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When Your Master or Mistress Upsets You - 4/2/2008 8:11:57 AM

underhisthumb

Posts: 32
Joined: 3/19/2008
Status: offline

Just curious, how do you handle it, especially those married or in 24/7, when your Master or Mistress angers you about something vanilla? Do you have the freedome to fight with Him or Her and not expect punishment? Do you voice your opinion knowing there will be retribution?

I try to always ask Him for permission to speak freely if we are NOT fighting. But especially being a switch, sometimes my temper just boils over and BAM! . . . we fight.

Sometimes finding the balance between who we are and what we are becoming just stops me in my tracks!

Post #: 1

RE: When Your Master or Mistress Upsets You - 4/2/2008 8:16:29 AM

Dnomyar

Posts: 7933
Joined: 6/27/2005
Status: offline

If your fighting you are not communicating. If you can't do that then why stay together unless you enjoy fighting.

(in reply to underhisthumb)

Post #: 2

RE: When Your Master or Mistress Upsets You - 4/2/2008 8:19:55 AM

OmegaG

Posts: 1474
Joined: 10/23/2007
Status: offline

I don't fight when I'm upset. I desire time to be alone to decide if I'm really upset at what I think I'm upset about or if it's a snowball effect of life itself at the time. Then I decide if I want to let it go with or without communication. I never internalize, bad, bad, bad, and that will explode sooner or later if I can't purge for whatever reason.

I am also working on my tendancy to run instead of talking when something is really upsetting. Luckily I recognize that trait in me and have spoken to him about in early on in our relationship and have full confidence that if I make the effort to talk, he'll make the effort to listen.

_____________________________

Regret for the things we did can be tempered by time; it is regret for the things we did not do that is inconsolable. Sydney J. Harris

Sex without pain is like food without taste.
- de Sade

(in reply to underhisthumb)

Post #: 3

RE: When Your Master or Mistress Upsets You - 4/2/2008 8:28:07 AM

Mercnbeth

Posts: 11766
Status: offline

this slave's relationship with Master is based on our Master/slave relationship. the fact that we are married does not automatically mean we have "vanilla issues" to fight about.

we have been together a little over 5 years. during that 5 years, we have agreed to disagree about some things, but we do not "fight", about anything.

it goes against this slave's nature to fight---and requires a mindset that this slave just doesn't have with Master. of all of the emotions this slave has felt towards Master, anger is not one of them.

(in reply to underhisthumb)

Post #: 4

RE: When Your Master or Mistress Upsets You - 4/2/2008 8:30:13 AM

underhisthumb

Posts: 32
Joined: 3/19/2008
Status: offline

Omega I so appreciate you always relating from your POV and not saying you, your, etc. It is refreshing to be able to glean wisdom and experience from someone and not feel attacked or like less of a person!

quote:

ORIGINAL: Dnomyar

If your fighting you are not communicating. If you can't do that then why stay together unless you enjoy fighting.

I have yet to see a marriage, or any close relationship (sibling, parent, etc), where fighting NEVER occurs. Just my opinion. Just because 2 people fight doesnt mean their relationship is in bad shape, not worth working for, etc. It also doesnt mean that either person enjoys fighting. Sometimes it is the influences of outside stress, a conflict of personalities, fatigue, etc. Perhaps in a D/s or M/s only relationship that theory applies, though even then I see that as a highly questionable theory.

Besides, when we fight-argue-disagree-whatever you wish to call it, the making up is ALWAYS the best part.

We communicate quite well, but sometimes tempers flare and we get into it. What do you expect from 2 capricorns with mostly dominant personalities living with 2 kids from previous relationships, a psycho ex (His), a wedding in the planning, both working 2 jobs (one of which stresses Him to the max), and a future mother-in-law going through menopause witha controls treak ten miles wide?

(in reply to OmegaG)

Post #: 5

RE: When Your Master or Mistress Upsets You - 4/2/2008 8:46:11 AM

OmegaG

Posts: 1474
Joined: 10/23/2007
Status: offline

it takes alot of work not to open one's mouth in anger, and trust me, I have a temper. But I've spent years working on myself and now I seriously don't talk when I'm angry except to say that I need a time out.

In the past 15 years or so, the only time I got into a fight was when my request for alone time wasn't respected. It ended with me throwing all of his belongings including a TV over the balcony into a mud puddle.

Now, I tell any potential at the beginning of a relationship that if I'm angry give me space, if he can't do that then we won't be able to have a relationship. m'Lord actually deals with anger the same way, he's said.

_____________________________

Regret for the things we did can be tempered by time; it is regret for the things we did not do that is inconsolable. Sydney J. Harris

Sex without pain is like food without taste.
- de Sade

(in reply to underhisthumb)

Post #: 6

RE: When Your Master or Mistress Upsets You - 4/2/2008 8:46:22 AM

Daddyslilpookie

Posts: 498
Joined: 3/3/2008
From: OC, California
Status: offline

If I am upset with Master I tend to just be silent. He then usually asks me what's wrong and then we talk about it and come up with a solution to the problem together.

_____________________________

Princess Andie

"A Woman Loves Only Her Master"

(in reply to underhisthumb)

Post #: 7

RE: When Your Master or Mistress Upsets You - 4/2/2008 8:48:19 AM

TheWolfClan

Posts: 9
Joined: 2/24/2008
Status: offline

anger is a natural emotion. its what you do with it that makes all the difference. perhaps you could divert yourself, for instance, something is pissing you off, go clean something go do something physically constructive. then when you are calmer, have your discussion. yes blowing up happens its a learning process. Master and i used to fight bunches, but i learned how to control myself to the point when i have an issue i can talk to him rationally now. it was a lot of hard work to get there but its worth it. and seriously i have to say with all the outside stresses you are facing, its not really a shocker you are having heated discussions.

the other part of this is how do you fight? is it dirty, do you bring up the past a lot? those kinds of arguements cause resentment. and it doesnt sound like you want that to happen, so when you do "fight" only fight about the real issue at hand at that moment. just my two cents

(in reply to underhisthumb)

Post #: 8

RE: When Your Master or Mistress Upsets You - 4/2/2008 9:13:37 AM

sweetnurseBBW

Posts: 2464
Joined: 1/26/2006
From: North Carolina
Status: offline

I wait til I am not fuming anymore so I have control over my emotions. I then tell him about whatever it was that upset or pissed me off in an adult way. I know myself and know when I am angry is not the time for me to bring something up. Fighting is not a bad thing, fighting doesn't mean yelling and screaming. Fighting can be disagreeing and working things out. Fighting is a means of communication, there is a right and wrong way to do it.

_____________________________

Sir Pain's pain slut

(in reply to underhisthumb)

Post #: 9

RE: When Your Master or Mistress Upsets You - 4/2/2008 9:16:03 AM

LilMissHaven

Posts: 734
Joined: 12/19/2007
Status: offline

Since neither J nor I really care for heated confrontations. We generally stuck with...

"I'm really pissed at you right now so I'm going to go for a walk, we can talk about it when I get back"

I was never punished for walking away from him and I never saw it as a lack of communication when he walked away from me...he always came back and with our personalities its best to walk away and cool down.

_____________________________

I must first learn to master myself, before I can truly be owned by one.

(in reply to sweetnurseBBW)

Post #: 10

RE: When Your Master or Mistress Upsets You - 4/2/2008 9:37:54 AM

TreasureKY

Posts: 3032
Joined: 4/10/2007
From: Kentucky
Status: offline

Firm and I don't fight or argue, though I can say he has, on very rare occasion, angered me... and I'm pretty sure I've angered him, as well. How we each handle our anger is different, though.

I'm the kind of person that if there is a problem, I want to get it out, discuss it rationally, resolve it and get over it. He prefers to withdraw to his rational and strategic mind where he can examine the problem, consider all the options, and come to terms with it before he says anything... if he decides to say anything, at all.

In the type of relationship that we have, I am free to bring anything to him that I wish without fear of retribution. Punishment or threat of punishment for open and honest communication would be highly detrimental to our relationship. But then, he is knows that I am not an irrational person who would fly off the wall at him for any little reason. I am not a violent person and I loathe conflict and fighting. I do not yell or scream or throw things. I doubt very seriously if he would put up with that at all, and I wouldn't blame him. I know I wouldn't.

In the same respect, I know that he is a reasonable and thoughtful man who considers my feelings and makes fair and just decisions. I may take my time to find the right opportunity to bring an issue to him, and I may hang onto a concern out of worry that it will raise tension levels, but I never fear that he will react badly.

The key is knowing each other... it wouldn't work without our understanding and having faith in the people we are.

Of course, he gets the final say and he's free to put off dealing with any issue until he's ready. He is a wise man, though, and he understands my need to expediently air grievances as holding on to my feelings tends to make things worse for me. He also knows that I understand his need for time to reign in and master his feelings... that pushing for a confrontation before he is ready just makes things worse for him.

Because of the care that we have for each other, neither of us wishes to sacrifice the other's feelings. In the end, we both know for a fair resolution that respects both our happiness, it's going to take compromise.

In the two years we've been together, though, there are so few opinions, beliefs and viewpoints that we do not share that we've not had a whole lot of practice in learning to balance our methods. Personally, I'm hoping we don't have too many opportunities to get there.

(in reply to underhisthumb)

Post #: 11

RE: When Your Master or Mistress Upsets You - 4/2/2008 10:17:10 AM

sambamanslilgirl

Posts: 10926
Joined: 2/5/2007
From: Chicago, IL
Status: offline

with Daddy, i can argue, discuss, express, speak freely my opinions/disagreements to Him in a calm manner (sometimes) ...no permission required.

_____________________________

...2011 - year of the fabulous rock star life ...and i do it so well...

...announcing Mr. & Mrs. British Petrol ...yeah, marrying into oil is slick business...

(in reply to underhisthumb)

Post #: 12

RE: When Your Master or Mistress Upsets You - 4/2/2008 10:40:05 AM

RavenMuse

Posts: 4030
Joined: 1/23/2006
Status: offline

Discusion is the route to solving problems, arguing/fighting is childish blowing steam at best and destructive at worst. My girl can raise ANY issue with Me for discussion, but arguments are prohibited.

Some maybe think it can't be done... I have had girls in the past that couldn't do it.... they where eventualy dismissed, usualy that was one of the reasons! My longest term girl (and wife) there where no fights/arguments for the best part of 10 years. It can be done and in My household it WILL be done.

_____________________________

This above all: to thine own self be true,
And it must follow, as the night the day,
Thou canst not then be false to any man.

Owner of metalmiss

(in reply to sambamanslilgirl)

Post #: 13

RE: When Your Master or Mistress Upsets You - 4/2/2008 10:50:50 AM

ownedgirlie

Posts: 9184
Joined: 2/5/2006
Status: offline

It is rare that he upsets or angers me. This wasn't always the case, and I used to try to argue with him and he would shut me right down. He taught me to express myself without raising my voice to him. Recently I was upset, due to some significant life circumstances which neither of us were prepared to deal with. This brought about some confusion and a lot of stress, and his way of handling it was painful to me. We didn't fight. I told him I was upset, and even angry at him, and why. He listened, and heard me. But it's the first time I have felt angry at him in almost two years.

Even "vanilla" issues (not sure what that means in a Master/slave context) are dealt with, with his authority. And while he has developed my strong natured personality, he has taught me that he is always Master, and must always be respected as such. I have been taught appropriate communication tools. If I don't use them, I am not heard.

_____________________________

Good is the enemy of great.

(in reply to underhisthumb)

Post #: 14

RE: When Your Master or Mistress Upsets You - 4/2/2008 11:27:12 AM

metalmiss

Posts: 341
Joined: 5/4/2005
From: Croydon, UK
Status: offline

When i feel strongly about something in disagreement with my Master, i never hesitate to open my mouth and discuss it with Him, even if it changes nothing.
i am encouraged never to be afraid in giving my opinion & though arguing is forbidden, He appreciates hearing my thoughts on any subject because it sometimes helps Him to make a well rounded decision with all points of view taken into account.
i would not fight with Him over anything. Not only is it not my place, but there is no need to fight or argue.. Problems are much easier to solve when they are calmly discussed.
Maybe this is easier for me because i'm not an argumentative person at all, very non-confrontational.. In several years of a vanilla relationship once upon a time, i didn't once argue then either.

_____________________________

"The longing to serve, to submit, to abandon oneself sexually, emotionally, and physically makes one a slave either to a Man, a Woman or to God. Submission to that passion is divine degradation." - Dorothy C. Hayden

Owned by RavenMuse

(in reply to underhisthumb)

Post #: 15

RE: When Your Master or Mistress Upsets You - 4/2/2008 12:51:58 PM

chellekitty

Posts: 3923
Joined: 3/27/2005
Status: offline

9 times out of 10 when i want to fight with my owner, it has been because i am mad at myself and i want him to be mad at me too so i attempt to push him to that point...he doesn't allow me to do so...

that other 1 time out of 10 has been due to inconsistencies because of life things...work, family, health, and i just get frustrated and it builds up...and after a while it comes boiling out...but it is over in 5 or 10 minutes...

oh and the result of all 10 instances is me crying...anger is never the first emotion on the scene for me...insecurity, fear, frustration, and any number of other negative emotions show up on the scene first...also, anger is not always the end result, sometimes i implode rather than explode...but we're working on both...

chelle

< Message edited by chellekitty -- 4/2/2008 12:53:35 PM >

_____________________________

One thing I know: the only ones among you who will be really happy are those who will have sought and found how to serve. ~Albert Schweitzer

(in reply to metalmiss)

Post #: 16

RE: When Your Master or Mistress Upsets You - 4/2/2008 3:03:17 PM

kiwisub12

Posts: 4742
Joined: 1/11/2006
Status: offline

Like metalmiss, i am non-confrontational - and after living with Sir for 2 years, have never been angry with him. Of course we don't have triggers in the house - kids, financial problems, ex"s livng near, family living near etc etc.
I read somewhere that happiness is a curve. We are happiest earlier in our adult life and towards the 50's. and having lived through these times, I agree. I was miserable from 30 to 48, not just from my self but from stress with kids, family and finances. Kids are out of the house, ex is out of state, and alls right with the world. Hang in there - it gets better the older you get!!!!

(in reply to chellekitty)

Post #: 17

RE: When Your Master or Mistress Upsets You - 4/2/2008 3:36:40 PM

SirsPetAdrina

Posts: 1731
Joined: 3/27/2008
Status: offline

i know that when sir and i argue after i get it all out of my system and calmed back down we talk about what just happened due to issues that i have that can make situations worse and they do sometime but most of the time it gets fixed.

(in reply to kiwisub12)

Post #: 18

RE: When Your Master or Mistress Upsets You - 4/2/2008 5:04:18 PM

AquaticSub

Posts: 14867
Joined: 12/27/2005
Status: offline

We fight, or rather we fuss, freely. I'm allowed to disagree and I'm allowed to do it vocally. Sometimes he is wrong and sometimes letting him have his say while being wrong just isn't an option. I'm not allowed to say "YOU ARE WRONG YOU STUPID UGLY FUCKFACE!" but I am allowed to say "Sir, I think you are being very stubborn and unreasonable". I am never punished for speaking my mind as long as I make every effort to be respectful, regardless of if he likes what I have to say or not.

When I am very angry and know that I will not be able to control myself or be respectful, I obtain permission to leave for awhile to calm down and think about the situation. I like to try and figure out exactly what is bothering me so that I can be very clear when explaining it to him.

_____________________________

Without my dominance you cannot submit. Without your submission I cannot dominate. You are my equal in this, though our roles are different.-Val

It was ok for him to beat me but then he tried to cuddle me! - Me

Member:Clan of the Scarlet O'Hair

(in reply to underhisthumb)

Post #: 19

RE: When Your Master or Mistress Upsets You - 4/2/2008 5:53:06 PM

madshysoul

Posts: 105
Joined: 2/25/2008
Status: offline

Usually it's something to the effect (when he's staying with me) of

Hey, I know you love coffee. Feel free to use the coffee-maker. But when you do, can you either let me know you have so I can clean it, or clean it out once the coffee brews...

Cuz nothing is more of a PITA to get out of my coffeemaker than stuck-dried coffee.

Thus I've expressed the issue, why it's a problem, suggested an equitable solution and solved the issue. Works for us thus far.

(in reply to AquaticSub)

Post #: 20

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