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RE: When an Ex-Master Calls..... - 3/31/2008 12:51:43 AM

Chrissys2127

Posts: 5
Joined: 11/13/2007
Status: offline

If you died tomorrow, what's more important, that you had a Master/slave relationships with this man or that you were a success in the job of your dreams?
[/quote]

But she's NOT dying tomorrow. That's the point. Neither would matter much if she were. He's your past and this is your future. You left him for legitimate reasons and if/when he passes on, you'll be back where you started. You don't want that. It wasn't good when you were there the first time, was it? This manipulative person no longer has a hold on you, unless you allow him to. He told you there would be no argument? Who is he to say that? This tricky, untrustable man who lied to you from the start? He's holding this illness over your head as a tool for manipulation in hopes that your soft side will bring you back so he can keep you around for his convenience just like he did before. That is not love. That is not a healthy relationship. At his side is not where you want or need to be. I think you already know that. You just want to know that you're not a bad person for standing up for yourself and saying NO. And you're not. I promise

(in reply to MasterFireMaam)

Post #: 21

RE: When an Ex-Master Calls..... - 3/31/2008 1:02:12 AM

MissMagnolia

Posts: 3636
Status: offline

Ex, might, need, maybe, blah, blah, blah.

My vote is the "tell him to bugger off" option, too.

_____________________________

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(in reply to Chrissys2127)

Post #: 22

RE: When an Ex-Master Calls..... - 3/31/2008 1:26:31 AM

faithfulfemme

Posts: 113
Joined: 5/24/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Chrissys2127

You just want to know that you're not a bad person for standing up for yourself and saying NO. And you're not. I promise

And i also promise you, clearlightblack.......you're simply not the bad person here for wanting to stand up for yourself to this guy and picking your career over him.

Exes are Exes for a REASON.......you're just having a momentary loss-of-memory attack because he says he is sick, and that appeals to your nursing skills.

You're gonna feel so good when you say NO......honest......

_____________________________

Trust is neither wishing nor hoping; it is a deep sense of honor in another.

(in reply to Chrissys2127)

Post #: 23

RE: When an Ex-Master Calls..... - 3/31/2008 1:29:39 AM

HerLord

Posts: 697
Joined: 2/14/2008
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Chrissys2127
But she's NOT dying tomorrow. That's the point. Neither would matter much if she were. He's your past and this is your future. You left him for legitimate reasons and if/when he passes on, you'll be back where you started. You don't want that. It wasn't good when you were there the first time, was it? This manipulative person no longer has a hold on you, unless you allow him to. He told you there would be no argument? Who is he to say that? This tricky, untrustable man who lied to you from the start? He's holding this illness over your head as a tool for manipulation in hopes that your soft side will bring you back so he can keep you around for his convenience just like he did before. That is not love. That is not a healthy relationship. At his side is not where you want or need to be. I think you already know that. You just want to know that you're not a bad person for standing up for yourself and saying NO. And you're not. I promise

An excellent point that hadn't occured to me... IF this is the scenario... my apologies for any undue cruelty... so let me address this.

If you need the edification of others to convince you that you are not a bad person, then you are horribly out of sync with yourself and a total waste of effort on any one's part. You have to be able to stand on your own two feet before you can stand beside any one. If you are unable to support and serve your self more truly than this... what the hell good will you do any one else.

People people people...
I hate to be the bad guy (ok you caught me... That's full of shit right there), but if any one is incapable of liking themselves enough to be confident within thier own thinking, what could there possibly be to that person that would be of any worth to any one else? Something is not right in the thinking that If only I could just get this soandso or that soandso everything would be hunky dorey with me. NOT. If you are not happy with yourself... there is no conceivable way you can be happy with someone else.

So first... Find out what about yourself makes you happy. then RUN with it. If you find something in yourself that you don't like... Fucking FIX it! But never expect that just because you are searching for the perfect mate, that finding THEM will make YOU any better off. I could rant on this for hours... so Here it stops. (for now)
*edited to correct fuck ups*

< Message edited by HerLord -- 3/31/2008 1:32:11 AM >

_____________________________

"People as a whole think they want to hear the truth, until they hear it." -Stormism

(in reply to Chrissys2127)

Post #: 24

RE: When an Ex-Master Calls..... - 3/31/2008 1:44:17 AM

kinkylittlegirl

Posts: 1
Joined: 7/18/2004
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: clearlightblack

To your first question, I don't know if there is a short version to that question. But to try and answer you.....He was the first to bring me into the lifestyle.....I fell in love with him and let him bring me in. I seemed to fall into my role as his submissive quickly, though i did have several things that needed to be worked on. He made a lot of promises that never came true, didn't even come close. And we are not talking about huge things...just promises of small chunks of time. I can own up and say my job and me being an only child....made me a bratty, spiteful little thing, but He promised time and it never happened and I was scolded for being upset. I was told to read about the lifestyle until he could get to me. He saw me as his old slave....I was punished for her sins. He would say when he was "finally" ready to start training me, I would "act" up and he would want to walk away. In the beginning he loved my ambition and my spirit. He said he loved me but then he wanted to change me. To me I felt like he could careless about anything, I couldn't trust him and all I was, was someone to boss around, even though he said things would be different.

After I said all this....made me think....Maybe some of the members are right, maybe I didn't get my place beat into me enough.....but he was never had time for that either.....

Darlin', this guy has "abuser" and "user" written all over him. Run like the wind, and don't look back.

Whatever you do, do *not* allow his pathos to ruin your career. You are the only person responsible for taking care of yourself. If you had an existing relationship that was solid, and he'd already put things in place to ensure that you were taken care of financially, whether he's still around or not, then that might be a different story. But you not only don't have any such guarantees, you aren't even still in a relationship with him!

Just because your job puts you in a position of authority, that should have nothing whatsoever to do with what you do in your relationships. Being submissive and a boss are *not* mutually exclusive in any way, and never have been. For anyone but the most insecure so-called "doms".

And don't you believe that "get my place beat into me enough" stuff for a moment. A real dom who actually cares for his submissive nurtures her and the relationship, same as any other good partner - and would encourage her to the ends of the earth to achieve her best in her job.

You two aren't a match, for a zillion reasons, and you'd be a fool to throw an opportunity like this away for someone who has never even treated you with the most basic decent human respect.

(in reply to clearlightblack)

Post #: 25

RE: When an Ex-Master Calls..... - 3/31/2008 3:30:07 AM

TysGalilah

Posts: 589
Joined: 11/21/2007
Status: offline

Ask yourself
what is he really wanting ??
my submission, devotion and an intimate relationship?
OR
someone to be nursemaid and take care of him during his illness?

if it is the later> You already HAVE a job..and you think it is a good one...and there are people he can hire to help him and be nursemaid and caregiver.

if it is the first> how did that work out the first time? and has anything really changed to make you think it would be "better" or different this time ( since he is your ex it must not have been fulfilling or what you needed or wanted at some point ).

Look at this without the previous love and emotions.
if he were new to you and approaching you as he is now> how would you react to him..?? Put him, and what he has to bring to you and a relationship, through whatever screening or scrutinizing you would a stranger approching you wanting to get closer to you.

Sometimes it is easier to "see" what we want things to be rather than see them as they really are..

....and if that doesn't help> what would you counsel a best friend who brought this question/situation to you for advice...

Cyndi

_____________________________

galilah

.."There are two ways of spreading light: to be the candle or the mirror that reflects it. " Edith Wharton

(in reply to kinkylittlegirl)

Post #: 26

RE: When an Ex-Master Calls..... - 3/31/2008 4:03:26 AM

CelticPrince

Posts: 3613
Joined: 4/15/2005
Status: offline

quote:

What would you do?

clear,

The operative word here is X

CP

(in reply to clearlightblack)

Post #: 27

RE: When an Ex-Master Calls..... - 3/31/2008 4:10:45 AM

RavenMuse

Posts: 4030
Joined: 1/23/2006
Status: offline

People usualy only become EX's for a reason. Are you wanting to be played like a fish, cast out and reeled back in when it suits? The job is a sure thing and in your best interest, don't go backward, go forward and look for a Master who is compatabile with who you are now... that includes your career.

_____________________________

This above all: to thine own self be true,
And it must follow, as the night the day,
Thou canst not then be false to any man.

Owner of metalmiss

(in reply to clearlightblack)

Post #: 28

RE: When an Ex-Master Calls..... - 3/31/2008 5:10:11 AM

angelikaJ

Posts: 8641
Joined: 6/22/2007
Status: offline

Some things to think about:
if you choose him over the job will you resent him...

AND

if you chose the job over him would you resent the job?

(my guess is yes to the first and no to the second)

How much of this is feeling afraid because moving ahead with this job would signify your moving forward in your life...and saying no to him is an acknowledgement that it is indeed over.
Change can be scary...the familiar comforting.

He knows how to guilt you...guilt is not a good basis for any relationship...
I understand that love and devotion are not always logical...
but if he cared about YOU...I don't think he would be asking this.

(((hugs)))

(in reply to RavenMuse)

Post #: 29

RE: When an Ex-Master Calls..... - 3/31/2008 5:18:21 AM

sambamanslilgirl

Posts: 10926
Joined: 2/5/2007
From: Chicago, IL
Status: offline

he's an ex and owns your submission? honestly i think not. if he did still own your submission, you wouldn't be calling him ex ...now would you?

to address your question - i had an ex (and there's a very good reason why he remains as ex) who pulled the same stunt claiming he's dying etc etc and that i was required to find him another submissive. i flatly refused saying he's no longer my master and that i'm collared/owned by my Daddy. though ex didn't like my answer, he had the decency to respect it. whether or not he accepted that i was no longer his that's not my concern.

my advice - if you have this great career going for you, stick to it and ditch the ex post haste. who knows he could be tricking you into coming back with this cancer ploy however you shouldn't jump back to that submissive mode if he doesn't own you.

good luck since ultimately in the end you're the one making the decision

_____________________________

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(in reply to clearlightblack)

Post #: 30

RE: When an Ex-Master Calls..... - 3/31/2008 5:20:04 AM

camille65

Posts: 5746
Joined: 7/11/2007
From: Austin Texas
Status: offline

It doesn't sound like he needs 'you' but the home health care service that you have a background in.Would he be calling you if he weren't possibly becoming ill again? It seems that he sees you as a convienence, someone to take care of him. Take care of him, not him take care of you. Now is the time for you to take care of yourself. Ask yourself which scenario will help you grow the most?A new job that you look forward to, or going back to someone that makes you unhappy? I think it would be a huge mistake to return to someone that makes you unhappy simply because he needs a caretaker. Live life for yourself.Keep in mind why he wants you back, he wants you to take care of him and nothing more. Be strong and repeat to yourself that he owns nothing of you except some memories, I know it is hard but sacrificing yourself and your job does nothing for you.

_____________________________

~Love your life! (It is the only one you'll get).

(in reply to clearlightblack)

Post #: 31

RE: When an Ex-Master Calls..... - 3/31/2008 6:32:10 AM

sweetnurseBBW

Posts: 2464
Joined: 1/26/2006
From: North Carolina
Status: offline

Umm don't answer the phone.

_____________________________

Sir Pain's pain slut

(in reply to clearlightblack)

Post #: 32

RE: When an Ex-Master Calls..... - 3/31/2008 7:02:55 AM

OmegaG

Posts: 1474
Joined: 10/23/2007
Status: offline

FR

So you and he were in a relationship and mistakes were made by both parties and personalities conflicted, so you decided that you were healthier apart. And since usually it's not a mutual agreement, someone decided to do the leaving.

Then old dude finds out that he had health issues and he doesn't want to be alone and feels that he's too defective to work on finding another relationship, so he calls the woman that either walked out on him or the one he kicked to the curb. That would be a relationship of convienience, so of love, of mutual respect or of any honest emotional connection. It's so he can have a warm body at his beck and call when he's going through dark times.

And this was the person you couldn't be with during the happy times.

I am a firm believer that when a relationship ends it should not be revisited, period.

As far as your career, I am often in power possitions at work and that's where I like to be. I am also in a subservient role in relationships, that's also where I like to be. My two worlds don't colide or crash and burn. I can be both people quite comfortable (albeit, it took years to accept it). So unless your job is physicallty too far away from the ex then you could do both. But I wouldn't.

_____________________________

Regret for the things we did can be tempered by time; it is regret for the things we did not do that is inconsolable. Sydney J. Harris

Sex without pain is like food without taste.
- de Sade

(in reply to sweetnurseBBW)

Post #: 33

RE: When an Ex-Master Calls..... - 3/31/2008 7:07:58 AM

Poetryinpain

Posts: 341
Joined: 3/20/2008
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: camille65
Ask yourself which scenario will help you grow the most? A new job that you look forward to, or going back to someone that makes you unhappy

And remind yourself that you deserve to be happy.

pip

_____________________________

There is none so blind as he who will not see.

(in reply to camille65)

Post #: 34

RE: When an Ex-Master Calls..... - 3/31/2008 7:39:39 AM

OsideGirl

Posts: 14441
Joined: 7/1/2005
From: United States
Status: offline

He's your ex and he's your ex for a reason. He doesn't own anything about you.

BTW, what he's doing is called emotional blackmail. He playing the hand that your guilt will get you to come back to him.

Personally. I'd kind but firm when I said, "No."

_____________________________

Give a girl the right shoes and she will conquer the world. ~ Marilyn Monroe

The Accelerated Velocity of Terminological Inexactitude

(in reply to MasterFireMaam)

Post #: 35

RE: When an Ex-Master Calls..... - 3/31/2008 8:01:51 AM

parttimehotty

Posts: 4002
Joined: 11/19/2007
From: Virginville
Status: offline

Last & final service you'll provide for him...................phone number to the nearest Hospice.

_____________________________

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Official Mommy of Jolly & Jilly

Nobody is 'dead' until nobody remembers them
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(in reply to clearlightblack)

Post #: 36

RE: When an Ex-Master Calls..... - 3/31/2008 8:26:48 AM

myKingdom4aDom

Posts: 1
Joined: 3/6/2008
Status: offline

I had an EX who would do anything in his power to make sure i never got ahead in life. He sabotaged every effort I ever made to lose weight or have a career or have friends. He would sweet talk me into giving up what I was doing and as soon as he saw I had made a mess of everything in my life, he dumped me again. I'm not saying this is what's going on, but something isn't right. Listen to everyone who has answered your question. There isn't ONE person who would drop everything and run back to a relationship that never worked in the first place. Don't feel guilty, don't feel bad... not about him. You'll feel REALLY bad if you let him ruin your future for you. There's another promise to add to the growing list.

Be well.

(in reply to parttimehotty)

Post #: 37

RE: When an Ex-Master Calls..... - 3/31/2008 9:38:53 AM

littleone35

Posts: 2828
Joined: 2/17/2005
Status: offline

Sounds to me like he is scared and does not want to be alone when he dies. That is terrible but you do not owe him anything he is your Ex for a reason. Take the job you deserve it.

Matt's littleone

(in reply to myKingdom4aDom)

Post #: 38

RE: When an Ex-Master Calls..... - 3/31/2008 9:42:53 AM

Daddyslilpookie

Posts: 498
Joined: 3/3/2008
From: OC, California
Status: offline

He is an Ex, follow your career, it will take you to better places in the long run.

_____________________________

Princess Andie

"A Woman Loves Only Her Master"

(in reply to clearlightblack)

Post #: 39

RE: When an Ex-Master Calls..... - 3/31/2008 9:44:21 AM

akisha

Posts: 2071
Joined: 6/25/2005
Status: offline

OP...

1. He's an ex therefore you have no obligation to him at all.
2. Do not give up your career because he says he needs you now that he is sick. Why did he not need you when he was well?
3. He doesn't need you, he needs a nurse. Give him the name and number of an agency and say sorry but you need to take care of #1, yourself.

His stating he needs you cause he is sick is plain straightforward selfishness.

_____________________________

I'm confused.... No wait!!! Maybe I'm not

It's not a blonde moment! It's momentary peroxide posioning. ;)

Your pain makes me smile ~ Happy Bunny

532-095-649

(in reply to littleone35)

Post #: 40

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