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RE: First Munch Bad Dom - 4/1/2008 9:54:19 PM

MasterWilliam55

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These forums are becoming a haven for misogynists.

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RE: First Munch Bad Dom - 4/1/2008 9:55:25 PM

Leatherist

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You noticed that?

It's a wonder they can even jerk off to porno.

Or maybe not.......

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RE: First Munch Bad Dom - 4/1/2008 11:19:53 PM

MasterWilliam55

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I like your tag "It's like highschool

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RE: First Munch Bad Dom - 4/2/2008 5:31:16 AM

StormsSlave

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quote:

ORIGINAL: MasterWilliam55

These forums are becoming a haven for misogynists.

Are there rules about what we are allowed to say and how we are supposed to respond to things that people willingly put out there for us to say? Of course there are the TOS, which really require us to avoid certain topics and avoid outright attacks or slander. Other than that, I didn't know the forums were a "haven" for anything but people's right to express themselves how they choose, in accordance with our first amendment guarantees.

I've avoided this one, but here I go. This person has taken no responsibility for her own behavior and is now the "victim" of someone's verbal abuse. If a man invites me out, picks me up, and pays for it, then that's a date. That's not complicated. It's been like that for a long, long time, and will continue to be that way. If I invited a man out, picked him up, and paid for it, I would consider it a date. Pure and simple.

Sure, he shouldn't have verbally attacked her, but it's not like he went over to her house and PHYSICALLY took advantage of her. At any point she could have exercised her right to hit the little X in the corner. She chose not to, and instead, came here to tell her sob story.

If people don't want to hear other people's opinions, they should keep their life to themselves. That's my maybe-not-so-humble opinion.

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RE: First Munch Bad Dom - 4/2/2008 5:49:32 AM

TNstepsout

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quote:

ORIGINAL: StormsSlave

Sure, he shouldn't have verbally attacked her, but it's not like he went over to her house and PHYSICALLY took advantage of her. At any point she could have exercised her right to hit the little X in the corner. She chose not to, and instead, came here to tell her sob story.

If people don't want to hear other people's opinions, they should keep their life to themselves. That's my maybe-not-so-humble opinion.

I don't know that she was coming here to tell a sob story so much as she was seeking opinions as to some of the more manipulative accusations he made. Was he right? Had she "lead him on"? Was he over reacting? Or had she inadvertently encouraged him to expect more from their "relationship"? I don't think she meant to imply that he abused her, but that his blow up was completely unexpected and she was confused by it.

What I've learned from this thread is actually pretty discouraging. It appears that many are of the following opinions 1) men cannot be friends with women, they only want them for sex (unless they happen to be women who are like men) 2) if a woman responds with anything other than mace to the face, a man can assume she is encouraging him 3) Any woman who fails to "mace the face" of a man she isn't interested in, is responsible and therefore needs to willingly accept the consequences, when he responds by treating her badly if at some later time she "maces the face". 4) Men are not required to be honest in their intentions.

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RE: First Munch Bad Dom - 4/2/2008 5:56:05 AM

StormsSlave

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quote:

ORIGINAL: TNstepsout

quote:

ORIGINAL: StormsSlave

Sure, he shouldn't have verbally attacked her, but it's not like he went over to her house and PHYSICALLY took advantage of her. At any point she could have exercised her right to hit the little X in the corner. She chose not to, and instead, came here to tell her sob story.

If people don't want to hear other people's opinions, they should keep their life to themselves. That's my maybe-not-so-humble opinion.

I don't know that she was coming here to tell a sob story so much as she was seeking opinions as to some of the more manipulative accusations he made. Was he right? Had she "lead him on"? Was he over reacting? Or had she inadvertently encouraged him to expect more from their "relationship"? I don't think she meant to imply that he abused her, but that his blow up was completely unexpected and she was confused by it.

What I've learned from this thread is actually pretty discouraging. It appears that many are of the following opinions 1) men cannot be friends with women, they only want them for sex (unless they happen to be women who are like men) 2) if a woman responds with anything other than mace to the face, a man can assume she is encouraging him 3) Any woman who fails to "mace the face" of a man she isn't interested in, is responsible and therefore needs to willingly accept the consequences, when he responds by treating her badly if at some later time she "maces the face". 4) Men are not required to be honest in their intentions.

What???

Ok...Sob story...that was my phrase, as how I read it.

As far as the rest of it....what? I'm confused??? I didn't read it that she was seeking advice, as she never actuall gets around to asking a question. What I did read was that she was seeking justification for her own vitimized feelings. No one has said she should "mace the face" ever. I read every post. No one said anything close. EVERYONE who disagreed with her actions said she should have been MORE CLEAR in her intentions, or something stronger. If she wanted friendship, which she openly said she didn't, she should have told him, "I ONLY WANT TO BE YOUR FRIEND." Communicating with men isn't that hard...you just got to stop thinking they are women. They need a CLEAR, honest statement of a persons thoughts to be sure of where they stand. Going on a date with him does NOT make friendship...that's a date.

The rest of what you said???What? None of that has anything to do with what anyone said anywhere here. I'm so confused.

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RE: First Munch Bad Dom - 4/2/2008 6:13:32 AM

Madame4a

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I've been reading this thread for sometime --- and I figure someone's said what I think already.. but I must respond to this...

What I've learned from this thread is actually pretty discouraging. It appears that many are of the following opinions 1) men cannot be friends with women, they only want them for sex (unless they happen to be women who are like men) 2) if a woman responds with anything other than mace to the face, a man can assume she is encouraging him 3) Any woman who fails to "mace the face" of a man she isn't interested in, is responsible and therefore needs to willingly accept the consequences, when he responds by treating her badly if at some later time she "maces the face". 4) Men are not required to be honest in their intentions.

I'm not sure that what you listed are just opinions... #1 -- that's just crap and I don't think many really believe that. I think its sometimes difficult and people just don't communicate well. I'm going to guess that there are situations where that's true, but like all relationships, intent is likely to require communication.

#2 -- The problem is, sometimes even mace to the face doesn't work. I'd hate to think what it might be like face to face with someone of the men I've encountered here. I am so thankful for the blocking feature so I can remain polite after 4 or 8 "no thank yous" Again, it takes all kinds and it takes good communication

#3 -- again, I just don't think 'many' here are really saying that...

#4 -- see above about communicating intent

Personally, as lesbian, clear and open and honest communication about sex and relationships has never been a problem for me.... until I started having men in my life in more than a friendship capacity. The more I learn over the years, about how men and women communicate with one another, the more I realize communication is an art and skill you work at all the time. I don't know why I feel or seem to have done it well in relationships over the years, and yet now, in relationships with men I find it difficult and frustrating... but that's my take. Its opened my eyes -- and so it colors my response here. I think in general men and women sometimes have difficulty communicating with one another... *shrug* and then again, humans have that difficulty

for me, the op just comes down to bad communication all around

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RE: First Munch Bad Dom - 4/2/2008 9:27:57 AM

BoiJen

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The issue is that the OP has put herself in a no responsibility position. And the people who think she's "Right" don't take into account that her ACTIONS did not reflect "no." She did the thing people do when they have no idea what they want. Say something and do something entirely contrary to that.

She's a grown woman. By now she knows that such actions that do not indicate a clear "no," when it comes to men, are a "yes." As a grown woman it's her responsibility to be consistant with the people she interacts with. She was not consistant at all with this individual.

He's not right for lashing out. He should have also known what her actions indicate. He's an idiot for not seeing this girl for being manipulative to begin with and leaving her ass alone.

Now, what really gets me is that there have been several questions very particular as to what and how somethings happened. And this girl has not responded to that all. What I figure, and it's my opinion, is that she got a few sympathetic responses and was overjoyed to be validated as a victim. She started to get one' not validating that telling that she needs to start behaving better and she got mad and hasn't bothered to asnwer the questions because to do so would point out that she has fault in creating this situation.

And that's really where this is going....she has fault in creating the situation and circumstances as much as he dones.

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RE: First Munch Bad Dom - 4/2/2008 12:44:35 PM

MasterWilliam55

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As I did.

Sorry, I didn't realize missogny, harrassment, and verbal abuse were socially acceptable in this day-in-age, especially within this lifestyle where so many submissives, and Dominants for that matter, have their self-esteem challanged at every turn. Because something is legal, doesn't make it acceptable or right.

I assume you've read the entire thread. You've offered nothing here that hasn't been said before or that I haven't already commented on in this thread.

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RE: First Munch Bad Dom - 4/2/2008 12:52:33 PM

HerLord

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quote:

ORIGINAL: MasterWilliam55

As I did.

Sorry, I didn't realize missogny, harrassment, and verbal abuse were socially acceptable in this day-in-age, especially within this lifestyle where so many submissives, and Dominants for that matter, have their self-esteem challanged at every turn. Because something is legal, doesn't make it acceptable or right.

I assume you've read the entire thread. You've offered nothing here that hasn't been said before or that I haven't already commented on in this thread.

And as we have seen in this particular forum, before it got yanked once already, something about dogs topping on campus(oh and just so you know... I had nothing to do with it). OK. We get it. You want this chick. Good luck with that. I expect in SEVEN FUCKING YEARS, you'll be the one having this thread posted about you.

So, you think your own comments so unworthy that they do not bare repeating? Or is it more that you are the only one allowed to say them?

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RE: First Munch Bad Dom - 4/2/2008 1:03:32 PM

MasterWilliam55

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It's a no win situation for her. Why would she answer knowing everyone has already made up their minds. For some here it wouldn't matter what she said. She would simply be opening herself up for even more abuse.

I never said she didn't have some culpability in this whether through naivity or accident, but he was the one to step over the line, and some of us have stepped over the line as well.

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RE: First Munch Bad Dom - 4/2/2008 1:07:59 PM

MasterWilliam55

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No, You don't get it, and you likely never will.

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RE: First Munch Bad Dom - 4/2/2008 3:39:35 PM

BoiJen

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Alright I doubt the guy HATES women. You're making an assumption. AND he didn't harrass her. She never actually said stop doing x, y, or z. Just because some people are dumb and don't take the first clue about being teased (because that's what she did....she punched his arm and ran away like a child repeatedly) and keep on asking doesn't mean he harassed her.

Finally, cuz I need to leave this shit alone, no one on this thread has crossed any line that she did not openly invite by posting and creating the thread. NO ONE. You post or talk about yourself or personal shit in a public place, forum, cafe, community setting of any kind and you KNOW that somebody is gonna ahve something to say about it. Positive, negative, or otherwise. So stop tryna be the big bad daddy white knight of the collarme internet forums. You're not saving anyone from anything and it doesn't impress anyone.

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RE: First Munch Bad Dom - 4/2/2008 3:55:00 PM

HerLord

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But he does make me look good. And THAT takes something extra special. (sp LOL)

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RE: First Munch Bad Dom - 4/2/2008 4:54:07 PM

MasterWilliam55

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Smiles...I didn't say the guy hated women. that's your assumpion. The mysogonists are here, replying to her dilema. As for my being a white knight, not likely, but I do take exception to the way this person has been treated.

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RE: First Munch Bad Dom - 4/2/2008 4:56:56 PM

MasterWilliam55

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Your welcome. You could use the help.

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RE: First Munch Bad Dom - 4/4/2008 5:36:04 PM

UncleNasty

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I have always believed there are two sides to every relationship. I doubt anyone can accurately devine what the truth is here without hearing from each of them. Without the truth an informed ipinion is not possible.

Uncle Nasty

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RE: First Munch Bad Dom - 4/4/2008 6:02:42 PM

Leatherist

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Fast reply.

The last thing that a victim seeking validation of thier negativity wants to hear is "Get over yourself-don't you have something better to do with your time and energy?"

I've had more than one sub take a hike when I told her that-and stuck to it. And you know what? It was no huge loss. Because *I* have better things to do, than listen to whining from someone who won't DO anything about making better choices. And there is NO reason for me to have to put up with that sort of bullshit.

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RE: First Munch Bad Dom - 4/4/2008 8:48:46 PM

MasterWilliam55

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Your right, but since some here had already labeled her, I felt I had to balance the books.

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RE: First Munch Bad Dom - 4/4/2008 9:07:47 PM

TNstepsout

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quote:

ORIGINAL: MasterWilliam55

Your right, but since some here had already labeled her, I felt I had to balance the books.

Well I for one am glad you did. I thought a number of people vastly over reacted to her post. Somehow there was a perception that she claimed to have been abused when all I got from it is that he blew his cool and made a number of accusations and she wanted others opinions as to whether they thought his accusations were justified. Poor girl, she's probably more confused than when she started. I know I am.

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