

The point is, we here in CM may not be able to help you, but your local community might be able to help you. They could and should ban him if he is using their venue to meet women and then abuse them if they don't go along with his demands.

I'm assuming here that the story you are telling is a true account of what happened and just as an added note, don't talk to guys who do not respect you, just because you want to be courteous.

Well said, Sir!

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RE: First Munch Bad Dom - 3/30/2008 7:19:01 PM

LuckyAlbatross

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quote:

ORIGINAL: MasterWilliam55
The point is, we here in CM may not be able to help you, but your local community might be able to help you. They could and should ban him if he is using their venue to meet women and then abuse them if they don't go along with his demands.

I'm hardly sure how you can equate a spout of insulting IMs to be abusive or comparable to groping in public. I'm not sure you could find a single attendee at any kink event who hasn't done that on occasion.

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RE: First Munch Bad Dom - 3/30/2008 7:21:33 PM

Leatherist

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quote:

ORIGINAL: LuckyAlbatross

quote:

ORIGINAL: MasterWilliam55
The point is, we here in CM may not be able to help you, but your local community might be able to help you. They could and should ban him if he is using their venue to meet women and then abuse them if they don't go along with his demands.

I'm hardly sure how you can equate a spout of insulting IMs to be abusive or comparable to groping in public. I'm not sure you could find a single attendee at any kink event who hasn't done that on occasion.

People who show a consistent and verifiable pattern of abuse find themselves shunned in most bdsm communities. It's how we avoid people becoming a problem.

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RE: First Munch Bad Dom - 3/30/2008 7:22:24 PM

mistoferin

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quote:

ORIGINAL: MasterWilliam55
The point is, we here in CM may not be able to help you, but your local community might be able to help you. They could and should ban him if he is using their venue to meet women and then abuse them if they don't go along with his demands.

Bullshit. He didn't use their venue to meet and abuse her. They had known each other for SEVEN YEARS!!! Munches and play parties are adult functions and the people attending them should act like adults. It is not the responsibility of the community to police people who can't be adult enough to communicate and enforce their own boundaries.

If someone comes into a munch and is making a general ass of himself and pushing himself onto women he just met because of their orientation....he may be asked to leave and not be invited back. But the bottom line is that all who attend are adults who SHOULD be capable of being responsible for themselves.

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RE: First Munch Bad Dom - 3/30/2008 7:27:01 PM

Leatherist

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At the same time, I do wonder what HIS side of things would be-if he had a chance?

Could it be a guy talking about some little attention slut who cannot make up her mind?

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RE: First Munch Bad Dom - 3/30/2008 7:33:34 PM

HerLord

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Leatherist

At the same time, I do wonder what HIS side of things would be-if he had a chance?

Could it be a guy talking about some little tease who cannot make up her mind?

*edited by Her Lord to be a dick* (not to leatherist)

< Message edited by HerLord -- 3/30/2008 7:34:09 PM >

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RE: First Munch Bad Dom - 3/30/2008 7:43:53 PM

MistressNoName

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Summer,

You wrote a very clear and detailed account. That alone makes me believe that you know how to communicate and you are tuned into your own feelings. The only thing I would suggest you seriously work on is this pleasing people thing and the saying no part. Other than that, I think you are right on the money. I wouldn't give this guy the time of day. I had one experience with a Dom, when I was subbing, that feels similar to what you have reported here...and the way I dealt with him was to simply hang up the phone on him...and never speak to him again. I suggest you do the same. Block him and stop the IM and email contact because he has an agenda which excludes any consideration of you as a whole person. And best to you.

MNN

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RE: First Munch Bad Dom - 3/30/2008 8:12:28 PM

Ebonybbw

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quote:

ORIGINAL: summerblossom

I am also not a total 'people pleaser' I just like to see people happy

Sounds to me like you are... and we are the ones who's feelings get overlooked. Don't communicate with this guy. He is dominant and it will always be about him.. Besides you don't like c**ks anyway!!

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RE: First Munch Bad Dom - 3/30/2008 8:15:28 PM

TNstepsout

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I read this post with interest because I find myself in similar circumstances at times. I am also reminded of the recent thread "...now can I see you naked". I think the theme of both threads is how differently men and women interpret the concept of "friendship" between men and women. One response was that she had led him on simply be being his friend for 7 years, knowing that she never wanted to have sex with him. I'm confused by this, because this would seem to indicate to me that the only reason he was her friend in the first place for all those years is that he hoped to have sex with her. Men can be friends with other men for reasons other than they hope to have sex with them some day. Why isn't it the same for friendships with women?

Was she clear in her boundaries or not? Well I know in the other thread the concept of "flirtatious frienships" was brought up by several people. It seems that some people flirt openly with friends, but they have an understanding that that's as far as it goes. In this case it appears that she accepted a little flirting from him but didn't really encourage it. If someone flirts with you and you don't shut them down cold, is that leading them on? Or is it only leading them on if you flirt back?

Some people don't take subtle hints and have to be told very clearly and bluntly. I guess her mistake is that she should have known based on past experience that he was one of those types and should have made herself absolutely clear, almost to the point of being rude. However, even then there are some people who still manage to twist those words into a "maybe" in their head. I am reminded of this scene in Dumb and Dumber

Lloyd: What are the chances of a guy like me and a girl like you... ending up together?
Mary: Well, that's pretty difficult to say.
Lloyd: Hit me with it! I've come a long way to see you, Mary. The least you can do is level with me. What are my chances?
Mary: Not good.
Lloyd: You mean, not good like one out of a hundred?
Mary: I'd say more like one out of a million.
Lloyd: So you're telling me there's a chance.

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RE: First Munch Bad Dom - 3/30/2008 8:27:43 PM

ShadowsLap

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quote:

ORIGINAL: MistressNoName

Summer,

You wrote a very clear and detailed account. That alone makes me believe that you know how to communicate and you are tuned into your own feelings. The only thing I would suggest you seriously work on is this pleasing people thing and the saying no part. Other than that, I think you are right on the money. I wouldn't give this guy the time of day. I had one experience with a Dom, when I was subbing, that feels similar to what you have reported here...and the way I dealt with him was to simply hang up the phone on him...and never speak to him again. I suggest you do the same. Block him and stop the IM and email contact because he has an agenda which excludes any consideration of you as a whole person. And best to you.

MNN

Summer,

Even though I don't know both sides of the situation, I completely agree with MNN's suggestion of dealing with someone who is out of control enough to attack another's character. If someone is angry (or pick another negative emotion), and lashes out in a verbal/written attack of another - then where is the control a Dom/me must have over themselves in order to exercise control over a submissive?

Whatever the "true" details of the interaction (I'm not disputing the accuracy or validity of the OP), both of you did things that did not honor yourselves or each other. I agree, be true to yourself, sever ties to this Dom and move on to more interesting, promising - and positive - adventures in your life.

SL

(Edited to add "written" as the attack was stated to be an IM. Tks!)

< Message edited by ShadowsLap -- 3/30/2008 8:31:57 PM >

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RE: First Munch Bad Dom - 3/30/2008 9:00:33 PM

BitaTruble

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quote:

ORIGINAL: BoiJen

Okay am I the only one who caught "he bought me a membership"?

Since she didn't say that, yes, you're probably the only one who 'caught' it. She wrote that he offered to buy her a membership, not that he did or that she accepted the offer (albeit she may have but we don't have that information so you are assuming.)

quote:

Face it...you lead him on. And it's just as unfair of you to do that to him as it is for him to lash out.

::shrugs:: I disagree. I see nothing in her missive that leads me to believe she led him on and, in fact, there are quite a few things which point to the opposite.

"He knows that I prefer women and am mostly uncomfortable with men and also knows I much prefer being dominant. I have made this perfectly clear to him on many occasions. It's no secret. When we entered into this conversation at first I was a little taken off guard because I had thought he gave up trying to push me to be his submissive. He started off sounding so nice and polite that I even considered it at first just because I like making people happy and I wanted him to be happy with me. (this is where I go wrong trying to please people). I never once told him I was going to do it, instead I asked him question after question about exactly what he would have wanted me to do and when he told me I kept mentioning how that made me uncomfortable and asked more questions. The conversation went on for a while and when I got myself together and realized he was just being super pushy I put my foot down and said ''This idea makes me very uncomfortable and it is probably best if we don't go together."

This happened in the course of a single IM. She asked him questions so one automatically assumes that she is leading him on or giving him some sort of hope despite the fact that for the last six or seven years she has told him on several occasions that she prefers a different gender, is uncomfortable with men and also prefers to be on Top? Those seven years go out the window and the one IM conversation suddenly carries more weight and it turns into her leading him on?

I don't buy that for a moment.

quote:

Besides last time I checked...that little "x" in the right hand corner of your window ends the conversation and removes it from your sight.

True.

quote:

Grow up. Take responsibility for your part it in it and stop playing a victim when there's nothing to be a victim about.

She appears to be quite grown up and not playing the 'victim' but could use a thicker skin and let the unpleasant IM conversation pass without giving it much thought. It's probably not worth the wasted effort.

quote:

Attn: whores.

"Bad Dom/me...no cookie for you" says the bottom.

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RE: First Munch Bad Dom - 3/30/2008 9:53:34 PM

Daddyslilpookie

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My advice to you is to appear permanetly offline to him on meesenger and or block him from messenger. Also lose his phone number, the guy sounds like a total wanker, tell him to take a long walk on a short pier, that will hopefully lose him