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RE: Input Invited - 4/2/2008 5:00:04 PM

HerLord

Posts: 697
Joined: 2/14/2008
Status: offline

LA
First, We are definately spoiled that way. Probably from day one.We have only been together since Nov '06.
Second, We are definitively smarter than to expect a "person to just jump in and flow with them"/us. Flexible is more My Love's department. As for sane, How is that fun?

Although the "square one" thing is a perspective I hadn't really conciously considered, beyond the obvious. You know, the newness of another individual entering an existing dynamic. I hadn't really thought of it as square one. But you do make an excellent point.

Thanx again all.
Peace

_____________________________

"People as a whole think they want to hear the truth, until they hear it." -Stormism

(in reply to LuckyAlbatross)

Post #: 41

RE: Input Invited - 4/2/2008 5:01:12 PM

kyraofMists

Posts: 3292
Joined: 7/29/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: MsHonor

quote:

ORIGINAL: kyraofMists

Posting private emails is a violation of TOS.

Wait... Sorry, this is an off-topic thought, but a prohibition against posting your own emails, not the ones to, but from you, without any information about the recipient, and particularly just the body of a proposed form letter... Just can't be what the "spirit of the law" intended...

This is an example of ineffective communication. While I was reading this thread this morning, I was interrupted by 4 kids wishing me happy birthday and I lost my train of thought and misunderstood that this was a form letter and not communication between her and another member. Since the message was not edited by the moderators, it seems that it is not a violation of TOS.

Knight's Kyra

_____________________________

"Passion... it lies in all of us. Sleeping, waiting, and though unbidden, it will stir, open its jaws, and howl. It speaks to us, guides us... passion rules us all. And we obey..." ~Angelus

(in reply to MsHonor)

Post #: 42

RE: Input Invited - 4/2/2008 5:05:41 PM

HerLord

Posts: 697
Joined: 2/14/2008
Status: offline

Kyra.

Happy Birthday!

_____________________________

"People as a whole think they want to hear the truth, until they hear it." -Stormism

(in reply to kyraofMists)

Post #: 43

RE: Input Invited - 4/2/2008 5:06:16 PM

kyraofMists

Posts: 3292
Joined: 7/29/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: HerLord
This particular point hit home HARD. My Love and I communicate with each other almost effortlessly. I think this may be the start of a new concept for me. I never really considered the magnitude of this simple little truth.

Speaking for both of us, thank you all for taking the time read through this extraniously long post to share your perspectives.

My pleasure.

Effective communication is something that the three of us work very hard at in our relationship, especially since we have different preferred communication styles. It is not sufficient for one to think they have communicated clearly, we must make sure that the other person perceived it correctly. Active listening is one major tool that we use to communicate with each other.

Knight's Kyra

*edite to add... Thank you. First birthday living at home and it feels good.

< Message edited by kyraofMists -- 4/2/2008 5:07:43 PM >

_____________________________

"Passion... it lies in all of us. Sleeping, waiting, and though unbidden, it will stir, open its jaws, and howl. It speaks to us, guides us... passion rules us all. And we obey..." ~Angelus

(in reply to HerLord)

Post #: 44

RE: Input Invited - 4/2/2008 6:36:29 PM

TemptingNviceSub

Posts: 3054
Joined: 10/1/2005
Status: offline

To the OP ...Welllll..I have to go with CD and essentially LA on this one...to put it in a nutshell so to speak..it would appear to me after reading your missive and your rant...That you are seeking a penis of convenience to you, but you expect to be more to them on your terms...Somehow this balance seems a bit inequitable....Tempting

_____________________________

I have greatly enjoyed the second blooming...suddenly you find at the age of 50, that a whole new life has opened before you.........Agatha Christie.

You must make tracks into the unknown~~Thoreau

(in reply to kyraofMists)

Post #: 45

RE: Input Invited - 4/2/2008 6:48:50 PM

HerLord

Posts: 697
Joined: 2/14/2008
Status: offline

Soooo. It seems to be the consensus, I need to be doing more of the footwork/ groundbreaking. OK. Let's see what I can do with it. Any suggestions, on How to approach this? Keep in mind;
a) I am an asshole
b)generally speaking, I hate peolpe
c)My Love is MUCH purdier than I
d)I'm not so much a conversationalist.
e)I am a guy, and so bad at... well damn near everything
f)I am an asshole, and bad at being around people
g)did i mention I hate people?

I had charged My Love with this "task" (what else do you call it) to put our stronger suit out in front. But I can concede that strategically, it may not be the most effective course. The purpose of placing "the stronger suit out front" was to show the worth of what we have before I scare them the hell away. Guys generally don't react well to me, unless they are afraid of me or, are also honest. So I guess in saying that, I really would "narrow the field" VERY quickly.

I think I will talk it over with My Love and see if a single is at all acceptable to her with this new light. It might just become a couples only thing VERY quickly. But then there is the intent, WAY WAYdown the road, to add a third to our daily life, so I would hate to illiminate those who we would discard for being a single now. We obviously need more discusion on this particular aspect of the search. So for now I run off to terrorize some other forum for a while.

Thanx again all.

_____________________________

"People as a whole think they want to hear the truth, until they hear it." -Stormism

(in reply to kyraofMists)

Post #: 46

RE: Input Invited - 4/2/2008 7:41:21 PM

xxblushesxx

Posts: 9318
Joined: 11/3/2005
From: Kentucky
Status: offline

I guess I'm a bit confused as to what exactly, this third would be doing. Would they be having sex with both of you? Thereby making sure whoever you choose bi...
Or just serving one of you...thereby making whoever you choose...more attracted to one or the other of you...
It would be easier to find what you are looking for with more info.

_____________________________

~Christina

A nice girl with a disturbing hobby

My femdom findom blog: http://www.MistressAvarice.com

(in reply to HerLord)

Post #: 47

RE: Input Invited - 4/2/2008 8:28:49 PM

HerLord

Posts: 697
Joined: 2/14/2008
Status: offline

The way way down the road third, would be as Poly. Not sure which of the poly's but we would be looking to add someone largely to support (emotionally/physically, not in a fiscal manner) My Love when the times get tougher. I think on it as a Love for My Love. I think bi/f would be preferable to me. WE have not made a descision on it, as she is still unsure of how she will react to the addition of another woman, I.E. jealousy on My Loves part, not to mention we may do one of each, or just another guy but that is SO far down the road, (but approaching faster by the day) that it really is not a concern for right now. As far as that goes... We will be driving OTR within a year, so it more than likely will not be till after we are done driving for a few years, pending health concerns.

As always, Thanx for you time.

_____________________________

"People as a whole think they want to hear the truth, until they hear it." -Stormism

(in reply to xxblushesxx)

Post #: 48

RE: Input Invited - 4/2/2008 10:11:14 PM

slavegirljoy

Posts: 1207
Joined: 11/6/2006
From: North Carolina, USA
Status: offline

Your form letter seems fine to me. But, i think you are looking in the wrong place for a threesome partner. Personally, i would use a Swingers club or website to look for someone to have a threesome with. Foursomes are also nice. You can have a really good friendship with another couple who enjoys swapping. There are plenty of websites for swingers and many have directories for finding clubs in your area. Good luck and hope it works out for you.

joy
Owned servant of Master David

(in reply to StormsSlave)

Post #: 49

RE: Input Invited - 4/2/2008 10:48:55 PM

LadyPact

Posts: 32566
Status: offline

My advice may not especially be effective for you. I think this is one of those instances where My being a Domme may color how things have worked for Me. I'm hoping you'll find something worthwhile in here.

My suggestions for you would be to focus your search with those who are poly. The reason for that being they will fully understand that, being the new addition, they are not the primary relationship. It seems to Me that what you are looking for is a beta (for lack of a better term) and those who understand poly arrangements know the difference. While it can be true that those involved in open relationships themselves do quite well in this situation, there are those out there who are single that are good finds and can accept the arrangement being secondary to the primary couple.

I didn't see anywhere in the posts, or the follow ups that you were specifically looking for someone with any BDSM interests, In that case, some swingers groups might not be such a bad idea. You'll find no absense of males there, and most of them understand that this is a sexual, not necessarily emotional situation.

Where I do think there might be some issues is that it almost seems that you want a friend with benefits without being a friend yourself. Most people, regardless of the benefit of sex, are willing to be a friend without getting a friend in return. In other words, you treat them just like you do all of your other friends, except the sex. Let's say, for example, that you do find the time to chat with them close to the time your Lord is coming home. If so, put them on hold to greet your Lord (kneel for his arrival, take the time for your greeting ritual, etc.) and then perhaps have your Lord say a quick hello to him before signing off. By the way, this does happen to be a very effective way for the two males to get onto a good friendly basis, and reinforces your priority to the other. It's a technique I've used often (not the kneeling part) and it has worked well for Me to keep everyone aware of the primary relationship.

Being Myself, I wouldn't suggest changing methods in who is looking for who. Like this situation, I'm definitely the person who does more of the chatting, communicating, etc., and I've always been the one who's searched. That's always worked best for Me for finding subs (not what you might be looking for) or FWB's. You have the difference of your Lord being the Dominant, so that part may have another influence. Personally, I am just the type that wants to pick out the partners for Myself.

I hope there was something useful in that for both of you. Good luck in the search.

_____________________________

The crowned Diva of Destruction. ~ ExT

Beach Ball Sized Lady Nuts. ~ TWD

Happily dating a new submissive. It's official. I've named him engie.

Please do not send me email here. Unless I know you, I will delete the email unread

(in reply to slavegirljoy)

Post #: 50

RE: Input Invited - 4/2/2008 11:15:19 PM

LadyPaige

Posts: 187
Joined: 5/7/2007
Status: offline

StormsSlave & HerLord, These men want one thing and they want it bad. They want to get laid and they want it NOW. It doesn't matter how clear you are. And once they get laid, they'll be even more anxious to repeat the experience. Usually FWB begins as friends with the possibility of benefits coming AFTER you know you like each other, otherwise the whole subject of sex short circuits the male brain. If you don't want drama I go along with the suggestion to find a couple. www.SwingLifeStyle.com has a group listed for Peoria. They only take couples and females. Think I may join it myself before I go home again next November.

< Message edited by LadyPaige -- 4/2/2008 11:16:25 PM >

(in reply to DesFIP)

Post #: 51

RE: Input Invited - 4/3/2008 5:28:55 AM

slavegirljoy

Posts: 1207
Joined: 11/6/2006
From: North Carolina, USA
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyPact

I didn't see anywhere in the posts, or the follow ups that you were specifically looking for someone with any BDSM interests, In that case, some swingers groups might not be such a bad idea.

There are Swingers enjoy BD/SM. Swinging and BD/SM aren't exclusive of each other. You can find Swingers who enjoy auto racing, some who enjoy sailing, others who enjoy ballroom dancing, and most any activity you can think of. There are probably some who enjoy stamp collecting. Whatever your interests are, there's a good chance you can find someone with the same interests who also enjoys Swinging.

joy
Owned servant of Master David

(in reply to LadyPact)

Post #: 52

RE: Input Invited - 4/3/2008 8:22:20 AM

LadyPact

Posts: 32566
Status: offline

I'm completely aware of that, joy. What I meant was it was a good resource since BDSM didn't seem to be a requirement in finding a playmate.

_____________________________

The crowned Diva of Destruction. ~ ExT

Beach Ball Sized Lady Nuts. ~ TWD

Happily dating a new submissive. It's official. I've named him engie.

Please do not send me email here. Unless I know you, I will delete the email unread

(in reply to slavegirljoy)

Post #: 53

RE: Input Invited - 4/3/2008 8:55:40 AM

slavegirljoy

Posts: 1207
Joined: 11/6/2006
From: North Carolina, USA
Status: offline

Hi, LadyPact. i just wanted to make that point for anyone reading these posts who might not be very aware of what Swinging is about and might have the misconception that Swinging and BD/SM can't be combined. Your advice was good.

joy
Owned servant of Master David

< Message edited by slavegirljoy -- 4/3/2008 8:56:47 AM >

(in reply to LadyPact)

Post #: 54

RE: Input Invited - 4/3/2008 3:30:18 PM

HerLord

Posts: 697
Joined: 2/14/2008
Status: offline

To those who posted since my last login..

Thank for your continued support.
Lady Paige... Peoria is a good distance from here, however we are already members and have spoken with several of the members from said group. We continue our search and with reflection to our thread here, will probably not change alot from our methods. It does seem that that I do need to be more active in the foreground, so I will be more participatory.

Lady Pact. Being a Domme, thus a woman, I beleive you are in a uniquely differentiated position from us. I will explain. It is my affirmation that women in general, have an advantage over men in searching. You are the sellers. We are the buyers. The sellers always set the price. And since demand is SO high, you can set the prices. What does this mean in non euphamistic terms? It means that you can choose from a larger pool, and hence be a lot more selective, faster. It does not mean that because of this, we will have to settle, just take more time. It does mean that we have to weed through those who will dismiss us because a) I am male and thus scum (in the eyes of so many women searching, {because of the number of scum THEY have to sift through}) b) we are fake, because i am a guy (and so many of us will pretend to be a couple on a profile just to meet a woman, then back the woman portion out as being in the bathroom/shower/other) c) I am an asshole. I do not defend my role as an asshole, I merely suggest that being one will put many people off. I can accept this. I acknowledge that me being one means we need to find someone that can see the OTHER sides of me as well. THIS is the hardest part of our search. Hence the My Love being the front face. Not as a guise but as the polite way to show our best. We are after all, marketing ourselves as a "product."

The reason we search the BDSM boards as well, is WE are very into the D/s in the bedroom. Searching the swinging sites leaves this unaccounted for. So it is unfair to those we seek in the swing style, to not be upfront about it. My Love likes rough sex from me.

Our search continues

LadyPaige. Plz feel free to give us a shout when you head this way. Or just hit us up for a chat. Un fortunately we will not be headed your way for far too long. (I do so miss the south)

_____________________________

"People as a whole think they want to hear the truth, until they hear it." -Stormism

(in reply to slavegirljoy)

Post #: 55

RE: Input Invited - 4/3/2008 3:49:54 PM

domiguy

Posts: 12952
Joined: 5/2/2006
Status: offline

Let me explain why you are having problems....This should make it clear.

No one who is capable of getting their own woman is going to approach you.....Unless they have the idea of fucking both you and your Dom...Is he bi? So that removes a great deal, probably the majority, of the people that you are trying to reach.

Let's say by chance that there is a sort of normal guy that would like to fuck the shit out of you...You make it clear that you are attached. How much time do you think this guy is going to want to waste on you? All you are is a fuck...No big deal. You are just a random piece of ass. Not worth putting out much effort.

Now that leaves you with everyone else. As Mikey so eloquently stated .."The Idiots" They probably have little interest in an actual meeting..Enjoy getting some free gash shots and fucking with you as much as possible.

Your guy should be the one setting this up. He wouldn't have to go through all of the bs that you are facing.

I would just make you go down and fuck another woman and call it a month.

_____________________________

(in reply to StormsSlave)

Post #: 56

RE: Input Invited - 4/3/2008 7:17:30 PM

LadyPact

Posts: 32566
Status: offline

Hello again. To joy, I feel the same. I just didn't want anyone to be confused.

To Lord and ss, I do realize there are different factors to consider between My past experiences and yours. What you say is very true. Any female who is looking to get laid can't get out of the way of the stampede fast enough. It is harder to market the 'package deal', as you put it. I do think that My being a Domme does tip the scale in certain ways, such as I have no restrictions of another's hand over Me, and I'm sure this comes into play. I also don't deal with the asshole factor (your term, not Mine, so understand that I do not intend to offend) so there isn't that barrier.

_____________________________

The crowned Diva of Destruction. ~ ExT

Beach Ball Sized Lady Nuts. ~ TWD

Happily dating a new submissive. It's official. I've named him engie.

Please do not send me email here. Unless I know you, I will delete the email unread

(in reply to domiguy)

Post #: 57

RE: Input Invited - 4/3/2008 8:36:26 PM

faithfulfemme

Posts: 113
Joined: 5/24/2007
Status: offline

you're looking for a male to be in a threesome with you and your Master and this guy is to be straight and vanilla. Did i get that right or did i lose something in the translation and am mistaken?  Please let me know if i haven't got this right. Anyway, if this is the case, somehow i don't think he's going to understand why you need to be so "devoted" to your male partner (forgive me, i don't know the status of you and your Master) and why you must be able to give Him most of your time. you and your Master, of course, understand why, but getting someone who is not in the lifestyle to get it, is probably not going to work well for you. And, just my opinion here, they would always see you as simply a womyn who is going out on her significant other, regardless of whether or not He knows, and thus you will always be thought of as being his girlfriend.

However, if you were to recruit a male submissive, he would get it right away, and there'd be no problems. he would do only what was expected of him, and the "girlfriend" aspect would disappear. Lots of problems would disappear. he wouldn't have to live with the two do you, which would mean the children wouldn't have to know much about him, and the only thing that would need to be worked out is who would be in charge of him.

As for the email, it's too long. Again, nothing more than my opinion. It's easy to lose track when an email gets that long and detailed. i know you need to set out limits with any man who would answer you, but maybe that's when your Master could come to the forefront and let this guy know exactly what is expected of him. However, again, with a male submissive, your limits would be taken to heart and respected, no explanations necessary.

Just some thoughts, and good luck to you on finding someone who matches everything you're looking for....

edited for typoitis...

< Message edited by faithfulfemme -- 4/3/2008 8:38:19 PM >

_____________________________

Trust is neither wishing nor hoping; it is a deep sense of honor in another.

(in reply to LadyPact)

Post #: 58

RE: Input Invited - 4/3/2008 9:20:59 PM

LadyPaige

Posts: 187
Joined: 5/7/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: HerLord

LadyPaige. Plz feel free to give us a shout when you head this way. Or just hit us up for a chat. Un fortunately we will not be headed your way for far too long. (I do so miss the south)

I'll do that

(in reply to HerLord)

Post #: 59

RE: Input Invited - 4/3/2008 10:06:09 PM

slavegirljoy

Posts: 1207
Joined: 11/6/2006
From: North Carolina, USA
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: domiguy

I would just make you go down and fuck another woman and call it a month.

If only it were that easy. Finding a female to form a 3-some with is no walk in the park, especially on this site. Been looking for one on this site for a long time. Finding a couple who likes to swap is a lot easier and it's easier to a couple on a Swinging site, who enjoy BD/SM than it is to find a couple on a BD/SM site, who like to Swing. But, it never hurts to ask and broadening the search by using more than one resource is a good way to increase your chances of finding someone suitable to your tastes and needs. So, to the OP, i still recommend looking into the Swinging sites, but that doesn't mean you need to throw in the towel on your search on this site. As someone who got into Swinging the same time i got into BD/SM, 3-somes and 4-somes can be very nice. It's worth the effort to find someone to enjoy that experience with.

joy
Owned servant of Master David

(in reply to domiguy)

Post #: 60

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