RE: When an Ex-Master Calls.....

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RE: When an Ex-Master Calls..... - 3/31/2008 9:48:31 AM

LilMissHaven

Posts: 734
Joined: 12/19/2007
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I'm right now standing in the very shoes your considering standing in. From someone who's there, doing that...TAKE THE JOB!!!!!

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RE: When an Ex-Master Calls..... - 3/31/2008 11:54:34 AM

chamberqueen

Posts: 1597
Joined: 10/25/2007
From: Kalamazoo, MI
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Talk to him and explain the situation. Tell him how important this job is to you. Let him know that he was once the most important thing in your life but is no longer, and tell him why you think that is. This whole lifestyle is based on communication - be honest with him about your feelings. Only then will you be able to choose the best course for YOU.

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RE: When an Ex-Master Calls..... - 3/31/2008 1:16:04 PM

WalterRego

Posts: 276
Joined: 12/28/2004
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chamberqueen, I disagree. It's talking to him that pulls on her heart and sub strings. Nor will he care for the explanation, he will only try to show her why coming back to him will be better and then she can go on to career later.

Don't talk or get into a situation where he can play on the past, your insecurities or your present needs.

Tallying up the votes I don't see anyone advising or even sympathetic to going back. If he's ill, he won't be your Dom. Maybe you are alone now feel the need for that D/s situation again, maybe you are nervous about the position and this seems like a safer thing which won't test you and increase your fears. But going back will only stop you from finding the real one you need and need now.

There is no conflict whatsoever between being in charge at the office and being a sub at home. Take the job, be the Alpha Super competant Manager or whatever it calls for. Find a Master who appreciates that in you, and fulfills your needs.

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A person should not choose the form in which he wishes to perform the service, but he should perform it in any manner the opportunity affords. He should be like a vessel into which anything may be poured - wine, milk, or water.
-Abraham Joshua Heschel

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Post #: 43

RE: When an Ex-Master Calls..... - 3/31/2008 1:20:55 PM

MontrealPhoenix

Posts: 1526
Joined: 2/27/2008
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Wait, he's telling you that you're coming back to him??? Oh HELL no, take the job and tell him to piss off!!!!!! He's just using his cancer to gain your sympathy so you'll come back to him..

_____________________________

"Only in a collar can a woman be truly free"
~Tribesmen of Gor ..pg 75

"He who ties a woman owns her"
~Guardsman Of Gor pg 267

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Post #: 44

RE: When an Ex-Master Calls..... - 3/31/2008 1:29:31 PM

kiwisub12

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The nice thing about this lifestyle is that submission is voluntary. He can't make you do anything against your will, and while people who are in health care professions (or have been) tend to be people pleasers (or co-dependent), you can stand up for what is best for you and gracefully decline his generous offer. Or maybe you could ask him about salary and benefits.
You may still love him, but that doesn't give you the right to screw up your life. You also don't "owe" him anything. and what a jackass for commanding you to come take care of him!!! He obviously hasn't heard the one about getting more with honey than vinegar.

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RE: When an Ex-Master Calls..... - 3/31/2008 3:23:05 PM

windchymes

Posts: 9410
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I have to wonder....if the situation was reversed, YOU had cancer and HE was offered a fabulous job in another place, would HE stay around to take care of YOU?

I bet.............not.

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Post #: 46

RE: When an Ex-Master Calls..... - 3/31/2008 4:14:26 PM

SteelofUtah

Posts: 5307
Joined: 10/2/2007
From: St George Utah
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What he is asking is not what is best for you.

This is a direct opposition to what *I* am in this lifestyle for.

What worries me most is that he comes to you when he is dying and after you explained you story I have to wonder is YOu are all he has to turn to.

Often in the winters of our lives we learn too late to take care of the bridges we used to burn you never know when you have to walk back across them.

I will tell you flat out you have ZERO Obligation other than the ones you gave yourself because you feel you have surendered to him, but in terms of proper behavior you have no obligations. Take care of yourself and protect your future, if his present will not allow you to protect that future then the correct decision is to explain your refusal and if he canbnot respect it then cut the ties and move foreward.

Ultimatly you will have to buck up, thicken the skin and explain that he didn't maintain his obligation which freed you from yours.

Steel

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RE: When an Ex-Master Calls..... - 3/31/2008 4:20:58 PM

apettiger

Posts: 131
Joined: 1/15/2007
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i too have an x-master who calls on occassion. he tells me that i "WILL" come back to him when i am finished excerising. that i will never be able to say no to him, and in the beginning, right after we broke up, he was right (to an extent).
now i have a new Master and when the old one calls me i inform my new One of it and of the contents of the conversation. the x still says all i am doing is playing with my new Master and that when he is ready, he can bring me back to his feet with little effort.
that is his fantasy.
i remember how mean he was to me.
i remember how distant he insisted on being with me.
thoughtless.
inconsiderate.
a bully.
no, even if i didnt have a new Master, i would not return to his dubious care.
do not allow his fantasy to become yours unless it is what you have always wanted, and since he is your x, i would guess you have already found out that he is not what you have always wanted.
is this career something you have always wanted?
if it is then go for it.
if it isn't, then stay where you are until you can better your situation, but by no means should you return to your x. the cancer thing soulds like a last-ditch effort of a desperate man to get you back under his control.
just one girls opinion.

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Post #: 48

RE: When an Ex-Master Calls..... - 3/31/2008 5:44:03 PM

Gleegal67

Posts: 218
Joined: 6/18/2007
From: Phoenix
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quote:

ORIGINAL: clearlightblack

He calls to say his cancer might be back and he needs you......

You've just taken the greatest job of your career.......

That little person inside you is torn.....because you know that the person inside you knows at his command you will jump and do as he commands.....

He has already told you there will be no argument about you coming back......

I haven't been able to find my voice.....

This job will make or break my career.......but he still owns my submission.....

What would you do?

If your girlfriend came to you with the same situation, what do you think you'd say to her?

If you were my girlfriend, I'd be blunt.....Suck it up Princess! Your EX is that for a reason...time to remember those reasons!

I am submissive. I own my company. I am very respected and sought after for others to do business with me. I am successful. All of this is accomplished with out a Master/Dom. Life Is Delicious!!!

I hope you'll choose you instead of him.

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~always the gleeful one~

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Post #: 49

RE: When an Ex-Master Calls..... - 3/31/2008 6:10:39 PM

AquaticSub

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quote:

ORIGINAL: clearlightblack

This job will make or break my career.......but he still owns my submission.....

What would you do?

He's my ex for a reason. Either I decided his ass was too lame to keep serving or he decided he didn't want me anymore. I deserve more than someone who only wants me when they are in need.

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Without my dominance you cannot submit. Without your submission I cannot dominate. You are my equal in this, though our roles are different.-Val

It was ok for him to beat me but then he tried to cuddle me! - Me

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RE: When an Ex-Master Calls..... - 3/31/2008 6:17:06 PM

DesFIP

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From: Apple County NY
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My youngest is having a problem with a girl at school who has a crush on him. First he's already in a relationship with someone else, and second this girl is trying to cause him problems. He was all upset before, when I asked why he explained about the ims she's sending him. I told him to put her on block, he has more important things to do (history and English).

I'm telling you the same thing, put this man on block - im and phone. Delete emails unread. You have more important things to do - your future.

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Post #: 51

RE: When an Ex-Master Calls..... - 3/31/2008 9:47:57 PM

daddysliloneds

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i'd go running back to him because he commanded it of me, and watch the life and spark fade right out of me, while i gave up everything to help some guy who doesn't give a shit about me, because he's got cancer and guilt tripped and manipulated me into doing it. then i'd find myself severely depressed, playing servant to a dying man with nothing to look forward to day in and day out, even after he passes. yeah, that's what i'd do, NOT!!

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RE: When an Ex-Master Calls..... - 4/1/2008 5:10:36 AM

angelicslaveMDF

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Joined: 6/12/2007
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i think just as a Master cant control another if He isnt in control of His own life....how can you be submissive if at first you cant take care of your needs and have your life straight first?

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*thats my opinion and Master says i am entitled to it.*
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RE: When an Ex-Master Calls..... - 4/1/2008 5:54:56 AM

RavenMuse

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quote:

ORIGINAL: SteelofUtah

What he is asking is not what is best for you.

This is a direct opposition to what *I* am in this lifestyle for.

Highlighting that because it bears repeating.

Chances are it is simply emotional blackmail and even IF it is truth, it isn't in your best interests....ergo... where is the duty of care? *I* don't see any!

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This above all: to thine own self be true,
And it must follow, as the night the day,
Thou canst not then be false to any man.

Owner of metalmiss

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RE: When an Ex-Master Calls..... - 4/1/2008 9:10:46 AM

clearlightblack

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quote:

ORIGINAL: kiwisub12
He obviously hasn't heard the one about getting more with honey than vinegar.

I want to thank kiwi for her msg, but i just had to giggle......the honey with vinegar.......he quoted it to me a billion billion times....i had to laugh....sorry

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Post #: 55

RE: When an Ex-Master Calls..... - 4/1/2008 2:48:43 PM

kiwisub12

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You're welcome (giggles with you). What goes around , comes around.

any other cliches appropriate?

of course cliches are used because they are true!

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Post #: 56

RE: When an Ex-Master Calls..... - 4/1/2008 4:09:37 PM

xbutterflyx

Posts: 51
Joined: 7/18/2006
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I recently received a similiar call. I offered my ear to listen. That is all I can or want to do. He is the past, the ex, the previous.

Stay with your career. It isn't very respectful in the manner in which you are being approached and to me (no idea of full story here) you are being manipulated. (my opinion)

Look forward, live life with no regret.

xbx

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Post #: 57

RE: When an Ex-Master Calls..... - 4/1/2008 4:55:44 PM

Bound2One

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After reading your 2nd post, clearblacklight, I say, unequivocally, 'screw him.' He wasn't what you needed before. He wants you around now b/c he may be sick. Your livelihood will suffer if you don't keep this job. You need to look after yourself. You can be a strong, independent, intelligent woman at work and still be a submissive to the right Dom, if you choose. But your first responsibility is to yourself. The last thing you want to do is look back on this opportunity in a year and known you've blown it for a guy who was never really there for you in the first place.

Buck up, tell him he's on his own and best of luck to him. He has no hold over you.

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RE: When an Ex-Master Calls..... - 4/1/2008 5:49:25 PM

kuriosity

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Yes, it can be hard to shut the door on the past especially on someone you have cared about. But what's best for you isn't to relive the past or go back to old habits that weren't any good for you. From your posts it seems as though you both needed someone else and were making do with who you found. Instead of finding the right fit you both kept trying to make the wrong fit make do.

The best thing you can is take a stand for yourself and your future happiness. Obviously your career is important to you, so is your health and happiness. Allowing yourself to be dragged back into a disfunctional relationship does nothing beneficial to your happiness, health (mental or otherwise) or career.

It's time to figure out what's most important to you - your self respect or allowing yourself to be manipulated so that you can have a Master again. If you choose self respect, as I'm sure most of us on the boards are hoping, you should take the time to figure out the type of Master you need not just one you can find. On the top of that list should be "supportive of my happiness/fulfillment." The right Master is out there it just takes a few detours to find Him.

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RE: When an Ex-Master Calls..... - 4/1/2008 9:03:32 PM

adoracat

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quote:

ORIGINAL: LilMissHaven

I'm right now standing in the very shoes your considering standing in. From someone who's there, doing that...TAKE THE JOB!!!!!

i second this. i was there for fallcon the 4 months it took for cancer to take him from me. it is NOT a good place to have to be when you are absolutely sure you want to be there for the person in the process of dying.

i can imagine it would be much much worse if you were only guilted into doing it. guilt is not a motivation for performing loving duties. ever.

kitten

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